2 awful.
So yesterday I drove back from Katoomba with a citybound heart and a solemn promise to return within the month, and spent the journey to the airport happily veering off the main road and into neglected streets with archaic op-shops and overstuffed book stores and may I say I was the better person for the experience. At one particular thrift outlet I was part-way through purchasing a stripy woollen scarf (it was rather brisk, you see) and a child-size singlet with strawberries on it when I saw a copy of the Spice Girls 'Spiceworld' cd for fifty cents.
'Oh,' I thought to myself, 'Won't that be a light-hearted ironic piece of hideousness to play in the car for the next half an hour.'
Suffice it to say, I was horribly wrong. The Spice Girls are actually quite terrible and in no way light-hearted. And even more insulting, THEIR LYRICS SEEM POORLY CONSIDERED AND OFFENSIVELY CONFUSING. I have no idea why I hadn't figured this out before. Perhaps it was all the crack I was smoking between the years 1990 - 1996.
Anyway. Help me try to figure out wtf is going on with their classic pop masterpiece 'Too Much'. Answers on a self-addressed envelope, etc.
Love is blind, as far as the eye can see
Deep and meaningless, words to me
Wait, so the eye can't see very far at all? Is it a cataracts problem? Are the Girls conceding that their lyrics are 'deep and meaningless' and perhaps sending a chilling warning to those of us prepared to delve further? Can words actually be deep and meaningless at the same time, like the character of Ari in Love and Other Catastrophes?
Easy lover, I need a friend
Road to nowhere, twist and turns but will this never end
I think I get this one. A lady Spice is telling her paramour to ease up with the incessant heavy petting as she needs 'a friend'. We've all been there, haven't we? Steamy tongue kissing is all well and good, but inevitably it's a 'road to nowhere' if it can't be backed up with worthwhile political dissertation and a cup of peppermint tea at evening's close.
Well my dear you'll know that he pleases me
But sometimes illusion ain't revolution
That ain't no release for me
This has to be a sex thing. She's 'pleased', yes. But 'illusion ain't revolution' (note: obviously a reference to tiresomely doing that magic trick where one pulls a string of coloured handkerchiefs from one's sleeve during the act of intercourse, which we've all seen a thousand fucking times) and as everyone knows it takes more than a simple rabbit/hat combination to provide sexual release and gratification. I'm in the ball park there, am I not?
Chorus :
Too much of something is bad enough
But something's coming over to make me wonder
Too much of nothing is just as tough
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied
I have read these four lines over and over and I still can't figure out exactly what they mean. It's the lyrical equivalent of an Escher painting. The only clue is the final 'I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied', which suggests (again) some kind of sexually disappointing experience. The rest of the 'too much bubbles of nothing make it really something coming over nothing' business just gives me a migraine.
I wrapped myself from around your finger
Hold me too tight or left to linger
Something fine built to last
Slipped up there I guess we're running out of time too fast
WHAT THE BLAZES DOES THIS MEAN? Is it as unbelievably crass as it sounds? How does one 'wrap oneself' from around their partner's finger without causing a mess? Presumably the finger just 'slipped up there', though whether this was done without the prior consent of one or more Spice Girls is a matter for the courts.
Yes my dear you know he soothes me (moves me)
There's no complication there's no explanation
It's just a groove in me
We're on safer territory here, though mystifyingly the narrator has once again taken on a grandmotherly tone and is addressing some unknown wide-eyed advice seeker. I met someone lovely recently who has piqued my interest and thusly had the following conversation with Gabi:
Gabi: So is there something happening with that boy?
Me: Sure, he's nice. It's just a groove in me, you know?
Gabi: .......
Too much of something is bad enough (bad enough)
But something's coming over me to make me wonder
Too much of nothing is just as tough (just as tough)
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfeid
Note creative spelling of the word 'satisfied' in official lyrics.
p.s. What on earth is coming over the Spice Girls to make them wonder? I do hope it's not gastro.
What part of no don't you understand (understand understand)
I want a man not a boy who thinks he can
Boy who thinks he can
Oh dear. We appear to have gone down some kind of feminist rapey path. Nothing to see here, children.
Too much of nothing so why don't we give it a try
Too much of something we're gonna be living a lie
(Repeat to fade)
To summarise: You're a dud lay but that's alright since I'm 'all about' being friends and you've not quite been able to 'get me there' on previous attempts. Also time is of the essence and DON'T TOUCH ME OR I'M CALLING THE POLICE p.s. let's make a go of it as I believe the odds are stacked in our favour, spunko.
Honestly. It's no wonder men move to Sydney and turn gay.
161 days til the next election.
Comments
God i hope i'm not going to be the first to comment on the Spice Girls.
I simply wanted to add some sage advice they dished out in '2-become-1.'
"Be a little bit wiser baby,
Put it on, put it on"
NB: i feel sure she isn't referring to either a groovy record, a sensible cardigan or the kettle.
Blenny
Shit it can't be that hard to get to number 1 if any of that muck got close.
I tell you what I want,
What I really really want
Pepsi, Pepsi,
I was always stumped by the following:
If you wanna be my lover,
You gotta get with my friends.
At first i wondered what kind of sick orgy cult they hailed from.
But then I realised they just dropped the "along" between "get" and "with" in order to appear more "street", and all was well with the world again.
That's why they did all that naked hiding behind chairs stuff, so no-one would listen to the lyrics.
Egad! “too much of nothing” is right.
Who knew dem Girls was so abstruse?
The lyrics of the Spice Girls are just a melange ...
Ah, the Spice Girls.
I was in my early high school years when they were around, and while my friends and I would never have admitted we liked them, I distinctly recall practicing the moves to one of their film clips at a friend's house.
You're right though, the lyrics make absolutely no sense:
And we know that you could go and find some other / Take or leave it cos we've always got each other
But if the guy left and found a new paramour, then they wouldn't have each other, would they??
I can't believe I never noticed this before!
Well my dear you'll know that he pleases me
But sometimes illusion ain't revolution
That ain't no release for me
I think I turned my brain inside out trying to work that one out (though perhaps the last line was a self-referential plea about that particular track). They may as well have said:
Obviously he's satisfying me,
But a donkey isn't a large cat,
I'm trapped in a garbled metaphor with no hope of escape, please kill me now
Yeah, it comes under the 'stunning revelations which are ultimately worthless and actually make you look a bit stupid in hindsight' category.
I file quite a few things under this banner, interestingly.
That's why I stopped using banners. That and they look a bit silly unless you're going to a protest or a convention or the like.
Sure, they make no sense. But that doesn't change the fact that everyone knows the dance to Stop (don't try to tell me that you don't).
Yeah, I know the dance for 'Stop', and I thought 'Spiceworld: The Movie' was rad, still do...
*bristles defensively*
What? It has Richard E. Grant in it, so...
Clearly I'm embarrassingly overqualified to comment. Anyway, the line in the 2nd verse is actually
Unwrap yourself from around my finger... and so on
so it makes marginally more sense: he's a hot & cold kinda dude. Still doesn't explain what the fuck 'slipped up there' though...
You're starting to sound like Old Spice Msfits.
there is not one Spice Girl that I would not love to have done over, the oooozzed talent then, all over the youful gals who now push prams for the country.
It looks as if they could be written by the same person who writes for those strange asian (chinese/japanese?) T-shirts.
I think the key lies in figuring out what "too much of nothing" is. If we could discover this, I'm sure we could understand the song.
How do you get too much of nothing? Once you have nothing, that's pretty much the end of the road, isn't it? You can't get more nothing. And you can't get less nothing, because that would be something. But not too much of something, just a bit of something. So there's just nothing, but apparently it's bad to have too much. But that means that any nothing is too much, so I guess the point is, when she (meaning all five Spices combined to form a menacing hive-mind) slips between the sheets with her lad, he gives her a bit too much; perhaps he is too vigorous in a muscular sense, or maybe his manly aroma is a tad overpowering. Or maybe he forcefeeds her an excessive amount of strawberries, driving her to the limits of her patience. So it sucks. But then again, if he wasn't there, she's have nothing, which would be too much of nothing, which is JUST AS TOUGH. So what's a girl to do?
WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO, I ask you!
Word verification: wfykk - what Fits said when she heard this song.
...a copy of the Spice Girls 'Spiceworld' cd for fifty cents.
You get what you pay for, and sometimes you get ripped off.
But, hey, you can take comfort in the thought that you've done your part for the environment and recycled a piece of old rubbish.
Ah, the Spice Girls...at the time they were "huge" I was been vilified for being the only person in my work place who openly loathed them as a manufactured pop designed around one descent singer (yes, I sadly admit, Mel C can sing and for some perverse reason I still find her yummy). Finally after 10 years, and thanks to your scathingly witty analysis of their "work"...vindication :-)
As an aside I have to say that you were a)extremely funny and b)ozzing hottness for your little segment on the Chasers War on Everything on Wednesday
Cheers
Tim
Woops, that should have read b)oozing hottness...
Hearty back slaps for the reference to 'Love and other Catastrophies' my dear! That movie was the start of a DEEP Francis O'Connor obsession for me. Still get a flutter.
I remember meeting the guy who played Ari at the after-drinks of a play he was involved with down in Canberra. He was stoked that I remembered the movie, I was flabbergasted that he wasn't rich and famous and dating all kinds of hot people, namely Francis O'Connor (i went on about it a bit too much if i recall).
He was kind enough not to berate my 21-yr-old knowledge of the movie industry, lovely chap.
"Love is blind, as far as the eye can see"
I love a good mixed metaphor!
Perhaps they meant: 'Love is blind, as far as I can see'?
Or: 'Love is blind, (and it's really blind -- so much so that I measure it in distance -- from here to the horizon)'/.
Or maybe they're just dumb fucks. After all, one of them slept with Eddie Murphy and another is married to Beckham. Love is blind, as far as I can see!
As if you would fit into a child's size top, strawberries or no strawberries.
There's that dolphin word again!
The lyrics might be terrible but they are a bit sing-along-able. :)
Ms Fits, I just posted a post about Morten Harket, knowing what a fan of his you are, I thought I should let you know. :) It is a great shame you cannot find many good pictures of him on the internet however there's a lot of good stuff on YouTube.
Snoskred
http://snoskred.blogspot.com/
The Spice Girls? Didn't they poison the Tree of Knowledge?
I had a similar experience the other day with "Diggin' On You" by TLC. What the hell does "I was like peace in a groove" mean? I think there must have been a point in the '90's where commercial pop lyricists experimented with a technique known as "doing a really poor job".
Take it back! The Spice Girls DO NOT SUCK!
Have you not ever seen their movie? Watch it and you'll be converted, I promise.
ps - I do feel a bit ripped off. I paid $9.95 at Sanity for my copy of Spiceworld.
OK, and yes you're right, one should have a heart about Tracy - she is only trying to keep it together in a fierce world of sackings and bonings and other genitalia-related ways of saying 'fired' - but, do you think she realises how weird her face looks now?
Boob jobs are fine - well, I don't need them, personally - but they can be concealed to a certain extent, but the face of a TV presenter is the thing we all recognise - why change it?
Famous TV types who've changed their most recognisable feature??
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