Alternative Careers.
I'm sick of being a raconteur and media darling (TM) when there are so many other careers I could excel in. Here are three that spring to mind immediately:
1. 'Good Time Party Gal'.
Firstly, ignore the caption. I would never spell the word 'oops' incorrectly. I mean, how fucking hard can it be? Oppss? Jesus christ.
Secondly, is Tara Reid ever described in any other way? 'Good Time Party Gal'. I love it. It smacks of Gatsby-era garden soirees whilst also implying that in modern times, Tara is a professional coke whore who loves getting fingerbanged whilst ordering eleven mojitos. Can you think of a better career path for me at this crossroads in my life? I'll even get my cans out occasionally. Hire me, hire me!
2. 'Disco Dancer'.
This one is totally morbid and if we can for a moment gloss over the fact that Theresa Crowe was brutally murdered by Malcolm Clarke, the thing that struck me about the story is that all the papers have described her as a 'disco dancer'. Is that even a profession since the Solid Gold Dancers disbanded?
I would love so fucking much to list on my passport 'profession: Disco Dancer' (I would totally capitalise, too). Saturday nights would be more work-based than party time due to required presence on flashing-light revolving dancefloors, but it'd be worth it for the kudos and gold leggings.
3. 'Love Rat'.
I could've used a photo of Steve Bing here, too. Either way. You never hear the words 'James Hewitt' or 'Steve 'Bada' Bing' (I just made that name up. So trying to get a job writing for NW right now) without the term 'Love Rat' pre-empting them.
I guess to be a Love Rat I'd have to either sell sex letters from my many famed paramours or get Woman's Day to do a photo shoot of me in the boudoir with the headline: ' Benicio 'n Me - Love Rat Ms Fits Reveals All!' followed by the caption: ''He Couldn't Get Enough!' reveals saucy blog vixen!!'
Considering how poorly behaved I've been in previous relationships, I should perhaps go against type and try out 'Jilted Bride' in future.
It just doesn't seem as much fun though, does it?
1008 days til the next election.
Comments
you're always aiming for the stars aren't you?
me, i accept my limitations. i just wanna be the best damn crackwhore i can.
You're already working as a Walking Advertisement for Contraceptives.
Go easy Ms Fits,
It is not easy to spell corectly when staring at that fantastic titt.
I love Tara. What more can I say? The photograph of her speaks thousands of lude and tantalizing words to me.
Dr. H.O. Potamus
i have absolutely no idea how i got here nor who you are. but youre funny. and i like that.
keep it up.
Occasionally?
I will be satisfied with "Colourful Sydney identity." Once I achieve that, I can branch out into these new fangled ones.
um
did you get 'recognised' by the person behind you in the checkout queue ? that's what it sounded like, anyway. if that is the case, then you're way too far down the "media darling" career path to change now, sorry. soon you'll be giving autographs in the produce section while you're trying to sqeeze melons.
tsk!
I am not going to be satisfied until you have your own Miss Fits Action Figure with real spanking action and different outfits that you can be dressed up in. Of course there is the possibility of finding a likeness stripped naked and tossed in an alley after having had your head chewed on my a dog. But that's a risk I'm willing to accept. I imagine that the Fits fuckmobile would be sold seperately.
Comments are closed.