All I Want For Christmas.
Apparently loving husbands, boyfriends and partners are giving the gift that keeps on giving this Christmas - a little plastic surgery . 'Gorgeous Getaways' is an Australian based travel agency which 'specialises in plastic surgery tours to Malaysia where clients get cut price body enhancing procedures and recover in five star luxury.'
Don't get me wrong, I like receiving presents. I'm an only child, for fuck's sake. But if someone I fancied were to smilingly hand over a voucher saying: 'Just thought you could use a bit of improvement in the ass area' or 'I love your soul...it's your face that needs an overhaul' I can't say I'd be all that thrilled.
Here - if you're buying - is what I'm after for Xmas*.
- a pubic hair trimmer. (Never knew these existed until blessed Lee Lee told me)
- Someone to teach me how the fuck to use my digital camera.
- Autograph of notoriously publicity-shy author JD Salinger. Oh wait, that can only be from Nicolas Cage . Sorry**.
- A longer holiday. One where I'M NOT FUCKING BEDRIDDEN WITH A VIRUS FOR FOUR DAYS. Wtf?
- Mark Latham to have job security (this is an untypically selfless one).
- red wine date with Toby Schmitz .
- New Kings of Leon record.
- Matching underwear.
Etcetera etcetera. This list could go on a while.
Yet it's funny, isn't it, how all other people want at Christmas is to stay at home .
Fuck the fucking government. Some days even a stabbing is too good for Amanda Vanstone .
I sincerely hope she gets anal warts for Christmas. God knows she deserves them.
*I should point out that I am also a killer gift-giver and I actually get embarrassed when people give me presents. So don't go out of your way.
** If you get that pop culture reference you are in worse shape than me.
1023 days until the next election.
Comments
Would you like a black orchid as well?
(Yes, I am in worse shape than you)
I agree, trimmed is best by far!
Merry christmas xx
Knob
Yeah, that's kind of the ultimate insult. Up there with the old standby, cleaning products - "hey darling, the house is a bit dirty: here's a vacuum cleaner! Merry christmas!"
I'll help you figure out how the fuck to use your camera, though, next time we meet.
The only thing worse than plastic surgery for Christmas is when you get it through a discounted provider.
Never skimp on rhinoplasty. Check my profile for the results.
Bone shaping my ass.
I could totally get you this first edition of "A Confederacy of Dunces". If I had the $5,500. Sorry, not this year.
No autographs or orchids but I've got a Tibetan tribal wedding gown going cheap.
/the worst.
My ex had the hardest, yet visually and with her motionless, the most finely crafted fake boobies I could imagine. I've never been with one besides her that had fake boobies but these things were like softballs in their-hard softballs. My present gf wants the fake boobies. She has big soft boobies but kid slurped boobies and whe wants them to defy gravity yet again. She would like this trip away. Finally, you Aussie Bloggers are bloggin' sons a bitches. Most american bloggers start these fucking things, do 2 posts, and then go away. Not you guys, apparently your public education system has not broken down yet.
Dr. H.O. Potamus
all i want for christmas is my two front teeth, and another twenty four hour hat trick. Merry christmas ms fits from the cold and snow of edinburgh.
Be sure to keep the sherrif in line.
xo
The Pubic Trimmer is prime gift giving! Best gift I bought myself this year.
You should give Gabi & Carla a Christmas present and write a role in for them to appear on TV.
I finally got around to seeing Gabi in the "Check out Cutie" video and I want to bite her bottom even more now...
It's indeed a bottom that deserves nothing less than deep teeth marks upon it.
does terrible things to my teeth red wine. gin and red wine (probably good) that's just too writerly of you. i mean really fitsy. can i suggest the blind, terryifying exhilaration of the actor's Christmas combo: vodka, beer, tequila, alternating until you forget where you left your blog.
I hereby present you with a voucher for a 1 hour or more digital camera using lesson. Redeemable in late January :)
Don't worry so much Ms Fits. I am a firm believer of karma and am positive Andrew Bolt will be re-born as one of Amanda Vanstone's tampons and Vanstone will become a colostomy bag for Piers Akerman.
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