Reasons you will hate me

Friday q and a.

Guess what it's time for? Why, hungover Friday questions of course. WHY DO THESE TAKE ME SO MANY HOURS TO COMPLETE.

I feel like a couple of questions have gone missing (did someone ask me what it was like to be hated? I can't find it), so if I've somehow not answered yours then I apologise. Feel free to post it again. No question too small, etc.



Jozef Imrich, Esq. said...

Only after the last tree has been cut down, only after the last fish has been caught, only after the last river has been poisoned, only then will you realize that money cannot be eaten.
Do you agree ;-P


Do I agree that money cannot be eaten? Not necessarily. There are gold coins filled with chocolate that are of the highest quality. Or are you asking if I agree with that Native American proverb that mums have on fridge magnets? Well of course. But I am not a greedy, capitalist, money-shovelling fatcat so you're really preaching to the converted there.



duk said...

Fits,
Young women and self-esteem. Or the lack thereof. I have one of those 'milestone' birthdays coming up next week ... perhaps that has prompted the question.
But I challenge your lady-bloggers (and you, too) to go look at some photos of themselves as late-teen/early 20-somethings (except for those bloggers still IN that demographic!) and check out how very hot they were.
It's ... exasperating!
How do we encourage young women to believe in themselves a little bit? And to revel in (and respect) their hotness!
Duk.



Hm. I do know what you mean about women wasting time with emotional self-flagellation in their twenties. It seems a tedious bore when some tight-jeaned hotness starts clutching at her thighs with a glum expression. How do you encourage ladies out of such behaviour? The best way I know is to surround them with similarly pulchritudinous (and narcissistic) characters - the fastest way to realise you sound like a moronic, self-absorbed moron is to hear some other cute girl talking turkey about her ass.

Women seem adept at phwoar-ing just about every different shape and size when it comes to passers-by, but fail to turn the admiration beams onto themselves. WAKE UP AND WEAR AN OBSCENELY SHORT CHILD-SIZE DRESS, PEOPLE*.



*This is a personal choice and not to be recommended for everyone.




Anonymous said...

Speaking of Gabi.. saw her in the street the other day and her tits are even better in RL than LMS or the Bikes website!!


Not technically a question, but I have passed on your congratulations.





Anonymous said...

'How would you feel about having a child born out of wedlock? Secondly, I only want one baby. Could you compromise? Thirdly, who the fuck are you?'

Sheesh, I thought the deal was you answered the questions, not asked them. And a simple 'no', or the even simpler 'fuck off, she explained' would have worked.
1. I didn't know you were married
2. Fine
3. No
4. I'm a 43-year old single, overweight, never married, ex-Melbourne computer geek and 3RRR fan.


I would never tell someone to fuck off if they proposed marriage and/or babies to me. I am very polite.



Le Driver said...

Is it a negative or a postive experience to have been the subject of an Andrew Bolt article? Did people at work look at you funny afterwards? Do you regret the whole Miranda Airey-Branson thing?
In other words, was the fucking goldness of it all outweighed by the fallout?


Oh, only positive. When even your mum calls and offers congratulations about your Bolt-attack in the paper you know you're onto a good thing.

I did initially worry that it would affect things at channel 7/LMS, but the only fallout seemed to be a minor-league guest character refusing to work with such a foul-mouthed harridan and demanding to be recast. He was in one scene and had the character name 'Sperm Guy', so exactly what sort of show he had presumed he was getting involved with one can only guess.

Upper management said they always knew they were dealing with a 'colourful personality' and that what I did in my own time was my own business.

I do still believe is that every blogger has a right to anonymity if they choose, even though it is easy enough to find who I am and what I do. David Tiley wrote a beautiful piece about it in his November 2004 archives (November 6th - I can't figure out how to link to it), saying it far better than I ever could.

The only thing I regret about the Pandagate affair is having a crack at Miranda Airey-Branson's physicality. The woman is clearly deranged, and could have been torn apart for her misguided ideals alone. I don't really wash with calling her ugly, but aside from that the entire experience was unifying and brilliant.




Sass (previously Non-Anon) said...

Firstly, Slutty Slutty Ho Ho - consider it yours Ms. Fits.
Have you ever been "the other woman" and how does that work? Is it worth it? Even if the guy is greek adonis hotness?


When I was eighteen I was asked out on a date by an incredibly handsome man (who was thirty-eight. Get me and my sugar daddy). I was utterly swept away and full of swoony kisses. Then we walked into a party holding hands and someone said: 'Mark! THAT'S NOT YOUR WIFE.'

The affair continues for another two weeks and then I, utterly distraught and confused, broke it off. Me! Over ten years have passed and I still think he was a weak prick for foisting the emotional responsibility on someone who was still legally a teenager.

I was also desperately, desperately in love with someone for a year and a half (after a five year obsession from afar) when he was living with his ladyfriend. We never slept together, but there were many promises made about when we'd race off to start our lives/one day we shall overcome/this will all be yours etc. I held out for as long as I could before realising that there was no way he was going to leave and I should just get on with my life.

They're married now. I still get butterflies when I see him, though it's long put to bed.

'The other woman' is never a happy scenario. Even with a Greek Adonis hotness(TM). Save yourself the trauma and THINK OF THE LADYFRIEND.


The other other non anon said...

Have you ever developed feelings for someone your not supposed to? Probably not, I guess you have never done anything wrong either?
No matter how much everyone plays little miss/mr innocent, we all make mistakes.
The thing that baffles me is when a problem does arise, only one person gets the finger pointed at them, When two people are dancing the tango shouldn't they both be to blame?
If your partner has an affair, naturally you will blame the other person, your partner will find it easy to paint a one eyed picture of what happened, And you love him so it wont be hard to be in denial.
But what if two people were playing from the start?
If you can forgive one person can you forgive the other?
A painting sometimes lies, she may not be as bad as you think.
Just curious, a mate of mine wants to know.


This seems to be an incredibly pointed question, and I have racked my brain to imagine who might be asking. Are you someone that I have had an affair with? Have you slept with my partner? Am I being overly paranoid?

Obviously in such a case it's easier to work through issues with a partner rather than the Scarlet Woman/Man in question. If you want to make your relationship work you will hear their side of the story rather than the person who you have presumed seduced them. Is this fair or just? Possibly not, but if you're going to forge ahead after a bed-hopping transgression, you may want to focus on your significant other and not some trouble-making hussy.

As someone who has fooled around, I know it certainly does take two to tango. For the most part people will leave your partner alone unless they're sending out 'I may be keen if persuaded' signals. So yes, there may be issues in the relationship.

But getting involved most always turns out grubby and doesn't make anyone feel nice. Leave it the fuck alone and take a step back. That's what I'm trying to teach myself.


The Truth Fairy said...

Question - how do you feel about my site? As you are a mini celeb here on the net I would like to know your thoughts on my site as I tend to offend many people. Specially all the fat bitches out there.
My fans are my bitches - what do you think? Does it offend you? *mwa*


I don't find you or your site offensive at all, but then I don't really understand it. Presumably you're taking the piss out of other people on the web who you don't like. That's all fine and well if that's your schtick. They don't have to read it if they don't want to, and I'd highly recommend they don't. Life's too short.



my dog sends me telepathic commands said...

Okay, here's the situation:-
Someone is telling you something of cultural significance that you already know.
Example: discussing Sydney Road food shops. They tell you about A1 Bakery or the Mediterranean Supermarket. As I've said, you already fucking well know about them and have graced their doorways countless times.
How do you get this fact across so it is:-
a) actually believed
and..
b) you don't go too far with it all (e.g.: relate a crushingly street-cred date of first visit) and come across as a pompous, arrogant prick.
I find it hard to balance a) with b). How do I find the middle ground?
And to those who snicker, this sort of shit is very, very important.


It's all about speed, mdsmtc. As soon as someone points at you and says with enthusiasm: 'Oh, you would love this place in Brunswick. It's this Mediterranean Superm - '

THIS IS YOUR CUE TO JUMP IN WITH NODS AND KNOWING SMILES.

'Yeah yeah, it's great isn't it? How good are their tinned tomatoes/dolmades/large-breasted checkoutchicks?' etc.

You may also choose at this point to one-up them with a 'Actually, if you like that you'll love (insert new name)'.

Speed. SPEED.


I believe in you.



p.s. Someone else had a crack at answering your question:

'Anonymous said...

To: my dog sends me telepathic commands said...
"Okay, here's the situation:-
Someone is telling you something of cultural significance that you already know.
Example: discussing Sydney Road food shops. They tell you about A1 Bakery or the Mediterranean Supermarket. As I've said, you already fucking well know about them and have graced their doorways countless times."
this is called making small talk. Maybe someone doesn't want to launch into a diatribe about fist fucking straight away. Try to be gracious.
Sorry to muscle in, Ms Agony Aunt Fits

People don't want to launch into a fist fucking diatribe first up?

*reconsiders social strategies*


No wonder I'm so lonely.




Anonymous said...

I like you, Ms Fits - in a strictly mates' way. (I'm married.) You're amusing, whip-smart and great company, and I'd love to be better mates with you.
However, my wife is insanely jealous and thinks I fancy you (despite, as noted earlier, this only being in a platonic, mates' way) so I'm not sure how this can be.
Since you're welcoming questions - have you any suggestions?


I fucking hate jealousy. YOU'RE MARRIED, FOR FUCK'S. You have taken the most holiest of vows and committed your lives to one another. And even if you hadn't, you still fancy the pants off her and want to touch her bottom and her bottom only.

People's insecurities in this regard get my goat. Particularly when it comes to male/female bonding. If the trust between you is strong, she shouldn't be concerned. If you've got an eye for the ladybloggers, she may have reason to worry.

That said, I sometimes find it difficult to form strong friendships with handsome and funny men without developing a crush on them. But so what. A crush is a crush, and it is the crusher's choice to either leave it alone or pursue it and wreak emotional havoc.

wait, I'm getting distracted.

Could we have coffee and cake without your wife getting upset? Would it help if she came along or would she glower at us over the table and make us leave before finishing our cinnamon scrolls?

I would like us to be friends, whoever you are. Work on it and get back to me. I promise I'll behave.



Anonymous said...

Why do you keep your pornos in the laundry?


BECAUSE THEY WOULD GET DAMP IN THE SHED.

We have most of the collection in the living room on a shelf. The ones in the laundry are B-list. And nice to look at when one is off to wash one's smalls.






BEVIS said...

Do you forgive me?


What for? High school? You'll have to be more specific.


That said, whatever you've done I'm sure our long-standing friendship will overcome. Unless you've taped over my copy of the 1986 Fitzroy vs Essendon Elimination final. In which case I will come to your house and cut you.



Anonymous said...

Ms. Fits,
Since you've got the most comprehensive collection of any woman I sort of know, I need some porn advice.
I thought I'd make my boy's Valentine's Day by feeding him a lavish meal, breaking out the DVD's and christening the rooms of our new home.
Only I'm kind of selfish, and I'd like to get something I can get into as well.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. =)


Oh, this is such a personal thing.

Firstly, get you and your SENSE OF ROMANCE AND OCCASION. I wish you were my missus.

Secondly, what sort of sex movie would you get into? Girls can be really choosy when it comes to porn, and what appeals to me may completely horrify you to the point of hymen regrowth. You can have a peruse here for something that tickles your fancies. Sexyland is pretty lady friendly these days, too. You could shop together (I am sounding so fucking Doctor Feelgood right now), or just pick a couple and then go swap them when you're 'done'.



Anonymous said...

I just saw the box set for "Last Man Standing" on sale at JB's...
for $90!!!... AUS $!!!
1) Did that exceed your wardrobe budget for the season? ;)
2) Given sarcasm cannot be detected thru the internet - did the presence of the "winky smiley face emoticon" at the conclusion of my query indicate to you that it was meant "in jest" - or were your first thoughts "Who the fuck are you? Mr Never-Had-A-Series!"
3) With hindsight, would the inclusion of Nudge from Hey Dad! saved the series?
4) Please recount your most random celebrity encounter...
5) I've heard that Gene Hackman came out of the womb aged 60, true?
Billy Zabka
"Sweep Da Leg"



It is rather expensive, isn't it? Still - what a bargain/cheap at twice the price, etc.

1) Did you not like the wardrobe on the show? I thought the band t-shirts were inspired. Everyone dressed like ex-boyfriends of mine (planned).

2) I am long past getting sniffy about people criticising LMS. You are well entitled to your opinion.

3) No. Christopher Truswell is only one man.

4) I pashed Rove. Also I went to Kylie Minogue's 21st birthday.

5) Yes. Mrs. Hackman was awarded an OBE (posthumous).




Golfing Motif said...

Just for the record, I want to have hot, dirty, dangerous (yet safe in all the right ways) three-way action with you and your best mate, too, but have no qualms about either talking to you both about it, or indeed just outright dragging you into the nearest empty taxi cab.
Just one question I have for you: Your place or mine?


Were we not going to just do it in the taxi?

Gabi has agreed to the first anonymous threeway request. I'll have to ask her about this one. I CANNOT BE EXPECTED TO OFFER MY BEST FRIEND AROUND FOR GROUP SEX WILLY NILLY.

Who are you then, big talker? Hmm?



Anonymous said...

I won't use any names so you can use this as a general example.
My friend surprised me by ringing me on Friday and asking me to go see a band with her all the way down in Mentone. She came back to my place, but didn't stay. As I have no experience in this, I didn't know what to do. She liked my flat though and even said she didn't mind the cockroaches.
I saw her again on Sunday, but after dinner she said that I looked at her too much. I am trying to enjoy my time with her, but she thinks I am up to something (she said that on Friday.)
I am really trying to get it to work, but I don't know if will ever happen. I do have other women friends, but I haven't noticed any of them being interested in me.


Hm. Usually it's not a great sign if the object of your affections doesn't like you looking at them. If she was hot for your action, she'd possibly gaze starrily back into your eyes/leap in for a kiss.

Are you up to something? Is it honourable?

I'd take things very slowly if I were you. She's sounding a little proppy.



Anonymous said...

Can I pick you up off the ground and give you a hug next time I see you like I do with Gabi? (She is the only person who lets me do that now.)
Thanks - Tim Chuma.


I don't see why not, if the circumstances are right. Why have others stopped allowing you lifting rights? Have you taken the lift and squeeze too far?



Anonymous said...

Is it good or bad when a hooker tells you to "get a girlfriend"
- Confused.


Bad. BAD BAD BAD.




Lorelei said...

Does Polichicks still exist?
I keep forgetting to ask about this in real life.


It does, but we haven't made anything new in fucking ages. The last election kind of broke our spirit a bit, but we're starting to talk about new products and things to do. We have a cool idea for band t-shirts, and someone suggested Kim Beazley beanbags. Though who the fuck will be interested in him by the time we get them out is another matter altogether.




theotherguy said...

Took your advice from and earlier q & a and have left my ex-lover alone. Well, kind of had to as she was the one who suggested your blog and then I posted the question and she read it and knew it was me and well...she reiterated it wasn't going to happen. Would it be ok if I sent her a mix cd I have made?
It tells her how I feel but not in a poxy or dirty way (I'll keep that cd just for me).


Why are you sending her a mix cd? To keep the flame alive? To remind her of you whenever she plays it?

I don't see why you can't send it, as long as you don't have expectations that she'll give it a spin and suddenly realise with a dramatic rush that she's MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE and MUST BE IN YOUR ARMS AGAIN. She may feel beautifully sentimental about you, but she's made her choice. Send the record (it better be good) and move on.




Anonymous said...

ms fits
do you have stairs in your house..?
ifso, what is your handle?


WHAT DOES THIS MEAN.

I do not have stairs in my house.

What is a 'handle' to stairs? Is it how I handle them? Is it the polished nobber bit at the end which hurts boys when they slide down in a foolhardy fashion? Please explain.




Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I am yet another person seeking to bring your wisdom to my lame love life. A guy I have been lusting after for months has just started seeing some girl. I spend a lot of one-on-one time with him myself, but just 'as friends'. I think it's unfair that he gets my awesome company and I don't even get to fuck him. So: am I right to feel exploited? And how can I express my complete opposition to the girl he has started seeing without being really mean and dismissive?


I guess you can't really feel exploited as you've put yourself in the position of buddy and confidante. Isn't it a fucking pain though? There you are, hot and ready to tongue-kiss him and he waltzes off with some leggy moron from Cranbourne with an overbite and a crystal meth addiction.

Unfortunately the minute you start to express even the slightest 'you know, I hear she doesn't brush her teeth'-type misgivings, you're putting a wedge in your friendship. He's sleeping with the girl, and the last thing he'll want to hear is his mates slagging her off - no matter how SEX READY and HOT FOR ACTION these mates may be. If it's too much for you, just see him less until he realises what a cockstain she is and comes racing back to your blessed company.




Sublime-ation said...

What did Bevis do?


I WISH I KNEW.



David Heidelberg said...

Ms Fits,
1) If you had to give away either your looks or intelligence, which would you choose?
2) Is there increasing pressure on young woman to engage in raunch culture?


1) I think nature is going to make that choice for me. I already have a lot of grey hair and soon everything will plummet towards the ground AT A RATE OF KNOTS. Also, unless I drink my brain cells away (a distinct possibility), I will hopefully remain at least able to remember my times tables.

If I had to 'give one away' (you didn't specify to whom - if I'm handing my bosoms over THERE IS NO WAY CATRIONA ROWNTREE SHOULD GET A GUERNSEY), I'd lose the looks and keep the smarts. I'd much rather win over a pretty boy with my brain than my bottom.

2) I don't think so. It seems a personal choice to me. If culture's getting more raunchy and the ladies are going with it, then ain't life grand. I certainly don't feel as though someone's prodding me with a stick to like porno and make swears.



And that's today. Post next Friday's questions below, if you've still got any. And as always, thanks for sharing.

x



651 days til the next election.

43 comments.