Reasons you will hate me

hi,

um...really i just liked the idea of being the first to ask a question one week. i didn't plan so far ahead as to actually thinking of a question to ask.

so...do you, like, think i could maybe get to second base on our next date?

x

Ola Ms Gorgeous Fits

I have been meaning to slash at you in a rage of jealousy for your proximity to the divine Mr Grant..... but no matter - kiss kiss - all is forgiven?

Mr Perseus - I am shocked at your difficulties.... I am in my mid-30's (a generic age if ever there was one), and EVERY man I meet of this age assumes you want to run off and have babies - and therefore they are all running scared of me.

Or are they scared for other reasons?? hmm.

I wouldn't mind babies, but am not sure if I could stand the squalling night and day - mayhaps you are the man for me?

Ms Fits - surely you can facilitate this match made in heaven?

I'm thinking of giving it all up. Should I give it all up? It's giving me the shits, lately.

Greetings etc...

Following the marvelously lovely and funny Sarah Silverman link, I thought I would see what you thought of this appallingly funny woman?

yes. as you were.

Tom

Miss Fits,

I hope you're well. I have a tale and would be honoured if you would be so kind as to share your thoughts.

I met someone once, an explosion, a volcano, a song, a poem, and the world folded like origami paper and there we were, two ends met to form a shape which stunned us both and was both frightening and disastrous, and soft, tender and real. Real being as frightening as not. Some of the time.

Time passed and life stretched us to breaking point until it was obvious that the best thing was the worst thing and we have not been in contact for some time. A fair result for shared despair.

And yet, there is not a single day goes by that they do not appear to me in some form, be it a gloomy d'oh and furrowed pfft, or a garrulous giggle to myself at an imagined memory. It's a nice enough way to hold a candle, inside, to light the recesses of yourself when you're in the dark.

But what if you find it getting in the way? How to exorcise properly, completely, a feeling toward a partner which can not be pursued, for your own peace of mind, but is sufficient to keep you awake at nights in a cold, empty dizzy?

I've covorted, chased and galivanted since. I've thrown myself into meaningless relationships with members of both sex, hilarious and revealing, I've travelled overseas, written a diary, loved another, lusted - a lot. I've done everything except find God, and tell my other. And I'm still haunted by a spectre from my past.

Which of course, leaves your incredibly incisive and "why didn't I think of that" advice.

Thanks for your time, I figured here's a good a place as any to seek an answer.

Hello everyone. The reason I don't post on Friday Q&A is because, while Fits worship is not my cup of tea, it is none the less a legitimate pastime.

While I do enjoy tormenting you all on the general blogs, I appreciate that you would like a little space of your own, free from the likes of me.

Hope the lord takes a likin' to ya, as Kinky Friedman would say.

Is it true that you drank Robby Buck under the table?

Bullshit Mikeed1313, you don't post in Friday Q&A because you don't actually want to address Ms Fits directly, thereby inviting her to respond or reject you.

You're like a stalker who won't approach the object of his affection directly, but will hang around and observe (and probably jerk off about it later)

Ms. Fits, does your nickname have anything to do with Robbie Coltrane's title character from the series 'cracker'?

Have you finished reading 'arry Potter yet?

What's your take on the latest Aboriginal health/welfare band aid ball-burster from Howard Johnny and the fuckstar party? What say you of labo(u)r's lack of opposition?

The Australian people pay him to OPPOSE things damnit.

I would like to use this opportunity to quietly suggest that Captain Feathersword could drop a FART with more emotional and intellectual resonance than anything thus presented from our so-called political representatives.

FUCKING RAWWWWWWWWWR!

Alright, 8.40PM, you're on. I'll talk to you this time next week. No more posts to me on the Q&A please.

Because I'm feeling sick and gross and stuck at home studying for stupid Uni exams on a Friday night I thought I'd comment and ask a question to entertain myself.

1. Love you on the book club, it led me to your blog which led me to find out that I am not alone in my Reucassel love. Thanks for the comraderie. Then I was channel flicking and saw you in Canberra on SBS. Then on the Chaser.

Then today, I was listening to Triple J with Robbie Buck and YOU SCORED A MENTION there too.
Evidently you can drink Chris Taylor and Robbie under the table. (Chris Taylor, hey, obviously moving on to a Single Chaser from Craig. I think you should go for it. Those checked shirts are pretty hot.)

So just letting you know that you are currently taking over all the public broadcasters and the internet and I can't look without you being on a new medium.

Which is great, cos the more you appear on every station the less we see of people like Paris Hilton so keep it up.

Hi Ms Fits,

I have no idea how my blog ended up as a question on your blog, but thank you for not being captious towards my writings. No one likes to read bad stuff about them in teh Intarwebs. So thank you for handling that with dignity and grace.

1) have you ever slept with anyone famous ?
2)do you like martin scorsese ?
3) bob brown or kevin rudd ?
4) john howard intervening in aborigine communitys ? yay or nay ?
5)http://kucinich.us/
Kucinich for President !

Is Sunday going to be your first community cup?

This renewed love of footy hasn't been sparked by your rumoured dalliance with a football journalist? I recall reading a couple of weeks ago about you being spotted with a footy journo and someone suggesting Mark Robinson. Please clarify Ms Fits.

You made it into someone's special dinner list. oh dear.
http://infernale.livejournal.com/67718.html

Fits-o-rama!

Mid-term reader, first time blogger over here, after much deliberation.

I do actually have a bona fide question for you, which may excite you. Two, in fact.

1) Do you know how hard it is not to mimic your writing style when posting a comment here? Surely you've picked up on the parroting by now. It's a compliment at the end of the day; your little sing song method of writing is terribly infectious.

See, there I go again.

2) OMG I BLOG TWO. Seriously, I just started a blog (http://blog.joshdare.com). I'm altoghether too writer-y about the whole shebang tho: I get all 'tarded when trying to think of entries and stuff because I've got no idea who my target audience is (frankly, a lot of the time I think there is no audience) and I've got no central question to address coz it's bleeting on about nothing. As a grand mama of blogging, do you have any tips?

Cheers in advance! Loving your work in Green Guide / Frankie / quick skit on Chaser's :)

Fits,

http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2007/06/irrational-fear-irrational.html

I enjoyed the zombie line.

Thoughts?

Hello you adorable Fits you. I have again been perusing the excitable world that is reality television (i do love it) and again felt like asking you a question.
Did you watch the premiere of Survivor-on-a-boat(i believe it's actually called Pirate Master)? If you did, aside from the rather odd concept and the intriguing choice of a Daddo to host, were you as disappointed as I was that John was "cast adrift" in the first episode? Not because he was that interesting a character, but rather because where else in the televisual arts are you likely to see someone with the occupation of "scientist/exotic dancer"?

Dear Ms. Fits,
It wasn't till you mentioned Kyle being on the cover that I took an interest in your appearance in Picture mag some nine years ago, as I remembered buying such an issue back then. Sure enough, after going through some dusty boxes under the bed, there is was! I'm guessing that the pic was not actually taken underwater, just meant to look as such, still yours was the most tasteful of all the home girls of that issue. I do feel bad for the guy that had to put chillies on his dick as part of the dare. Out of interest, has he since fathered any children?
p.s. You didn't say you were a bag girl.

hey fits,

here's a question for you, in regards to tattoo etiquette.

is it ok to get irrationally angry when people you hardly know ask you what your tattoos mean? as someone who is visably inked, you might have some awesome womanly insight into this problem i have.

i'm tempted to get a picture of a dismembered corpse stuck onto my foreheard, and when people ask 'hey, what does that mean?' i can reply 'well, that's what i do to annoying people who ask me about my tattoos'. there are a few tiny problems with this course of action though, and i thought i might seek your advice first.

love,
m

Hey M, here's an idea for you - if you don't want strangers talking to you, don't do anything as attention-seeking as obviously tattooing yourself.

anon.

oh wow. perhaps i should just stay indoors for the rest of my days and raise a flock of cats.

that or post woefully unhelpful anonymous comments on someones blog.

Ok. For reasons that mainly include working until my fingers bleed (and being happy about it), I haven't had time recently to read books. This is a strange way for me be, so I thought I'd rectify it by reading The Road. Pultizer Prize winner ought to do it! So I did so in a single day, and I feel now that my shit has been irreversably fucked up by it in a major, major way. I kind of don't want anyone I care about to read this book, however, I wonder if I'm missing something?

In summation, is the Pulitzer a piece of shit, and more importantly, can someone please recommend something life affirming for me to read, stat? Or else I'm going back to watching episodes of Heroes.

Halp, thx.

x

How is "M" any less anonymous than "Anonymous"?

It does seem odd to complain about people talking to you about your tattoos - aren't tattoos a physical, public expression of yourself? The guy who stands on the corner of Swanston and LaTrobe with the sandwich board about the second coming doesn't complain if people ask him about it ...

Same as I have learned to take it when people comment on my mohawk. (ok, that's not true.)

i guess m is slightly less anonymous due to the fact that a few clicks take you to an attached blog in which i write a bunch of stuff about myself, where as anonymous tends to go nowhere.

body modification can be quite a personal thing. i don't comment when it comes to the appearance of people i don't know - weather it be their clothing, haircut, tattoos, horrible botched plastic surgery etc. i understand that a lot of people use tattoos as an exercise in attention seeking, but that's a stereotype and there's no need to assume everyone with visible ink gets it for that reason.

anon, feel free to e-mail me any continuation of this debate. saves us derailing the flow of the whole friday q&a thing: thwakk@gmail.com

Chuffed as I would be with the attentions of ravenous single women, I am both pretty much taken and unlikely to live up to expectations, being too large and possessed of no social skills whatsoever.

I should point out that your belief children's drama does not call for sex workers with a deft kitchen touch is not shared by all. Round the Twist, for one, could have done with a few less Gribbles and a few more gnocchi-generating temptresses able to leap into a reverse cowgirl upon production of an Amex Gold.

Also, Ocean Girl.

I want to defend Billy Joel by saying that, while he is clearly expressing a preference for slightly dim bulbs in that song, he also is apparently admitting to being a bit lacking upstairs himself ("work that hard"). But there, I've said too much.

Ricki-Lee has quit the Young Divas. I knew it. She will probably be replaced by Jessica Mauboy, whose first album was called The Journey. This'd be fine, but the guy who beat her's first album was called The Winner's Journey, so her album title just seems to be drawing unfortunate attention to her defeat.

Hopefully I'll have others before then, but my next confirmed stand-up gig is on September 25 at the Comic's Lounge. I feel guilty telling people when I'm performing - I don't wish to sound as if I'm offended by people not showing up.

I also want to say that as a child, I obsessed over words and stories AND got jazzed about Kanga Cricket. I never quite imagined myself in the Faraway Tree, although some of my fondest childhood memories involve listening to my dad reading us the Faraway Tree stories Mystery Science Theater-style, with humorous commentary.

I've never smoked a cigarette either - thought I was the only one. Never taken an illicit drug or gotten drunk either, which leads to my first (finally!) question:

I once read something, I think, where you said you didn't trust people who didn't drink. Is that true?

Also, a question raised at work tonight: will all the union palaver really affect people's voting intentions? As idiotic as these unionists appear to be (are they TRYING to give Howard ammunition), I find it hard to imagine that any of the hysterical letter-writers warning of terrible union-induced universe-failure in the event of a Rudd win have ever actually contemplated voting for Labor in the first place.

I have formulated an almost-complete article supporting Ms Deveny's piece last week on The Footy Show. Should I go ahead and submit such an essay? Did you like that piece of hers?

Stay fresh.

Ms Fits.

We have in fact met before. You interviewed me once on RRR, and a friend accompanying me to RRR said to me at the time, "She's cute - ask her on a date" to which I replied, "She's married, and I'm engaged".

Besides, we have a few mutual friends and they speak glowingly of you. I hope they speak glowingly of me, but I doubt they'd use the name 'Perseus'.

So, because I think sending you a mixed tape is a bit creepy, instead, can you allow RYWHM to go all RSVP for a few moments and set me up on a date with 'Cath' (see above)?

(Word verification is "Koxopper", which, with any luck, my next date might be...)

my dearest Ms Fits - I must begin with an enormous thank you for pointing me in the direction of the hilarious Ignatius J Reilly and his rather troublesome valve. A brilliant read and one that involved much laugh out-loud-on-the-train type shenanigans.

Which brings me to my q+a for this week -

1: Which fab books have you been reading lately?

2: Are you familiar with/a fan of, David Mitchell of Cloud Atlas fame?

3: If not, why not?

4: How are plans for the Sydney leg of the extravagantly-priced-liquor-soirée going?

the frozen turnip

I agree with Dr Nic about Gibson: "Pattern Recognition" was by far his best book, although perhaps the ending didn't fulfill the amazing promise of the premise (?) That said, I reckon "Neuromancer" is completely overrated derivative rubbish (much like "The Matrix") so you can tell I am a sci-fi snob with a twist of lime. Now, I have hassled you about this before, but every Vonnegut lover MUST read "Sirens of Titan". If you hate Vonnegut but like sci-fi (or vice versa), then you still MUST READ IT ANYWAY. You will realise that Douglas Adams probably read it a few times before starting on HHGTTG. So I suppose my question is have you read it, and if not, then why not?
(hfbdioqu: are these verifications getting longer everytime?)

I too watched those basics boys from afar quite recently (east brunswick club with the bawdies). Now I have crushes on two boys of the red-haired nature! How did you find out about them?

Hiya Fits-y,

I have a two questions which may contain several different parts:

Question 1.

I have discovered recently (read the last ten minutes) that my ex-boy, love of my life, long involved and still crying over (after much lament and red wine)has moved from his native England to our fair shores - to your stomping ground no less!!!

Now when he left the last time, he stood in front of me here in the land of plenty,lied through his teeth - and said he would be back to be with me in 2 months time.

After he dropped me, on the phone from 14,000 km away, I was under the impression that we had an understanding. ie - he would stay in his hemisphere and I would stay in mine.

Three years later he is here - FOR GOOD. (now an aquientence of both yours and mine had spotted him several months earlier in the year in your fair city - and he had attemped to engage her - to no avail - what loyalty! I assumed he was here on holidays)

The question is - should he have at least sent me a cursory email to prepare me for his arrival? A small notelet to give me some time to fit into my best clothes, change my hair and get a better job, just in case I ran into him, or is he well within his migration rights?

and

2. "Rack off Tug or I'll tell everyone how you really got your nickname" - would this have passed muster at Neighbours in your day?

awaiting your input, through put and out put

(excuse the spelling mistakes, I went to school in the days of sight-words and near enough is good enough)

Dearest Dollfits,
I've been rather fond of Rory Mcleod after an interview followed by a night out on the tiles many years past.
Tell me, what do you think of this bag of tell from off the tube?
I've got no idea how to insert so here's the address.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO_xCvYGtxY&mode=related&search=

My veri beast is clffho. A slutty fan of Cliff Richard perhaps?

Hello gorgeous,

I have worked as a polling official at the last two general elections. I love it because it's an opportunity to be directly involved in the process. My parents both worked as polling officials every election for as long as I was living at home and I had to hang out with my mum at the polling booth all day in my younger years, so it's also a bit of a nostalgia trip.

I've recently submitted my application for this year's election, but I'm thinking of withdrawing it in favour of (hopefully) being amidst a mighty celebration.

Is it too early to make the symbolic gesture of withdrawing the application?

Can I come to your party?

kisses

Dearest Dollfits,
Could we please organise a left leaning loony Dollfits party on election night and drag together the wonderful sundries of your comment section for an evening of political bliss and madness?
Vote 1, Dollfits party today.
Is there a cavernous bookshop in Melbourne with a big tv tuned to election night broadcasts that would make the perfect venue?
Also we need a small stage for our fave bands.
Just asking....reality has nothing to do with this question you know. It's all catbrain's fault for making the idea pop into my head.

Veri beast= pixep: A fairy's burp.

Oh, a response to Last Scientician about giving it all up.
Don't do it.
Just give up the bits you don't like and keep the rest.
Like us f'rinstance.
Cheers

* waves *

Salut! Ms. Fits

Reading your blog I've noticed each entry ends with a specific count down to the next federal election (according to your good self to be held on Nov 15... or is that 16?).
Yet it's my - admittedly vague - understanding that our 'esteemed yet most unholy' PM can call an election any time he pleases from roughly now until sometime in January next year (isn't that right?!?!).
Which begs the question...
Do you know something that the rest of us plebs don't???

Ever since you posted that lolcat picture a couple of weeks ago, I can't buy a box of hokkien mee without having an almost overpowering desire to tip them over my own head and proclaim "I haz noodls. Iz not so gret aktualy" or similar.

How long does this effect usually last?

'Anonymous said...
Bullshit Mikeed1313, you don't post in Friday Q&A because you don't actually want to address Ms Fits directly, thereby inviting her to respond or reject you.

You're like a stalker who won't approach the object of his affection directly, but will hang around and observe (and probably jerk off about it later)'



Now then, Ms Fits, we can't be having this sort of stuff.

I would like to invite you to lunch.

We'll go to a venue in St Kilda, but not the sad theme park St Kilda that exists today, rather the weird and eclectic St Kilda of my youth.

Naturally, we’ll meet at the restaurant and depart separately. Its my shout, provided that you don’t do anything silly, like order $1200 bottles of wine, or the most expensive items on the menu and then not eat them, but ring out for a pizza instead.

You will be comfortable and safe; they are very used to dealing with celebrities, and the man who first introduced me to the place all those years ago was a millionaire.

If you accept my invitation, then this will be the first time since January 2002 that I’ve invited a lady to a restaurant and told her to go nuts! And she was a simply a friend I bumped into in Chapel Street, Windsor, at an Asian supermarket!

I make this offer as an artist who has bumped into another artist in whose work he is interested and in whose company he’d enjoy spending an hour or so shooting the shit with.

If you’d like to accept, then just say so on the blog and I’ll send a snailmail to you C/O The Age and we’ll sort out the specifics from there.

I've told you before Fitsy, I only use my dance skills for good, not evil.

Actually, I'm responding to your comment from a couple of weeks ago. Is it bad that I've not had a chance to peruse for a couple of weeks - it's just that I've started a new job and I'm actually having to work. A lot. All the time. And as my workmate just so eloquently stated, "I need a drink". I'm really sorry...will you forgive me?

Have you seen the movie Jindabyne? I saw it last night over here (amazing how far a good talkie - and in colour as well!!! - will travel these days). I'd thoroughly recommend it.

My eyes have just wandered left (not in some kind of wandering eye manner; I don't have a wandering eye...not that there is anything wrong with having one...although I would imagine that it might make looking at things a bit difficult)and chanced upon La Nadine's comment. I think you should let her...she seems like a sweet girl.

Can you tell that I'm a bit tired?

Word verif: tosjua - that guy Josh at school who everyone thought was a bit of a tosser.

i'm currently in a relationship with a work colleague, its been almost 8 months but no-one knows (our friends are surprised with this fact but we're quite professional when at work, though there has always been speculations etc). anyways, as the relationship grows longer, it has become harder for us to tell our colleagues of our relationship, we're not even sure if we should. we've pretty much lied to them the last 8 or so months, or held back certain details. how do you suggest going about breaking the news to our colleagues. to compound things this is the third relationship i've had with a work colleague in the last 18 months (though the first two were more flings then anything else). am i now officially a office man whore.

Grettings my good fellow,

My name is Andy. So I guess the title 'anonymous' isn't quite apt.

I have only recently stumbled upon your blog having fallen madly in love with you from what I've seen of the first Tuesday bookclub and typing your name into google. I realise now that this is scarily stalkerish behaviour and I probably just shouldn't have mentioned it.

Anyway here are some questions to entertain yourself with, what is your opinion of Margaret Atwood? I just finished reading Oryx and Crake and thought it was fascinating. If you've read this novel what do you think Snowman does with the spraygun at the end?

Secondly, rather tragically due to the dodgy genes I've inherited I'm starting to go bald. Do you think I should shave my head or go on living in denial?

Thirdly, are you going to see the Sydney Theatre Company production Dead Ceasar at all?

And finally would you consider going out with someone eleven, maybe twelve, maybe fourteen years younger than yourself?

Seeing as everyone here probably spends way too much time on facebook anyway, i feel i should point out the visual bookshelf app as a good way of finding new reading material. and like everything on facebook it's a good chance to have cock size contests regarding obscurity/classiness of ones taste.