Dial T for Trauma.
A couple of weeks ago I 'emotionally organised' my links section, which sounds like just about the most period thing a girl could do ever aside from actually menstruating. It made me start thinking about all the names and numbers in my mobile phone and how my spiritual/sexual/personal connection to them manifests itself. So really. This is pretty much it:
People I have worked with: 25
Those I have watched become pregnant*: 12
I am related to: 6
Upstanding citizens I went to drama school with: 2
Poor fuckers I have nursed through break up: 21
Those who are actors: 14
Writers: 18
Musicians: 45
Composers: 1
Artists: 9
Magazine editors: 6
Dancers: 3
Film-makers: 7
Photographers: 7
Graphic designers: 3
Lawyers: 2
Nurses: 1
Teachers: 3
Toy-makers: 2
Comedians: 3
Receptionists in strip clubs: 1
Fashion doyennes: 3
Pornographers: 2
Therapists: 1
Scientists: 2
Accountants: 1
Footballers: 3
Network executives: 2
Chefs: 1
INCREDIBLY STRANGE: 14
Ex-boyfriends: 5
People who have been guests on my radio show: 22
Those who I know have been molested: 7
I don't much care for their partner but won't say anything out of politeness: 9
Restaurants: 6
I met on the internerd: 16
Currently on tv: 2
Taken photographs of me naked: 5
Those who can probably do just about anything: 5
Bars where I drink: 2
I have been on dates with: 8
Sadly I don't see so much anymore: 11
Happily I don't see so much anymore: 3
Lucky fuckers who own bars or restaurants: 2
Currently or previously harbouring crush on: 20
Bob Ellis: 1
Currently or previously dealing drugs: 5
Suspiciously foreign: 14
Those I have watched fuck: 2
SEEN NAKED: 18
People who are problem drinkers: 6
Doctor: 1
Have a charmed stutter: 2
Ex-husband: 1
Gay: 4
People I've never met: 8
Made out with (clothed or unclothed): 16
Mums: 8
Currently or previously Big Brother housemates: 1
Gymnasium: 1
Oral sex: 6
Cyber sex: 3
FULL SEX: 9
House of Bikini Wax: 2
Witnessed falling in love leading to marriage: 8
Chilhood friend: 5
Who are terribly sad within their soul: 13
Religious: 1
Have issues with their weight: 12
Who hate me: 3
Those who are deadbeats with no job: 6
Who are under average height: 2
Country dream-houses: 1
People who are fuckwits: 4
Peter Costello: 1
Those who have lost one or both parents: 8
Swingers Clubs: 1
People who creep me out a little bit: 6
Those who are unlucky in love: 9
Virgins: 3
Who I have had a heartbreaking falling-out with: 1
*I am referring of course to 'throughout life' rather than the physical act of me sitting in a bedroom watching two pals go at it.
IN CONCLUSION:
- Get a load of all the arty geniuses I have stored in my mobile phone.
- Sad/eating disorder/drug problem? PROBABLY MY FRIEND.
- me = star fucker.
- Also, me = bad luck if you're in a relationship.
- The fashion doyennes don't actually refer to themselves as 'doyennes'. I just don't know what else to call people who work in fashion.
- Only four gay people? And here I was calling myself 'open-minded'.
- Various sub-headings such as 'people who have sent my boyfriends photographs of themselves naked', 'people who I call my close friends but I'm not sure I get along with' and 'people who I would have a child with' were considered but not included.
- If you think you're in any of the above lists, you probably are.
- In addition: there are a few that you think you're in that you're not.
558 days til the next election.
Comments
quick, am i really first!
wonderfully insightful
can we have a date this week or next. food, cakes... lively discussion... maybe...
black rebel activities are waiting
a q for Friday
What is your experience with eating disorders, based on the friends of yours who suffer from them?
How do you get better from one?
Is it shallow to have an eating disorder because it is based on how you look (not my opinion, but an opinion I have heard)?
The list is not just a period thing, it is a bloomin' menstruation of a nation!
Let it bleed.
there is a great, to-this-day-unfinished, comic that this US guy wrote called the Right Number, where this guy calls the wrong number one day by one digit, and has coffee with a girl who looks like his actual girlfriend. Then he meets a friend of his real girlfriend...again, similar people, with similar numbers. He becomes obsessed in a real Vertiogo way, manages to find eight magic numbers that best suits him and that's all I know because as I said it's unfinished. It's by Scott McCloud.
Peter Costello? Really? Because he hates you? Or because you've made out with him (unclothed)? Is he next to Bob Ellis?
Is there some sort of enrolment or hazing process required to join in Black Rebel Activities?
Is it like college, where I will be forced to do a nude run across campus in some sort of bizarre homo-erotic male bonding ritual?*
Do I need to send a copy of my CV? I have excellent programming skills as well as experience in system analysis and design, object-oriented analysis and design, UML modelling, and distributed application architectures.
Is the club open to plebians like myself at all?
* Not that I would know, but I had some friends in college
i thought you might like this fits:
http://nownow.com.au/?p=199
Come now everyone, it's easy, just repeat after me:
Less than ay aitch ref equals double quote aitch tee tepee colon forward slash forward slash dib dib dob dot website dot com dot hey you double quote greater than call-it-what-you-want less than forward slash ay greater than.
(any resemblance to actual batbygobstopl, living or dead, is entirely coincidental)
ARE YOU SPEAKING ENGLISH, YUBRIS.
*cries*
WHoa you've got like 525,0hundreds people in your phone. I've got, like, 10.
I probably have more virgins than you though.
Jobe 1
Fits 32
The true question is which BB housemate?
Also, egad, woman, YOU ARE POPULARITY QUEEN OF THE WORLD.
"there are a few that you think you're in that you're not."
There are a few I'm not in which you don't know I should be.
Surely myself and one other person can't be the only ones you know that are shorter than average. I guess from down there we must all look like giants.
Needs more engineers...we're the stable, semi-not-fucked-up people you can laugh at say "hehe, they're lives are so boring...". Plus, we can probably add to your virgin collection...
Only 2 people shorter than average height? Do you only have tall friends or something?
I WANT IN AND THEN I WANT IN THE LIST
REGARDS (AND YELLING)
THOMASR
>> Whoa you've got like hundreds people in your phone.
I must admit that I presumed it was a poly-hierarchic taxonomy ... meaning individuals can belong to more than one of the taxonomical categories.
Thusly (for example):
INCREDIBLY STRANGE, ex-boyfriend, doctor
But still more than the 4 people in my phone. Not entirely my fault, see spa incident, this week's Q&A.
Well, I was gonna ask who the other scientist was, but assuming that Tt is in your phone, the fact he can say a phrase like "poly-hierarchic taxonomy" and explain it's meaning means that question can go unanswered. Unless it's not him, in which case, WHO IS IT???
As a recent visitor to Melbourne I would like to tell you all that BATBYGOBSTOPL is not so much helpful as terrifying. There I was riding the Sky bus from the air port, having a nice chat with my friends and suddenly there's some lady on a TV yelling at me to bite a gob stopper or something. Terrifying I tell you!
Oh no, Last Scientician, I remain entirely outside the realm of actual, you know, human contact ... all computer-mediated relationships for me, thanks very much.
I just enjoy being able to use 'taxonomy' in a sentence, but only in an epiphenomenological sense.
I reckon I am in at least 7 of those categories, not including the short people one or the people you've made out with. I'm drawing the line.
Hmmm, which footballers though Fits, and are any of them gay? ;-)
Let me know if he needs help with his autobiography...
Hugs,
Richard (gay, problem drinker, ex-dealer, hmmm, I wonder what other categories I fall into...)
Ah, but Tobytoby, I have since figured out who you are, and have had several conversations with you in REAL LIFE. If it is not you who are the other scientist, then I wonder whom it may be.
Also, I am in at least one other of the categories, and possibly a couple of others. But I ain't saying which ones...
Dear God! I suddenly feel much less anonymous.
I knew it was always a mistake to use my real first name.
Oh, but it is a poly-hierarchic taxonomy, TOBYtoby. And therein lies the beauty.
p.s. please pass on other big scientific words for me to claim as my own and then blatantly misuse in public arenas kthxbye.
Using your real first name in combination with a photo of your real self, and an email address that contains your full name are not exactly the most constructive things to do when seeking anonymity.
I know. I met an ASIO spook once. I am still not sure which one he was.
I used to think that appearing in the Logies edition of TV Week would be heaven, but now I wanna be in your phone.
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