Approaching the bench.
Today is my birthday. I am twenty-nine. This means I am entering the final year of my twenties. So I have decided that this year is the year I will:
- Go visit my beloved penpal and platonic life partner in LA.
- Perhaps curb the drinking and 10am hometimes. Perhaps.
- See more live music.
- Experiment sexually before everything 'drops'.
- Take to the country more often.
- Learn to cook something, for fuck's sake.
- Buy ladies' knickers from a vending machine in Japan.
- Share dangerously thrilling experiences with new and old friends.
- Watch Don's Party again.
- Hold the cunts accountable.
Also, it's the year I decidedly won't:
- Stop wearing children's clothing.
- Cease the incessant pop-culture obsession.
- Start listening to Magic 693. Well, no more than usual.
- Take up fucking yoga.
- Get 'really into' Ikea.
- Get pregnant.
- Do fucking speed dating.
- Buy a sensible car.
- Make a sound investment.
- Find Paul McDermott funny.
- Purchase a Dido cd.
867 days til the next election.
Comments
Wishing you the happiest, moistest warmest birthday eva.
xoxoxoxox
Happy Fuckin Birthday Freak.
db.
birthdays are so last year.
didn't you hear? not saying 'happy birthday' is the new 'happy birthday'.
so...yeah.
According to your description, you are still an 'irritatingly smug 28 year old'.
Oh, and why can't you experiment sexually after everything has dropped?
* pinches your ever so cute bum wearing pink liberal sux undies and red fishnets and then pecks you leaving a sweet aftertaste of double vodka and orange*
happy birthday playfull
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
What will your position on David Brent be in this coming year?
Happy best birthday to you xx
PS were you thinking of me when you wrote the "won't" list? I refute the Paul McDermott. And the Dido. And the 693.
*cries into soy latte*
*kills self*
Sorry.
Happy Birthday Freek.
Luv n luv.
db.
Freek.
Happy.Birthday.Fuckin.
etc
db.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
29 big kisses for you my sweet
Happy birthday xxx
(I clicked on the IKEA link only to be taken to some radio station site. It said that they aired not only David Koch, but Paul Clitheroe. Two biggest cocksmokers on planet. I left hurriedly.)
29 is the new 28.
That's a great consolation to me as well since [ahem] mid [cough] thirties
is the new um, "mid hip youth".
Happy bday!
BEVIS said...
Hippy-hoppy birthday, Ms Fitz.
I notice you went out of your way to stress the fact that your parents were married just over a year before they had you.
Wanted to ensure we knew you weren't a bastard??
C'mon. We know better.
Much love to you of this most joyous day of days.
BEVIS
Happy birthday, you completely fabulous and utterly tiny little woman!
Love from William
Happy birthday.
There are, however, a number of potential conflicts between your will and won't lists:
1. With a slight shift in emphasis, taking up fucking yoga could constitute experimenting sexually.
2. Ladies knickers are a sound investment if *ever* I heard of one. Particularly if bought from a vending machine. Particularly if still warm.
3. A sensible car would help you to take to the country. Or at least ensure you don't break down in some shit hole that development has rendered no longer quaint but not yet exciting. (Traralgon, perhaps?)
4. If listening to Magic 693 isn't dangerously thrilling, I don't know what is. Who will be next? Chris deBurgh? Simply Red? Daryl Somers in a rare vocal treat? Spin that musical wheel, baby!
Girl oh girl, you is OLD!
29 is the new DEAD!
Love
Alex "militant blogger"
Hey Lady;
Happy Birthday.
Youre blog is really often quite amusement. Youre very intellect.
Look forward to LMS.
29 is great. Although according to insane teenagers means we should no longer be on the internet.
Happy Birthday ms fits, thanks for all the laughs. If you don't mind, I'll help with the "holding the cunts" accountable part.
a happy birthday to ya.
Have a Hap, Hap, Happy Birthday!
Best wishes for today and all your days.
xoxoxo
Youre blog is really often quite amusement. Youre very intellect.
Maybe I've misconstrued my mind, but I didn't realise Christie was allowed to comment on blogs while she's in the BB house.
Count yourself lucky. I have to go speed dating for an article I have to write. Gutted.
HB Fits. HOw much does it suck only having one more year of twenties left?
I'm terrified by it. 30! Help!
I got seven. Neener neener neener!
Long time reader : first time poster: And a Happy Birthday you top spunk you !
When I was 29 I gave my British passport to a dear Turkish friend whose family was being threatened.
Tried and tested lots of mind altering drugs.
Ran a check on Sat Sai Baba.
Went to India
Came to Australia
Fell asleep.
Happy Birthday.
You do for me. philip.xxx
Happy Birthday Ms Fits!
As someone who's just passed the thirty milepost, let me assure you that it's all downhill from here.
Dear Fitsy One! I celebrate this day of your birth. My only regret it that I was unable to enjoy the first 27.7 other years before I met you. I feel I probably missed out on several valuable games of "doctor" with young Nurse Fits.
But honestly, why does 29 sound soo much older than 28? Just days ago you were in your free-spirited late twenties, now you are "almost thirty." Fear not. It's cool because here in the US we have deemed that 30 is the new 21. Which both makes me 22 and accounts for my incredible sexual stamina. I am glad that I could make a birthday wish about you into something about me.
BEVIS said...
Kranki-Pants: Unfortunately for Ms Fits, Australia follows a five-year lapse in trends, meaning that the idea of 30 being 'the new 21' won't hit our shores until Ms Fits is 34, by which point she will no longer be 'the new 21'.
But I suppose it could be argued that by that time she will be 'the new 25, so maybe it's not all bad. She'll be 'the new mid-twenties' again, and able to get back into all those youthful twenties-type activities such as Pash Parties (TM), listing your favourite five rooting songs, putting pictures of her bare breasts on the Internet, following Big Brother in the most sick and twisted way possible, and writing witty and inspiring television shows for the 'new 21 generation'.
Hmm, I think maybe Ms Fits has nothing to fear after all - she is eternally youthful (as are her parents, by the sound of things), so turning 29 (or 30 or 34) is nothing she should be worried about.
That's my community service announcement for the year.
Good to blog-comment you again.
BEVIS
Happy Birthday Ms Fits - hope your weekend is filled with Magic not only of the 693 kind but the thrilling kind.
Ladycracker
Happy Birthday Ms Fits. Hope you have a lovely day.
xxx
Hizzappy Bizzirthday, Fizzits! Many Keeses xo
Hey, sorry I'm late to the party.
Warmest wishes just for you on your birthday.
Here's to many more years of rocking the swears and moistening the panties of the proletariat.
Ms Fits,
Happy b'day!
I started my 29th year with the beginnings of a god awful panic. By July it was appalling. I was trying to work out why the fuck I had NOT done so many things I had promised myself I would do.
In the end, I realised "well there are a lot of things (some shameful) that I have done that I never dreamed I would do, so, on balance, FUCKIT."
Oh I wouldn't worry about doing freaky sex shit before ya droops sweetie, I'd just worry about doing it while you are in your prime. At 33 the male prime is but a distant memory...
thomasr
PS Invited Miranda Air-Head to the party?
- Bappy HearseDay! I dread approaching 27.. i can feel 30 coming all over me!.. dont stop wearing the Elmo panties! and dont digress to buying Ikea mags..
PS Paul McDermott will never be funny - poor sod!
Happy birthday.
Regarding the last of your resolutions, happy to sign you up to Thornbury Labor if you'd like...
mpike.net
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