Friday q and a #64.
Hey! It's Friday q and a #64. Will you still need/feed/wash me, etc.
I received this email from a dear companion of mine which I wish to share with you:
'Date: Thu, 05 Apr 2007 09:58:10 +1000
From: R***** <******@unit.com.au>
To: Ms Fits
Subject: Expanding your demographic
So I'm having a chat with a family friend, early 60's, lovely gentle
Scottish soul...
Jacqui - I heard that girl you know on Richard Stubbs at work today.
Me - Cool.
Jacqui - Didn't she work for you on Last Man Standing?
Me - (beat) Why yes. Yes she did.
Jacqui - She's very easy to listen to.
Me - She smells nice too.
Crickets chirp.
Me - You should read her blog.
Jacqui - Sorry?
Me - She has a blog. On the internet.
Jacqui - Oh. Okay, I'll look it up tomorrow*.
*This reminded me that I hadn't actually read your blog for a couple of
weeks so I logged on this morning.
When my Mum calls and wants to know why I'm referring her friends to
websites about BLOODIED FAECES, I'm giving her your number.'
I can only offer my humblest apologies, aged population of the internet. I wouldn't go about recommending women in their 60's start hooking into this blog. There are swears, you see.
Speaking of which, let's plunge headfirst into some fucking Friday fucking questions.
Anonymous said...
Me question. Ms Fits have you ever struggled with monogamy? Currently in long term lovely relationship, yet the eye and imagination wander, causing much stress and confusion. How does one get to Sinead O'Connor's graceful state of not wanting what one has not got?
Sorry about bein' anon, don't have a blog.
While less likely to aspire to the state of baldy Prince-covering diva no matter how lowly my moral state, I do indeed relate to your conundrum. Being on the somewhat overactive imaginatory side myself I am sadly prone to involved and sticky daydreams about passing men and ladies regardless of my relationship status. While the severity of said daydreams can certainly cause annoying doubts and troubles (I have awoken from a dream of spooning an ex tumbleweed love which is filling my head with all kinds of irritating grievances this morning), please don't take it as some kind of sign that you must RUN FOR THE HILLS and away from your partner. Could your winsome mindful meanderings simply be a reminder that there are certain wee things irking you about Mr or Ms Anon and instead of sitting down and tackling them you'd rather imagine a world of false perfection with another? It's most usually the fucking case for me.
I suggest some bracing winter walks. There is a chance we will always be like this. Never mind, we have other nice qualities.
Lukeus said...
Hi. I hope I'm not too late.
When Thank God Your Here returns Tom Gleisner will inevitably surround himself with beautiful women and pretend like it happened out of luck. In every episode. I know live TV shows do this - they put the good-lookers front-and-center and it's all business as usual - but I can't believe Tom Gleisner has sunk to this level.
That's not my question, this is. I'm very curious to read the Bolt article on you. I can't imagine what rubbish he came up with. I googled it to no avail and I even employed the Monash Uni Factiva archive to no avail. Will you pplleease show it to us?
I'm afraid it's not my place to aid your interweb stalkings, Lukeus. If you haven't yet managed to find every piece of trash talk written about me online (and - I say this with a fair amount of ladylike modesty - there is rather a lot), then you're obviously not trying hard enough. Rest assured, there is a cheery implication from our friend Andrew that I am single-handedly pushing society into an abyss of moral decay through my screenwriting. Aren't I clever?
zzymurgy said...
Hi Fits,
Short time reader, first commmenter.
Glad to finally be first, and might I say you made a valiant effort in the face of all that vitriol in FQ&A #63. Please don't let it get you down. Remember FQ&A #69 is coming up, and it is bound to be special... and yes I mean that in the sleaziest way. Don't think we don't remember what you want for your birthday.
Getting together at the Corner sounds fab, but it's awfully Melbourne-centric. Couldn't we organise something more central, like, oooh I dunno, the Birdsville Pub or something? I hear the pineapple juice at Uluru resort is to die for.
My actual question this week is deeply personal/political/personal/political
(which is which? oh to be an Arts student again.)
Are you a member of a union? I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be. If so, do they offer you discounted movie tickets and Entertainment Books and such?
Personally I like unions but I don't see why they need to affiliate to the Labor party.
Dreadful business.
Anyway, you mentioned that you've slept with some people who commented in this blog. (Don't think you'll live that one down anytime soon.) Can I tell people I am one of those aforementioned commenters? Seems there's nothing interesting to talk about down at the bowls club these days.
PS. I've been away for a while. Did we ever find out what band INC was in? If not, can I start the ball rolling again?
1. That wasn't me who wanted the threeway for my birthday. It was a tall and handsome friend of mine who shall remain nameless. He scored a threeway tonguekiss in an alleyway on the night in question, for what it's worth.
No mother, I was not involved.
2. I'd be most keen on organising a RYWHM knees-up at the Birdsville Pub. Any excuse to get out of Melbourne at the moment.
Also pubs that look like this
and feature 'colourful' bar-rooms such as this
Fill me with an all-over warmth and make me want to drive around in my van for the rest of my days reading Stephen Fry and making a career of outback drinking.
3. Yes, I'm a member of the Australian Writer's Guild. And yes, my card scores me 'discounts' at the Cinema Nova and other such artistically highbrow establishments although considering my triple r subscription does pretty much the same thing I may as well just de-unionise and let the scabs take over NEXT TIME IT'S A COLD DAY IN HELL OBVIOUSLY.
4. I don't see why not. Please be sure to mention that I gave a solid performance.
5. Yes, we did. It was New Order. But feel free to start the ball rolling once more. I actually went so far as to dip my toe into an oft-mentioned blog site but the game was over before I could be arsed actually doing anything with it. You see how I give of myself, though.
Anonymous said...
re 80's song - wrong! - it's so much more obvious that that (or so i thought)...
though i take your point about all 80's songs being about the same thing, except maybe computer games and we didn't start the fire.
Look out, we have a new game on our hands. Is it 'Come Said The Boy' by Mondo Rock?
Joseph said...
Fits: Not that I have any great wish to pull aside the curtain, but did the word splenetic spring to mind or was it plucked from your thesaurus? It seemed quite apt and not out of place, but it is a somewhat old-fangled word.
Of course there's no shame in consulting one's Reader's Digest Word Finder anyway. It's just the sensible use of one's tools, except where -- as often happens for me -- it leads to somewhat contrived phraseology.
Also! My next Friday question will try not to over-analyse your vocabulary. It would be creepy to do that three times in a row.
Oh, not at all. My thesaurus is a beloved companion during times of writings. Particularly during q and a when I tend to overuse the following words to the point of monotony:
Tedious
Heinous
Charmed
Mystifying
Trouble
Lavish
Festive
I am not ashamed of outsourcing, Joseph. I love finding new words. It's like going to a big shop of brains and coming out that little bit smarter.
Ms Fire said...
Do you think Mrs Reucassel had anything to do with sending our Craig out in public in his smugglers?
If so, a very smart move on her behalf, as it certainly dampened my ardour to the point of near saturation.
Really? It actually rumbled my knickers a little. Perhaps we should look again to make sure.
Yes, I'm still enjoying it. If it was Mrs Reucassel's idea I salute her with my vagina.
richardwatts said...
How soon in advance should I start planning my 40th birthday party (July 6th, incidentally), and what the hell am I going to do to celebrate the occasion? Passing out on the bathroom floor is so last year/night...
Oh boy, I don't know. I turn 31 in May and I'm still deciding whether or not to take all my friends to school camp again or just bunk off to Vietnam and drink mango daiquiris on the beach. 40, however, is another matter altogether. Look at you and your maturing, Richard Watts!
I'd suggest around early May to begin planning your four-day festival of all things birthday related (Wattstock 07). Have you considered hiring out a magnificent mansion like this one and taking seven of your nearest and dearest away for a weekend of delightful hedonism? With a couple of months to prepare financially it'd be fucking sweet.
I've also loved the idea of forcing my friends to join me here, particularly if we drove there in a beat-up minibus and had a wild roadtrip preceding. If you do this, may I join? I promise not to call shotgun too much.
Dr Dork said...
Hello Ms Fits,
Delurking with intent.
Two very rudimentary queries:
1. Is what we've got here a failure to communicate ?
2. So much nasty of late - why can't we all just get along ?
Kind regards
Dork
Hello Doctor.
1. Where? You and me? Everyone else and the Scragfight Of Death during last week's q and a? I don't know, I'm sick of talking. Let's jive energetically instead.
2. I have no idea. People seem so very cross these days, don't they? I can't imagine why. There's so much to be cheery about, like the opening of Them's 'It's All Over Now Baby Blue' and the fact that tomorrow I get to go over to Gabi's house and paint a big white cross on her pregnant belly simply for amusement's sake.
Peter said...
Hiya Fitsy...
My question relates to a particularly spiteful "tribute" site, possibly penned by the delightful Anon from #63. Should you wish to (if you haven't already) you can go to [insert real surname]watch.blogspot.com
So my question is, how do you feel about being subject to such a site? One might imagine a professional shit-stirrer such as yourself would revel in it. But even if that is the case, is that joy not mitigated by the fact that it is a woeful, barely literate and short lived effort of which the author should rightly be ashamed?
Oh, and my darling wife would like to know if they really are your boosies that the darling author has so heavily featured. She - and I, it is true! - find them quite lovely! Am I not truly blessed to have such a wife?!
But the way I've chosen this time to ask my question as until now I didn't realise you had abandoned the pretence of anonymity that you'd previously maintained. We thought ourselves very clever to have tumbled to your real life, barely-secret identity some considerable time ago**, but it's not our place to give you away!
** Why wouldn't we pat ourselves on the back? With only references to your published writings, radio and tv appearances and a detailed statement of your ancestral line to go on it was VERY DIFFICULT INDEED!
Hiya Mister Peter
a) I'll let my new friend epon_anon take this:
epon_anon said...
Sorry to cut your lunch here Fits but, Peter, I think it's safe to assume that the hardywatch blog is a piss-take on RWDB's rather than our esteemed host. The name of the author is a bit of a give away. The musical interest in Nik Kershaw & S-Club 7 might be another hint.
ps. verification = sfxjholi; I usually get slapped when I say that in public.
Poor old Nik Kershaw. What did he ever do to deserve such a caning by association? DO YOU NOT RECALL THE GENIUS OF 'WOULDN'T IT BE GOOD', YOU HEATHENS.
Yes, that particular capsule of vitriol is the work of a dear friend of mine. Though I'm used to seeing similar such non-parody sites around the traps on occasion. You acclimatise eventually, it must be said. I heartily recommend a thorough character assassination/tearing of private strips to anyone suffering from vaguely thin skin. That shit toughens you up chronic.
b) They are indeed my breastings, yes. And you are certainly lucky to find yourself with such an open-minded appreciator of bosoms as your good ladywife. She is, I believe, what is known around the traps as a 'keeper'.
Lonosoy Marinero said...
I was just merrily laughing my arse off a the people who had you confused with the rival Q&A posting hottie...until I double-checked and found the joke was on me, I was on your page after all, which explained all the Ms Fits references.
PS where can I request a signed picture?
A signed picture of me or the delightful Dan Redacted? I don't know what kind of photographs he's got kicking around in his odds and sods drawer, but most of mine feature my naked ass in black and white and are possibly inappropriate for use on someone's mantel.
Jeff Bebe said...
If one was to believe one's self to be quite foolishly in love with you -- however ludicrous and completely absurd, not to mention inappropriate, it should be -- what would be the best way to express this?
You could ask me out on a date, Jeff Bebe. I'm a very friendly person. It's that or stand outside my window playing 'Isn't It Time' by the Babys on a keytar which I wouldn't recommend in my particular neighbourhood unless you were heavily armed.
Anonymous said...
Hi
First, I would just like to get to know you better. (sorry)
Seriously, as someone who devours at least 3 novels a week I always take it upon myself to ALWAYS follow up book recommendations. However a quick seach on Amazon shows at least five books published in the last few years entitled "Bliss". Be more specific?
Also. Do you ever go to La Mama in Carlton? If not, you REALLY REALLY should (really).
Cheers
The book you are looking for is Bliss by Peter Carey and it is perfection.
Re: La Mama - yes. I went there recently to see a lovely man perform spectacularly well in a piece of theatre. Apparently a critic said he was 'autistic' on stage, which I was very pleased by.
fridgemagnettt said...
Anonymous said...
To the slut who isn't sexy enough.
Oh, dear, dear, dear.
Was that an audiotion for The Aristocrats?
http://tinyurl.com/27qwyx
More a mild temper explosion from someone verging on mentally unhinged I'd wager, but I see what you're getting at. Also you linked to something involving the genius of Sarah Silverman, so well done you.
Anonymous said...
hello ms fits,
what do you wish someone would ask? also if you could answer your mythical favourite question, that would be useful too.
also, if you get married, will you become mrs fits?
have a charming weekend.
1. I wish someone would ask me the following:
Anonymous said...
Would you like to go out for dinner at Vue de Monde? I'll pay for everything and I promise I won't hit on you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable unless of course I am offensively attractive with an opulent vocabulary at my disposal in which case I may squeeze your fingers between main course and dessert.
to which I would reply:
Yes please.
2. I am actually married but separated. Mr Fits will be dropping over today to make some mysterious measurements in order to build me shelves as he is a magnificent beast and everyone should have an ex like him.
I'm not sure I'd change to Mrs Fits were I to wed again, though I like the idea of graduating to Mama Fits when I eventually choose to procreate.
Anonymous said...
ps it took me three tries to post that because the word verification is becoming increasingly difficult. or i am becoming increasingly less-smart. shoul worry?
heh. Did you mean that 'shoul worry' bit at the end of your concerns re: your brain? You sound like you're falling off your chair in a slurry drunken stupor. The internet can be a very tricky terrain to negotiate sometimes; I wouldn't fret overly.
Perseus said...
Fucken hell. Skeletor, Caz and The Hack have quit TSSH. Now I'm lost, and looking for a new site to loiter in. I met you once and you were very kind. You even made me a coffee. So can I camp here? I have to ask a question, right? I am both a card-carrying Green-voting leftie and a monarchist. Is that plausible to anyone? Because everyone I mention it to finds it ludicrous even though I sleep soundly enough at night.
Did I really make you a coffee? Where? Was I working as a barista at the time or did I invite you in to my house and put the kettle on? I hope you're not a vampire if it's the latter as there are certain rules about that kind of thing and the last thing I need in my life right now is tussles with the undead.
Anyways you're welcome to linger here at RYWHM as long as you like. I will warn you in advance that I can grow increasingly tiresome as I bleat on about aspects of my life assuming that people will be interested and also I hog the doona. With regard to your question I feel it's very plausible to be both as we are each of us complicated beings with myriad political cyclones whirling within. No one would ever guess that I'm a violently racist homophobe with all my pious left-wing posturing.
Tammiodo said...
Dear Ms. Fits,
I am wondering whether you would consider, in order that we might return Friday Q&A to the fun-filled and airy-spirited affair it used to be, doing a Best Of Friday Q&A? You must have some favourites of the bazillion questions that have been asked of you. I wonder though that some of the nasty commenters might be put out by not being able to have nasty comments answered on a Friday, so perhaps the Best of Friday Q&A would not end up being on a Friday? Or do you think this might remind them (or learn them real good) not to take life too seriously?
I did consider this after reading your question, though the idea of trawling through 64 back issues of Friday q's filled me with an overwhelming sense of dread and I can't for a moment imagine the hours it would take me to undertake such a task. Perhaps when I have less on my writerly 'plate' I will stretch out and construct a Full House-type Christmas Montage Special but until then I'm afraid we'll just have to deal with the fuckwads.
Speaking of which, they seem to have tired themselves out a little after last week. And I for one am most delighted.
Mephistopheles said...
Greetings Fits,
What news hast thou? Hope you've been well.
No question this week, a short rant rather. (Fuck off i'm a Turk & am allowed to be 'violent')
What is with cunts having a go at Bevis last week? Seriously guys, let it go! (or fuck off, your choice.)
It's the internet & everyone is allowed to post whatever they may wish. I guess what i'm trying to say is DON'T PROJECT YOUR INSECURITIES ON OTHER PEOPLE YOU FUCKTARDS OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN & STAB YOU REPEATEDLY IN THE FACE!
Some people are just so rude.
Anyway, do take care, M.
Ps - you're gorgeous!
x
This is what we call 'fighting fire with fire', people. You might have heard Tom Jones singing about it with that blonde lady from the Cardigans.
p.s. re: news. My beloved Fishbox had a baby boy at 3:07am Tuesday morning.
Me: So how are you feeling? How's Charliebox?
Fishbox: Oh, he's good. Good.
Me: Is he healthy? What size did he come out?
Fishbox: He's three point six kilometers.
Me: ......
Fishbox: I think I'm a bit tired. Sorry.
epon_anon said...
Listen you interweb heavies,
Lay off our good man Bevis,
If it's the fight that will please,
Just see Mephistopheles,
And he'll toss your bodies into a crevice.
Don't think I should give up my day job quite yet.
I emailed this limerick to Bevis and he was so chuffed he went pink all over. So I'm told anyway; I can't be expected to monitor this kind of thing twenty-four hours a day.
Thalesian said...
Fitsy,
Regarding the 'It's all sticky' spiderman comic that appeared last week... Have a sqizz at this lovingly compiled collection.
http://www.superdickery.com
It has a whole range of amusing comic outtakes... including some rather risque Superman vs Batman images.
Oh, and my question is... is Superman a dick?
Veri-word = kbarrfu
A bizarre form of candybar related martial art? (Kiwis will understand)
That website is fucking hilarious.
'Home of the phrase that started it all, "Superman is a dick." Witness an ever growing selection of examples of Superman acting like... well, a dick.'
Like thusly:
'You'll note this is the start of a trend where Superman feels obliged to prevent anyone he knows from ever knowing the sweet, sweet taste of anything remotely resembling success.'
I'm also a big fan of the Jimmy Olsen series:
'Damn, that's cold...'
'Worst. Adoptive. Father. Ever.'
I'd have to say that going on strong evidence at superdickery.com, yes. Superman is a dick.
p.s. Thank you.
blenny said...
Look, i thought I'd shoulder your load a bit and at least keep you updated on how the beloved cheese at 'cheddarvision' is doing. It has been checked by quality assurance type experts and ALL IS WELL. Also, i second the glowing reports on Boston Legal. Would you like a copy? (note Friday question) Yes, i'd breach copyright for you. After all, you were kind enough to agree to a threesome (Don't think I've forgotten). Vaguely on that topic how does one navigate the "I'm not wanting a relationship just now, but sex would be just lovely" scenario? It seems to be fraught with danger. Is it not difficult to stop yourself liking them too much? Must you close your heart to how adorable they look when sleeping, their gentle hair strokes and patience with your endless questions, to protect it from breaking? Let's not even get started on the self doubt it creates... I wish i could just live in the moment but i keep thinking perhaps i should walk away now and let him come find me if or when he wants more. In short (to perhaps save editing) how the hell does one just enjoy a purely physical relationship- is there some kind of guide? I'd really like to figure this out, for he is the very definition of hotness...and YES it is kind and generous of me to be willing to share him with you. You're most welcome.
There's quite a few queries jammed in there if I may sift through...
1. Thank fuck, re: cheddarvision. I have been losing sleep.
2. Yes please.
3. Oh dear. I really don't know how you handle something so emotionally delicate. I am the worst kind of 'perhaps if I keep sharing of myself naked he will grow to love me' lady which never works out well and let's be frank your swain has made his feelings perfectly clear from the outset which I guess one must have some kind of grudging respect for even though it's invariably frustrating to be unloved.
Unless you are some kind of cold-hearted satanist I think it's nigh on impossible to have coolly disconnected friend-sex without any kind of fondness stirrings. The very act lends itself to intense connections of viscid intimacy, does it not? A dear friend of mine recently found himself pleasantly startled when a fondness for his erstwhile fuckbuddy spilled over into something special. If you're able to give of yourself to this gentleman caller without any expectations whatsoever then you are a greater woman than I, though I wouldn't recommend it. Hearts are a bit too precious to test like that.
Anonymous said...
Hello Ms Fits.
Finally I have something interesting (I hope?) to ask, after having read so many editions of the Friday questions, maintaining a slightly intimidated silence...
But have you read and what do you think of The Neon Bible? A Confederacy Of Dunces is wonderful, one of my favourite books ever, and I was perfectly prepared for disappointment from John Kennedy Toole's other, lesser-known book. I loved it. And it irks me that no one ever recommends it, or even mentions it, ever.
Thank you for devoting your Fridays to us - I am not a Q&A-hater, by any means.
Oh, I'm with you. I absolutely loved The Neon Bible. To think that clever fucker wrote it when he was fifteen years old. WHAT HOPE IS THERE FOR THE REST OF US.
Anonymous said...
What do you think of the Age's blog "Third Best"?
My own feelings are in constant flux. At first, it enraged me in the same way that Vice enrages me; the kids who were overlooked by the popular clique at school band together and make their own rules about "coolness", and, in the process, create their own little world of self-conscious and self-proclaimed hipsterism which is every bit as small minded and exclusive as the mainstream (and about as original, too).
But then again, there’s something appealing about their enthusiasm and the fact that they literally tell the Age readers to go fuck themselves. And I’m reluctantly aware that part of the reason they make my blood boil is that they remind me of my own cringe-worthy “original” phase …
Publishing it on the Age is a whole other issue. Does the fact that they're on a broadsheet mean that they have to offer more than their "..and man look at the boots.. Owwww Owwww AAAAAHHHHOoOOoOoOoooO!!!!!!!", or is it fair enough for them to say, we're just having a laugh and if the Age wants to publish it, that's their problem?
There’s been a lot of commentary on them: everyone from Opulent to your co-bloggers Mel and Andy as well as the blog’s myriad commenters have chipped in.
I'd actually never heard of Third Best until this question was asked as I am patently unfashionable and get confused when walking past the window of Buddy Love on Smith street. I guess it reminds me a little of Go Fug Yourself which to me is less about pictures of d-grade celebrities looking appalling and more about some incredibly funny and clever writing. If I want to look at pictures of coolsies in MC Hammer pants I'll check out the Streetparty social pages. If I want to clutch at my sides over scathingly brilliant commentary I'll head to Heather and Jessica. To be honest there's not enough time in my day to include Third Best on my 'rounds'.
Anonymous said...
That was all a bit odd. I haven't really had the opportunity to read your Q&As for a few months and so when I do get round to it it looks like the whole things been reduced to a dockyard brawl. If anything, for a while back there I thought the Q&A was heading dangerously in the direction of a love-in and it'd soon be time to give it the once over with the garden hose but yeh, obviously I wouldn't wanna be advising people on buying stock in these things.
Bottom line is, I hope the vicious turn things took didn't get you down. I get a real kick out of what you write and would rather hear your normal chipper tone than the "is this really worth it?" kind of resignation I thought I heard at the end of last week. Keep your chin up, love.
I guess before I go I'd better legitimise this with a question..................alright, fancy anything in race 5 at Dapto?
All the best, Berndt
I spent ages researching skyracing.com for details on dog-gambling and ended up with nought. Apologies. I have a 'trotting' background, you know.
Anonymous said...
afternoon,
i've been living in my apartment for about two years, on my own, sans cats, listening to elliott smith & occassionally watching the west wing until the sun comes up. i like to think that while i'm ballsy & brave & outspoken out on the streets, mostly at home i mind my own business & keep to myself. i live above one person & across from another in what seems to be an increasingly thinly walled apartment.
in the last two months two separate neighbours have complained to the body corporate about my late night activities. first off, i was listening to music late into the night which apparently is offensive to other occupants "in the extreme". righto. i suggested they should perhaps knock on my door if i was upsetting them & ask me politely what the fuck i was doing & i would stop. as i would. i'm not a cunt, i don't intend to inflict my strummy, quiet indie music on the unwilling. i thus haven't listened to my music at night without headphones which is stunningly reminding me of living at home with my parents again & not what i had planned in my mid twenties.
just this afternoon i received a call from my landlord informing me that my late night activities (stomping & door slamming, apparantly) have forced a neighbour into a "majorly disrupted lifestyle" & into wearing ear plugs (!!!!) to bed at night. i feel awful. i never wanted this for us in our giant apartment complex. i turned the music off & i don't even watch the west wing past 9pm anymore because of its orchestral moments & need for the dialogue to be audible at least. it's just silence & me writing with some cereal. or so i thought, at least.
so my question is am i the utter neighbour from hell or has the world turned to absolute shit where busybody no life neighbours can only punish unwitting offendors with the help of a regulatory intermediary? am i unreasonable to expect someone could just knock on my door & ask me to shut up? i'm 5 foot six & blonde & smiley looking, i'm not sitting on my balconey with a rifle. sub question, should i just move? is it because i live alone that i'm an insensitive cow? what the hell happened to my life?
if you could answer even one or two of the above, i'd be most grateful. happy easter.
Oh, that is a fucking awful state of affairs. I'm sorry to hear of your body corporate woes. Aren't people utter wankstains sometimes?
I live above a shop and as yet have had no complaints from the nice men downstairs with regard to playing Dion and the Belmonts at full volume or jumping up and down manically whilst screaming out the lyrics to Strychnine by the Sonics. I can't imagine the sort of uptight jennies fencing you in at your place of residence. Who on earth gets huffy about dramatic musical swellings on their neighbour's television? Jesus christ.
My vote is that you are a sane human surrounded by the kind of morons who write letters to the council if someone puts their recycling bin out on the wrong night and my sympathies go out to you. You've been more than considerate and the fact that you've had to drastically alter your lifestyle in order to placate snooty cockspanks whose delicate constitutions are deeply affected by doors closing (what on earth are you up to there in your wee flat, Anon? Stomping about and banging things. Are you Henry Rollins?) is just unconscionable. If you wish to maintain mildly pleasant relations with these stiffs I guess it might be worth a gentle tap on their flywire and a quiet 'let's just cut out the middle man and talk this through, friend', though they probably won't be able to hear you with the ear plugs in.
It's not you. It's them. Please remember that always.
Anonymous said...
Ms Fits said...
" I thought people got out of my way on the road because I had a variety of charming waves and 'oh, do you mind awfully if I...' "
Sorry I can't do the quoting thing properly, but I'm afraid I'm one of the members of the codes illiterati.
Anyways.. I drive a LOT in peak hour traffic, listening to the Breakfasters, The Ghost (my fave), or whoever else is on.
You know what really eased the stress of dealing with traffictards?
It was when I started mentally translating their particularly vacuous waves to: "I'm a cock."
Is this awfully too cynical?
I'm not kidding, it really helped me deal with them. Do I need help?
And why is there a wheelchair nex to the word verification?
Are you saying that you have watched me and my ilk waving thanks and considered us cocks, Anon? That hardly seems fair. I wave at people because I want them to know I appreciate their letting me cut in and hope we can be friends one day when our schedules calm down a bit. It's not a cynical exercise by any means and I am somewhat mortified to think that I am presenting the image of cockdom to sniggering drivers such as yourself. I AM NOT A COCK I AM JUST A GRACIOUS CAR OWNER.
Also: there is a wheelchair next to the word verification box because RYWHM has disabled access.
Randall said...
quite simply, what song do you want played at your funeral and why.
'Who Let The Dogs Out' by the Baha Men.
Failing that, a live rendition of the Jacques Brel song I was named after would probably send people into floods of tears which would be nice for me to witness from my position as shining angel.
The Last Scientician said...
Was hellglitter nasty toward me? In what respect? I can't even remember the occasion. Can we forget it and go back to being vaguely aware of each other?
I want to know, do you actually believe in fate, or destiny? You often say things like "not meant to be" or if something is "meant to happen". Are you just using these figures of speech from habit and with deference to their ease of expression, or do you truly believe the is some is direction in what goes on?
I have no idea either. I can't be expected to remember everything that goes on in these Friday posts, you know. I have other things to do.
With regard to fate or destiny...I don't know, I've never really considered it. I guess I do believe that people appear in your life at a certain time for a certain reason, so probably. It's hard not to believe in destiny when someone you know and love has a child. Those little buggers tend to teach us all kinds of bizarre and painfully beautiful lessons, don't they?
scallywag said...
Hello Ms Fits!
Do you use myspace? Until recently I thought it was for fourteen year olds (just read that it's the prefered medium for teen breakups) and events managers.
To my utter delight, I just discovered that John Howard has a myspace page.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=51859681
(At least, I want to believe it's real). Best of all, it looks like he may have had a staffer set it up, only to forget about it, because comments such as
"31 Mar 2007 9:19 P
Hey babe,
I just got a brazilian.
Do you want me to send you my old hair so you can use it as a tupae ?
Love you , and I'll be thinking about you in bed tonight ;)
xox Lizzzzzoiiiii"
remain up, three days later. Other absolute crackers include:
"29 Mar 2007 11:39 P
fuck all you racist bastards. you all deserved to be kicked in the balls 10 times. we all know that john isnt some kinda racist so stfu everyone wanting australia being for whites only.
besides, without asian youd all be caucs. lose"
and the succint
"Fucker".
I do use myspace, yes. In fact I have been dirty messaging the lovely Kirsten for most of the day and just received the following:
'----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Kirsten
Date: Apr 5, 2007 10:09 PM
FUCK ALL THAT.
Let's get pissed NOW. I have a bottle of schnapps in the freezer with your name on it.
You heard. '
She really is a charmer.
Anyhow, I was a little confused by your question as the link you have provided leads to a George W Bush page. With little to no effort I found a similar one for our esteemed leader although I am vaguely suspicious as he lists his ethnicity as 'Black / African descent' and goes on to spell his wife's name wrong.
Still. Seven friends. That must be more than he's got in real life.
The Happy Revolutionary said...
Um, Ms Fits, my post was written under the influence of alceehol, and I am kindly asking if you could remove it. Yes yes, I know free speech and all, but...
I tried your email, but it didn't work, at least, not on my computer. So puh-leeeease Ms Fits, supress (drunken) free speech just this once, and be happy. that there is a revoltionary, who is also happy.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO WRITE AN ANSWER TO YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION, THR.
I should have read ahead first. I'm sorry. Consider it done.
p.s. If you ever want a private answer to your query feel free to email me as it's all drafted.
elaine said...
I just got a brazilian.
Do you want me to send you my old hair so you can use it as a tupae ?
wouldn't it be better suited to a merkin?
yes, this is a question but my "real" question follows.
I recently relocated to a charming little cottage in a delightful neighbourhood that pleases me greatly, my home life is lovely and I have a new cat and wonderful friends and I even have my own little space for making things and yet I have lost every skerrick of creative urgings.
How do I get it back?
1. Probably, but it's best not thinking about these things in too much detail I find.
2. Oh love, I'm sorry to hear it. If it's any consolation I promise said urgings will come back eventually as you have art in your bones and it would be impossible for you to exist on planet earthings without making craft of some description. In the interim enjoy your cottage and space and listen to music and do as much reading as possible and invite a woman blogger over for an occasional bowl of puttanesca when you feel the urge as every now and then I hear those dorks like company.
David "The Craw" Crawshaw said...
Will you be buying one of these
when they become available?
Apparently they're available on Wednesday 4th April, so by the time you answer this question my copy will already be in the mail!
Oh, good lord. No. No I will not. Thank you for asking.
bam-ba-lam said...
hi ms fits,
you've mentioned time and time again that you're into hanging out in pubs armed with your fav. novel and nectar of the juniper gods and i'm curious about how you manage to keep the flow of such a lovely arvo/evening when you must take a trip to the ladies' room. do you leave bags/coats/stuff strewn over the table in the comfy little nook you've settled into, trusting that no-one will take off with your fav granny cardy/bag your friend brought back as a gift form overseas? or do you take your bits and bobs with you and do what you've gotta really fast, hoping that your table is still vacant when you get back to it?? any handy tips for those of us still working on perfecting our techinque would be greatly appreciated, ta.
hope all's well in your world,
b
I like this question very much.
I'm a ridiculously trusting soul by nature so I do tend to leave Fits-detritus scattered about when I must dash off for a lipstick retouch. If I'm ever in an oddly creepy neck of the woods I'll find a pleasant-looking fellow table-dweller and ask them to keep an eye on my 'gear' whilst I'm otherwise occupied. It's a nice way to trade smiles with someone and I'm yet to be fleeced, so please go on ahead and share the love.
Suave The Cat said...
Dear Ms Fitz.
At the risk of being hammered by some of the oh-so-brave anonymous posters for being a suck, I'd just like to say thanks for not pulling the pin on Friday QNA.
If I may use a Footy analogy, everyone has their form slumps and hopefully as time progresses, the questions left for your consideration will work their way back to the loftier standards for which I became a regular reader of Friday QNA.
My question(s), if I may...
Permission to use "... eat my promiscuous cock expanse" in its Latin translation on my tombstone? It's not exactly up there with Spike Milligan and "I Told you I was Ill", but it's a start, and I'll take it (if permission be granted).
Supplementary: Not having any understanding of Latin beyond "Fortius Quo Fidelus" could someone help me out with which part of the translation: "Orbus fututiones cunnus foramen apparatus matris fututi edi meus promiscus mentula amplitudo" is actually "mothefuckers, eat my promiscuous cock expanse"?
And for what it's worth, I think more people should apply themselves to similar pursuits while on their employers coin!
Thank you, Suave. Your motivational speech is most appreciated.
With regard to your requests:
a. Permission granted. Have you really thought this through, though? What will your Aunty Carole think?
b. I'm so glad you let me off the hook by asking 'someone' to help you out with your Latin. I am fucking hopeless when it comes to languages, though I am cannily able to call someone a diarrhea-head in German should the urge take me.
Easily Confused said...
Are you going to answer the leftover questions? Please help me with the monogamy question.
I sound pathetic I know, but saw non-partner object of lust today and feel like I'm sinking or something more poetic than that which I can't think of at the moment.
Of course. I hope it was of some assistance. Good luck.
see picture said...
There was talk once about this around these parts, i don't know but it looks like these fine folk could be the antidote to the profligate dressing so commonly practised by the youth these days, viz emo sorts.
Can you not find it in your heart to recommend it, you beacon of sensibility, you stalwart of taste, you purveyor of paragons?
I'm not sure I completely understand this question, see picture. Which fine folk? Which emo sorts? Which picture? Are you sure you've got the right person with all that 'beacon of sensibility' business? You do realise I eat food off the plates of strangers in public dining houses?
J. said...
Hmmmmm......?
What the hell kind of question is 'Hmmmmm....?'? Are you waiting for something? Have I left you dissatisfied? Are we courting? OH DEAR IT'S THAT CONFUSING MOMENT OF FRIDAY Q AND A AGAIN.
Katie said...
Hello Marieke, I'm not posting with a question. I just wanted to compliment you on your views in tonight's episode of The Book Club. I thought you were incredibly astute and well spoken. Of the guests on tonight's show you were by far the most perceptive - a genuine inspiration for me to continue finding the time to read amid current toil.
Katie
Thanks Katie, that is very nice of you. 'Well spoken' isn't a term that usually springs to mind when finding ways to describe the garbled horror of most book club appearances, but I do appreciate your thoughts.
p.s. Whatever you do, leave the Dunante novel well alone.
Mic Antonio said...
Googled ur name after tonite's episode of the book club on SBS and stumbled across ur blog. That was one freakishly long post!!??
Gotta sawy u looked HOT on the show 2nite. I wouldn't normally watch that show but thought hey what the hell there's a hot chick in it hehe
do u guys ever review business books or just fiction novels?? i don't read anything but business/personal development books that's why.
cheers,
Mic
Well aren't you just the charmer, Mister Antonio. I can't say it's ever occurred to the nice people at the book show to cover a business novel but as someone who gets confused by the term 'Dow Jones Index' I can't say I'm particularly gunning for it.
Ben said...
Hello! Er...I'm really only posting to validate my existence ( I didn't even know you had a blog till today!), but I'll ask a question, I guess:
Is it true that, as a 28-year-old writer and performer who has yet to achieve any sort of worthwhile profile, I should "keep plugging away"? Or is plugging away an idiot's folly, and I should go develop a drug habit instead?
My sister got to meet you, how green I am!
My computer's doing silly things, I don't know if I'm posting this twice...
Of course you should keep plugging away, Ben. Obviously you can do so with a coexisting drug habit, though I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. Wouldn't you rather be the kind of grandfather who lived on a sweat-soaked mattress making icypole stick houses for deaf children and married a Russian countess than 'Pa from Mont Albert'? Of course you would. Go and make art, for fuck's.
anthony said...
After the venom of last week's q&a, can I just change the tone a little by saying a big "Thank You!" to Clem? She was on RRR last week during Breakfasters, and they finished by playing Andrew W.K.'s "Party Hard". How have I missed this music before now? Entirely pointless bouncy rock music. I approve, highly.
As far as an actual, proper question - I noticed that at the Pet Shop Boys performance tonight, the dancers were all male - no females at all. What's all that about, then?
Yes, Anthony. Yes you can. I welcome such kind words here.
Also - I suspect the Pet Shop Boys may be queer. Though I'd prefer it if you didn't 'quote' me on that.
anthony said...
Oooo. I just saw randall's comment asking about funeral plans. How about a post for people to state their funeral preferences on the record? Sort of like the Confession Booth, but not anonymous and far more gloomy.
Personally, I want a wake, with my coffin in the corner being used as a bar. If people are going to have drinks in my name, I'm fucked if I'm not going to be there. If someone wanted to drill a hole in the lid for the supply of alcohol, that'd be excellent!
I will do so next week on a day when I can think of nothing better to blog about. I thank you for your inspiration - these are tough creative times, you know.
bec said...
Alanis covering Fergies 'My Humps'
Funny?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2uBfi4miC8
More disturbing than funny, really. I don't like Alanis talking about people buying her 'iceys'. It's like watching your cousin come home at 7 in the morning with a ladder in her stockings and reeking of semen.
What the hell is an icey, anyway? Answers on the back of an envelope.
Startled & Perplexed said...
They're screening First Tuesday Book Club on SBS now??
Are they? Do you have evidence to back this up? I have no fucking idea about my televisual career. I just turn up when they tell me and make nice about the novelings.
genevieve said...
Hello, Ms Fits, well done on the book show - my daughter and I think you done rilly good.
Hang in there, Jen will think twice before she throws schlock at you again.
I'm starting to think people may have rumbled my real-life identity. SHOULD I BE CONCERNED.
p.s. Thank you.
Big Matt Stud said...
I don't know if you've been following the case of Kathy Sierra at all, but the reason that I'm bringing it up here is that I've also noticed an increase in the amount of sexually abusive posts here in the last couple of weeks. I have no problem whatsoever with obscenity, particularly when it's also funny, but the anonymous posts that seem to have been appearing lately seem to have a degree of abuse and malevolence that I've found a little disturbing (eg the ones left on the post about Gabi's wedding).
Although I think that Kathy Sierra was overreacting a little (and the idea of a blogger's code of conduct which is being floated around is overreacting a lot) it does make me think a bit about the role of blog comments as a forum for every nutjob with an Internet connection. What are your thoughts ? Have you ever thought of just deleting comments that are too hateful/obscene/misogynistic ?
I will never delete a comment unless someone specifically requests it, Big Matt Stud. People are free to say what they please here. I'd prefer it if they kept the vitriol focussed on me rather than my loved ones, but if they choose to be cockheads in other regards it's entirely up to them.
Anonymous said...
Hi Ms Fits,
I have been reading your blog for a very long time now and have finally found the courage to ask you a question... are you proud of me? (not my question)
I have a beautiful, yet slightly deranged, 5 yr old Golden Retriever, who over the years has collected a variety of nick names. Including, but not limited to... Fluff Guts, Fluffer, Princess Puffy Pants, HR Fluff 'n Stuff, Woofy McWoof Woof, Puffasaurus, Officer Sniffy and Missy (the fact that she doesn't actually get called by her real name much anymore, and never knows what to respond to, may account for her previously mentioned mental status).
Lately I've taken to calling her Ms Fits...
Are you offended by having a canine counterpart, or quietly excited that I hold you in such high regard I have subconsciously starting calling close to the most important thing in my life after you?
I AM UTTERLY DELIGHTED BY THIS QUESTION. Can I request that people refer to me as 'Woofy McWoof Woof' in real life or would that confuse your dog even further?
I think having a dog named after you is just about the highest honour one could imagine outside of being invited to Cher's house for dinner. You have thrilled me to my very core, Anon. Bless you.
audrey said...
Big Matt Stud, if I may interject - there was an interesting report about the Kathy Sierra thing on Hack the other night. The general conclusion seemed to be that a code of ethics would be impossible to implement. An interesting point that came up was how people often reacted more strongly to online criticism than offline, because their online personas were self-created rather than actual.
I imagine that in a perfect world blogs would be hosted and contributed to by people who generally had a sense of human decency. As well all know, this ain't the case.
I don't think Kathy was over-reacting. Some of the stuff that was sent to her was vile. I've read some disgusting things on blogs, some of them just in the last week. The sexually driven filth is the worst. I don't see how people can bring themselves to write such disgusting, morally bankrupt shit.
Oh, and my funeral song would be Van Morrison's Into the Mystic, which (unintentionally ironically) would also be my marriage song.
Also, Ms Fits, you didn't answer my question about clem bastow. Was she offended by my asking? If this is the case, I sincerely apologise to her - it was not a barbed comment in the slightest.
Which question about Clem Bastow? Did I let one slip through the cracks? I sincerely apologise. I'm sure whatever it was Miss Clementine wouldn't be offended. Please feel free to ask again.
Anonymous said...
It seems that many people get a little too serious about your candid web blog.
Does it annoy you that people think they know you from your blog and want to ask you out?
Not at all. I encourage it. Particularly considering that once they dig a little deeper they'll most likely be appalled by my general demeanour and level of hygiene and run screaming in the other direction. It's how these things go, you see. ASK AWAY MEN OF RYWHM AND WE'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE.
*******************
Right you are then. I need to whisk myself off to the pregnant lady's house for general tending and stroking of hair. Eventually I plan to roam the corridors of my house dreaming of strange encounters and purchasing records from late-night television shows. Leave your questions for next Friday in the comments below you lovely, lovely things.
221 days til the next election.
Comments
"Though I'm used to seeing similar such non-parody sites around the traps on occasion. You acclimatise eventually, it must be said. I heartily recommend a thorough character assassination/tearing of private strips to anyone suffering from vaguely thin skin. That shit toughens you up chronic."
Yes, true. But is it such a wonderful thing to be toughened up? Or in the process do you lose a little of your soul?
I don't like that I'm no longer surprised when average and anonymous people turn vicious for no apparent reason.
i mist gave posted that is you were answering. either that or my computer is a lazy piece of beige crap and couldnt be bothered updating.
grr
im confused. its saturday (isnt it?) and theres no 'a' part of friday q&a. did you take a holiday for jesus? my 5 year old came home from school this week ranting about how its mean to stick people in caves and put nails in their hands just cos you dont like them. took me a while to work out what he was on about.
anyhoo, question
oh, first, thanks for being on the lookout for someone to see ben kweller with me. ive got one, but i just thought i'd put the call out to see if anyone else was interested in catching up. so thats my question, anyone else interested in catching up at ben kweller next saturday night?
sorry to use your q&a as an advertising space, of sorts
update on stupidboy that started this whole fiasco. his gf broke up with him after reading emails between the two of us that mentioned the sex we'd have and the fact that he thought she was boring. good on her, i say! except that last night i got a message from him saying 'im in tasmania and will probably have sex with an ex while im here'. it didnt actually say that, but thats what the conversation boiled down to.
so, i am still going, he wont have a gf there, but he will have an ex who's he's been fucking for the last week.
dont worry, the decision has already been made and he knows, there will be no more awesome sex for him from me anymore.
also, i thought you'd find this amusing
http://www.defectiveyeti.com/archives/001949.html
damn. i was totally going to ask you something, then got lost in all the references to awesome sex in the above comment.
um... rightio.
i think my contribution to that topic would be that once place awesome sex can be had is on a trampoline.
i also found out a friend of mine studying a degree in some kind of white-coated wizardry (aka science. my artsy brain just doesn't get it) spends most of the day injecting tumor cells into mice. should people be worried that the first thing i said to her at finding this out was:
"so just wait... doesn't that mean you could make like a cancer-gun? you know, like a tranqualizer dart thing, except the darts are all full of tumor cells?"
it's not a question, but i'll put in a question mark at the end as a tip of my hat to the desired structure of this.
thankyou for taking the time to read through & think about & comment on all our strange pokings, probings & problems. you seem to be a very busy person with many important things to do & the fact that you commit to this every friday is really very heartwarming & spirit pleasing.
so thankyou.
?
dear ms fits, i am a male. i don't tend to think of myself as being especially masculine or effeminate, but rather somehow, 'normal'. however, i do have some cause to wonder. as a case in point, i've never really warmed to the variety of terms that blokes use to address each other - be they bloke, man, mate, dude, etc. usually, i just use someone's name. maybe its just that i don't think of myself as being blokey and i generally frown on vestiges of blokey machismo. however, some such kind of talk seems very nearly to be de rigeur currency for the contemporary male. so, some questions: i) firstly, to get personal - is the problem really that i'm just too formal and proper, and need to relax and/or 'toughen' up a little? ii) from a female perspective, just how much blokeyness is too much or too little - is there a place for ironic blokeyness? (this is the only kind that i seem reasonably able to manage) iii) could there be reasonably considered to a female equivalent of this talk? iv) to what extent should such terms be used in dialogue between persons of differing sexes? (yes, i'm equally uncomforable with either gender referring to me as 'mate') v) how many parts in a multi-part question is too many?
What advice would you or your readers give to a blogger who once had 350 hits a day and now has 28 that would help them to regain readership? And yes, it is because they need the added attention to feel good about themselves.
Hi Ms Fits,
I continue to enjoy your blog and your monthly televisual outings. (Did Ms Byrne check with you before outing your alter ego on national tv?) Is that a synthetic frangipani behind your ear? I look forward to your review of Slaughterhouse 5. How and why do you write?
Hugs,
Joanne.
What are your thoughts on Chan Marshall of Cat Power?
The Iraq issue of Vice makes me feel weird
http://www.viceland.com/int/v14n3/htdocs/index.php?country=au
I showed the site to an Iraqi refugee who I used to work with and he said the articles were interesting. They still have the same advertising running alongside the articles in the magazine. It just doesn't smell right.
1.
Anthony said Personally, I want a wake, with my coffin in the corner being used as a bar. If people are going to have drinks in my name, I'm fucked if I'm not going to be there. If someone wanted to drill a hole in the lid for the supply of alcohol, that'd be excellent!
I'll have what he's having.
2.
Congrats to Gabi on the stork delivery.
3.
A year of reading and still no question springs to mind. Do I need therapy?
what can change the nature of a man?
A question on your chosen field.
Alan Ball, witer of 'American Beauty' once remarked that innovative American cinema is dead and that the future is in cable TV.
Hard to fault him there: his program "Six Feet Under", and The Sporanos, Weeds, Deadwood, Huff, Rome, Band of Brothers, Angels In America... blah blah the list goes on forever.
Now that's all well and good, but in Australia- what do we have? "Love My Way" and that's it.
Foxtel seems to be losing subscribers as they move to digital and push the lowest $/month above the average weekly wage.
That said, here's the question; how can Australia follow the US lead in innovative TV if not via Cable?
(this question is based on the contention that free-to-air is nolonger capable of producing and then backing quality drama: LMS being the case study)
Ms Fits,
Is it wrong that I told my Dad you are my ideal woman?
I turn 32 in less than a week and the idea of celebrating leaves me cold. Does this mean I'm getting old? Ooh it rhymes.
I think I'm getting alzheimers already, I couldn't remember what capers were called for about half an hour. Now I'm craving smoked salmon.
I hope you had a good Easter.
being the vixen you are, i'm hoping you can give me a bit of advice about the following.
during a rather naughty session with the bf recently, we shared our respective fantasties. i was expecting the usual 'girl-on-girl' scenario so you can imagine my surprise when he told me he wants to watch me 'get busy' with a black guy (with no involvement from him; he just wants to watch).
the thing is, this fantasy isn't entirely unappealing. it's even started to make its way into his ditry talk (which i'm LOVING).
so, my question is, should i take this fantasy the next step? how do i go about organising such a thing - surely it's not as easy as heading out and telling some guy to do me - "oh, but do you mind if my bf watches?". and do you think this could open the door to a whole bunch of other fantasties of his that aren't quite as appealing?
Hi ms fits.
A couple of saturdays ago as I walked down smith street, I noticed you having breakfast with cotton. Gypsies, as I recall.
I have a freind who knows cotton a little, and I brought up with her that I saw you breakfasting with him. I told her that you were quite an attractive couple, and she told me HE MOVED TO MELBOURNE AFTER YOU 2 HAD AN AFFAIR IN SYDNEY!
What happened? I want to know the whole story. How did the affair occur? What happened when he moved here? EVERYTHING!!!
re: Anonymous 12:35pm
Me too! I want to know too! Please give me a few blissful moments respite from stupid boys and people interrupting my blog reading with their incessant 'work related queries' and tell us a story.
While i'm here, what would be the best place to send the dvd's to? I'm not in Melbourne, so not all that familiar with radio show addresses etc.
p.s. Thanks for last Fridays assist. You are of course right. For someone only wanting something physical, it seems odd he tells me how much he likes me and to please talk to him more (entirely unprompted i might add)So i think i will cautiously bide my time...I quite enjoy passing the time devising cunning plans to blush his cheeks and charm off his undergarments! (This is Blenny btw, cant get word verification/ password thingie to work as a team)
Laurie Serafini's doodle said...
Hi Ms Fits,
I read and enjoy your column in the Green Guide each week.
My question relates to your use of the word 'rathers' in last Thursday's column.
I only bring it to your attention because I know you are a brilliant and passionate wordsmith who cannot abide the misappropriation of our language.
To my mind, the word you (or the subbie who decided to change it) should have used is 'druthers'.
Druthers was coined by the laureate of the larrikin, CJ Dennis. There was a poem he wrote called 'If I had my druthers.'
Was druthers what you meant or does rathers get used as well and I don't know about it?
Also, do you reckon CJ Dennis had much influence on Australian culture back then and now?
One other quick one - do you think Jet are ever going release a decent record?
Hope you had a wonderful Easter and consumed many Elegant Rabbits.
Cheers
LSD
to the anonymous at 11:02AM, oooh, do it, do it! my bf and i had exactly the same conversation a couple of years ago and we decided to give it a go. we were quite nervous at first but knew a black guy through the friend of a friend who i thought was pretty hot and was far enough removed for it not to be too odd if it all went sour at the last moment or during the act, and my bf didn't mind him being the one.
thing is, he was sooooo good that my bf got quite weirded out watching and just left us to it, going to play playstation while he waited. it wasn't as enjoyable for him to watch someone else doing me as he thought itd be (it's not as good as it might look in porn, boys)
the sex was so good there was no way i was stopping (guilt free after all because it was his idea in the first place) and the black guy was so amazing in the sack that he kept me cumming for over two hours. he truly spoilt me for other men.
my bf was good about it, but it took him a while to get his confidence back and he didn't want to screw me for about a month afterwards. we almost busted up over it.
thankfully we're passed that now.
the kicker in the tale is that its true what they say - once you go black you never go back. i've been seeing the black guy on the side ever since. the sex is the best ever (far bigger dick, too) and my bf doesn't know so its ok for everyone. my bf has his fantasy happening right under his nose without realising it and his confidence isn't taking a beating for it. the black guy and i are doing all kinds of nasty things to each other three times a week and loving it.
in short, tell your bf be careful what you wish for. i haven't told anyone about this and hope i remember to change it to anonymous before publishing this comment. my bf would die (and prob kill me) if he ever found out, but it's been two years now and frankly my bf is a dud root compared to the black guy.
G'day Fits & Co,
Answering Suave the Cat:
"could someone help me out with which part of the translation: "Orbus fututiones cunnus foramen apparatus matris fututi edi meus promiscus mentula amplitudo" is actually "mothefuckers, eat my promiscuous cock expanse"?
"matris (mother) fututi (fuckers) edi (eat) meus (my) promiscus (promiscuous) mentula (cock/penis) amplitudo (I think actually means amplitude but was the closest thing I could find to expanse).
Did I just answer a Friday Q? I have moved up in the world!
to anon at 2.01 -
holy-freakin'-crap! i think my eyes are about to pop out of my head after reading that.
see, that's what worries me. what if i like it too much (even if the current bf is by far the best i've had. EVER.)? what if it weirds him/me out and it stuffs up what we have? or, like i said earlier, what if it's all good for both parties and it opens up a whole weird world of acting-out-our-fantasties?
would a black dildo be a passable substitute?
Dear Mis Fits
Some time ago I ran into Kevin Andrews at a bar in Sydney. The perfect opportunity to unleash a verbal assault, a scathing attack that was to be obscene, politically relevant and witty. I approached him, “Evil fucker”, hesitate, realise I have nothing at all witty or meaningful to say, and guessing at this point it’s probably too late to politely ask “so, ah hows it going?” I walk away pretending that was my intention from the start.
So I now think I need to have some pre-arranged insults, what would you recommend for some of your most ‘in hate with’ democratic representatives?
to anon at 2.01
the kicker in the tale is that its true what they say - once you go black you never go back.
no it's not.
I've been black and I've been more than happily back.
You, madam are a cad. If you want to sleep with other people make sure you're in an open relationship or better still not one at all.
Probably like every guy here, I'm curious...what makes him better? is it the size of his knob, or what? Any detailed clues much appreciated.....
Two life changing/affirming questions:
Do you like pop music, you know; prog pop, power pop, indie pop, new wave pop, new wave disco pop, pop pub rock, twee pop and all that?
Is it bad/wrong to go to indie clubs and listen and pull shapes to said music with pretty youngsters with fringes(18-20ish)? Although I'm not that much older, I feel it more these days, especially when hungover. How can feel better about this?
dear oddie,
i like pop and i still dance and sing real loud in clubs surrounded by 18-20ers. as long as you're having fun, i dont see a problem with it.
if you're ever in adelaide, look me up. i'll take you to the dancey places and you can pull shapes with me and all my other higher echelons of twenties friends.
p.s. ms fits, you are of course, invited at any time
pps. uh oh. seems i should have clicked links before i went and opened my big question asking mouth. the ex of the cocktard boy i'll be in the same room as in melb for ben kweller is actually linked to by people who read and comment here.
can. worms. open. woah, look at them go
xx
After all the hating in last weeks Q&A, I was feeling oddly left out, but now that I discover that there is a blog wholly devoted to hating me, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU.
Oddie never fear I still throw shapes from time to time with the kidlets, it just takes me longer to get out of bed for the next, say, week and a half! There is a Nanna that goes to a regular club night in the city that would have to be in her late 60's or possibly even older. I'm never sure whether to be in awe or to feel sorry for her. She's sweet though.
Fitsy,
Re: Loudly singing Strychnine. As one who occasionally finds myself wailing "Some people likea water.." for absolutlely no reason whatsoever, I literally cheered when I read that you do the same. I seem to have a couple of songs hard wired to my brain that I have to sing snatches of on a daily basis (eg the Byrds' version of 'the Christian Life'). What are yours?
Re: Black man fantasies. Seems a little racialist to me. Sorry to sound judgemental, but doesn't objectifiying people on racial grounds mean that 'they're' inherently distanced from 'us'?
G'day Fits,
Are you aware of the fine work of Get Up? Seems to be run by a bunch of people with their heads screwed on right.
Hello Ms Fits,
I posted a comment earlier that never appeared, ah well.
Just wanted to say thanks for advice on monogamy thing, berloody complicated business this being a grown up stuff.
The other thing I said in my vanished comment (which will no doubt appear the minute I post this) is that the Anon comment about gettin' it on the side from product of boyf's fantasies and not giving a shit, Black men have big wing-wangs etc read like a bad Playboy letter. I don't think it's real.
Maybe it is real? If so could the Anon poster please begin 'How to Live Without Terrible Guilt' classes? I'll sign up straight away.
One more thing, I've met the GetUp gang through work and they are lovely lovely people doing fine work, don't believe a thing that silly twat Miranda Devine says about them.
Patently not a Friday question...My favouritest books at the moment are Kerry Greenwood's Phryne Fisher series. No idea if you've ever read any, but whenever i read the adventures of the Hon. Miss Fisher, i am reminded of you.
Dearest Dollfits,
I'm looking at kicking up a reader of the week Q&A following orders from above (the fellow who is just a fraction lower on the food chain than God).
I hate the damn things but I think I might have come up with a version that might keep me amused - and hopefully those reader thingies that pick up our paper.
The section is called My First Time and it has ten questions.
I thought I would test the proposal on you by asking you the questions.
Also, if the commenters in the world of Fitsorama can suggest other delightful "first time" questions my joy would know no bounds.
If you don't have time to answer this week, save it for #66. I'm relaxed about such things.
Okay here they are:
* What is your first memory?
* Do you remember your first day at school?
* What is the first record / CD / cassette you owned?
* Tell us about your first kiss?
* Who was your first crush?
* Who was your first girlfriend or boyfriend?
* What was your first job?
* What did you buy with your first pay packet?
* What was the first place you lived in like?
* What was your first car and what was it like?
PS. Where do I send the promised pics of The Chasers' Mr Rude Castle? They are here and waiting.
*If this turns up twice please delete the first version - that word veri thing is killing me*
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