Feelin' Blue.
Yesterday the red mist settled in front of my eyes and I felt an urgent need to watch some material of a pornographic nature. My VCR was broken and in that state you're capable of almost anything (you know what I mean, right? Insert knowing nudge here) so I got in my car, drove to Retravision and bought a fucking video player .
Too much?
It got me to thinking about girls and porn. I own about twelve or so blue movies (on VHS, for def) that I've acquired over the past eleven years. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally not perched in front of the tv each day masturbating like a sweaty fiend - not during meals anyway, HAHAHHA. The truth is, most of those videos lie dormant for months; gathering dust in the laundry and making houseguests uncomfortable when they stumble across them. They're usually only wheeled out on special occasions or when the aforementioned mist makes me break out in a cold sweat and try to sell my underwear to passers-by.
The thing is, I've only just started to wonder:
Am I weird?
Girls like porn, right? Even fucking Cosmo reckons watching a skin flick with your boyfriend is a hot and in no manner suburban way to lead into some penis-vagina time. But do girls usually buy videos? Or meat-curtain magazines (which leave me cold, just by the by)? Do they frig maniacally as they type one-handed? Do they keep a stash under the bed?
I wish I could ask my mum about stuff like this.
966 days til the next election.
Comments
Only tangentially related, because I'm not exactly an authority on these matters. (I'd like to be!)
Walking to work the other day, I was passed by a very large semitrailer. Proudly emblazoned on its side in 2600pt type was the single word: "Frigmobile".
I reached for the camera too slowly. But my mind was racing.
I wonder what would happen if the Frigmobile crashed into the Lubemobile.
Well in my experience with the joys of women and porn, the ladies either love it, own it and search for it online; or feel quite distanced from it — alienated, rather than offended. I'm sure theirs middle ground, but not with many of the girls I've gone out with or been friends with.
Of course, the real trick is that you can't tell. Little Miss I've-got-9-piercings-guess-where might turn out to HATE porn and Lady When-I-finish-law-in -6-months-my-hippy-parents-will-know-who's-boss might go completely loco for it.
It's all cool as far as I'm concerned.
But yeah, buying a video *specifically* for a little "feeding the pony" time? That's fucking hardcore!
...when I started dating a girl that actually got into porn, I couldn't believe it. When she took me to the Tool Shed and bought "Dirty Thirty Lesbians" I thought it was Christmas. However, in practice, it wasn't quite what I expected.
We broke up, but her, her girlfriend, and their "rabbit" are very happy together.
My girlfriend dragged me to Sexpo just a couple of days after we hooked up. It was then that I knew "we" were meant to be.
Ms Fits, some reassurance is available here.
It's from an American exhibition postsecret, where people were invited to submit a 4 by 6 inch postcard revealing a secret.
Happily married and hetero, but have to admit that I enjoy the odd lesbi-porn ;)
Seriously though, its only at a certain time of month when more testosterone than usual is flowing through the veins... so who knows.
BEVIS said...
I wonder what would happen if the Frigmobile and the Lubemobile both crashed into the Krankivan!
... Man, I wish I had a driver's licence!
BEVIS
You should ask your mum. After all, wasn't she the one who told you about putting things in your butt a while back!
Buttman
I need to know what KIND of porn it was. Girl - Boy? Boy - Boy? Girl - Boy - Girl? Girl - Boy - Trannie - Hello-Kitty-Strapon - Custard - Wetsuit - School-Uniform?
And yes, of course you're strange. Deeply, irrevocably, undeniably strange. That's why we love you.
Wait, Hello Kitty do strap-ons now?
*revises Christmas list*
The folks at Durex give lot's of reassurance in their latest poll.
http://www.durex.com/au/gss2004Content.asp?intQid=402&intMenuOpen=
Regrettably madam, you are all too normal.
I get the feeling girls are taught to feel ashamed about sex; boys to be proud of it. So it's probably generally only the more gutsy women who'll actually go out and buy porn.
I bet almost everyone looks porn up on the Internet, though.
If a Bill of Rights is ever written in Oz ,though unlikely,the right to wank should be enshrined as an indication of a free society.
Possibly, just before a parliamentarians right to speak out,
regardless of civil proceedings.
Porn is censored in Japan as you know (mosiac around the ugly bits) so when I showed my girlfriend some real stuff, she was shocked (SHOCKED) to see everything just hanging out in the open like that. She actually put her hand over her mouth in disbelief.. Well.. I forced her to keep watching and since then, everynow and then she asks me show her a sample of any new stuff I might have.. Shock has now been replaced with evil smiles and scary giggles...
Excuse previous post. I mean't not to say "Bill of Rights". More "Kylie of Right"s.
Bob, your girlfriend is not shocked. Is the video close to the washing machine? More might be happening during the day than you imagine.
Did the "Red Mist" descend before or after you came to my blog and invited me out to dinner? Either way is good with me.
"Am I Weird?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*breathes*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*finally recovers*
aahh...now, what was I gonna say?...
Oh yeah: you're not weird, Fitsy. You're just...unashamed.
I wish we could all be that "weird".
MsFits I am SHOCKED, not by your watching porn (that's kind of sexy) but I am shocked that A) you managed to buy a video recorder and B) that you haven't gone over to DVD, get with the programe girl!
I totally dig porn. i actually bought my bookcase especially for the purpose of stowing my huge stack o' vids, dvds, mags, toys, books and comics in the covered compartment. You're alright.
But yeah, buying a VCR may mean you're far too rich or faaar too horny. It still rocks, though ;)
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