Awkward fatherly moment #348.
Last night I had a date with my dad to go see The Departed (predictably brilliant, thank you for asking) and we had a great time and held hands through the scary violent bits which pleased me no end as I don't think you're ever too old to hold hands with your dad.
We also played what is universally known as THE WORST GAME IN THE WORLD, which my parents invented almost thirty years ago to keep their only child occupied during the pre-movie commercials. The premise is as follows:
Person A 'owns' the first ad
Person B 'owns' the second
and so on.
May I point out that 'owning' an advertisment is as truly pathetic as it sounds. To wit -
(Ad for Chinese Restaurant appears)
Person A: Oh look, I own Old Kingdom.
Person B: Perhaps we shall eat there after the show and you will shout us a free meal.
Person A: As if I'd let ruffians like you into my fine dining establishment! Haha!
Person B: I'll get you yet!
etc. And thus the time passes.
This is how it went last night:
(ad for new movie The Guardian)
Dad: Look, you own Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner.
Me: You can have Kevin Costner if you like.
Dad: No thank you.
Me: I'll swap you him for a choc top.
Dad: I said no thank you.
(ad for new James Bond)
Dad: I own Bond!
Me: And that sweet set of wheels!
Dad: I could give you a ride to Triple R in that after the movie.
(car explodes)
Dad: Or we could just walk.
Me: Looks like you own a casino too.
Dad: That'll come in handy eventually.
Me: Can I borrow Daniel Craig for a bit?
Dad: Don't be crass.
(ad for Durex condoms, accompanied by heavy breathing and suggestive 'U CAN FUCK ALL NIGHT WITH DUREX CONDOMS'-type sloganeering)
Me: .....
Beat.
Dad: Who owns that one again?
Me: Erm...not sure.
(Breathing on screen builds to climactic frenzy.)
Dad: ....Perhaps we should get some popcorn.
374 days til the next election.
Comments
You? An only child?
Who'da thought?
More of God's brilliant planning, Anon.
I snorted with laughter when it got to the durex ad.
Reminds me so much of my dad's un-erring ability to walk into a room when the only saucy bit in an entire movie comes on, proceed to give me a filthy look then walk out.
I'm more concerned about how your mum came to be known as "gags"
Cough.
Luckily I have never and shall never see a film in the cinema with my parents. After catching some of Star Wars on whatever Deniliquin's free to air channel is with my folks a few years back and having my dad say "surely that's not Harrison Ford? How could you show your face in public after being in something this ridiculous"... well, lets just say I'm not in a rush to introduce him to contemporary cinema.
It must have been a night for 'interesting' dad moments. Mine chased me around the house trying to carve me instead of the chicken.
(Don't read anything dirty into that.)
If memory serves me right, last time I went to the cinema, it would appear I own some of them coloured tampons.
I'm so NOW
thomasr
i love this post sweet girl. i mean lady.
yes gin in the afternoon soon please
xx
Those coloured tampons are stuck up cunts.
Double cough.
oh dear. MUST YOU DRAG AN ALREADY FILTH-RIDDLED POST DOWN FURTHER, SHERRIFF?
I love this game. Why did my parents never play this game with me?
Your family rules.
Hi Ms Fits, great work as usual, can you give us a start ratiung on the movie as I'm keen to see it? Also, can you please let me know which is your RRR show so I can tune in? Cheers
Hi Ms Fits, can you please give us a star rating on the movie as I'm keen to see it? Also, can you please tell me which is your RRR show so I can tune in? Cheers
sorry about 2 posts, still getting this security verification thingy.....
1. i feel i am too old to hold my dad's hand. i wish i wasn't.
2. i am torn between wishing i never find myself sitting near you and yours during a movie, because i usually tell people who bother me to shut the fuck up, and hoping i do, cause i'd want to join in.
i went to the cinema with you and your dad once.
we didn't play this most fabulous game.
you did at one point whisper in my ear "he's had his penis in you", in reference to a certain australian actor in the film.
good times.
p.s. I OWN JOE'S PIZZA SHACK!
Ha ha ha - that Durex ad was hilarious :)
There are more beats in RYWHM than in real life. Lots.
Fits, I think I am in love with your parents. Can I have a loan of them sometime?
fits, above anon isn't me. PROMISE. i'm being good about not asking about your mother these days. have you noticed? no freaking you out. apart from maybe this one.
dang.
movie games are fun. I have a couple of friends who enjoy them a little too much. Here's a few of them:
1) Stand up, spilling popcorn everywhere, and yell "my name is Daniel Potter" until Dan pulls him back into his seat.
2) One person says "penis" rather quietly in a hushed theatre, and person two has to reply "penis" slightly more loudly. Person one must then say more loudly, and the winner is the one who doesn't chicken out.
3) Same as game 2, except using the word "fire".
enjoy.
(PS. my word verification today: xaucwqx. Perhaps the dying squawk of a slaughtered Peking duck?)
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