Footy's Night of Nights.
Wait, who won?Captain of the Eagles, Ben Cousins.
How long it took for me to make irritatingly girlish comment about how lovely his dimples were:
Three minutes.
Number of similarly twee comments about Brett Kirk's nice hair:
Twelve.
Percentage of pleasure derived from seeing how far Greg Williams has physically deteriorated over the years:
Sixty-two.
Amount of pizzazz and sophistication added to evening from Michael Buble's performance:
Zero.
Number of times me or someone else in the pub made 'tits oot for the lads'/'phwoar'-type comments whenever a sweet pair of boobies appeared on tv:
Thirty-two.
Percentage of difference between John 'The Rat' Platten's Brownlow-winning hair and his old man hair of today:
Seven.
Number of 'Hey, aren't the ladies adorable'/'Ain't love grand' jazz-core montages:
Five.
Dress worn by Tania 'wife of Nathan' Buckley the year I attended the Brownlow:
Media appraisal of this year's Tania 'wife of Nathan' Buckley frock:
'The dames of Collingwood, Tania Buckley and Carla McGuire, won on the night as they wafted by in fabulous shades of lemon, lime and tangerine'...
'Straight off the plane from Europe was Nathan Buckley's wife, Tania with a nut-brown tan in a pleated Pucci swirl dress bought in Milan.'
Number of couples arguing at the Collingwood table the year I attended the Brownlow:
Three.
Number of hands of gin rummy I played with my date to ease boredom:
Nine.
Disapproving looks shot over to us by Eddie McGuire:
Four.
Chances I'll be turning up as someone's date in the near future:
Slim to none.
Amount of time I'm going to spend pursuing some rock 'n' roll haircutted beefcake to take me on as his swinging sidekick in 2006:
853 hours. And counting.
750 days til the next election.
Comments
Number of beautifully be-frocked hotties who sacrificed hard-earned class points by having "Charlie" sequined on their arse:
Just the one.
Who wuz it Ms Fits did dun go to da Downlow Medool wif?
WTF? These are not your people?
I am a woman of mystery, thomasr. And I move in mysterious ways.
*disappears in cloud of smoke*
Ok this is Wierd! Who exactly are you? You didn't strike me as the footy player dating type chicky babe!
So you'll make the sex with me even though i'm not a dirty muso or a funny writer or lefty tim?
*cancels guitar lessons*
She was just keen to see whether one of the nice renaissance lads from St Kilda would get a prize.
Back to your guitar lessons jocko.
You've retained some credibility with me, Fitsy, by being bored, and getting despised by Eddie McGuire.
Does this mean you're also keen on election night bashes with your local member? (wur, hey, etc)
Wasn't me, but I reckon we should be allowed to take educated guesses.
Notice Brodie Holland still has the same missus. Not just a thick skin, more like hide of an elephant.
uuummmm, did anyone notice the tropical orangutan from venezula? problematic yes? im surprised she isnt weilding a banana.
0.75/10 pts for trying to be funky.
The orangutan?
http://www.theage.com.au/ftimages/2005/09/19/1126981996983.html
Completely off topic but did channel 7 skip an episode last night? Was very funny by the way.
re: Orangutan
Duz we rekkin the Rutten rutted with the Cullen, or are we culling the Orangutans? Or somesuch.
fuck. rock and roll i can do.
beefcake?
no chance.
shit.
Amount of former Brownlow Medalists racking up lines in hotel room with my 100 note?
2
Amount of former Brownlow Medalists racking up lines in hotel room with my 100 note?
2
Once you've had Charlie, you can never get enough
wow, you are all a bunch of silly people. and it makes me wonder, are you all adults? and could you really, ms fits, have gone to the brownlow. i do not belive so. rioli just got a goal, and sadly that is one more they have up on collingwood.i wish he would take is enigma of briliance and just do a disapearing act.we all know how good he is at it.but luckily james thomas has given me a slither of hope with his first goal for the game.anyway, im a sixteen yr old girl sitting home watching the anzac footy,as you do, becoming a little scared of the society that we have here on the net. scarier still, is you must be australian if your watching afl and attendig the brownlow just to play cards and piss eddie mcguire off.
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