Reasons you will hate me

Blobs gone Wild.

Last night Tim and Jordan from the Bird Blobs were guest Celebrity Rooters on my radio show. Their manager warned me on Saturday night that they would be the 'dirtiest fuckers you've ever had on'. This is kind of a big call. I mean, we've had Ron Jeremy on. And Steve-O from Jackass showed us the scars on his balls from where he'd repeatedly stapled them to his thigh. But the Blobs were something else. Over the course of an hour, they:


- Had two violent punch-ons that had our lovely guest host Clem Bastow cowering in the corner in terror.
- Repeatedly and annoyingly stopped the live interview to check incoming text messages.
- Drank. Like fucking sailors.
- Swore. Like fucking sailors.
- Pashed each other. No, really.
- Told us tales of sticking chewing gum up a girl's arse 'to get rid of her' and cramming pizza into someone's vagina 'because I didn't wanna fuck her'.
- Ignored questions and just shouted at us and each other.
- Made mysterious references to doing a 'spit' together. And finally:
- Offered to give punters at their October 8th Old Bar show a hand-job and a tongue-kiss for fifty bucks.
Of course, this was nothing on when we took the obligatory polaroids at the end of the show, when Tim got Jordan's dick out and started wanking it. Then he took a photo of himself giving Jordan a blow job.
This was about the moment where Clem, Paul and I decided we'd had enough of being in a debauched gay porn film and wanted to go home.
Still. Their manager was totally right. And we left them at the side of the road outside Triple R weaving blurrily and yelling at each other.
I dare you to go to the Old Bar on October 8th and take them up on their hand-job offer. They'd do it, too. After last night, I don't doubt that for a second.

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