Fit for a me.
I had a very lovely birthday, thank-you for asking. The Festival Of Food began at 10am Friday with Turkish baked beans and concluded at 11pm last night with twisties in bed and endlessly fascinating Big Brother UK You Tube videos*.
30 has been immensely satisfying so far, and with minor side-effects.
I also received some beautiful gifts from my beloved family and friends. Some of them seemed to befit my now mature status as a thirty year-old. Some of them seemed to befit my innate lack of life skills and retardation. Here they are, broken down for you:
GIFTS FIT FOR A 30 YEAR-OLD LADY:
- Flowers
- Champagne
- Peter Alexander dressing gown
- Beauty salon gift voucher
- Candles
- Nikki Gemmell's first novel, Shiver
- Beautiful art:
GIFTS FIT FOR THE FIFTEEN YEAR-OLD BOY WHO LIVES INSIDE ME:
- Naked photos
- A plastic costume necklace
- Pizza with sparklers in it
- A ceramic moneybox shaped like a sailor boy with an enormous head
- A kazoo.
I am very pleased that I can be all things to all people.
p.s. I might also add that when out to dinner on Saturday night there was some high-spirited talk about people in their twenties and Sugar looked directly at me and stated loudly: 'NOT YOU' in case I had briefly forgotten for a moment that I was no longer in my twenties, which I felt was unbelievably crass on her behalf.
I plan to wait until she turns thirty and park a truck outside her house with the words NOT YOU painted in enormous red letters on the side and then I will set the truck on fire and o how I will laugh.
530 days til the next election.
*If you have a spare couple of hours and a penchant for car-crash television you MUST DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND WATCH THIS. I GUARANTEE SATISFACTION.
Comments
If only Australian Big Brother was as car-crash-can't-tear-eyes-away watchable... That said, I still love Jamie, and not just cos he's hung like a donkey!
Ooh I love Shiver!
Is it good, then? I am a little suspicious.
For heaven's sakes anon.
Of course you love Shiver....
"you" wrote it.
I, on the other hand, classify it as the only dud on fits' gift list. great potential turns turgidly self-indulgent.
pay no mind to those kiddies fits, the 30s are a primo decade.
welcome and enjoy.
30 is the new 21. Or something.
What is with that whiny banshee off UK Big Brother who wants to marry a rich man and is dehydrated because the filtered tap water is awful?
Who knew people like that could exist?
Compelling drama.
Damn got my Gemmell books mixed up. Shiver's the first one... not the naughty wife one.
Haven't read it so take back any aspersions cast in my last post.
I don't think it is any kind of literary masterpiece, but I appreciate her gritty descriptions, particularly of unpleasant situations (which I suppose is her style isn't it?). Read it in a warm place
(yes morgan, it's me)
Will we hear kazoo playing on Best of the Brat this week?
Also, I've no doubt that you'll enjoy your 30's - I'm finding them even more splendidly decadent than my 20's were...
And also don't get it confused with Cleve, which is in comparison pretty boring (and at least 15% longer)
I think that by far the best present on there is the kazoo. Who doesn't want a few self-powered musicish duck sounds in their life?
I must ask though, is the UK BB as revolting as the Australian one? What is wrong with the people on those shows?
The UK BB clips are worth watching if only to hear Nikki whine: "I feel cooped up like a chicken."
She has taken car-crash TV to a whole new level.
Isn't she a genius, gav?
Shabaz and his spectacular nervous breakdown has to be seen to be believed.
Shabaz for the aussie BB house now!
I reckon the best Nikki Gemmell is actually Lovesong. No one ever talks about it, but I thought it was in a similar vein to Elizabeth Jolley, that kind of Australian Gothic style.
I'll lend it to you Fits.
Shiver was ok, a bit, something, ego-centric? self-indulgent?
Let us never speak of that which shall not be named. (TBSB).
30 is not the new 21 – that's a myth perpetrated by us 30-somethings so we don't feel quite the need to cry ourselves to sleep 7 days a week.
you. never. called. me. back.
i am seriously reconsidering your present
Considering you are yet to have your PARTY, we can only assume there will be more presents coming your way....
I tried watching the car crash TV of BBUK7 but I can't bloody understand them - they need subtitles ALL the time.
It's good to see you had a good birthday and got some nice presents. I am hopefully going to have a big one at my local for my 30th.
30 the new 21 dr nic?
who needs a new 21?
the 20s is when people come into their own, they start becoming themselves.
you get spat out of your 20s so much more interesting than when you went in - a ripe, juicy human.
I'm disappointed to see that turning 30 has softened your view of Bob Hart. Has he lost weight?
I've got something for your birthday. It's a double entendre. Can't wait to give it to you.
Things I can't get over about BBUK:
1. The house is like one of those lurid cellophane windmills that people stick in their gardens to tizzy it up a bit.
2. The blatant smoking. INSIDE. Shocking.
3. How they call the spa box a 'pool' and refer to being in it as 'going for a swim'.
4. How the bathroom resembles that of a student sharehouse. Does the show not have any money? How is it possible that Australia can spend more money on BB when we don't even have the favourable exchange rate?
5. Why the scary lady with balloons for breasts and fried wire for hair gave a lapdance to the virginal redhead and didn't cotton on to the irony that said lapdance was to the tune of 'SOS'.
Sometimes the English are so embarrassing.
Look, I realise this marks me as old (33) & unhip, but why, oh why can't I watch any of those clips without desperately fantasising about everyone of those Gen Y Z-grade 'celebretards' being butchered in the most heinously grotesque & drawn-out way possible? I just wish el Zarqawi & his pals would burst in, bread knives a-ready. Is this a normal response?, the rest of you seem to deal with BB OK
I've done some reflection on that last comment on mine, & in hindsight, realise I'm expecting too much of the BB house-cretins. I'm content now, to accept this type of TV as simultaneously the irrefutable counter-argument to 'right to life', & the justification for assisted euthanasia.
(re: books, try 'The Minotaur takes a Cigarette Break- Steven Sherrill)
turkish baked beans = kuru fasulye.
i make the best kuru fasulye, which must ALWAYS be eaten with rice, and is particularly good with dried crushed red chillies on top.
Shiver is a shit book - I hope her works of fiction are better. Has she written any yet?
Yes. Lovesong.
*sigh*
Am I invisible?
I highly recommend watching Pete (who has Tourettes) having an episode in the garden.
Please may we swap Nikki and Pete with Krystal/Gaelen/David/Camilla/Claire/John/Ashley immediately
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quSk7omjiIM&search=big%20brother%20pete
what i'm loving is the lisa and pete show. also the nikki spacks.
THANK YOU MS FITS FOR SHOWING ME THE WAY.
... eternally indebted, etc.
MelbourneGirl said...
turkish baked beans = kuru fasulye.
i make the best kuru fasulye, which must ALWAYS be eaten with rice, and is particularly good with dried crushed red chillies on top.
MG that sounds like a recipe you should be putting on Nadine's eat-it post ! yum!
It's not hard to tell that MelbourneGirl has finished her thesis, is it?
From wordsmith to uk bb devotee in the space of a single day.
Gosh, it's lovely.
i am rather rude and unnecessary when i've been downing the ol' fermenty grape juice - alas, not an excuse. i appologise for being a heartless bi-atch.
i deserve the truck out the front of mine IN YEARS TO COME.
XX
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