Reasons you will hate me

to the gentleman asking about penis size:

in my (somewhat extensive)experience, it's something to do with the width rather than the length. i think is this because more 'sexy' nerve endings or whatever are located at the opening of the 'gina (according to my mum the nurse).

and i hate to use the cliche, but i've also discovered that technique makes up for A LOT. case in point - i once slept with a boy that had a third leg. it was MASSIVE. the downside was he thought all he had to do was stick it in and i'd go nuts. not so. it freakin' hurt and it was close to the worst shag i've had.

so yeah, there you go. hope i shed some light on the topic.

Are you distraught upon hearing that Kurt Vonnegut has died, or perhaps slightly pleased considering your choice of bookclub book this month?

who is the worst shag you've had?

WE. WANT. NAMES.

(look at all the boys and girls who hang around these parts scurrying away in fear that they'll be outed!)

(goodness me, but there's a lot of them.)

Aha - to Canberra, the lady rides.

But WHY?

I have been an occasional resident of our nation's capital over many years, and finally bought what is possibly the worst property in the universe (no, Richard Branson's futuristic dream of buying real estate on Luna does not count).

While I would adore sharing my foul experiences in living in an older house in DRASTIC need of renovation together with a boy who assured me that he was handy (turns out he doesn't know one end of a hammer from the other), I prefer to dwell upon an interesting opportunity for semi-fun that can only be found in Canberra.

We have many 'cultchered' institutions in this fair town, and I recently revisited one which is more known for attracting the kiddies, but can be rewarding for the young at heart - as long as you wear stout denim and a drip dry shirt (the sprogs that abound are not discriminating about who they drip upon).

I'm talking about the Questacon.

I spent Tuesday afternoon frolicking there with my husband (who I think was a tad concerned about my inner child shrieking at such shrill levels). Despite the fact that we didn't have sprogs in tow, I enjoyed myself in a loud and giggly fashion.

I heartily recommend taking yourself there if you have the time. I also recommend the intake of one or four brightly coloured drinks and perhaps a breath freshener in order to get past security. You may be suspected of being a kiddie-fiddler if looking too joyous without a child in tow.

Please go to the "Free Fall" slide. One dresses in a provided jumpsuit (trying to believe these clothing articles are washed on a daily basis) and then dangles from a sweaty metal bar above a long metal slide. The (also sweaty and invariably overweight) Questacon staff member then yells at you to "DROP" and you let go.

It's more fun than it sounds.

Several seconds of sheer terror ensue before you realise that there's no other way but down, and then you DROP and SLIDE and yell a little and then giggle.

I'm not a hearty-hearty, but this experience thrilled my heart. My palms (and other tingly places) were still feeling the effects 15 minutes later.

The pinging of sheer adrenalin shooting through your system (in a controlled environment - remember, this is meant for 10 year olds - most of whom in my queue backed off crying rather than take the drop) is possibly more fun than anything else in Canberra.

Which. Says. A LOT. About. Canberra.

BTW - my Friday Q&A is WTF is bringing you here in the first place? If looking for nightlife, then I recommend Das Kapital in Narrabundah or else Tilleys Bar if you want to chill nicely and get shickered on mildly over-priced drinks of the coloured liquor variety.

Other places that may prove mildly pleasing for you are either the Hippo Bar in what we jokingly refer to as our 'Civic Centre' or B-Bar in Kingston - finishing off at Lot 33.

Enjoy your stay.

Kat

Canberra is the only place I've ever thrown up in the street.

Questions:

1) I really like beat poetry.
Does this make me pathetic?

2) If liking beat poetry is acceptable, can I get away with wearing a beret?

Ta.

A mate of mine and I went to see John Mayer and Ben Kweller (Kweller - AWESOME)in Sydney last night. Fantastic show.

I observed 2 things which really shit me and I wanted to get a feel for your dickhead tolerance.

1. Before the show we had a beer at a nearby pub. My mate went to have a piss and whilst he was gone, I saw something that always annoys me. This guy struts in wearing a t-shirt with THE SLEEVES ROLLED UP a couple of times. Why would you do this ? Anyway, it's clear this nob enjoys his own appearance. My mate comes back and I point out the hilarity. He advises me at this point that "Oh, that's ****** from Home & away!". Now I'm not sure who is the biggest loser - old Home & Away hunk looking for admiration, or my mate who is up to speed with Home & Away..
2. During John Mayer (sublime guitar melodies) fuckwits in the cheap seats keep shouting "PLAY BODY IS A WONDERLAND" as if he is going to hear and then yes, decide to play it next. At the end of the show, the lights come up and no, that particular song is one of a few great songs that didn't make it on to the set list. Milling around afterwards all I can hear is "I can't believe he didn't play body is a wonderland. Ripped Off etc"

Now, in those circumstances, would you just have a little giggle to yourself or would you prefer to react a little more violently ?

ooh knicker shopping what fun! I might feel a little strange peering at the tv when book club is next on, trying to gauge undergarment size, so if you could help me out a little here ...? or anyone else who might happen to know?

*raises eyebrows*

Blenny

Grr WTF is wrong with word verification!!

kurt vonnegut is dead
how truly sad
he was one of THE great writers of that i am sure
and yes everyone who hasnt read slaughterhouse five should do so

but my question mainly was...
are you as dubious about the inherent conservatism of kevin rudds leadership as i ?

Canberra!
Balloons this weekend? Although I am sure that is not your reason for visiting our fine town.

There's too much pron and fireworks to keep you busy.

I've lived here for 18 years and I think 20 is my limit, so I have 2 years to decide where to go.

I have an ex-wife, 3 kids and a sturdy IT career. Where do I go??

orchestrating Kurt Vonnegut's death to boost the Book CLub ratings is a new low, Ms Fits. i am clearly dissapointed (and a little terrified.)

BUCKETS!! LOZL.

p.s. RIP Kurt, serious.

Reading your Jeff Kennet anecdote got me to wondering - given Jeffrey's dislike for J.Howard - who do you think he would vote for in a federal election? Is it inappropriate that I have asked you to mention JFK?

P.S. Guess what the "F" stands for. Go on guess.

Men asking women about penis size is just like women asking men if their bum looks big in a potential outfit.

what about vaginas? do men talk about the size of a girl's vadge? we women are very quick to waggle a pinky finger under a girlfriend's nose and be derisory about a man's penis size. and there seem to be as many complaints about humungous cocks as there are about weeny ones.

i guess it comes down to what fits, er fits?

I am in London at the moment, and perusing the Time Out as you do (why does Melbourne not have a Time Out? question for another time), I have come across some wonderful sounding exhibitions here.
How do I convince my mother to go and see 'Cary Kwok: Ball point pen portraits of men's shoes and penises plus superheroes such as Superman and Spiderman at the point of ejaculation' and 'Pil and Galia Kollectiv: Video centred on a recent performance based on Waw Pierogi's interdisciplinary work 'Asparugus: A Cultural Ballet'?

Yes this is what it really says.

I think they must be investigated, if only for unpaid reviews on The Art Life, and most certainly for the purposes of the good folk at RYWHM, but she is reticent. As we are only here for a short time and do everything together, I am loathe to sneak off on my own. Also I think she would enjoy it once she got there. What should I do, bribe her with gallons of Pimms and walks across the Common?

To the threesome chick. Thanks... that just reinforces why men hate women.

Dear Anon at 7:43. Steady on, dear. You don't have to go near that sort of woman if you don't like them. No need to make blanket statements for the whole of XX based on the behaviour of one.

Were you asked to write the piece on the comedy festival in the A2 today? I love your writing but found the whole Daniel Kitson thing really off-putting - it was so 'Oh Daniel look at your silly groupies, let's grab lunch'.

sub, i thought exactly the same thing about the time outs when i was in japan, they had a kansai time out and i read it alot and i too would wonder whether there was one in melbourne, if not, why not, and if not, that i would start one.

and look where i got with that.

future publishing possibility?

Dear Ms Fits,

I had a rather disturbing dream in which I shagged Kevin Rudd because I thought it would boost his election chances.(It sounded logical in my dream!) I awoke to this question: did that make me patriotic or slutty?

i was wondering if you would consider submitting Bob Ellis' piccie here:
http://www.petsinuniform.com/index.php

if so, which uniform would you most like to see the loverly one decked out in?
also, what is your take on the pancake spaceperson in the 'exotics' section?

Hi Ms. Fits,
Your televised face remained blissfully smiley during the outing. Sympathetic editting? Perhaps your fellow Clubbers don't expect much audience overlap. And why was _Critical Mass_ canned? Methinks you would have fitted (fet?) right in amongst the witty Mr. Biggins and his ilk. (Hmm... so much for coherent trains of thought.)
For a "grub" you brush up right perty each month, but perhaps you just have a good dresser. I like the frangipani flowers but mainly for their helicopterness (not their cheapitude).
Though the physicality is interesting, I wondered more about your thought processes. I assume that a working writer must be able to bang the words together interestingly, but also do so quite quickly (I understand that most are paid per word?), otherwise the food runs out. You also seem to flit between prose and dialogue which, I guess, would exercise different parts of your head-thing. Feel free to comment at length. (Well you did say that your life was your art.)

European cheek kisses,
Joanne.

aaah.. still at it i see

i fucking hate this work verification thing

1) Cock size isn't everything, but it's an added bonus, assuming the bloke in question doesn't just lie there/ram it in expecting you to be impressed.

2. Why are all the cute comedians in town at the moment agressively heterosexual?

3. Have you taken the opportunity to stroll past 136 Johnston Street Collingwood now that you're in the neighbourhood, or given that the street number's have changes since John Wren's day, did your grandad ever point out the location of the totaliser to you previously? I so, is it the builing currenty operating as a foundry?

i was also dubious about the whole daniel kitson thing in your article. thought it came across as rather self-agrandising wank, which is rather below your usual standard of excellence. i'm just disappointed, that's all (i feel like someone's dad saying that. but where can you find one this time of... oh dear, i am tired)
i'm glad you can be friends with clever comedians but quite frankly they're all complete whores for any kind of attention, so it's nothing to blow trumpets about or encourage in other people. their egos are fine without the boost, really, truly, promise.
perhaps i missed the entire point of the article. i still love you. i just hated that.
happy canberra weekend. hope you got to look down over the place from the war memorial. it's a beautiful view.

In regards to faeriegirl's "relationship" dilemmas:

The "girlfriend in Melbourne" has a name, and a face, and a personality. And feelings too. And the girlfriend in Melbourne does link to people who link to here, and they found these comments all too easily.

If only they'd found them when it first began rather than after it had all ended in a pile of broken pieces on my floor. Maybe I would have saved myself some heartache, who knows.

Erica.

In case people would like to read about my experience of it all,

ericaordinary.com

It's really quite sad that he felt the need to rag on you to chase a fuck. Q1) Is that the weakest shit there ever was?

I defer to that great late 20th century poet, Ice T, who describes his learning that a valued friend had more than one face:

"someone heard him poppin' that shit last week,
frontin' for some pussy on some big-butt freak.
Sayin' I'm his worker, I was on his dick,
talkin that crazy, old, weak-ass shit,
And after all that she still walked away,
how ya gonna teach your boy to get some play?
And when I stepped to him about he said "Who snitched?"
Yo! How did he go out?
"He went out like a bitch!"

Q2) Ice T - da shit or b-grade actor in police dramas?

p.s. wasn't suggesting faeriegirl is a "big-butt freak", more that "cocktard boy" should get his shit in order.

How do people know enough about the littlefariegirl/erin/cocktard saga to be taking sides? Was this discussed at some point and I've missed it? How does epon-anon know that he "ragged" on erin? (What does that mean, anyway?) Do we know details? WHO NEEDS NEW WEEKLY WHEN WE HAVE RYWHM?

hi ms fits, I just want to say how pleased I am that you like Wilfred. I worked on the series and there were a few of us in the crew that thought it was a bit different and had potential. Although it's sometimes hard to tell when yr there day in day out and delerium has set in so you find everything hilarious even though it's just some idiot eating nachos and talking w/ his mouth full. So I was wondering if you got to hang out much on the set of LMS? Writers usually visit the set a couple of times during a shoot, make awkward conversation with a few people and then get distracted by catering. What was yr experience like? helen hellbound

Allow me to translate the drunken spelling in my last comment:

"I so, is it the builing currenty operating as a foundry?"

=

"If so, is it the building currently operating as a foundry?"

Hi darlin'

given the propensity of authors you select on the Book Show to die (vale Kurt Vonnegut), could you please choose anything written by John Howard as your next selection.

Scallywag - my interpretation was from this bit of info from lfg above (posted in last week's questions):
"his gf broke up with him after reading emails between the two of us that mentioned the sex we'd have and the fact that he thought she was boring."
Not really being judgemental about the whole infidelity thing - we're human, it happens. But pointing to the (alleged) shortcomings of your chosen partner as a reason for cheating is pretty disrespectful of both the erstwhile partner & the new object of desire.

I do rather agree with the other anonymouses regarding your A2 article. And apologies, I know what it's like to have someone whinge about something you've written. My policy was to let the haters have their moan and duly ignore them. Nevertheless, I once had a uh.. rather sweet adventure with a visiting comedian. I never really saw myself as a big-eyed stalkerish laneway-lingerer to be chortled over by funnymen and their attractive demi-celebrity buddies. At the time I figured my circumstances were a bit different. I don't know, maybe they weren't. In any case your words came across as more than a little bit superior. Which perhaps wasn't your intention at all. Anyway, feel free to ignore and proceed. You can't please everyone.

epon-anon: I agree, and I also think that when the cheater uses the shortcomings of the cheatee as justification for the cheating, it enables the third person to dismiss the feelings of the cheatee (or even to tell themselves the cheatee had it coming and gloat about their relative success with the cheator. In that insecure way that being the "third person" entails).

But really, LFG and Erica, you ought to be focussing your wrath on the boy (who is clearly a gutless piece of shit), and not on each other. Don't fall into the trap of balming the other woman just because you're harbouring secret fantasies of getting back together with him and would rather avoid dealing with his culpability in your current miserableness.

to anon at 1.10pm -

never has a truer word been spoken. i agree with you 100% - focus your anger on the boy in question, not each other.

ok, ive been watching this and wondering whether or not to respond, or just let it work its way out in front of me, but i think i might just say this.

of course the girl in question has a name and feelings. im not about to name her though, am i? i tried to make it as anonymous as i could, while still making it easyish to follow. the only person you could def know who was involved was me, and my name links to my blog, where you'll see again that i havent mentioned any names.

i never meant any of what i wrote to be taken as me not liking erica, or considering her feelings at all. my original question was not 'how do i get this guy to break up with this girl', it was 'can someone please come to ben kweller with me as i dont want to be there on my own, knowing that they're there together'.

from my experience, erica is a lovely, kind person, my wrath has never been focused on her at any time. no, i shouldnt have played the part that i did in what happened, but i did, and theres not much i can do about that apart from say sorry, which, i may add for the spectators here, i already have.
hopefully today she will have recieved an email from a mutual friend. and hopefully in there it will explain a few more things that were possibly not clear before. i do wish she got out sooner as well; not for any gain i may have recieved, as i know how much this all hurt her, but she is so lucky she's not still involved as his cuntishness has reached new heights.

epon_anon - the thing was, in my naivety, i didnt think i was just 'a fuck', although thankyou for clarifying that i am not a big-butt freak. also, i vote for b grade actor in police drama. i adore law and order in all its forms (except that real life court room one, never got into that). my fave is criminal intent as i plan on marrying vincent d'onofrio one day.
also, yes it is quite sad and weak, also sad that i fell for it.

sorry for off the topic, but i thought id respond in the order comments were made.

what i will say in my defence against all this is that i never called this a 'relationship', ive never gloated that 'i got him' in anyway, because i didnt, and also because thats just nasty.

but, as scallywag asked, how do people know enough about this to comment. hopefully erica knws a little more about the situation now. i am not at all trying to exonerrate myself from this. i was part of something that was wrong and i admit that.

okie dokie, chat away

Oh, maybe I'll keep my flippant, moralistic mouth shut in future. Didn't intend to question anyone's motives or sense of self, really just wanted to bring up Ice T in an inappropriate context.
[slinks back to interweb hidey hole]

ps - glad to know I'm not the only one who can't resist Law & Order & Vincent D.

This comments sections seems to be getting a little sudsy...

I thought I saw you in the audience at my show the other night...oh wait, that wasn't you, it was absolutely nobody.

Sorry, self-pity etc. Er, questions.

1. Can you watch, listen, read, whatever, a piece of someone else's work, or art, and enjoy it, without thinking, "Now, let's think how I'm going to be better than them"?

2. Did you ever find at school, in exams, you could have written really good essays, but you were too slow and could only do two pages and that bitch next to you did, like, fifteen?

3. Who would win in a fight between Degrassi Junior High and Kimba the White Lion?

This is going to sound like a stupid question, fits... So a little back-story first.

I got up on saturday and discover that I needed a few essentials in order to eat... bread, milk, eggs, that kind of thing. So I threw on some trackies and a old t-shirt and went down to the market.
Whilst wandering the aisles I chanced upon a woman pushing a trolley loaded with groceries... Now what got me was the fact that she was dressed like she was going to a largish event - Dress, shoes, makeup... at 7:30am!!!

So... after all that, my question is - What do you believe is an acceptable standard of dress when going to the supermarket? Do you occasionally sneak down to the market in your trackies with hair unbrushed? Do some people go way to far?

I know that technically I've asked three questions, but...

Word verification = madwxyu... go figure.

cuhOne of my very dear friends has a great love of the female equivalent of blokey talk, and it does, as you surmise, seem to involve quite a bit of use of the term 'darl', though more talk of frocks than bras. I find it most endearing.

Also, Simon Amstell may be gay, but Steve Diggle is not, though possibly a little prone to hitting on women half his age, as the lovely Miss Campbell has discovered.

Anyway, I've noticed many questions of late from people wanting advice on opening up their relationship sexually to third parties, all of which got rather negative replies. While I certainly advise a little caution is in order, I have to say its generally worked out rather well for my wife and I, and several others of our acquaintance, and I wanted to let people know. Do you think I could convince you to answer such questions with less of the "OH DISASTER WAITS ON THAT ROAD OF SIN" and more of a "play safe and make sure you know what you are doing and have fully and soberly discussed it with your open-minded sweetie" attitude?

a little update on the 3 way situation (i commented the original question a couple of friday q&a's ok)...

after the bf came home from a work trip, i found pics on his camera of him getting a lap dance (and maybe the light was dodgy, but she wasn't the bestest looking girl. but i digress...). hey, i know this happens on work trips - so long as he plays safe it's ok - i just don't need to see it.

yes, i got a case of the "green eyes" (that'd be jealousy). and promptly decided that NO FECKING WAY would another person be invited into our bedroom.

having said all that, the dildo went down a treat. what i thought would be a one-off will now be introduced on a semi-regular basis. and i'm loving it!

thanks all for advice *insert happy smilie here*

So this morning, my beloved woke up, rolled over and asked me to marry him, so it seemed like a pretty good day was in the making. Later, I'm going to work on an overcrowded tram, and a middle aged lady asked: "Would you like to sit down?"
Said I: "No thanks, I'm fine. Are you getting off?"
Said she: "Oh. Ahhh.... no."
Then I realised she thought I was expecting. So I sulked a bit, but then decided not to let it ruin my day. But THEN, during my lunch break, I was trying on rings - naturally - and was talking to the shop assistant (also a middle-aged lady) about ring size. She said: "Well, you're pregnant, aren't you?" The answer is no. NO NO NO! I'm not even grossly overweight! My back is curvy and my tummy sticks out, that's all!! So I ask you: who are these well-meaning but socially moronic retards who haven't yet realised that you don't ask about someone's "pregnancy" until the baby is actually coming out of them?? Do they make a habit out of it? Has anyone else been targeted?

Dear Ms Fits

My question seems rather dull now given the faeriegirl/erica/cocktard Sturm und Drang, but I'll ask it anyway.

Do you find that when you're reading some writers that they develop a voice for you ? I don't mean voice in the literary sense, but an actual voice that you hear in your head as you read the words.

The reason I ask this is that (somewhat unfortunately) the voice I hear when I read your words sounds a lot like Jane Gazzo. This is most possibly due to the fact that you and she look a bit alike, but I find it kind of confusing whenever I happen to see you on the telly that you don't in fact talk like her at all**.



**Although this would be a good thing, as I find Jane Gazzo kind of irritating.



Also, since I get the feeling that you quite like browsing other people's blogs, have you ever seen Tokyo Girl Down Under ? She writes beautifully and makes me feel quite inadequate.

me getting on your blogroll is going to be just like when oprah finally goes on letterman. JUST THE SAME.

What the fuck's with those new bloody "Big Brother Teaser" ads that show Gretel Killeen addressing a rowdy press conference with the words 'what Big Brother promises... [dramatic pause]... Big Brother delivers', and then is bundled out of the press conference by burly body guards. How STUPID is that???? Can you imagine Kevin Rudd organizing a press conference to make some big announcement, and all the journos gathering around shouting questions, they're all there with their cameras and he puts up his hand all smug and patronising to quiet them and says "What Kevin Rudd promises... Kevin Rudd delivers" and then runs out of the room. I'd be feeling pretty bloody ripped off if I'd taken time out of my day to attend a press conference for that, wouldn't you??? He'd be lucky not to be taken out the back for a belting after that. God this makes me so angry! The Chaser should do an Ad Road Test based on this Big Brother nonsense. How about Peter Costello starting a rumour that he is going to retire from politics to drop out and start a hippy commune, and then he announces he'll hold a hotly-anticipated press conference to clear the air, then he rocks up and goes "What Peter Costello promises, he delivers" and runs away, that's it. ArgH!

PS: ur crazy hot.

Good evening madam,

My career never really gets going despite my commitment to it, I can't meet someone to love to save my life and while I am fully across the whole "count your blessings, you're so lucky" thing, as well as having been to see a variety of healthcare professionals who commend my continuing work ethic in the face of my depression, nothing really ever shakes the idea that what I'd most like to do is just die. What's the point in pretending otherwise?

If my existence is so consistently miserable for me (and in the end, it is my life, isn't it?) and no one can do anything except spout platitudes, would it really be so heinous of me to thank everyone, say goodnight and shuffle off this mortal coil? No offence to anyone else but isn't it my right? Surely if my friends and family really loved me they would understand. It's not a slight on them. Why can't it just be a personal decision we can make ourselves and explain rationally without all this hoo-haa about people blaming themselves for your failures?

We're all grown ups. I'll doubtless keep plugging away at my miserable life no matter what anyone says so I hope you can be honest and platitude free.

p.s. For a brief time my desire to have hot sex with most of the Chaser kept me going, but the only single one is Chris Taylor and he's not even in my top three. But your article in the Green Guide is nonetheless excellent.

Two articles in two weeks about ladies wishing to be making the sex with comedic gents, Ms Fits ? Is this possibly making too much of a good thing ?

And I have to out myself as finding Blokesworld moderately amusing, I'm afraid. There's something about their completely unapologetic celebration of moronically un-PC activities that I find strangely appealing.


Plus, there's tits. It's hard not to like that.

I saw my word verification and giggled so much that I forgot what I came here to say.

zmmqmjgf - sounds like i'm speaking with my mouth full, though I'm quite unsure of the translation!

x

G'day Fits,

Thought I'd pump up you tires re your maligned A2 article: didn't read the recent one but the one in January this year was possibly the funniest article I have ever read (had me laughing out loud to Adrian Mole proportions) and also had the effect of reigniting my enjoyment of reading after a lenghty lay off.

My question is: do you have trouble transferring your wit from the page to spontaneous conversation? I find myself making the funny amongst friends but put me into a situation with desirable ladies about and my humour transforms from unforced whimsy to Jeff from Coupling style gabble that could easily be misread as borderline psychopathy.

And thanks for promoting Bob Ellis on your blog, I read my first Ellis cover to cover last night (First Abolish the Customer). Were Bob a woman I would make him my wife - were I a woman, well my current choice of underwear would be far more appropriate.

Good day.

ooh I remember, I came here to congratulate you on scoring the AFC fellowship. :)

Dear Ms Fits

Given that YOU YOURSELF will be Special Guest Scrabble Player at the Melbourne Comedy Festival Show Scrabble Unscripted next Friday 29th April at 9.45pm at the Imperial Hotel on Bourke St... *
1) What word would you most love to unleash on a Scrabble board? (my early hopes are for "fucktard")
2) I will be turning 30 the VERY NEXT DAY. Where do you recommend as a bar to hold birthday celebrations after the show on Saturday night? It should satisfy the following criteria:
a) not too packed, but nor should it be a ghost town
b) located in the CBD
c) music around but shouldn't dominate proceedings (and should definitely not be too dancey or R&B-ey...I am turning 30 after all and my hardcore days will be officially over)
d) it should show off to all my Sydney friends coming down for the weekend JUST HOW FREAKING COOL AND FUN MELBOURNE IS.

*yes, I am that shameless. But it relates to you too, so I am unrepentant. RYWHM readers, come and see our heroine be lovely on the Melbourne stage.

Fitsy, what's the worst date you've ever had? I remember going out with an Irish girl once who I'd met at a club whilst, shall we say, not of clear mind, and it was the most uncomfortable two hours of near silence I've ever been in...with nary a bit of action to releave the tension (obviously I had gone on the date with high expectations due to her...friendliness when first meeting).

Also, my ex moved back to Melbourne last Saturday after five years here in London. Where should she go for a good time out?

Steve

In terms of what impresses Sydneysiders, I always think Section 8 (in the same laneway as Camy Shanghai Dumpling House) does the trick. Otherwise ... Workshop? Miss Libertines?

Or if you're not into dancing, Lily Blacks?

Good morning! I have a question, if it's not too late for this week... I've been discussing this conundrum with some of my friends to no avail. So: do you think there is any way to go up and start talking to a complete stranger in public without being a) incredibly rude, and/or b) some kind of a crazy person? I ask because it generally feels to me like it's kind of a rude thing to do, to just interrupt someone for no real reason; and yet sometimes I feel like it might be kind of nice to be on either end of some random public conversational spontaneity. But the only time this ever actually happens (to me, anyhow) is during those encounters with the talkative folk who perennially haunt Melbourne's public transport, and who generally don't talk so much as they mumble incomprehensibly, ask repeatedly for spare change, and occasionally vomit.

Some "public" situations are kind of different, like parties; you can talk to any strange person at a party under the flimsiest of pretexts. But what if you just see somebody who looks interesting (or whatev) out down the street, say? How could you say hello to them without kinda freaking them out? Is it even an okay thing to bother them at all in the first place? To be honest: one of the reasons I'm asking you, in particular, is because I happen to have (coincidentally!) recognised you out at various public places like, 3 times in the past 4 or 5 weeks, and each time I've been tempted to go up and say hello, but I haven't. So, what's your opinion on being interrupted by a random stranger while you're out somewhere with your friends?