Reasons you will hate me

But what if Fabrizio only had twenty-four hours to live?

It says married , doesn't it? It says that Drew Barrymore married Fabrizio Moretti. I'm trying to stem my sense of rising panic until I can confirm what is possibly life-changing information.

Slugger asked me last night what I'd do if I had twenty-four hours to live. I told him I'd want to eat incredible food surrounded by my nearest and dearest, bury my face in the dog's warm, soft stomach and root -


'Fabrizio' he interrupted. 'You'd want to root Fabrizio.' I gasped, not least because it wasn't what I was going to say (I was going to say, of course, that I'd want to root Slugger), but also because I hadn't considered the possibility that sudden death could better my chances with rock's sexiest drummer.* If you had twenty-four hours to live, and THIS FACT ALONE would get you closer to Fabrizio Moretti's penis, would you jump at the chance? After first thinking 'strap me on, Moretti', the logistics of it all started to sink in.


What if he was only doing it because I was like a Make-A-Wish kid and he felt sorry for me? What if I mis-timed it and died part-way through? What if it was all awkward because we hardly knew each other and it got all fumbly and rutty and like the time I had worst sex ever in Mooroolbark underneath flourescent lighting with a gaffer named Travis?

I think I'm better off not knowing.

* Apart from, of course, Shannon Vanderwert from Dallas Crane .

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