Reasons you will hate me

A new crush and ol' faithful.

Last night I had the pleasure of skipping a long-standing doctor's appointment to go see Bob Ellis and Julian Burnside QC at fortyfivedownstairs with my best friend .

Here are some things that happened:


1. Comrades!

It is always alarming when you find yourself in a gallery of like-minded left-wingers and they're all over fifty and wearing bad pants. The people surrounding me and Gab were clutching coffee-stained notebooks and speaking in Important Voices about Shaun Carney's latest opinion piece in The Age . I had a love for them, but there were Gab and I looking like throwback lipstick lesbians in go-go boots while around us voices boomed: 'SHAME!' when the subject of mandatory detention was brought up.

I didn't realise people said 'SHAME' outside of period dramas where witches get burned at the stake.
Even my skin was embarrassed on their behalf.


2. Biffo!

The conversation between two such incredible men was riveting enough, but the night got truly exciting when there was almost a SMACKDOWN in the audience! For sure!

This was brought about by the presence of a Certified And Noisy Crazy Man (TM), a required attendee at any Bob Ellis event. From the first loud: 'Honestly, we all know this' to the more plaintive: 'IT'S CALLED RACISM, NOW CAN WE PLEASE GET ON WITH IT !', he was full of occasionally abrupt but reliably irritating interruptions. At one stage a furious woman stood and in a trembling voice told him to SHUT UP (thrilling!), but my favourite moment was when The Great Bob started answering a question with the words: 'Well, in Nazi Germany...'


'T'OH' snorted our resident lunatic convincingly. 'Nazi Germany? Oh, please!'


Bob stopped speaking. Looked down his glasses at the man for an interminably long time. The silence was deafening.

'Fuck you' he hissed with sufficient and devastating poison to draw gasps throughout the Kew residents in the room.


Gabi and I clutched hands. The man fell silent and later staggered off in the evening, no doubt to acquire a semi-automatic weapon with which to mow down various passers-by.


3. Stalking kept to a minimum!

Okay, so I was sitting in the front row. But there was honestly nowhere else to perch - the place was packed. I on purpose attempted not to gaze, open-mouthed and adoring, at Bob as though he were The Fonz. I on purpose did not sidle up to him after the session and loudly drop mention of MY BOB ELLIS WHO IS ACTUALLY A DOG, HAHAHAA. I on purpose did not lie prone at his feet sighing contededly every time he opened his mouth. I was very controlled. You would have been proud.

4. New love!

Oh fuck. Julian Burnside QC is a new God. He is exactly the sort of eloquent and incisive person you want on your side. He also wore a novelty tie to show us all that he had a ribald sense of humour under his stiff lawyer exterior.

Here he is:



Gabi and I were so enamoured we went out to dinner afterwards and had a long and involved discussion about whether we loved his brain enough to tongue-kiss him or whether it was best to just keep the relationship platonic.
At one stage Gab mentioned the word 'Four-way!' in relation to us, Bob and Julian, but I'm presuming it was just the wine going to her head.


5. Old love!

I honestly don't mind that Bob is a cantankerous, one-eyed, wildly libelous and occasionally mad individual. He is a fiercely passionate and committed humanist whose words soak into my skin. Last night I was reminded of how devastating the federal election was, and how difficult it has been since to pick up and start fighting again. Particularly when all around you are fucking cunts who on one hand say they are appalled by the treatment of Cornelia Rau and then in the same breath go on to say that they don't think there's much at all wrong with the mandatory detention system. So long as they're, you know, locking up darkies and all.


Last night I felt the burning stirrings of a previously impotent rage.
It was truly grand.



964 days til the next election...


...and if I may leave you with a quote from Her Royal Cuntingness at a Rau-related press conference a couple of days ago:


"I apologise for everything that’s gone wrong in the world that I am not responsible for.
Now that would be ludicrous, now wouldn’t it?”


How do you fucking sleep at night, you ignominious scum.

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