Friday q and a #61.
Keepin with the times, today is Papa Fits' 61st birthday. I am utterly overworked at present and in a matter of hours will be heading to the beach for a long, slow exhalation. Melbourne will look sweet as hell in my rear view mirror.
Please don't be offended, it's just that these questions are at the tail end of a very long week...
Anonymous said...
Anyway, my question. It's a genuine one.
What's it like to be one of the cool kids? You know what I mean, witty, slim, attractive, invited places and inviting?
I'm really truly curious and not being sarcastic at all. I admire you and what you've achieved, you make me laugh which is no small thing.
Don't get me wrong I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I have a good life, but as someone who has been held back and delayed in my ambitions by a disability I sometimes find no matter how hard I try to be optimistic and not get bitter and twisted, I find myself feeling jealous of people like you.
How's that for sharing? Next stop Oprah.
So what's it like?
What an odd question to answer, Anon. Do you honestly think I feel all-parts 'inviting' twenty-four hours a day? I have wretched chair-kicking moments like anyone else; get stood up by tousle-haired erstwhile friends and consistently make an idiot of myself by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don't know anyone who sees themselves as an attractively desirable sophisticate at all hours of the day outside of Gentle Ben from Six Ft Hick and he gets away with just about anything because he is so utterly dashing.
If you for some reason have perceived my life as a year-long linen-suited menthol cigarette commercial on a beach then you are quite, quite wrong. I do try to seek pleasure in most everything as I am a committed hedonist, but this isn't always an easy exercise. If you want the real witty, slim, attractive and inviting kids, go to a Vice party. They are where it's 'at', apparently.
Anonymous said...
My question.
What did you think of Calexico?
I guess you cant really answer the one about whether J Byrne is as irritating in real life as what the letters to today's Green Guide make her out to be.
1. I AM LISTENING TO CALEXICO RIGHT NOW. I loved them. Absolutely, utterly loved them. It was an honour being privy to the best sound the Corner Hotel has ever produced, even though my friend Gooshy got a wee bit shickered and proceeded to spend half the gig shouting about how much he fancied the drummer even though everyone around him was shooshing him with frowning faces.
Gig of the year thus far, without exception.
2. She is - as mentioned previously - a pocket dynamo, and a truly exceptional mind to be around at all times. Don't believe everything you read in the Green Guide DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE.
Anonymous said...
fits.
would you please share with us your impressions of craig reucassel and earl greyhound?
cheers.
Craig Reucassel is a rather devastatingly sharp wit, and I was more than a little taken aback when he professed to knowing who the hell I was. As mentioned last week I maintained a thoroughly professional air whilst working with him as I may have many harlotesque tendencies but I do my best to steer clear of bulldozing through marriages, particularly those with children involved.
He has three mini-Reucassels under the age of four. POTENT. I am dedicating this blog post to him.
p.s. I can't say I'd heard of Earl Greyhound before today, but I'm not in any way displeased by them. Are you trying to plug away at your band there, you cheeky scamp?
Anonymous said...
Hi Fits,
Two questions today...
1. I heard on the Breakfasters a couple of days ago that Lou and Andy (Little Britain) will be making some sort of appearance on Neighbors.
I don't usually partake, but this just may be interesting enough for me to get out the big brass key and wind up my clockwork TV....
Do you or your inside contacts have any goss on this?
2. Re: your buddy's fisting Mama..
Do people generally think fisting is an awful and gross thing to do? I did it on occasion with a partner (I'm M, she's not), and I just loved how it made her wiggle. Isn't that what's important? what do you think?
1. I'm all kinds of jazzed for David Walliams, even though I'm usually not partial to fey-acting boys as I prefer my men to at least pretend they could pull a switch and stab an old lady at any moment.
Having just spent the last twenty minutes happily googling images of him, I realised with a start that I possibly have a penchant for cat-eyed sleek manchildren of maximum pulchritude...spot my feline heart-starter objects amongst their less comely brothers if you like...
also - the skinny from our old friend Neighbours Deep Throat:
'The rumour is correct. Lou and Andy have filmed a scene for Neighbours. The content is top secret, and I can neither confirm nor deny that it contains:
a) Harold Bishop in a Salvos uniform
b) A ride-on-style motorcycle game being played by Lou and/or Andy
c) Outrageous misogyny
d) All of the above.
Stay tuned. Don't touch your dial. 6.30 Weeknights.'
Nice plug at the end there, young man or lady of intrigue.
2. I don't think fisting is awful and gross at all, Anon. I am particularly open-minded about this kind of thing and others, though I confess I would possibly make a dainty 'ick' face and press a perfumed handkerchief to my nose with a sudden intake of breath should my mother suddenly decide to loudly announce her newfound devotion to it.
It's all well and good when us young folk partake, is it not? Make the twenty-something ladies wiggle, KEEP THE MAMAS FAR REMOVED.
Pomgirl said...
Hey Ms Fits
I was just wondering if you read yesterday's interview with Janice Dickinson in The Age? What do you make of her ""He peeled off his pants and an Evian bottle popped out." comment about Liam Neeson.
Is she a lucky bitch, or is he deformed?
I didn't read that at all! My, this is turning out to be quite the saucy batch of Friday questions.
An Evian bottle? Really? To be honest with you my first thought was 'phwoar, Liam Neeson! Bet Julia Roberts didn't see that coming in Satisfaction', then my second thought was 'ow, urinary tract infection', then my third thought was HOLD ON JUST A DOOHICKING MINUTE WHAT KIND OF EVIAN BOTTLE ARE WE TALKING, PEOPLE.
1.
2.
3.
4.
*prays for 4*
Pedro the Swift said...
Dear Ms Fist,
Not being the greatest typer I have the habit of getting the occasional two letters in the wrong order. This took me to a wonderful, wonderful place today.
I strongly recommend visiting http://www.reasonsyouwillhateme.blogpsot.com./
Someone thinks a flock is starting to stray!
Yeah, someone pointed out to me a while ago that those insidious hand-clappers are inveigling their way into blog-world and cunningly taking advantage of clumsy-fingered typists like yourself. BEWARE PEDRO, GOD IS WATCHING YOU AT ALL TIMES, PARTICULARLY WHEN READING RYWHM.
Lukeus said...
Hello Ms Fits (shocking alias..),
For your next lot of questions: (and I'm new, so sorry if this is done the wrong way)
I only became aware of your good self watching the Tuesday Book Club the other night and now thanks to my good friend Wikipaedia consider myself well versed.
Please give me lots of notice when you're going to be on RRR from now on.
I must ask:
1 - Why did Craig Reucassel have such a clean appearance on TV last tuesday - what happened to the ragged mongrel that leverages an entire bus and puts Peter Costello's face on it to harass John Howard?
2 - Ha! You had to sit next to Malcolm Turnball.
I'm just wandering through some of the archives: http://www.abc.net.au/tv/firsttuesday/video/
So what was that like?
3 - Funnily enough I'm currently half way through reading the landmark Power Without Glory and I see there was a TV serial done in 1975. Do you know if its any good?
4 - Where do intelligent, political, 'off-the-cuff' single 20s girls go on a Friday night?
Cheers.
Hello Lukeus
1. You people are obsessed with Craig Reucassel. HE'S MINE*, GET YOUR STICKY HANDS OFF.
Aside from the man in question being rather dapper by nature, the ABC make-up department have a gift of making wan street urchin types like myself look at least halfway able to get a foot in the door at Smorgy's. They are magicians in that way, you see.
*And by 'mine' of course, I mean Mrs Wifely Reucassel's. Ahem.
2. He was full of wind, to be honest. A quietly persistent belcher. If you watch closely enough you'll no doubt see me recoiling in horror during a couple of more robust gaseous moments, though I was of course the soul of discretion.
3. My folks recently gave me the DVD, though I'm yet to watch it. Apparently it's a rather solid re-telling and as a nice piece of trivia my father appears in a few episodes looking frighteningly like a male version of me in a trilby. So there you go.
4. I wouldn't know where the 20's girls go anymore as I am 30 and those liquored-up jive days are long behind me STOP LAUGHING UP THE BACK. My guess is you could find them at any Shooting At Unarmed Men show or, failing that, the Northcote Social Club, no doubt getting shrilly excited about the current optimistic nature of our political climate.
richardwatts said...
"I have asked more than one person this particular question (whether such outrageous requests from strangers are ever met with a keen nod of affirmation and evening of wild sexings) and the general consensus seems to be in the world of 'no fucking way'."
As a practicing-but-haven't-got-it-
right-yet homosexualist, I can cheerfully admit to once staggering up to a hot bloke and saying "I'm crap at all this cruising shit, d'ya wanna fuck?' which resulted in an evening (well, hour) of lubricious and memorable sex.
That said, if I was straight and tried that on a woman I'd expect to have my face slapped, so go figure.
Men are just easy, really, I suspect is the moral.
Except me, he adds suddenly in a desperate attempt to appear fine and upstanding...
Dear me, my posts are becoming postively Bevis-esque in length - I'll go away now.
Except to jubilantly and drunkenly shout that my word verification for this comment is 'okshgy' = OK SHAGGY = either i'm going to get laid at Golden Plains or cast in a surreal remake of Scooby Doo...
I suspect very few of us non homosexualists have it right either, Richard Watts. We're just stumbling our way through it all, making gauche mistakes and offending one-off lovers. GIVE US THE SECRET, O LORD OF SEXINGS.
p.s. So did you get laid at GP then hmmm?
Tyson said...
Howdy Ms. Fits,
First time questioner, but long time reader. Well, thats not true. Originally I was just skimming the words and reading the pretty ones, but now my scrolling finger gets tired, so I just make sure the first few screenfuls of text make a nice shape. They usually do.
Let's get down to business and talk cookies. Or biscuits. Choc chip. I'd like your opinion. In the following classes, my favourites are as follows:
Budget to mid-range: K-Mart Decadents (now reboxed as Coles Ultimates)
Mid-range to gourmet: Mrs. Fields
Frozen range: Choc Chip Cookie (the Streets brand, forget the Maxibon)
What is your informed perspective?
Do you know, such is my dedication to this blog that I ACTUALLY WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET AND BROWSED THE BISCUIT AISLE AND MADE NOTES. Yes really.
Anyhow. My informed choices:
Budget to mid-range - Arnott's Farmbake. I do very much love eating cookies out of a bag.
Mid-range to gourmet - I'd have to agree with you on Mrs. Fields (I am eight parts of nutty about these and their chewy consistency and would go quite weak at the knees if someone were to present them with a flourish on a date), but my research also led me to Arnott's Premier which are heralded as AUSTRALIA'S BEST TASTING CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE* (*Independent testing November 2003) and look quite special.
Frozen range - I think I'm yet to find the perfect ice-cream sandwich though just today I have discovered something magical known as Pat and Stick's which I am utterly desperate to try even though it's only stocked in New South Wales. Just go take a look at the range, you won't be disappointed. You may even lick your laptop like I did.
Daniel said...
obviously, commenting on a blog that mentions oneself, albeit in largely unlflattering tones is the act of rank egotism.
however if i could take a moment of your time to point out the slight hypocrisy in someone calling into question my discretion on stage by criticising and misquoting me on the internet, which is believe has a slightly larger audience than 48 people in a room above a pub. i may be wrong. maybe its all gone wrong for the internet.
the bit in question, is indeed still something of a dirty feathered feldgling. but the sentiment is not that people i have kissed in the past are meaningless and "despicable sluts" but rather that the act of trying to meet new people to find adventures and the potential filled tingle this engenders is meaningless unless one then spends ones life with that person and these lurid adventures become the sweet memories of a couple on their fiftieth aninversary.
and it wasnt about people who wrote on here. some of which, and i hestitate to say this in such a rigorously accountable system, were fibbers.
I do so love your way with words, Mr. Kitson.
There you go ladies, I hope the matter is well and truly put to bed. BE MINDFUL OF WHO IS READING AT ALL TIMES, FIBBERS OF RYWHM.
arleeshar said...
I have been wearing my mother's original "it's time" campaign singlet top for some time now to festive events. About six months ago I suddenly started receiving multiple comments about how cool it was, I have seen a couple of them about. I have never been happier to be on the cutting edge of fashion.
I recommend that we all wear "it's time" singlets this election, authentic or no, in the hope that we are no longer early adopters.
Oh, I'm certainly in. I purchased a revamped one from Gough's office a couple of years ago although it is offensively oversized and makes me look like a throwback from the ABC series Sweet and Sour.
Over to you, Ms. Apple.
elaine said...
Lesbionic, lesbonic, lesbonix, lesbeans, lesbosuns - I shall create words as I see fit and it's up to you to decipher what the sam hill I'm on about
Lesbosuns! that sounds like a ship full of saucy wenches.
might you know where I could find one of those?
I'd say the HMAS Sapphico would be your first port of call, particularly when on one of their infamous deep sea muff diving expeditions, ZING.
Insert own jolly 'digging for clams'/'commanding the boxhaul'/'swabbing decks (of vaginas)' reference here.
Niki said...
Can you shower in four minutes, Ms Fits?
The best I can do, without shaving or impinging on my sense of cleanliness, is 10 minutes and 52 seconds.
Does the prospect of perpetually smelly Queenslanders being chased by ibixen* wishing to feast on warm armpit amuse Victorians?
Off to shower, back in four LOLZ.
* my friend and I coined this plural for ibis a couple of years ago, since a singular ibis never occurs naturally.
I've never been much for long showers actually, as I tend to get a bit bored standing around naked with nothing to read*. One face wash and a full exfoliation and I'm out the door saying brrr and doing entertainingly witty streaker runs down the corridor to amuse the dog. Could you not put yourself on double speed and fulfil your ablutions to the backdrop of some urgently loud death metal? It does help hasten things along when one is feeling sluggish, I've found.
Anyhow, you have some help from a more prudent fan of H2O:
Simon said...
In regard to the four-minute showering... I have the answer. Cold water.
I would regularly shower for 15-20min before I tried this, it was my favourite spot for daydreaming.
Now I'm down to: 10sec (wetting), break for soaping/giggling hysterically, 30sec (rinsing). Less than a minute, then.
Also, the cold shower is good for:
Winter- it will warm you up. Or kill you, either is good.
Power and water bills fall significantly.
Hangovers- banishes them, along with feelings of tiredness.
Silky smooth skin- doesn't strip moisture out of you.
Virtuous feeling- as a hard cunt, you feel massively superior to everyone else, with their pink, feminine skin, and vulnerable open pores.
You'll find there's a small and secret pleasure in punishing yourself.
It does *not* have the commonly ascribed effect on libido, but sadly, there are few partners who will join you.
Hm. Sounds slightly kinky to me, Simon. I approve.
*This is - however sad it may seem to you well-adjusted folk - absolutely true.
Anonymous said...
Far out, Daniel Kitson is with us!
Ms F. - on the 'I worked under someone far worse who pleasingly was later arrested for soliciting sex from children so you've only got brightness ahead' front - I, too, worked 'under' (eek) that person and vividly recall the front page photograph of his head being helped into the back seat of a police vehicle. I remember a co-worker describing his laugh as sounding like someone being sucked down a plughole. And the man's classy expression of homo-erotic desire, delivered mid-story meeting - 'I'd like to suck him off till his nipples caved in.' (SFX: gagging plughole). Ah dear. Anyway, he mellowed somewhat as the illness set in, but, yes, the workplace can be fraught with dangers.
Oh dear, yes. My favourite mid-story meeting pearler from this particular person was a cheery 'I'm going out tonight to get fucked til my arse bleeds!!!' which is all fine and well if that's the way you roll but perhaps a little inappropriate for a room full of people trying to nut out whether Harold and Madge should be married for a second time or if it is slightly on the twee side.
xenios said...
Ms Fits,
With a degree of of pomposity *snort* I am staking my claim as a first time poster to RYWHM.
This is written with an element of exasperation as my first attempt was foiled by a `broadband dropout', all ready to close and send...then nothing. The frustration of which had me bang my head against the keyboard *querty embedded on forehead*
A question I ask of your illustrious self. Later this month
I will be attending a gay female wedding in Melbourne. Are there any particular protocols to observe or
adhere to on such an occasion?
This being my first maybe you have some pearls of advice to offer.
xenios
I'm not sure I've ever been to a gay female wedding, although my ex sister-in-law had a great one in the States a few years ago. Sadly Sime and I were unable to attend, but the photographs made it out to be an absolute corker and we wished very much that we weren't a broke couple of bums without a dime for an airfare. Many women in tuxedos mingled with my delighted mother in law and there were tears and a floral archway and pretty much everything you'd expect from a hetero wedding with the exception of a phallocrat. Two people declaring their love and devotion for each other; who minds so much if they're going to spirit away from the event to rub vaginas?
Laurie Mecham suggests a point of difference when RSVP-ing for the event:
'(Check one):
- What a brilliant way to disrupt the patriarchal, heterosexist paradigm. We will be there in solidarity for the movement.
- If it will make you happy, we affirm your choice without judgment and will attend.
- We find this fad alarming. We must decline, and hope that you will reconsider your choice.
- We refuse to participate in the further destruction of America’s Christian values, including normal marriage. The next time we see you will be in hell.'
You can find some more tips on attending a gay wedding here. Apparently homosexualist couples can hire a pyrotechnics company called 'Absolutely Fabulous Fireworks' which pleases me no end.
nugget said...
Occasional lurker, but first time I’ve put my hand up in class.
(1) Does the interwebz worry you as an indelible repository of every foible/ weak moment/ personal factoid you decided to share all with two billion others? I mean, if people knew about the time when I was sixteen and drank Blackberry Nip and threw up so hard a piece of capsicum came out of my nose the next day, I would be mortified.
Damn.
(2) I’m also thinking of the stalker-ish element out there. Hi, gang! Having cracked your secret identity this week, I can google “your name” and get 117 responses* (I’m quite jealous, I only get 24 and one of those is for a completely different Rhys ‘X’** who also lives in Melbourne and whose MyShite band sounds like possums fucking in a saucepan cupboard). Does the permeability of the interwebz ‘fourth wall’ worry you? I suppose you could always set Bob Ellis to ‘crotch’ and unleash him on an interloper.
(3) When the city finally cracks my will and I whimper back to the country, I’m going to get two Foxies and call them collectively (a): the Mosquito Fleet and individually (b): Malarkey and Poontang (which would, of course, be shortened to Poonie when the Queen comes to luncheon). Thumbs up or down?
Cheers dears,
Nugget
* I know googling someone’s name (except your own) is freaky-deaky, but I was curious.
** I have seen Highlander and know I must devour his soul to gain strength.
Greetings, Nugget.
1) Occasionally, but what the hell. Along with my first awesomely bad tattoo, each piece of writing/confessional represents a moment in time and a window into who I was when I wrote it and should people choose to drag me over the coals for being a moron two years ago then that's their issue. I guess if ever a potential suitor were to come my way and want some background dirt it's kind of at their fingertips but AS A ARTIST I AM A OPEN BOOK and so on and so it goes etc.
2) Oh, not at all. There was a moment way back when during which I afeared the moral judgement of those rumbling my anonymous ruse, but meh. People approach me in bars and buy me shots now, which is an altogether lovely turn of events. I am yet to be poked in the chest and called out on being an ignoramus, but when it happens you can be certain I'll unleash the fists of fury(TM). That or weep like a girl, I haven't decided yet.
p.s. Bob Ellis is - pleasingly - a female dog.
3) An overwhelming thumbs up. May I come to luncheon with the Queen? I can be demure as fuck when required, ask anyone with panache.
Cloudy said...
With regard to your right-wing hotties, apparently your only port of call is Anne Coulter...and aside from her you've got no-one as it is medically proven that voting Liberal gives you unsightly facial buboes and a body odour 'issue'. Sorry to break it to you, women of the Right.
Well, I'm happy to point out Leni Riefenstahl for the Right to claim/fess-up-to as one of their own but she might be a bit "far out" for some of them. Apparently quite the hot dancer and movie starlet (can't see it myself) before making some new friends and moving behind the camera. Okay, her heyday was 70 years ago but she only died in 2003, and could obviously still pull well into her 50s.
Erm...yes. I was going to suggest Shirley Temple as a bit more of an appropriate Right-wing pin-up, but I'm sure they'll appreciate the Nazi hotness regardless.
'Always alert and alarmed...for dirty towel-heads!'
Anonymous said...
evenin fitsmcgee.
multi-part questionnaire.
a) what do you do/eat/surround yourself with etc when hungover?
b) i have been in an area of "solitude" (man wise) for the last 2-3 years & now there is this huge abundance, (i feel i can say this proudly because of my foremost lacking in the younger years) & am having trouble with deciding. everything or nothin it seems. i am kissing alot but it's getting to the stage where 2 may show up at the same bar/gig/event. your advice if i may? play them all, date one, two?
c) i think your pretty.
ok done.
put your brain to work!
a) Depends on the severity of the hangover, Anon. A strong coffee and gargantuan plate of bacon mayo goodness at Gluttony is an excellent way to start your day/afternoon, particularly when one is left conversationally well alone and with a stack of mindless newspapers afore them. Berocca is surprisingly effective, as is a hot shower (get your hair wet) and retiring to the couch with a packet of corn chips and some white wine to watch Alan Partridge on DVD.
I don't even have a hangover right now and I want to do that more than just about anything.
p.s. If you are waking up at night and touching at your nose with adorably addled bewilderment, the roo at the Napier will sort you out something chronic.
Fridge Magnet said...
Trust I'm not too late to continue Thursday's conversation.
... 'fancy sitting on my penis?'-type in-your-face spiel and he had a 30 percent success rate.
Mid-70s. Cameraman I knew used: "I suppose a fuck's out of the question?" and claimed three out of ten said yes.
That included a desirable in an Adelaide bar who suggested that it was a terribly negative approach so he re-phrased: "How about a fuck, then?" She nodded and headed off into the gloom with him.
Again with the thirty percent success rate. There's something in this for all of us, surely.
Do you think it works better when women take the crass hands-on approach?
Wait, do women ever take the crass hands-on approach? I've certainly made some bold moves to get nakedly close to gentlemen before, but I can't say the 'stick it in, don't waste my time' technique has ever crossed my mind.
Daniel said...
M to the F.
First, a short story. I returned home from work last Tuesday night and boxing training quite exhausted and conked out on my bed but not before I had somehow turned the TV to the abc. Imagine my surprise when I awoke some time later with Ms Fits herself talking about books. Just thought I'd say it was lovely.
Friday Question:
I've been a freelance writer for the last four years or so and have in my time grown to be much more wary and understanding of the publishing industry. However, when I was bright eyed and naive I started working for an editor who kept putting off paying me. Stupidly I continued to work thinking he'd be 'good for it'.
To cut a long story short, this bloke dropped ten grand of his own money into a music festival that nobody bought tickets for and suddenly had more debts than orifices. The excuses for why I wasn't being paid got more and more intricate until finally he came out with the motherload:
"Well, I was going to borrow money from my uncle in Sydney but he stopped answering his phone and we thought he'd gone missing. Finally we sent cops around to his house and when they got inside they found he'd been dead for two weeks. So, that's why I can't pay you."
To this day I think this is so ludicrous an excuse that it has to be true. But maybe that's what he wanted me to think. Anyway, not long after this his contact details went dead and he disappeared off the face of the earth. He still owes me and many other people. I'm tempted to tell you his name but I'm not sure what the legality of that sort of thing is.
Anyway, since you yourself are a 'professional writer' I thought you might be able to relate. SO, my question is:
what is the worst/best excuse you've had from an employer about why you haven't been paid yet?
(And if you have no such anecdote, here's my alternate question: what do you think, if anything, about the Transhumanist movement?).
Daniel
Apologies if my incessant chattering on the television permeated your subconscious, Daniel. I can only imagine the sorts of annoying dreams you must have been having listening to me try and pretend to sound smart to impress Craig Reucassel. The mind boggles, frankly.
Anyhow.
Thankfully these days I have a writing agent who does all the dirty work for me when it comes to chasing payments so I no longer have to call producers up in the dead of night sobbing and threatening to TAKE BACK MY WORDINGS unless they immediately hand over enough money to keep me supplied in pinafores and Nougat Honey Logs til the end of time. I am utterly hideous with financial dealings and am currently owed substantial amounts of money from various friends and companions though I usually get a bit lax about following up as if I have enough to get by day to day it tends to slip through the cracks for the sake of politeness. I can't say I've ever experienced anything on your level, though. Which music festival are we talking about? Was it Somersault? Did anyone else go to Somersault like the worst kind of Beastie Boys tragic or was it just me and mine?
Considering I have spectacularly failed to give an example as requested I will say this about the Transhumanist movement:
Until this morning I was somewhat under-versed in all things Transhumanist (I will marry you yet Wikipedia, you untamed minx) but after a long and not uninteresting peruse I have learned that it is 'the intellectual and cultural movement that affirms the possibility and desirability of fundamentally improving the human condition through applied reason, especially by developing and making widely available technologies to eliminate aging and to greatly enhance human intellectual, physical, and psychological capacities' which sounds immensely complicated but also very much like the movie Cocoon and to that I say hurrah to you transhumanists, hurrah.
Shane Jesse said...
Ms. Fits I say this as a friend, Frday Q&A sucks balls! Get back to writing your blog.
Thank you, SJX. It's always nice to read supportive comments from real-life friends. Your input is always welcome.
i don't suck balls and i vote said...
Shane Jesse, I believe it is you who sucks balls.
Fits, as you were.
Now I just don't know what to believe. IS IT FRIDAY Q'S LAPPING AT TESTICLES OR IS IT SHANE JESSE.
We need an independent mediator, stat.
Tony tone-E said...
I have a question, although I'm not sure if it goes here. It concerns the Nine Inch Nails Song 'closer' and the fact that so many women love it. The love of the song is particularly pronounced when it gets to the part about 'I wanna fuck you like an animal' etc. Women I have known say theings like "oh I LOVE this song' and shake their head, sing along with heavy emphasis on the word 'fuck'.
OK, so that's all fair enough, but here's my question. Have they ever considered the possiblity that animals aren't very good roots? I'm not talking about bestiality, but about the sexual enjoyment animals might get from doing the wild thing.
From the nature documentaries I've seen, it doesn't look like fun at all. Cockatiels for example, the male bites the female on the neck, sticks it in for about 2 seconds, if shes lucky, then retreats.
Hyenas: male bites and claws female frome behind long enough for half a dozen short thrusts.
Trout: not even any body contact, female lays eggs, male ejaculates over eggs after she's left the vicinity.
Meercats: do I really need to go on?
Or is Reznor's 'animal' not actualy wildlife, but a metaphor for losing all bourgiose affectations and hang-ups and losing yourself during sex?
I reckon my female friends who go all bleary-eyed when they hear 'closer' need to have a think. What do you reckon?
Thanks for your time, you've been tremendous.
I can't say I've ever looked 'deep into the mind of Reznor' (not a metaphor) Tony, though I daresay the Crown Prince of Emo was thinking less along the lines of HAY EVERYONE PIGS HAVE COCKS LIKE CORKSCREWS HAR HAR and more about pinning someone down and thrusting with filthy intent and to hang with modesty. Perhaps I'm wrong and young Trent is a fan of the Discovery Channel like the Bloodhound Gang.
p.s. I would rather enjoy making love like a meercat I think.
BEVIS said...
Okay then, but only because you insist. (Now you've only got yourself / me to blame.)
1. Do you think Gabi would ever consider putting The Town Bikes on a TV show like Australia's Got Talent? I love the idea of petite-but-enthusiastic Grant Denyer having to announce their act by name, is all.
2. Do you know Grant Denyer?
3. What are your thoughts on Grant Denyer?
4. How about Red Symons?
5. Did you ever think it would be possible that Channel Seven could bring together three 'entertainment judges' like Red Symons, Dannii Minogue and a somewhat botoxed Tom Burlinson, only to discover that RED is the only one who's 100% bio-degradable?
6. I thought the BEVIS 'Ben Nevis' limerick Anonymous penned last week was brilliant. This isn't a question but I wanted to say it.
7. Even I think that's enough BEVIS limericks for now, though. Would you perhaps consider bringing them back as an ANNUAL event? (It might put a stop to them continually turning up here, that's all. I'm all about what the public wants. You know me.)
8. Enough? Okay.
Welcome home, Bevis.
1. Gabi is currently rehearsing but has promised to answer this at her earliest convenience after consulting with Carla. I will update, apologies.
2. I do not know Grant Denyer, no. I was barely aware of his existence before fabricating a rivalry between us, though I've very much enjoyed cursing him as the reason my life is so heinously complicated.
3. See above. He is offensively inoffensive.
4. Weeks ago I was at 774 and Red Symons walked past me and said 'Oh. It's you' and I stood up and introduced myself and he said 'I know who you are' and then didn't say who he was which I thought was rather rude of him even though I obviously had more than an inkling after growing up with Hey Hey It's Saturday on the box.
He is friends with my Aunty. I don't think he should be on Australia's Got Talent as I feel he has more to give. That is all I have to say about Red Symons at the current time.
5. Do you think they really thought that through, Bevis? Honestly?
6. I knew you'd like it. It must be an honour, having more than one limerick written in your honour. You're up there with the very famous 'Man from Nantucket' now, you know.
7. I WOULD STOP THEM IF I COULD BEVIS BUT THE PEOPLE JUST WANT TO KEEP RHYMING YOUR DAMNED NAME.
8. Yes please. Thank you for your co-operation.
Former Liberal Voter said...
As a lifelong liberal voter, would I be harassed and ridiculed by you and your peers for jumping onboard with Mr Rudd in the next election?
I find myself supporting him in spirit at every turn, and want this to be reflected in my vote the next time we go to the polls.
But I wonder if those loud anti-Liberal types (you included, going by your blog) would spend their time giving me grief about my past voting habits rather than enjoy the spoils of victory for successfuly winning me over.
I wouldn't want to tell my friends about the change in my voting beliefs if they'd only be harsh with me despite agreeing with them now.
Your thoughts?
Oh god, of course not. Some of my nearest and dearest were once linked to the dark side and I hardly feel it would be in my best interests to shout RIGHTIE RIGHTIE TWO BY FOUR YOU'RE A FUCKING POLITICAL WHORE and punch them in the face every time they opened their mouth to discuss the upcoming election. I don't much care for those whose moral makeup is so diametrically opposed to my own, but you're welcome in my house with open arms any time FLV.
Let's hug.
ruby said...
Re: the Selma Blair/SMG lesbonic/lesbionic/sapphic traffic stopper, etc - I once had the pleasure of interviewing miss Blair, though it was in fact in relation to Legally Blonde, in which she plays Reese Witherspoon's nemesis (Reese really *was* the fin-de-siecle Doris Day, don't you agree?). Of course, she had then recently won the MTV award for Best Screen Kiss for her salival shenanigans with La Gellar (look at you and your sharing of the taste with the 16 year old girls LOL!!11! Where is this year's Clueless or Mean Girls? Gap in the market waiting, like me, for your inimitable touch). Vis a vis this high point of the osculum in cinema, she had this to say: "Well, Sarah was a pretty good kisser, but it was ridiculous as they had to make it all look bigger and more salacious for the close-up, so the director was telling me to really give her the excessive porno tongue. I only wish I wasn't trying to occupy the headspace of an innocent 15 year old as he shouted those instructions."
My Q: i would like to know more about your sax life... for someone who is so very into music (and musicians?) you don't ever mention much about your own forays in this direction. Give us the skinny on your dances with Euterpe (as we already know about your Thalian efforts).
ruby
There's not all that much to tell, to be honest. I learnt alto saxaphone for seven and a half years and played in a quartet and was halfway decent at it and then I loaned my Conn to my friend Adrian who hit someone over the head with it and broke it and I haven't really had the heart to start again.
Obviously if the handsome men from Dynamo come a-knocking and beg me to join their 'outfit' I will race out and buy a new instrument as well as crash lessons in how to play after so many years allowing my skills to turn to dust as everyone needs a goal.
DJKL said...
Fuck I knew that someone would use Ben Nevis in a limerick if I didn't get in quick enough and sure enough they did. I actually made this limerick up on the bus on Friday morning but wasn't able to find the time to log on and post it, so now I look really stupid. It doesn't rhyme Bevis with "Bevis", or "premise" (which is really pushing it, but no offence to either McDave or Anon intended). So although it's not very original I still think it has a nice poetic ring to it and an intriguing plot:
I once took a trip to Ben Nevis
Where I met a young fellow named Bevis.
Loud thunder rumbled,
And hard rain a-tumbled,
And we both stumbled into a crevice.
Apologies to all those who are thoroughly sick of these limericks.
My question is:
Do you get annoyed by the use of zed when "s" is perfectly fine? (for example organise/organize). Melvil Dewey is to blame for this, which makes me ashamed to be a librarian sometimes.
Bevis will be so thrilled by all of this attention, really. I bet his ears are adorably pink as we speak.
With regard to the z/s conundrum, I don't usually get annoyed when other people employ our sparsely-utilised cousin down there at the end of the alphabet; I just choose not to use it myself. This is the best way to make neighbourhoods work, particularly grammatical ones. CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG (except for the poor spellers on restaurant menus; you fuckers are living in the grammar ghetto of shame).
littlefaeriegirl said...
good afternoon ms fits,
i seem to be forever turning to you for relationship advice. first its cheating boyfriends, then its the
dashing mark priestly of all saints fame, and now - this one.
i have recently been seeing (read sleeping with) a boy who has a girlfriend who lives in melbourne.
boy is gong to melbourne to see ben kweller, and gf will most probably be there.
i would absolutely adore going to melbourne to see ben kweller, as he is a right bit of spunk, but im a tad worried about the boy/gf issues.
apparently he broke up with her last night when he confessed to sleeping with me, but im still worried that my visit to melbs to gaze upon ben will be marred by some exgf's eyes daggering into me.
should i go? i dont have the tickets yet, but he's only playing in adelaide with john mayer and i dont feel like hearing 15 year old girls screaming all night.
if i go, perhaps you know of someone who is going? someone cool who i can hang out with and we can have a marvellous time ogling mr kweller and imagining him in our pants? that would make it so much easier.
thanking you in advance,
carly
Here are the things that worry me about your question, dear girl:
1. 'I have been seeing (read sleeping with) a boy who has a girlfriend'.
This is not a magnificent beginning, though I do understand and have probably done worse. The heart wants what it wants, does it not?
2. 'apparently he broke up with her last night'.
Apparently? According to whom? Himself? Lillian Frank's social pages in the Herald Sun? Tread very carefully here, this boy is on a particularly good wicket with ladies in various states and I don't doubt the last thing he wants is a chance for them to all mingle in the same room and exchange notes on where he was on what date when he said he was elsewhere and WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE STILL TOGETHER and so on. Who knows, he may be in a heartbreakingly difficult situation and being completely honest with you. Either way, my guess is he'd struggle with your presence if a ladyfriend is nearby, be she recently estranged or otherwise.
3. 'should i go? i dont have the tickets yet, but he's only playing in adelaide with john mayer and i dont feel like hearing 15 year old girls screaming all night.'
You really want to go to Melbourne, don't you? You really want to see your loveman and test the waters and check out the gf and breathlessly wait to find out what happens. ADMIT IT, IF IT WERE ALL ABOUT KWELLER YOU WOULD JUST GO TO THE ADELAIDE SHOW.
Anyway. I don't think it's a great idea but I once took a ferry to Sorrento in order to hide out in a hotel room so a man I loved would come pay me a secret visit and take me to the beach so who am I to judge. I'm sorry I'm not going as I can be quite good backup in such situations - over to you, people of RYWHM. Any Ben Kweller attendees willing to get a young lady drunk and make her look spectacularly aloof and winsome every time a certain man glances her way?
littlefaeriegirl said...
sorry to post twice, but i just had a horrible thought. imagine if the world couldnt come up with any more ridiculous names for children, and people started using word verification for ideas...
this is my baby girl, her name is eemty...
Oh, I like the idea of that. Please post the names of your word verification children as they come to hand and we will soon have an army kthxbye.
Anonymous said...
Dear Ms Fits,
Who funds you?
Is it the government?
If so, why must ordinary working and middle class people pay for your spoilt inner city drivel?
Asking frankly,
Working bouy.
Dear Anonymous
1. No-one funds this blog. I am a volunteer for teh interweb and give of my services generously.
2. No.
3. They don't need to. Nor, one would suggest, do they need to read it if they don't care to.
4. The word you are looking for is spelt 'buoy'. You can have that for free, no need to thank me.
Anonymous said...
Why would anyone imply that sucking balls is a bad thing?
Perhaps he wasn't, Anon. Perhaps Shane Jesse thinks that Friday q and a is a saucily suggestive series of blog posts and to be encouraged. Who are we to say?
Anonymous said...
morning miss f,
here's an old fashioned yet still timely one, for me at least.
girls asking boys out, does it ever really work or does it give the wrong impression? (i.e. set up the chaser/chasee dynamic to the wrong gender settings early from which they may never recover. that's what my mother says. but she also says you can't trust the chinese so sometimes i need a second opinion)
it sounds quaint but after 2006 the year of dismal romantic failure (tm) i'd planned, as a lady, to swear off asking anyone out ever again & becoming the precious commodity that the fellas have gotta earn. while this moral high ground has lovely views, it's cold at night.
& now, darn it, i've found myself IN LOVE (yeah, you heard me, cards on the table, motherfuckers) with a boy & i know not what to do... especially since we're doing the "i think i like you so i can't speak to you without spilling something on myself so better just to hide over here a while & cast furtive glances" routine. you know the one. so your help, please?
thanks ever so,
in love in east melbourne.
You must ALWAYS ask boys out, ILIEM. Why bother wasting time lingering with longing looks when you could simply sidle up to the object of your affections and say 'you are four shades of wonderful and I would very much appreciate it if you kissed me on the lips' and see what happened next? At the very least you'd gauge their level of interest pretty quick smart and hopefully land yourself some affectionate squeezes along the way. I once told a boy I liked him and he sat on my knee every night for a week before disappearing into the ether and it was quite lovely, although destined for failure.
Be bold, my friend. Wear your heart on your sleeve. It makes life so much more exciting.
p.s. Here's a little extra advice:
Big Matt Stud said...
By the way, in love in east melbourne, for what it's worth, as a representative of the male gender, re being asked out by girls - we fucking love it. If you ask a guy out and he runs away, or thinks it's awkward, then he was never really that keen on you anyway, or he's a jerk. Either way, it's better to find out than to sit around wondering, so my advice is to go for it.
I concur.
Best of luck, missy.
Big Matt Stud said...
Ms Fits, I was wondering about the evolution of your blog, and how it got to the point where each of your postings now attract an average of 27 comments, as opposed to when your archives start in 2004, when your utterances attracted an average of 1.84 comments each (is it too stalkerish to have actually calculated those averages, and does it provide too much of an insight into what I do for a living ?) Anyhoo, I was wondering how you think you got to this level of popularity, and whether it seems weird at all to you that so many people that you don't know seem to find you interesting enough to regularly check in on what you've got to say.
Boy, that's a lot of questions.
1. It is not too stalkerish to have calculated those averages. I pretend in public like I know Chelsea Peretti personally merely through following her blog. We each of us have our cross to bear when it comes to creepy out of order behaviour.
2. No. I am a dunce when it comes to that kind of thing. What do you do for a living? Are you a Mathemagician like in The Phantom Tollbooth?
3. Mostly people come here due to external linkage, or at least they used to. I first got a run of readers through a very old post about politics, then our friend Andrew Bolt decided to send masses of audience members my way (his secret plan, I strongly suspect) and these days anyone wanting to lay stick on me for stuff I write in the paper can just google my name and stumble across these rantings. Are they not luckier than Ric Ocasek?
4. What do you mean, 'whether it seems weird at all to you that so many people that you don't know seem to find you interesting enough to regularly check in on what you've got to say'? I am very interesting and operate on a higher plane. OF COURSE PEOPLE WOULD BE DRAWN TO MY NATURAL CHARM AND JOIE DE VIVRE.
*********************
It's an early one today as I wish to beat the traffic and stroll the sands. Apologies to those I have missed. Leave your questions for next week in the comments below and for god's sake be nice to your friends.
Happy birthday, dad. I love you.
239 days til the next election.
Comments
"Now I just don't know what to believe. IS IT FRIDAY Q'S LAPPING AT TESTICLES OR IS IT SHANE JESSE."
It's Shane Jesse.
Have a great time at the beach.
I pretend in public like I know Chelsea Peretti personally merely through following her blog.
I love this/you, you funny duck.
ps Happy Birthday Papa Fits.
p.s. So did you get laid at GP then hmmm?
Sadly work intervened at the godless hour of 9am and forced me to cancel GP plans and stay in Melbourne in order to conduct interviews for this damn newspaper. *sigh* Does this suck or what?
How much must Rob, Tom, Santo, Mick, Tony, Jane and the Late Show crew laugh when they see the new Gillette ads with the 5 bladed razor? I mean they had this totally nailed in 1993 with their ad about the Gillette 3000, with 16 blades. Gillette even seem to be copying the Late Show graphics now. Is it just a matter of time before they really go mad and create the mighty 16 bladed shaver?
Yes I went to Summersault on NYE 95/96, where I had my one and only religious experience three rows deep in the Sonic Youth mosh, my slight frame at the time being unable to suck in any oxygen. Still one of my favourite memories.
Any Ben Kweller attendees willing to get a young lady drunk and make her look spectacularly aloof and winsome every time a certain man glances her way?
***
*I* will be attending Ben Kweller in melbourne and would be happy to jointly swoon (but still keep in mind that he has a gorgeous wife and cute baby)...
but if you're going to travel to see a solo show, would it possibly be better to head to sydney? no possibility of awkwardness, the gaelic club is a lovely venue, etc...
I went to Sommersault. It was great, I still remember Sonic Youth and Beck playing (he swallowed a fly and had to go to hospital).
My question is how can I convince my parents I am not being picky with my job search as I don't want to work for someone who is going to rip me off.
Are they not luckier than Ric Ocasek?
OK, you're going to have to explain that one to me. Is this a reference to the fact that someone who looks like this got to marry someone who looks like this ?
...and I didn't mean to offend with the question about it being weird that people find you interesting. Having just re-read it I can see how it might have been better if I had worded that question a little more delicately, but I was just wondering if you ever have any of those "How did I get here ?" moments.
OF COURSE you're fascinating, and gorgeous too.
Yet another Friday with a difference!
I found you at tb's maybe 8 months ago. Scarey huh? Every time I read at aforementioned I feel like I have just visited a train wreck. I am grateful for your humour, compassion and ability to story tell. I have no question... I just hope you always entertain us.
You are everything I wish my daughters can be. (Except maybe the user of some expletives - I prefer to think my girls do not do that)
I guess you cant marry my son. What a bloody shame. You could hurry up and breed...I am kidding.
Ms Fits...my apologies if my question is a little long:
Nearly 18 months ago, I met a gorgeous guy on a night out. We kissed, he sang to me, he drove me home, and text me at 4am that same night/morning to thank me for a good night. He then text me the next day to arrange to meet up again, but I was busy.
He kept texting me for a few days after, but I was in the middle of some ex-boyfriend dramas, so declined at that stage (was literally the next few days after we met), and eventually, that became the end of that.
Since then, not a week goes by when I don't regret my actions. What if this guy was 'The One'? I've certainly never given two thoughts to any other bloke that I've disco pashed on a night out, but then again, no other bloke has wrapped me up in a big hug from behind to watch a crappy cover band together.
Anyway, the other night I found the store where he works! This got my head turning...
Do I go in, (assuming he still works there), and ask him out for coffee? Do I apologise? Should I bother, after 18 months?
NB - approx. 9 months ago, I found what I thought was his number, and text him a sorry-catch-up type message, but never heard anything back. Is this a sign? If your advice is not to find him, how do I forget about him (NB - have tried liquor, other men, all manner of cheeses)?
Like a lot of people, I fear rejection, so I don't know if it's going to be worth it or not. And what exactly do I say. Whilst I adore your phrase "(insert number here) parts of wonderful", I don't know if it would translate to conversation.
Anyway, any help would be gratefully appreciated. Thank you.
I've never been much for long showers actually, as I tend to get a bit bored standing around naked with nothing to read.
Dear Ms Fits,
I overcame this issue a long time ago by adopting the practice of reading in the shower. I am always mildly stunned that no one else seems to have this habit as in this age of multi-tasking, I too find devoting myself solely to standing under a stream of hot water a bit on the boring side. Obviously it doesn't work very well with magazines or the papers, but I have had reasonable success with paperbacks/hardbacks, although it is not recommended if reading a friend's borrowed treasure as a spot of mild water damage often offends. My housemate is always able to determine the exact time that I start washing my hair by the dull "thud" that is heard as I toss the book sideways out of the shower alcove and onto the tiles.
Try it, you may like it...
Oh dear, I really wasn't expecting my lame-arse comment connecting mainstream righties with nazis to make it into the next Q and A since it didn't contain a question. It's not as if you've short (of questions to answer).
Props re Shirley Temple. And she's still alive, which helps.
As is Sophie Mirabella (née Panopoulos). She's got it all: Presentable, fiesty and a rancid bigot.
What do you think? (This is a question).
Dear Ms Fits
What are your drugs of choice?
Hi Fits,
Just wondering what type of car you drive?
this q&a amused me no end, thank you.
i am still tickled by the thought liam's penis might be shaped like that last evian bottle, the pyramid-shaped one.
though tickled might not be the correct word.
i have no question, other than did you have a nice weekend? are you still wearing the boots on the book show? must confess, haven't managed to see it this year, but i remember the boots were your trademark.
and keep the flower. it's you and it's very fetch.
ps i do have a proper question.
is it wrong that i have dreamt about you more times now than i have the man i will marry soon?
the tally is 3 to approximately nil.
Does The Age let you know the number of viewings your articles receive?
Hello Fits/co,
I have only recently discovered this blog and much enjoy the zaniness/politicak combo. Just wondering if the personal attacks upon our esteemed blog-author are a regular occurence or a recent phenomenon?
Are they more likely to occur when it appears the Libs are in the shit?
Speaking of personal attacks, does
"Anonymous said...
Hi Fits,
Just wondering what type of car you drive?"
strike anyone else as a prelude to an elaborate E-street like car bomb assassination attempt?
Beware the ghost of Sonny Bennet Fits…
P.S. My word verification of “jvuztbgv” is how I sound saying “Just got a VB” at 6am when I would perhaps have been better off not getting one.
Sorry to be the one to break it to you (at least on your blog), but your beloved beefcakey Adonis, Greg, was voted off The Biggest Loser tonight. Hurt much?
However, his "2 months on ..." montage showed that he is indeed now a hunky hunky man of love!
This year is all about Damien, though. He's the true gentleman and inspiration of the whole series - and I've watched every bloody episode.
Child name: Bxbpy.
Dear Ms. Fits,
1.Your simply irresistible.
How can it be permissible?
2. When is Shaun Micallef going to relinquish that ridiculous radio show and return to television?
If I don't tell anyone to read my blog, and rarely update it as I am busy... uh... doing stuff, can I really be disappointed that no one ever leaves comments?
Probably comes across as condescending... or smarmy... or any number of things I've been called in the past for trying to write concisely.
For some reason, the word verification "tlreegg" makes me think of a bloody faced seafarer with a swollen tongue and all his teeth knocked out trying to say "Queeg". I should go to bed.
There is a question in there.
This bloke is popular with the ladies it seems - HOW?!
http://photos.timchuma.com/StPatricksDay2007/photo30.html
(one woman even grabbed the camera off me to look at a 'pants down' photo of him)
Hello Ms Fitserrific. I have a question:
Say someone liked to do the cryptic crossword, and preferred most of all to do the Times cryptic crossword. And say that that particular crossword is only to be found in Australia in the Australian newspaper.
Now say that this someone is a reasonable person of some sense and hence found himself obliged to stop buying that particular newspaper (The Australian) when it decided to run a campaign against muslims by making them all look like funny dressing gun-running child-throwing whiteboy-hating swarthy merchants of nasty death standing only for the stinkification of all our beloved western values except kebabs.
My question is, given all these hypotheticals, this: How long must our poor hero enforce his self-inflicted boycott? Is there a statute of limitations on consumerist actions? Bear in mind the poor boy lives in Brisbane where the only alternative is the Courier Mail, and trust me that's bad in mostly different ways, as well as owned by the same people. But it's crossword is the Guardian and that's too hard!
Also, thanks for updating your sidebar gig list, but it didnt help me as I was only there Golden Plains weekend. Don't feel too bad, noone is to blame.
Auxiliary questions - did you like Golden Plains? Did you catch Fat Freddy's Drop and marvel in the Greatness? What do you think of Glitch on St George's Road?
My verification baby is Uroygslp - destined to be back up vocals for Hedwig on her come back tour 2028 before sliding into a drug induced sitcom mistake and career purgatory. I will still love you, Uroygslp.
to TLS - when i visited your blog i found it a bit impenetrable. however i find most of your comments readable and entertaining and smart. just saying.
ps bevis said bloody.
pps fits, does it annoy you when other people get between you and your questioners?
Hello
Do you not find it twelve parts of creepy DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE etc that so many of your readers imitate your style of writing (which is great, but it is very much yours) in their comments? I know I do!
Help me Ms Fits you are my only hope. I need your wise counsel.
There is this boy (of course). I discovered today he has said some not particularly complimentary things about my body to a male friend of his (and when they tell you you will regret snooping when entrusted with passwords, BELIEVE THEM) involving the words "stretch marks" and "saggy". I am no supermodel but am not ashamed of my body.
What do I do? Confront? Tell him to move on if he is the wanting a younger, better bodied woman? Or live with the fact that I snooped?
Any advice appreciated.
I'm becoming a real potty mouth, aren't I. Thank goodness I have MelbourneGirl out there, reporting on all my transgressions!
< INSERT SMILEY-FACE HERE >
Are 'bloody' and 'bitch' as bad as other, arguably more 'harsh' swear words? (Ask MelbourneGirl for examples; she says them better than anybody I know. Except maybe for yourself, Ms Fits. Perhaps you two should hold a "swear-off"? Another great BEVIS invention! Ear-plugs optional.)
Bear in mind that I'm not making (or asking for) a statement on whether or not ALL swear words are 'bad' to begin with - I'm merely talking about 'levels'.
Just like Kramer.
1. yes, levels. exactly, bevis.
2. swear-off. good lord, no.
3. am i abnormal because i find the thought of having someone's entire hand up my clacker not arousing in the slightest? rather, quite the opposite.
please tell me i'm still within the normal range.
Fitsy.
What did you make of John Faine's "content is king" remark? and were you in any way offended?
Hail to you!
So, like, the other week I'm watching the last twenty minutes or so of 'True Love & Chaos' on the telly and as the end credits
roll to my suprise I notice RYWHM's own Ms. Fits credited as 'Out of it woman' !?!?!
My interest piqued, I've since been considering dusting off my
video rental card and heading on down to my local movie emporium to rent the flick.
But being the extraordinarily lazy person that I am I couldn't be arsed making the journey and yet still being all curious-like I thought I'd ask you here: just how long did you appear in it and, ahem, is there a 'fine art' to acting out of it on film? (besides getting well plastered beforehand of course...)
And yeah, should I make the effort to track the film down?
(btw, I'm a newish reader/1st-time poster here who usually doesn't like blogs but, hey girl you know, you're all right!!!)
Why does Network Ten keep moving its shows around at the last minute and cancelling them? Why have they replaced Smallville with yet more re-runs of The Simpsons? And when will Smallville be coming back? What about The 4400?
Do you mind that I'm too lazy to call them up and ask them myself, but I know from past experience that you'll do it for me?
Does adding an emoticon at the end of my questions excuse the terrible inconvenience I've caused you by asking them? If so:
:)
orright, high speed internet for all.
thoughts?
will this help or hinder labor?
My life is almost spilt in two pieces.
At work I am at the top of heap and everything is great.
Privately I am falling to pieces.
What to do Msfits?
Is there any way (any way at all) that I can successfully disguise the following to look like a legitimate question, rather than such a poor attempt at self-promotion?
"Did you hear that Big Blogger is currently taking applications for a second series of the hit fake online reality TV show parody that so wowed audiences across the globe in 2006?"
I love you for not sending me hate mail when I do this. x
Fits. Would you please share with us your impressions of these clips? Thanks.
http://defamer.com/hollywood/david-o-russell'/tomlin-vs-russell-the-i-heart-huckabees-outtakes-245292.php
Does the fact you're doing these on Saturday mean that I can sneak in a late question? Or two, if you count the one before this? Or four, if I decide I want to ask a sensible one after this?
Fitsy, why do girls (i.e. the lovely girlfriend, and by extension, her ilk) make it so hard for themselves? Why hold on to thinking that you will meet someone and know straight away they will be the one and that you will never have any doubts at all from the outset...when that is patently unrealistic?
She does realise that this isn't possible, but she has her good days and bad days. So she ties herself in to knots about it with worry. And goes through bouts of lack of confidence/negativity.
She is definitely worth having patience with whilst she is trying to get through it, as she is an incredible girl...but it can be a tad frustrating sometimes, especially as you are putting your heart on the line.
How do you balance giving enough space with not too much or too little? How is it best to deal with this?
I know, that was seven questions.
I'm becoming a regular Bevis. Assuming of course that Bevis is regular, and doesn't have a catheter. But I am regular, so I guess I would be a regular Bevis regardless...
Thanks Fitsy!
Yeah you know that old milf slut who you are on the tv with, I forget her fuckin' name now, you know, the bitch who hosts that shit up, yeah does she let her husband, Lateline's Tony Jones, yeah does she let him slam her in the cake? I reckon she'd be a real dirty one for sure. You can see it in her eyes, I bet she washed buckets of cock in her correspondent days, fucking buckets. So what's the go? Is your boss/colleague/mentor a current and former anal slut? And will you tell us the truth given the vested interest you have in keeping your smarmy fat face on tv? just kidding...about the smarmy...ok and the fat...And what's with that jigabu in the photo with Leni Riefenstal? ....black as the ace of spades! Imagine the sex partner history on Riefenstal...who the fuck can be said to have been skull fucked by hitler (for those not familiar with this process, and I use the word process for good reason, yes for those not familiar I urge you to google my hero, Canada's fave son, the performance artist "Brandon Iron"), yes who could suck THE Adolf Hitler's parinsonian bat AND be a 'coalburner' in the same life. Amazing life, that slut also, but yeah just noticed that photo there on your blog thought the contrast was fucked on me monitor but tricked again. Anywho, mainly just wanted to know about that milf cunt on the First Tuesday Book Club's cake access and shit, if it's ever come up in the tea room. Girls talk, you know how it is. The girls at the mail sorting center always tell me about getting flattened edgewise in the dark place, we talk about our sex lives over a microwave burger in the tea room. Yet none of them are any where near as god fuckdamn penetrable as either you are that old slut. Mmmmm Mmmm! (Lick lips, sniffs chlorine residue on arm from public pool spa this arve), anyway get back to us, and if you don't know I'm a postal worker. So wait for the shotgun pulse, it ain't just breast cancer that can kill in you in the workplace. I also want to break the face of all the fast talking losses on the west wing. Oh, and that other bitch, that Toni Collette, there's never been a woman in the public eye who so resembled a trout, i'd like to throw her in the fucking ocean incidentally.
Dude, give the meth a rest. Question; is it wrong to be anonymous?
know something about buckets of cock anon 9.48 pm? do tell.
What can I say, I was young & I needed the money. How about you 2:45?
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