Choice!
Okay, so last night I might've - might've - done three things on yesterday's 'no' list. You can guess which ones. I'm not prepared to go into it right now.
Anyhow, here's some things about my first night in New Zealand.
- Pre-going out, we went to the hotel room of the Hotness to meet her NZ friends and drink champagne. Her best friend Steffan stood up and gave a solemn and beautiful speech in Maori, welcoming her back home. He also welcomed us as 'Whanau' - family - and very formally touched noses with us twice to indicate that we were always welcome here. It was - and I hesitate to say this as I am not known for my mawkish sentimentality - fucking moving and I almost started the night out crying. Way to emotionally devastate me with your rich heritage!
- So we got told we had to go downstairs to a bar to see a magician. I don't know what I expected; maybe some ageing crooner with a knack for wowing the ladies. But it was an actual magician . No shit, the barman not only levitated an eftpos card in mid-air, he also did about twenty card tricks and moved coins around without touching them. Every girl in the place wanted to do him. We stood at the bar agape like five year olds. You should totally come over here and go to the bar downstairs from the Sebel and ask for Josh. Then you may prepare to be dazzled.
- People here are incredibly tactile and try to touch you a lot. You shouldn't necessarily mistake it for a come-on, but if you do that's okay too.
- Sitting between three guys speaking French - one of whom, no shit, was wearing a stripy top - is just about the biggest turn on in the world. They were in no way physically hot but they got all French and je mapelle and shit and I turned to liquid. Also they hate NZ because it is 'too relaxed'. Whatever the fuck that means, Frenchy.
- I don't know how I ended up at a fucking bar called 'Boogie Wonderland' actually dancing to the Grease fucking megamix . I guess when you're in a strange city these things can occur. Also when you are in a vulnerable state you can be duped into acting out of character in order to appease your new best friends.
- If the Hotness from your tv show plants a long kiss on you in the middle of the dancefloor, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TRY TO STICK YOUR TONGUE IN HER MOUTH.
- I heart NZ. And I will try to get some good photos with my new digital duty-free-why-the-fuck-did-I-buy-that camera. Perhaps whilst drinking some jesus-god-the-bright-lights-made-me-spend-a-lot-of-money Bombay Sapphire gin. And wearing some that's-it-I-totally-just-blew-five-hundred-dollars lip gloss.
That's it. I'm going back to bed to eat a steak sandwich and drink white wine. Wake me up when you're done.
1046 days til the next election.
Comments
I was drinking Bombay Sapphire last night too! Also much to the chagrin of my wallet, which tried in vain to refute any superiority over the twelve-dollars-cheaper Vickers. We mixed it with thick slices of raspberry and lemon-flavoured Calippos. Sacrilicious!
In spite of which, I didn't get within coo-ee a long kiss from a hot TV star, and for once on a Saturday night I didn't pull any Travolta moves. So you win. But like, jinx.
You spent $500 on lip gloss?
No, I spent five hundred dollars all up. But it was particularly good lip-gloss.
< girly moment> Ooh what kind of lipgloss? < /girly moment>
Jealous (of some parts more than others, obviously).
Sorry, whereabouts in NZ? Auckland?
I'm certain that your tongue made its own informed and logical choices. You can't be held accountable for the actions of every single one of your body parts, can you?
Your first 'hongi', eh?
Tooooooo much, sista!
Tooooo much.
Enjoy your holiday MsFits.
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