Ah, sweet lady Meredith.
1a. A conversation held in the week leading up to this year's Meredith:
Gabi: Hey, can I ask you a really big favour?
Me: Sure.
Gabi: Would you mind helping the Bikes out with some stuff at Meredith?
Me: Of course. You know I live for that shit*.
Gabi: Great.
Me: What do you want me to do?
Gabi: We need some people to dress up in garbage bags and stand behind us being dickheads when we do our routine.
Beat.
Me: On stage?
Gabi: Yes.
Beat.
Me: Oh.
Gabi: It wouldn't be for very long.
Me: Garbage bags? Really?
Gabi: Yes.
Me: But what if boys don't want to kiss me after they see me being a dickhead in a garbage bag costume?
Gabi: Everyone will want to kiss you. You are particularly cute. And I like what you've done with your hair.
Me: But what if I'm drunk or on REDACTED and throw up on stage and everyone laughs?
Gabi: That won't happen.
Me: It might. Remember that year when I spent all of Sunday upchucking in a red bucket in the back of my van?
Gabi: This year will be different.
Me: I don't know, Gab....
Gabi: *rubs adorably pregnant belly sadly*
Me: DON'T DO THAT.
Gabi: Don't do what?
Me: Rub your stomach with a sad face. You're killing me.
Gabi: So you'll do it?
Me: YES I'LL DO IT STOP BOTHERING ME.
****************************
1b. People you don't want to run into backstage at Meredith while dressed as a garbage lady:
Fig A: Lanky rock hotness Tim Rogers.
Fig B: Your ex-boyfriend.
Me: (following agonisingly awkward pause) Oh. Hello Christopher.
Chris: Hello.
Me: How are you?
Chris: Fine.
Lengthy, hideous recess during which time my ex-beloved takes in the fact that I am wearing a bin liner on my head.
Chris: And you?
Me: Very well, thank you. Things are going -
*adjusts belt made from string and crushed beercan*
Me: - really great.
Chris: Obviously.
***********************
The things I do for the love of that woman.
334 days til the next election.
*Note: Aside from the fact that I am phenomenally generous of heart and spirit, I also enjoy assisting the Town Bikes because for some reason people think Gabi and I look alike and if I'm carrying a whole lot of costumes after a show audience members come and congratulate me on my performance. Naturally I accept their praise with grace and elegance.
Comments
That might be because lots of people never look you or Gabi in the eye, but rather get distracted by your often prominently displayed bosoms.
Just a thought.
Sure, but she's way more stacked than me. If you were comparing us chest-wise we look even less alike. Tsssch.
Oh no! What an awful time to run into your ex.
I ran into my ex recently and for some reason, even though I was just going to uni I wore a dress that day, and looked reasonably cute. That was so freakin' lucky. :)
Damn, I missed it. I was probably off somewhere lying down with a tshirt soaked in icewater on my forehead trying to get over heat stroke...and coughing up lungfuls of dust. Bleurgh.
What a woman.
I don't think I could do that for anyone in that heatslashex scenario.
I know, I'm a saint.
I hope Gabi's reading this.
i can't picture the beer can belt, do you have any pics of your nether regions to help aid my discombobulation?
Hmmm, yeah, that's a good point, Fits. I don't personally think you look all that "alike" but there have been times when I thought it was one of you and it turned out to be the other. Mostly clothing related, though.
Do you think Daniel Kitson is a plagiarist?
http://onemichaelhudson.blogspot.com/2006/12/is-daniel-kitson-plagairist.html
Sorry.
http://onemichaelhudson.blogspot.com/2006/12/is-daniel-kitson-plagiarist.html
I was concerned for Gabi in that heat as I have a lot of experience with a big belly myself and I know how much of an insulator it is.
She managed just fine, Anon. Particularly after she was locked in a freezer*.
*this is not a word of lie.
Saw the show absolute laff grasi.
but did you strip off the plastic and beer can belt and run in the Meredith gift, Ms fits?
NO WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR I AM A LADY.
p.s. Considered it. Too hot.
Well, I for one, think that you most likely looked totally VALENSI!!
Sorry I missed it.
worth the price of the ticket right there.
The Town Bikes (and you ms fits) were quite possibly the highlight of Merideth for me. I knew the words to most of your song! good show!
I'm glad someone did, Anon. I couldn't understand a fucking bit of it up there.
Dear Fitsy,
you seemed a little quiet on the Book Club the other night - were you overawed by the presence of Germaine?
I did see you up there on Saturday afternoon and I was impressed at your enthusiasm for the role given how stinking goddamn hot it was.
I live for that pregnant dancer, Joseph.
p.s. How was the cricket game?
Well, the official match was abandoned due to extreme weather conditions, but an impromptu game did spark up as the sun got bloody. Fun by all accounts, even if there was slightly more sheep shit on the pitch this year.
Heard you guys on stage but turns out standing up was a bridge too far. I'm sure you were great.
Turns out Dallas Crane rocked like nothing holy. And it was (relatively) cool by then.
I didn't feel "mad cans" got the appreciation they deserved. That said, I watched from the shade of the bar, but you know, it was hot. I clapped, though.
Actually I think we only bestirred ourselves from the bar/shade/log about three times all weekend. Too fucking hot. I did make some vague sympathetic 'I support recycling' handwaving gestures when the 'mad cans' came onstage. Kudos to you for wearing a garbage bag in 40 degree heat.
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