A few things that are making me feel old and out of touch.
1. X-Treme P-Pop, yo.
What was wrong with the old Paddle Pop Lion? Why did Streets have to reinvent him as an Extreme Sports Star with a flatulent hyena companion?
I thought everyone dug the idea of an icy-pole lion in a safari suit. Look how fucking adorable it is:
SEE HOW UNFASHIONABLY HIGH AND TIGHT HIS BELT IS FASTENED? AND COULD HIS MANE POSSIBLY BE FASHIONED IN A MULLET STYLE? THIS IS A LION PROUD TO BE A DORK, RIGHT?
Then the other day I see the ad for Paddle Pop with a mean-looking claymation Lion pulling sickly spastic snowboarding moves after his frankly irritating hyena friend blows off and - whoops! - causes an avalanche. Why Lord, why? Why do the children need the Paddle Pop Lion desperately trying to shake off the shackles of a lifetime spent creeping around the ice-cream jungle in a Safari Suit and instead trying to bust it out on their level? It's creepy and lame like when your p.e. teacher tries to do the Bartman at your year 9 social.
Oh, right. And more on dancing:
2. 'Where did Lisa get those stylin' moves?'
I saw a commercial for a dance mat . There was loud disco music playing and two little girls with no boobies gyrating in a vaguely pornographic manner. Occasionally they would stamp their tiny feet on some glowing stars. An envious wee thing in voice-over marvelled at Lisa's 'sick style', and then went on to describe her friend's groove skills with a series of young-person words I found completely mystifying. Every time she rhapsodised further I aged another year with bewilderment. Why must the children speak this way?
Oh, right. And more on speaking:
3. Thorpey gets down.
I think the cereal is called OT's. Some children in a family are refusing to eat it until their mother gets Ian Thorpe on the phone (I am seeing my parents for dinner tonight and I am going to try this shit on to see how far it gets me).
'Tell them it's 'phat' with a p.h,' says Ian, before coolly sitting back, adjusting his enormous testicles and adding: 'Have you told them it's fully sick?'
Can you believe that this is the thing that makes the children eat the cereal? 'Thorpey says it's fully sick'??? THIS MAKES ME FEEL OLD AND RETARDED AND INCREDIBLY COOL AT THE SAME TIME. WHY MUST THE PURVEYORS OF CEREAL RAPE US WITH THEIR FRANKLY REPULSIVE DESPERATION TO WIN OVER A DEMOGRAPHIC?
1051 days til the next election.
Comments
the other day at the youth centre, young mc's bust a move came on and i started singing along, while the children looked at me in silent mocking like i was a mental geriatric with a large goiter on my neck. then they put on that song "my neck, my back, lick my BEEP and my BEEP" and gyrated against each other like ghetto stripper pros.
the above anecdote was provided to demonstrate that i empathise with how you're feeling.
not sure if it worked.
It totally did. You are old and out of touch like me.
We must celebrate at once with a spa party.
of course we must.
and we can listen to tiffany and watch beverly hills 90210 and wear slap bands and eat sunny boys and plan our weddings to richard grieko.
*overdoses on pop-culture references*
They'll never make their money's worth off that Thorpie ad. Don't they understand the fickleness of cool? The reasoning goes like this:
a) This ad is telling me Thorpie is cool, and
b) This ad is telling me Thorpie can make my mum cool, therefore
c) This ad is really not cool
OT's have fallen into the most dreaded level of uncoolness; the try-hard. I still cringe when I hear that word.
Wasn't Booker a marvellous show?
Hot in the cit-teh! Hot in the cit-teh TONIIIIIIIGHT!Back to lurking for me...
what happened to the days when that kind of function was all about chicks lined up on one side and guys on the other, eyeing each other suspiciously?
OH MY GOD !!
Slap bands !!!!
Now they were GOLD !!!!
(Love your work)
Dxxxx
global hypercolor tshirts. these fall into the category of Cool Things I Was Never Allowed. along with Mr Frosty slushie machines..
Damnit, there's a Simpsons for everything. They've Poochied the Paddle Pop Lion. Made him more "proactive" and given him "atti-tuude". This is a lion that gets "bus-ay"!
Didn't "sick" meaning "groovy" go out of style three or four years ago? Is there anything sadder than advertising companies picking up teenage slang late and trying to gain some "street cred" out of it?
You'll have to stop caring ASAP, Fitsy, or in another decade you'll want to kill yourself. I'm not even getting most of the cultural references you guys are making to denonstrate how old you are.
You have to shed pop culture and stick with the timeless. The Iliad rocks phat way sick.
What the fuck is Booker?...
booker was richard grieko's fantastic one season (i think) spin-off from 21 jump st in which he played a hot bad-boy detective fighting the crime and fucking the laydeez. you missed out buck fudd.
I bet I'm older than all of you *cheques will not be honoured.
Can I just threadjack for a second and ask La Nadine, if she ever heard the B-Side to the'All This Time' 7" by Tiffany (MCA-53371)? It was called 'Can't stop a Heartbeat, and it's one of those songs you'd never expect to be awesome, but is.
Like, REALLY AWESOME!
Even better though, was her effort on We Will Follow (tribute to U2), on which she performs 'New Year's Day' with Industrial hardcore outfit Frontline Assembly (Cleopatra Records CLP-0596-2)! I'm not even making this up!
And don't forget, she was vogue-ing waaaaaaaay before Madonna.
Not bad for a redhead.
The Iliad may indeed rock, but the name is too old. I'd suggest it be rebranded. Something disposable and fleeting, like a quote from an Australian Idiot judge or summat.
Paddle Pop lion was always bound for a buttraping as a character, because he's owned by Unilever. You know, one of those big sprawling conglomerates that sell everything from cheese to grandmothers, and like to get into kids brains as early as possible.. I still feel fortunate to look at their site that we don't live in the Actual United States (being merely a colony thereof); US brands seem so more empty and plastic and spongey and coated in unpronounceable chemicals that cause an "unproven" (like global warming and that John Howard isn't a product of the Jim Henson Creature Workshop) high rate of birth defects sufficiently after the statute of limitations expires (35 years down the track) that it 'doesn't matter'. Then again, they can always move their headquarters to the netherlands.
I don't know if it's just me, maybe I'm just a cynical cnut, but I never found patronising advertisments aimed at me remotely appealing - in fact I can remember as far back as primary school (during Bush vs Saddam Round 1) seeing things like "Totally Wild" and stupid ads for crappy polymer-based cereals (though the animation has improved substantially, the ads are still stupid) and being embarrassed that TV thought that I wanted to be spoken to like that. In that Telstra-voice-recognition-system patronising tone that makes you want to go punch some(thing/one) really really really hard. The pseudo-pandering (eg the 'fully sick' thing) is laughable. Thorpey has far too little wog in him to pull it off (hmm, that sentence is at least a triple entendre).
But I always was a bit smug.
knifey, i am a die hard tiffany fan from way back.
hers was the first tape (yes TAPE) i ever requested from my parents, along with bananarama, janet and rick astley.
my sister and i used to make up dances to her songs and perform them for the relatives at chanuka parties.
i have heard the B sides, but have since lost that tape.
however, i don't believe i've heard her do U2 (and what a sight that would be).
i'm thinking someone needs to make me a mixed tape...
"Someone" would be happy to make you a mix CD (sorry, no tape technology any more, I'm mad futuristic yo), but only if you sing Rick Astley's 'never gonna give you up' to me, really slow and secksual, while i'm sitting on a chair, and you prowl around me in nothing but La Perla and a boa.
Threadjacking rules, expecially when you use it for evil.
Would you two get a room?
Does anyone remember Fun Fruits? They looked kinda like Jols, except with more sugar and 123 - and they had a bulk ace ad with some kid who'd built a massive machine/robot out of junk in order to feed himself Fun Fruits.
No one else remembers them. Work with me on this!
For me, the death of childhood innocence came when they made My Little Ponies anorexic.
I was actually timing how long it would take for you to say that Fits, but i was thinking around the 10 minute mark.
You're early.
Clem- I ran into your ex on Saturday night.
Call me for details, or meet me and La Nadine in a room with no clothes.
Back to the topic at hand- 3 words.
Bay.
City.
Rollers.
You're so back with a vengeance, Knifey!
How we've missed you.
Is that meant in a snarky way, or a "snarky" way? (Before I reply and embarass myself further).
I think she wants to lick you, Knifey.
Sing her some NKOTB!
No wait, I will -
You're my COVER GIIIIIIRL... whoa UH-oh! oooh WHOA-oh!
It's meant in a 'yay Knifey I've totally missed you flirting with the ladies on my blog and I'm glad your computer's not broke anymore'-type of way.
Is there ANYTHING I say that doesn't come across as sarcastic on here?
"Is there ANYTHING I say that doesn't come across as sarcastic on here?"
After I giggled like a schoolgirl at you refering to me as someone you had a crush on, I couldn't shake the feeling that it might have been sarcastic. But then, I'm needy and paranoid so that's probably less a reflection on the way people interpret your blog and more a reflection of my need to get therapy.
"Is there ANYTHING I say that doesn't come across as sarcastic on here?"
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?????????!!!!!!!!!!
hahaha!
Step 1: we could have lots of fun.
Step2: there's so much we can do.
Step 3: it's just you and meee-ee-e.
Step 4: i could give you more.
Step 5: don't you know that the time is right?
HUH!!!
I want to "HUH!!!" Jess, La Nadine, and of course Fits so bad right now...
Too many paddle pops.
knifey. me. room. now.
i will dance to rick astley while the tape i have of me dancing to it at my second grade dance camp plays in slow motion in the background.
or you could just jump in the spa with us.
whatevs.
Fuck it, I'm gonna close down my blog and just live on here, in an orgy of symbiotic paracitisism.
Knifey - I really want you in my wooooooooooorld!
And it goes without saying that I'll be loving you foreeeeeever... just as long as you want me to beeeee!
no, no, please don't close down your blog knifey. you're smart and funny and you make good with the words. and we can't live without you. we love you knifey.
is that what you were fishing for?
OMG you guys, I said DID ANYONE REMEMBER FUN FRUITS? Oh, the humanity!!
Clem, I have fun fruits in my pants.
La nadine- knifey don't fish. You're thinking of Rex Hunt. He's better looking.
As a child, I avoided anything with the word "fruit" in it, I'm afraid Clem! But I can pretend, if you like!
pointless super-slow response
see attached picthe guy in the middle is nicknamed paddle pop lion
(although not to his knowledge)
do you think it is deserved ?
i remember them clem. i think. were they oval and kinda transparent?
meanwhile fav things from the past...
the banana split gang
secret valley
the city of gold
barny banana's
girlfriend (still have the tape in my bathroom)
1927 (also tape in bathroom)
Didn't Tiffany get her ass handed to her by Debbie Gibson?
Mysterious Cities Of Gold?
MY FAVOURITE SHOW EVER AS A KID!
Listen to this - it'll jolt you back to the eighties.
Children of the Sun,
See your time has just begun,
Searching for your way
Through adventures every day
Every day and night
With the condor in flight
With all your friends in tow
We search for the Cities of Gold
Ahhhh-ah-ah-ah
Wishing for the Cities of Go-old
Ahhh-ah-ah-ah
Someday we will find
The Cities of Gold
Doo doo doo do doo
Ahh-ah-ah
Doo doo doo do doo
Cities of GoldBest. Show. Ever. *
*And most pointless. comment. ever.
Holy Shit. I haven't been this freaked out since I turned up on my first day of High School wearing shocking pink, thigh length bike shorts and a fringed t-shirt. And realised they'd somehow gone out of fashion in the preceding school holidays. Unfortunately it wasn't until a year later I realised that they'd never been IN fashion.
Ahem. Back to my point. How dare they un-dag the lion? That's what he was about. That's what Paddle-pops were about.
I'm pretty sure I still count as "young" (I still have "teen" in my age, anyway) and I agree on all counts. I would propose it is marketing people who have gotten old and lame.
The Banana Splits and Barney Bananas!
Finally, something I recognise.
Actually a lot of the stuff you guys are going on about I remember, but I wasn't a kid when it happened. So I wasn't exactly into it.
You still have "teen" in your age? Ummm...yes, you are still young. Fits will testify to the fact that I am very, very old.
But not lame (?)
Jess - you are so right! That show rocked.
And when they found that giant golden condor and soard above the jungle...
Who knew the French could create something so cool?
(I'm not illiterate: that was a typo.)
you're not talking about the flinstones fun fruits are ya clem, cause they were awesome possum.
OMG - am I? I don't know! But that's good enough!!
Dear God, Jess. I love you.
I must have been in Prep or Grade One and we were betting (yes, actually betting, like two cents or something) show to show whether or not they would find the Cities of Gold in the next episode. We were too naive to figure they might want to string it out a bit.
Remember how at the end of each episode there was a short live-action educational bit about South American life before the conquistadors?
Oh, and I loved Battle of the Planets, Dr Snuggles and Voltron.
Fully sick? More like silly fuck!
Holy fuck I'm getting flash backs to when I was a kid sitting in front my tv watching "girl from tomorrow" wearing a 90210 t-shirt, a pair of hot pink bike pants my denim LA gears with the rainbow glitter laces and my slapband wrist watch.
I too was a girlfriend tragic... "Take it from me.. I'll be good to you baby... Take it from me.. I won't break your heart!"
Goddamn.
Time to out myself - I had a Girlfriend diary (and the obligatory Dinky Diary), a NKOTB fluro green umbrella (straight from NYC, I'll have you know!) and a delightful lycra bike pants-and-crop top combo - fluro pink and green.
my fluoro set was orange and black and i used to dance to "you can ring my bell" *obligitory arm movements* by Inoj.
i also cried until i got a pair of white high-tops in grade 2.
that's how you get what you want kids.
In the year between my sister leaving high school and becoming a hard core uni goth, she went through a brief-but-disturbing period of being into wannabe house music (Adeva, anyone?) and dodgy fashion choices.
I remember her quite distinctly sitting eight year old me down and teaching me that the key to looking ultra-fashionable was to try and emulate the look of Collette* a la the Ring My Bell single cover. Denim jacket, pinned on plastic saxaphones, badges, wacky hair, etc.
And to think, she now works at the London College of Fashion.
*Then I met Colette through same sister and hugged her.Oh, and sorry for the excessively long and dull story (again). Me, me, me!
You know what? Screw that Fits. For real. You aren't out of touch... The kids today are having their childhood raped by Ian Thorpe and I'll be damned if I'm gonna feel like I'm the one with less cred for thinkin so. And if I see him in the street I'm gonna tell him I think so and then watch my old ninja turtles episodes and buy a sunnyboy showbag. Anyone who missed the eightees missed out on something special... the pop culture machine was in full swing, but it hadn't become such of a whore as it is today...
Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm gonna go wear my teenwolf shirt and put a slinky on my wrist.
Oh... and my first grown up concert was at New Kids on the Block... that Donnie was so cool. There was this dude who said he was lip synching on A Current Affair, but Donnie was all like 'BULLLLLLLSHHHIIIIIIIIT!' into the mic at the concert! Then he was like 'Excuse my language' cos he knew there were mothers in the house and he was a gentleman.
Ian Thorpes first grown up concert was probably Michael Bolton.
Thorpey Says
You people feel old?
I feel old. I have a right to feel old. I'm the one who looked at the photo of the tiger and thought: "Hey, that looks just like an officer in the Imperial Russian army before the Revolution."
When I was young, I used to wear a belt like that with my kaftan.
- david t.
La nadine said...
the other day at the youth centre, young mc's bust a move came on and i started singing along, while the children looked at me in silent mocking like i was a mental geriatric with a large goiter on my neck.
Don't worry, atleast some people my age (16) know that song. Unfortunately young people now days seem to have confusion between hip-hop and crappy music in which people rap.
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