Friday q and a #76.
It's been a surprisingly lovely week, full of high quality food and odd encounters with deck-building spunks at local cafes (more on that frankly bemusing situation another time).
July holds a great deal of travel for me - reluctantly away from precious Bike babies and breakfasting champions - and I will endeavour to make regular visits to this here blog. At the very least I'll do my best to maintain the incessant pace of Friday questions as I am hopelessly devoted to finding answers for you...
epon_anon said...
I enjoyed Written on the Body but after reading a few interviews with Winterson I've gone off her a bit. Friday question: have you read much Ben Okri?
Nope. Should I? I'm currently sneaking in a book of my own before the weighty book show tomes come calling. It's JD Salinger's Franny and Zooey and I'm reading it because my wild friend Lorelei (from the sadly departed Young Professionals) once grabbed me by the arm and announced with fierce passion 'This book made me the way I am' and she's eight parts brilliantly fruity so I've taken it upon myself to study her recommendation with sombre devotion. It's fucking wonderful so far. He really does have a way with words, the shy retiring fox.
la nadine said...
hi,
um...really i just liked the idea of being the first to ask a question one week. i didn't plan so far ahead as to actually thinking of a question to ask.
so...do you, like, think i could maybe get to second base on our next date?
x
I don't see why not. I'm due for a long and involved petting session, to be perfectly honest with you.
Cath said...
Ola Ms Gorgeous Fits
I have been meaning to slash at you in a rage of jealousy for your proximity to the divine Mr Grant..... but no matter - kiss kiss - all is forgiven?
Mr Perseus - I am shocked at your difficulties.... I am in my mid-30's (a generic age if ever there was one), and EVERY man I meet of this age assumes you want to run off and have babies - and therefore they are all running scared of me.
Or are they scared for other reasons?? hmm.
I wouldn't mind babies, but am not sure if I could stand the squalling night and day - mayhaps you are the man for me?
Ms Fits - surely you can facilitate this match made in heaven?
RYWHM Community Babyboard? Oh my.
I'm wary of those men who automatically assume every lady over the age of 30 is busting a nut to be upduffed, Cath. I feel I still have a couple of years of ill-advised carousing to participate in before I allow some broad-shouldered lovely to impregnate me and teach me how to garden. Perhaps you're right, perhaps there's something mortally wrong with us and gentlemen are simply using the excuse 'BUT I CAN SENSE YOU CRAVE MOTHERHOOD' to dodge our affection bullets. In any case, the combination of you and the offspring-seeking Perseus may be a heavenly thing. Go through the usual motions and email me and we'll just see what kind of sperm donation telethon we can rustle up.
He seems keen, anyway:
Perseus said...
Ms Fits.
We have in fact met before. You interviewed me once on RRR, and a friend accompanying me to RRR said to me at the time, "She's cute - ask her on a date" to which I replied, "She's married, and I'm engaged".
Besides, we have a few mutual friends and they speak glowingly of you. I hope they speak glowingly of me, but I doubt they'd use the name 'Perseus'.
So, because I think sending you a mixed tape is a bit creepy, instead, can you allow RYWHM to go all RSVP for a few moments and set me up on a date with 'Cath' (see above)?
(Word verification is "Koxopper", which, with any luck, my next date might be...)
I take it you are no longer engaged then, Perseus. At least I'd hope not, since you're pursuing the art of koxopping with somewhat fevered intent.
You heard the man, Cath. Send your details my way and in nine months we'll hopefully all be hearing the pitter-patter of tiny blogger feet.
p.s. Your friends have impeccable taste. I am a bastion of goodness.
The Last Scientician said...
I'm thinking of giving it all up. Should I give it all up? It's giving me the shits, lately.
Of course you shouldn't give it all up, TLS. Not now, not ever. Even in the darkest moments you need to give yourself something to look forward to, whether it be hot apple and sultana porridge in a warm kitchen on a rainy morning (this has been blowing my mind over the past week as I am quite easily won over), or a exotic drink with some enormously brilliant ha-ha man, or the new issue of Q magazine - anything. Just so it gets you through the swampy emotional disarray and through to johnny goodtimes. It ain't that difficult a mantra, really.
Additionally:
Hellglitter said...
Oh, a response to Last Scientician about giving it all up.
Don't do it.
Just give up the bits you don't like and keep the rest.
Like us f'rinstance.
Cheers
* waves *
Well put, Hellglitter. Indeed, we should all of us be shunting the irritating bits and focussing on a better tomorrow. Like Scientologists, but without the silent birthing and stuff.
thr said...
Greetings etc...
Following the marvelously lovely and funny Sarah Silverman link, I thought I would see what you thought of this appallingly funny woman?
yes. as you were.
Tom
Jesus christ. She's astoundingly wrong. Anyone who uses the term 'beating your dick like an Iraqi prisoner' is pretty much putting themselves out there as an anti-PC comic. How does she get away with such wild banter? She's like Sarah Silverman with PMS.
Anonymous said...
Miss Fits,
I hope you're well. I have a tale and would be honoured if you would be so kind as to share your thoughts.
I met someone once, an explosion, a volcano, a song, a poem, and the world folded like origami paper and there we were, two ends met to form a shape which stunned us both and was both frightening and disastrous, and soft, tender and real. Real being as frightening as not. Some of the time.
Time passed and life stretched us to breaking point until it was obvious that the best thing was the worst thing and we have not been in contact for some time. A fair result for shared despair.
And yet, there is not a single day goes by that they do not appear to me in some form, be it a gloomy d'oh and furrowed pfft, or a garrulous giggle to myself at an imagined memory. It's a nice enough way to hold a candle, inside, to light the recesses of yourself when you're in the dark.
But what if you find it getting in the way? How to exorcise properly, completely, a feeling toward a partner which can not be pursued, for your own peace of mind, but is sufficient to keep you awake at nights in a cold, empty dizzy?
I've covorted, chased and galivanted since. I've thrown myself into meaningless relationships with members of both sex, hilarious and revealing, I've travelled overseas, written a diary, loved another, lusted - a lot. I've done everything except find God, and tell my other. And I'm still haunted by a spectre from my past.
Which of course, leaves your incredibly incisive and "why didn't I think of that" advice.
Thanks for your time, I figured here's a good a place as any to seek an answer.
Alas Anon, I fear I am not the right person to come to for advice in a matter such as this. I am mawkishly sentimental about past swains and connections and spend far too much time gazing out of windows and wondering what the Great Loves are up to and if they ever think of me fondly and if they were to knock on my door at certain times of the evening would I simply give up my entire life to re-explore the once punchdrunk passion we shared or would I know better etc. What are the reasons you and your maddening inamorato called it a day? Were you 'at' each other with knives and forks? Did it end in a mutual slice and dice gorefest? Gracious.
I have been forced to sadly part ways with those who caused me spiritually regressive grief (as I no doubt in turn caused them) and though there have been many temptations to clamber aboard the good ship fallback I have for the most part resisted urges and pressed on with my life. I don't really know how to advise you in terms of banishing that troublesome muse from the recesses of your mind outside of Hatha yoga and Radox baths and many many Dirty Three records. Best of luck, my friend. Many finger-squeezes to you.
Anonymous said...
Is it true that you drank Robby Buck under the table?
If you mean was I still standing at the end of the night while he spoke in hieroglyphics and lavishly spread the contents of his bag around the pub floor, then yes. I can safely say that I did.
OptimusPrIme said...
Ms. Fits, does your nickname have anything to do with Robbie Coltrane's title character from the series 'cracker'?
Have you finished reading 'arry Potter yet?
What's your take on the latest Aboriginal health/welfare band aid ball-burster from Howard Johnny and the fuckstar party? What say you of labo(u)r's lack of opposition?
The Australian people pay him to OPPOSE things damnit.
I would like to use this opportunity to quietly suggest that Captain Feathersword could drop a FART with more emotional and intellectual resonance than anything thus presented from our so-called political representatives.
FUCKING RAWWWWWWWWWR!
1. No, but that series is complete genius. Worth watching again on DVD.
2. Finished? I haven't started. Life's far too short.
3. I think it's a fucking crock, and all for show. What worries me most is reading about the lack of back-up plan the government's put in place. There's no programs set up for why the fuck so many people in communities are turning to alcohol to blot out the sky, or what to do with the presumably rosy-cheeked rehabilitated drunks when they skip merrily out of their camps and back into the real world where alcohol's freely available. It's bullshit half-measures and completely sickening. I don't know what the answer is, but this ain't it.
I'm worried about Kevin's response so far. Am awaiting further information before I turn up on his doorstep shouting and waving a Bamix aggressively.
Anonymous said...
Because I'm feeling sick and gross and stuck at home studying for stupid Uni exams on a Friday night I thought I'd comment and ask a question to entertain myself.
1. Love you on the book club, it led me to your blog which led me to find out that I am not alone in my Reucassel love. Thanks for the comraderie. Then I was channel flicking and saw you in Canberra on SBS. Then on the Chaser.
Then today, I was listening to Triple J with Robbie Buck and YOU SCORED A MENTION there too.
Evidently you can drink Chris Taylor and Robbie under the table. (Chris Taylor, hey, obviously moving on to a Single Chaser from Craig. I think you should go for it. Those checked shirts are pretty hot.)
So just letting you know that you are currently taking over all the public broadcasters and the internet and I can't look without you being on a new medium.
Which is great, cos the more you appear on every station the less we see of people like Paris Hilton so keep it up.
This media saturation thing is a bit irritating. If I keep going in the direction of Paris Hilton I'll end up with jail time and a lovely new hairdo, though I suppose it's about as much as one could ask for in a junior McMurdoch career. Should I take time off to climb a mountain and read to amputee children do you think? It could work quite well for boosting my profile and making me appear like a caring and generous individual despite the fact that I am small-minded and mean and loathe humanity.
Sarah said...
Hi Ms Fits,
I have no idea how my blog ended up as a question on your blog, but thank you for not being captious towards my writings. No one likes to read bad stuff about them in teh Intarwebs. So thank you for handling that with dignity and grace.
Oh, not at all. It's nice to see fellow lady scribers tiptoeing around the dating circuit - though it would appear you're on the edge of becoming 'one of them'. Never mind, I'll take care of the remaining single boys around town on behalf of both of us.
A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Sarah.
*bows*
Anonymous said...
1) have you ever slept with anyone famous ?
2)do you like martin scorsese ?
3) bob brown or kevin rudd ?
4) john howard intervening in aborigine communitys ? yay or nay ?
5)http://kucinich.us/
Kucinich for President !
1) That depends on your definition of famous, Anon. I've never blown Jared Leto if that's what you're asking, though I've had ex lovers appear in the Herald Sun social pages.
2) Yes. I thought The Departed was spectacular. I'm also a fan of The Last Waltz obviously, as it combines music, handsome men, and irresponsible drug usage.
3) As dinner guests? Hip-hop superstars? Lovers? I'd go Bob all three, though he'd probably be less likely to capitulate to my charms were we to explore the latter.
4) Nay. See above.
5) 'Our Patriots for Peace campaign expresses how true patriotism supports peace'? Damn. The man's got my vote.
Anonymous said...
Is Sunday going to be your first community cup?
This renewed love of footy hasn't been sparked by your rumoured dalliance with a football journalist? I recall reading a couple of weeks ago about you being spotted with a footy journo and someone suggesting Mark Robinson. Please clarify Ms Fits.
No, I've been to quite a few Community Cups - though I've only been team runner for two years. I think it's my official job now.
Also: You do realise I have no idea which football journalist I'm supposed to have shacked up with? Someone left a comment a couple of weeks ago suggesting I'd been 'spotted' making eyes at a strapping member of the sporting press and then disappeared off the face of the earth when I dared ask who the devil they were referring to.
I'm honestly not trying to be elusive. I can't recall dating any journalist, football or otherwise, in the past six months. More details, please.
p.s. I have always loved football. It is in my blood. Don't hate me because I don't have a team.
Jaffe said...
You made it into someone's special dinner list. oh dear.
Good gravy. Along with HR Giger, Henrik Nordvargr Bjorkk and Stephen Hawking, no less. I suppose if conversation dried up we could all just stand around admiring Timothy Leary's sawn-off head in its little portable refrigerator. Although it might be awkward if someone accidentally stashes their UDL's inside.
Josh Dare said...
Fits-o-rama!
Mid-term reader, first time blogger over here, after much deliberation.
I do actually have a bona fide question for you, which may excite you. Two, in fact.
1) Do you know how hard it is not to mimic your writing style when posting a comment here? Surely you've picked up on the parroting by now. It's a compliment at the end of the day; your little sing song method of writing is terribly infectious.
See, there I go again.
2) OMG I BLOG TWO. Seriously, I just started a blog (http://blog.joshdare.com). I'm altoghether too writer-y about the whole shebang tho: I get all 'tarded when trying to think of entries and stuff because I've got no idea who my target audience is (frankly, a lot of the time I think there is no audience) and I've got no central question to address coz it's bleeting on about nothing. As a grand mama of blogging, do you have any tips?
Cheers in advance! Loving your work in Green Guide / Frankie / quick skit on Chaser's :)
Hello Josh Dare, and welcome to the blogosphere.
*smashes champagne bottle against laptop*
To the questions:
1) I know that when reading a particular writer I inevitably end up attempting to sound exactly like them which is good when it's an insufferably verbose twat like Martin Amis and not so good when ploughing through three volumes of Adrian Mole's diaries. I don't mind if people borrow my retardedly lengthy sentences and distinct thumbing of nose at grammatical guidelines. Let us mock the system together.
2) I get what you're saying - my earliest blog entries veer wildly when it comes to style, and even when people started reading/commenting I wasn't sure whether to write to please them or write to please myself. In the end I guess you need to just keep plugging away and honing your craft - since part of the infuriating joy of blogging is being forced to wake up every day and find something mildly diverting to write about - and eventually curious onlookers will drop by and tell you you're a misinformed ass with body odour problems and to go fuck yourself and you'll know you've made it. As for 'bleating on about nothing' - this is essentially the heart of blogging. You've got it mastered, grasshopper.
Anonymous said...
Fits,
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2007/06/irrational-fear-irrational.html
I enjoyed the zombie line.
Thoughts?
Yeah, it's some pretty fucking funny writing. I like this bit:
'...if I'd gotten on that ride, my friends would have actually heard me scream. Like a little girl. Like a little girl who just woke up because somebody licked her foot. Like a little girl who just woke up because somebody licked her foot, and then when she turns on the light there's an evil clown sitting in the middle of her bedroom, eating her pony.'
Heh. Pity he's married.
FreeHugsTommy said...
Hello you adorable Fits you. I have again been perusing the excitable world that is reality television (i do love it) and again felt like asking you a question.
Did you watch the premiere of Survivor-on-a-boat(i believe it's actually called Pirate Master)? If you did, aside from the rather odd concept and the intriguing choice of a Daddo to host, were you as disappointed as I was that John was "cast adrift" in the first episode? Not because he was that interesting a character, but rather because where else in the televisual arts are you likely to see someone with the occupation of "scientist/exotic dancer"?
God knows why (perhaps it was the word 'Premi-arrrr' that did it), but I did actually sit through the entire first episode of Pirate Master, if only for Cameron Daddo's lovely pantomime drawstring trousers. I have no idea what he was doing striding around that boat issuing orders, though it's nice to see him on our screens again.
Completely agree about John, not least because he seemed hugely irritating and managed to creep out pretty much everyone onboard with his deranged whispering. I've taped the second episode as I hate myself and seek punishment. Hopefully it will lead to some kind of creative outpouring/beat poetry.
wrench said...
Dear Ms. Fits,
It wasn't till you mentioned Kyle being on the cover that I took an interest in your appearance in Picture mag some nine years ago, as I remembered buying such an issue back then. Sure enough, after going through some dusty boxes under the bed, there is was! I'm guessing that the pic was not actually taken underwater, just meant to look as such, still yours was the most tasteful of all the home girls of that issue. I do feel bad for the guy that had to put chillies on his dick as part of the dare. Out of interest, has he since fathered any children?
p.s. You didn't say you were a bag girl.
Wait, so of all the thousands of back issues of Picture magazine over the past eleven years, you just happened to have the exact one I was in underneath your bed? Either you are a devoted collector of lowbrow glossies or we have a suspiciously strange coincidence on our hands.
*narrows eyes*
Anyway.
a) The photo was taken by my partner at the time and I was actually showering in this room at the brilliant Madonna Inn in St. Luis Obispo.
b) Thank you, though that's the complimentary equivalent of saying 'out of the entire party, Goebbels was totally my favourite Nazi'.
c) Glenny G is yet to father any children that I'm aware of. I'm sure he'd appreciate your concern for his penis.
d) So I wanted to maintain a little privacy. SO WHAT OF IT.
m. said...
hey fits,
here's a question for you, in regards to tattoo etiquette.
is it ok to get irrationally angry when people you hardly know ask you what your tattoos mean? as someone who is visably inked, you might have some awesome womanly insight into this problem i have.
i'm tempted to get a picture of a dismembered corpse stuck onto my foreheard, and when people ask 'hey, what does that mean?' i can reply 'well, that's what i do to annoying people who ask me about my tattoos'. there are a few tiny problems with this course of action though, and i thought i might seek your advice first.
love,
m
Hello there young man,
For the most part I don't mind when people ask what my tattoos mean, but then I am in love with all but one of them. Obviously it's a little more difficult to maintain a calm demeanour when ten-year-old boys sidle up and point at the scrawl on your arm and sneer: 'What does that mean in English? Idiot*?', but really - since I've chosen to wallpaper myself with art I have to just cop the curious onlookers.
*this was actually said to me once. I had absolutely no comeback. Child of the Corn: 1, Fits: 0.
Others have further input:
Anonymous said...
Hey M, here's an idea for you - if you don't want strangers talking to you, don't do anything as attention-seeking as obviously tattooing yourself.
To which you reply:
m. said...
anon.
oh wow. perhaps i should just stay indoors for the rest of my days and raise a flock of cats.
that or post woefully unhelpful anonymous comments on someones blog.
Is a collective of cats really known as a 'flock'? It sounds suspicious to me.
Can I come and help you with your cats? I promise I won't make too many double entendres.
More in your mini street-battle:
Anonymous said...
How is "M" any less anonymous than "Anonymous"?
It does seem odd to complain about people talking to you about your tattoos - aren't tattoos a physical, public expression of yourself? The guy who stands on the corner of Swanston and LaTrobe with the sandwich board about the second coming doesn't complain if people ask him about it ...
Same as I have learned to take it when people comment on my mohawk. (ok, that's not true.)
The guy standing on the corner of Swanston and LaTrobe is simply trying to make friends and is yet to hear of Facebook, Anon. Pity him his social setbacks.
m. said...
i guess m is slightly less anonymous due to the fact that a few clicks take you to an attached blog in which i write a bunch of stuff about myself, where as anonymous tends to go nowhere.
body modification can be quite a personal thing. i don't comment when it comes to the appearance of people i don't know - weather it be their clothing, haircut, tattoos, horrible botched plastic surgery etc. i understand that a lot of people use tattoos as an exercise in attention seeking, but that's a stereotype and there's no need to assume everyone with visible ink gets it for that reason.
anon, feel free to e-mail me any continuation of this debate. saves us derailing the flow of the whole friday q&a thing: thwakk@gmail.com
Annnnd we're done.
Did Anon email you, m? Are you going to make babies like Cath and Perseus? This could be the most fertile RYWHM yet. A particularly handsome gent offered to send me photographs of his genitals today, so I'm well in the mood to facilitate some commenter hook-ups.
elmo said...
Ok. For reasons that mainly include working until my fingers bleed (and being happy about it), I haven't had time recently to read books. This is a strange way for me be, so I thought I'd rectify it by reading The Road. Pultizer Prize winner ought to do it! So I did so in a single day, and I feel now that my shit has been irreversably fucked up by it in a major, major way. I kind of don't want anyone I care about to read this book, however, I wonder if I'm missing something?
In summation, is the Pulitzer a piece of shit, and more importantly, can someone please recommend something life affirming for me to read, stat? Or else I'm going back to watching episodes of Heroes.
Halp, thx.
x
It really is an emotionally draining read, isn't it? Fucking McCarthy. I wouldn't go near it again if you paid me, which I realise is a highly unlikely scenario.
I'm a much bigger fan of the Booker in terms of prize/quality assurance, to be honest. If you're looking for an instant tale of uptliftingness I'd go Peter Carey's Bliss immediately. I know I harp on about it a bit, but it's good for what ails ye.
Any other suggestions, o wise readership?
Ben said...
Chuffed as I would be with the attentions of ravenous single women, I am both pretty much taken and unlikely to live up to expectations, being too large and possessed of no social skills whatsoever.
I should point out that your belief children's drama does not call for sex workers with a deft kitchen touch is not shared by all. Round the Twist, for one, could have done with a few less Gribbles and a few more gnocchi-generating temptresses able to leap into a reverse cowgirl upon production of an Amex Gold.
Also, Ocean Girl.
I want to defend Billy Joel by saying that, while he is clearly expressing a preference for slightly dim bulbs in that song, he also is apparently admitting to being a bit lacking upstairs himself ("work that hard"). But there, I've said too much.
Ricki-Lee has quit the Young Divas. I knew it. She will probably be replaced by Jessica Mauboy, whose first album was called The Journey. This'd be fine, but the guy who beat her's first album was called The Winner's Journey, so her album title just seems to be drawing unfortunate attention to her defeat.
Hopefully I'll have others before then, but my next confirmed stand-up gig is on September 25 at the Comic's Lounge. I feel guilty telling people when I'm performing - I don't wish to sound as if I'm offended by people not showing up.
I also want to say that as a child, I obsessed over words and stories AND got jazzed about Kanga Cricket. I never quite imagined myself in the Faraway Tree, although some of my fondest childhood memories involve listening to my dad reading us the Faraway Tree stories Mystery Science Theater-style, with humorous commentary.
I've never smoked a cigarette either - thought I was the only one. Never taken an illicit drug or gotten drunk either, which leads to my first (finally!) question:
I once read something, I think, where you said you didn't trust people who didn't drink. Is that true?
Also, a question raised at work tonight: will all the union palaver really affect people's voting intentions? As idiotic as these unionists appear to be (are they TRYING to give Howard ammunition), I find it hard to imagine that any of the hysterical letter-writers warning of terrible union-induced universe-failure in the event of a Rudd win have ever actually contemplated voting for Labor in the first place.
I have formulated an almost-complete article supporting Ms Deveny's piece last week on The Footy Show. Should I go ahead and submit such an essay? Did you like that piece of hers?
Stay fresh.
It's not that I don't trust people who don't drink, Ben. I'm just very comfortable in the company of drinkers. Also I tend to get a bit lippy when plied with various amounts of alcohol and find it's far better to unleash one's inner sailor around people who won't regard you with po-faced judgement the next day having witnessed the entire episode stone-cold sober.
With regard to the KEVIN RUDD 4 UNIONZ 4 EVA business the government's attempting to bewilder voters with, I wouldn't think so. Particularly considering Our Kevin keeps randomly and startlingly killing off any errant unionists who invoke his fiery wrath. I wouldn't cross that man's picket line when he's in a mood, I'll tell you right now.
p.s. Feel free to submit any Deveny-related praise, young man. Supporting funny ladies can only be a positive thing.
the frozen turnip said...
my dearest Ms Fits - I must begin with an enormous thank you for pointing me in the direction of the hilarious Ignatius J Reilly and his rather troublesome valve. A brilliant read and one that involved much laugh out-loud-on-the-train type shenanigans.
Which brings me to my q+a for this week -
1: Which fab books have you been reading lately?
2: Are you familiar with/a fan of, David Mitchell of Cloud Atlas fame?
3: If not, why not?
4: How are plans for the Sydney leg of the extravagantly-priced-liquor-soirée going?
the frozen turnip
Oh, I'm so glad you liked Ignatius. He is one of the most magnificently fleshy characters I've ever had the pleasure of stumbling across.
1: As mentioned earlier, I've been very much admiring of Salinger's Franny and Zooey. I've also knocked Breakfast Of Champions over.
Which in turn, knocked me over.
2: Not familiar, no. I really must broaden my reading circle.
3: Because there's only so many hours in a day, I suppose. And most of mine are spent on my computer answering questions.
And, of course, wasting time on Facebook.
4: Actually, I'll be up in Sydney for a few nights next week - though I fear my cocktail window* is closing rapidly as I have a couple of work functions and daily meetings where hangovers are not in any way welcome. Failing that, I'll be up again in late July/early August.
*this sounds an offensively lewd premise, does it not?
*adds to urban dictionary*
DJKL said...
I agree with Dr Nic about Gibson: "Pattern Recognition" was by far his best book, although perhaps the ending didn't fulfill the amazing promise of the premise (?) That said, I reckon "Neuromancer" is completely overrated derivative rubbish (much like "The Matrix") so you can tell I am a sci-fi snob with a twist of lime. Now, I have hassled you about this before, but every Vonnegut lover MUST read "Sirens of Titan". If you hate Vonnegut but like sci-fi (or vice versa), then you still MUST READ IT ANYWAY. You will realise that Douglas Adams probably read it a few times before starting on HHGTTG. So I suppose my question is have you read it, and if not, then why not?
(hfbdioqu: are these verifications getting longer everytime?)
That really is a ridiculously long verification word, DJKL. Blogger is having a lend of us. WHY DO WE DEPEND ON YOU SO WHOLLY YET CURSE YOUR EVERY BREATH, FOUL OVERLORD.
I love that people are starting to get cross with me because I'm yet to read their favourite book. Is it not enough that I'm taking careful note and planning holidays around your recommendations? There's only so much of my concentration span to go around, and the bulk of it is spent on attempting to win over wordy brunettes. Pity me my rabid flirtations.
Anonymous said...
I too watched those basics boys from afar quite recently (east brunswick club with the bawdies). Now I have crushes on two boys of the red-haired nature! How did you find out about them?
They are somewhat spectacular, aren't they? Which ginge tickles you particularly, Kris or Tim?
I'd probably veer towards Tim, even though he spent the majority of our radio interview last Tuesday night sprawled out on the floor in a whisky-sodden coma. Wally is also unbearably handsome, though he obviously doesn't tick your Fantapants box.
I can't remember how I found out about them - possibly I heard them on PBS - though I do know that my life is all the richer for their inclusion.
bros said...
Hiya Fits-y,
I have a two questions which may contain several different parts:
Question 1.
I have discovered recently (read the last ten minutes) that my ex-boy, love of my life, long involved and still crying over (after much lament and red wine)has moved from his native England to our fair shores - to your stomping ground no less!!!
Now when he left the last time, he stood in front of me here in the land of plenty,lied through his teeth - and said he would be back to be with me in 2 months time.
After he dropped me, on the phone from 14,000 km away, I was under the impression that we had an understanding. ie - he would stay in his hemisphere and I would stay in mine.
Three years later he is here - FOR GOOD. (now an aquientence of both yours and mine had spotted him several months earlier in the year in your fair city - and he had attemped to engage her - to no avail - what loyalty! I assumed he was here on holidays)
The question is - should he have at least sent me a cursory email to prepare me for his arrival? A small notelet to give me some time to fit into my best clothes, change my hair and get a better job, just in case I ran into him, or is he well within his migration rights?
and
2. "Rack off Tug or I'll tell everyone how you really got your nickname" - would this have passed muster at Neighbours in your day?
awaiting your input, through put and out put
(excuse the spelling mistakes, I went to school in the days of sight-words and near enough is good enough)
1. My legal team informs me that sadly your dastardly ex is well within his rights to live wherever he so desires, the globetrotting cad. What's so great about our country, anyway?
I think this heartbreaking fiend should have indeed chucked an electronic missive your way to prepare you for the potentially fatal stroke you may have suffered during a night out when running into him feeling up a blonde hussy named Taylah outside Hungry Jacks on Russell street. Obviously it's just going to look weird now if you fire off an angry letter insisting that he tell you FOUR MONTHS AGO IN A BACKDATED SERIES OF MYSPACE MESSAGES THAT HE WAS SHIFTING INTO THE HOOD, so I suggest you just draw a deep breath (and a deep bath) and do your best to ignore the fact that your devilish cocksucker is breathing that same air as you - as us! No less! - and try to press on knowing that you'll probably only have to bump into him eighty-three more times before it stops being awkward.
2. It probably would have, actually. Neighbours was a hotbed of trash-talk back when I worked there. I daren't tell you the sorts of things we got up to during our end-of-year video shoot.
Hellglitter said...
Dearest Dollfits,
I've been rather fond of Rory Mcleod after an interview followed by a night out on the tiles many years past.
Tell me, what do you think of this bag of tell from off the tube?
I've got no idea how to insert so here's the address.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO_xCvYGtxY&mode=related&search=
My veri beast is clffho. A slutty fan of Cliff Richard perhaps?
Hello m'dear,
Rory's alright I suppose. It's Tap Dogs meets Billy Bragg, isn't it? I prefer mine a bit noisier, to be perfectly honest.
Catbrain said...
Hello gorgeous,
I have worked as a polling official at the last two general elections. I love it because it's an opportunity to be directly involved in the process. My parents both worked as polling officials every election for as long as I was living at home and I had to hang out with my mum at the polling booth all day in my younger years, so it's also a bit of a nostalgia trip.
I've recently submitted my application for this year's election, but I'm thinking of withdrawing it in favour of (hopefully) being amidst a mighty celebration.
Is it too early to make the symbolic gesture of withdrawing the application?
Can I come to your party?
kisses
Oh, of course you can. It will be open to all who like their politics and a drink. I don't think it's too early to bow out of your polling official duties - it will probably look better done now rather than closer to the date when it simply looks as though you've had a better offer to go cruising tail with Kenickie and the T-Birds.
Hellglitter said...
Dearest Dollfits,
Could we please organise a left leaning loony Dollfits party on election night and drag together the wonderful sundries of your comment section for an evening of political bliss and madness?
Vote 1, Dollfits party today.
Is there a cavernous bookshop in Melbourne with a big tv tuned to election night broadcasts that would make the perfect venue?
Also we need a small stage for our fave bands.
Just asking....reality has nothing to do with this question you know. It's all catbrain's fault for making the idea pop into my head.
Veri beast= pixep: A fairy's burp.
Polichicks will take care of it, Hellglitter. Stay tuned for further updates/maps/trails of chocolate leading to city bars and left-leaning gadabouts.
*********************
I have to cut q's slightly short today as I have
If you get a chance in the next couple of days, go check out La Mama's production of Osama The Hero - details here. Glenny G and I had a very highbrow night of it at the theatre on Tuesday and it's well worth catching as one of the actors is a total spunk, if a little beardie and intense to take home to your parents.
Time for me to venture out into the world and see what it has to offer. Thrilling encounters with waistcoated nerds and knees-up goodtimes celebrating the lovely Clem's ageing via the background music of Little Red stretch out before me. All is well with the world.
138 days til the next election.
Comments
Will you be my Facebook friend?
Hi Fits!
Finally plucked up the courage to leave you a note after many friday nights spent alone reading Q & A and secretly seeing if anyone else has confessed anything new to your confessional. It's like PostSecret but without the colours.
Anyway, I'm a Melbourne girl but am up in Sydney for a bit "following my dreams" (note quotes) and working on a big show. It's been pretty great but also really hard and lonely and all those things that come alongside being brave and going after the things you want and realising that maybe, just maybe, they weren't as magical or amazing as you'd hoped. ANYWAY, sorry for the emotional backstory, what I am trying to say is, I had nothing to do today so I sat in Hyde Park (at least the sun shines in Sydney, yes, even in winter) and read the latest issue of Frankie cover to cover. Laughed at your articles (as usual) and also at Mia Timpano's, who mentioned you extensively in one of her articles. So it got me thinking, and here are my questions:
1. What's Mia Timpano like IRL? I was just wondering if she was really nice and lovely and sweet and the cynical, bitchy, angry self she projects in her articles is all a facade?
2. How did you start writing for Frankie? Have you met the editors? Don't they live in Brisbane or something?
And, some unrelated questions:
3. How do you feel about Sydney in general? I'm staying in Surry Hills, which is the Fitzroy of Sydney only not as "scene" - though there are people that dress like Fitzroy kids, it's funny. I think it's the only place in Sydney I could live in; I can leave the rest thank you.
4. What are your favourite suburbs in Melbourne, other than the one in which you live?
5. Do you have a favourite Melbourne coffee haunt?
6. Lastly, it would be great if you could plug my blog. I write about theatre, see, and I haven't kept it up while I've been away, but when I'm back home, people give me tickets to see their plays and then I write about them. I figure, the more people that read my blog, the more people will get to know how much good theatre there is on in Melbourne, and maybe they'll go see it and fall in love with theatre and stop watching Big Brother and go out sometimes and get a life? Idealistic, perhaps?
Anyway, my blog is therestisjustcommentary.blogspot.com. It's called The Rest is Just Commentary.
Thanks for being great.
to Anon who said "I met someone once, an explosion, a volcano, a song, a poem, and the world folded like origami paper and there we were, two ends met to form a shape which stunned us both and was both frightening and disastrous, and soft, tender and real..." etc - that is quite the loveliest, most resonant piece of writing i've read in some time.
a semi-related question. ms fits, when one deeply desires another to the point of physical aching, finds him admirable above all others, has tried without success to stop desiring and admiring but has thus far kept such thoughts to herself because she is aware he's not over an unattainable past love and having him around in any form is better than the terrifying prospect of no him at all, are you one for honest declarations? would you tell the object of your desire how you felt? or silently carry a torch, watching him gallivant with other ladies but grateful for the fact he is at least still a friend, of sorts?
this has been troubling me for over a year, so i am more than capable of holding a candle. part of me thinks i should confess my true feelings, suffer the excruciating rejection and try to get on with my life despite the big him-shaped hole, because things now are somewhat artificial and i fear i may be allowing myself false hope by saying nothing. bear in mind i am a coward and generally think myself terribly undeserving of the objects of my affections. but especially him.
Glutentag Fitsy,
It's hard when some random dumps on something that makes your pants go warm, so even though I don't like Pattern Recognition I am sorry to make all those good people leap to its defence.
But, God, The Road? I haven't read a new book in years (since Shaun Tan's The Arrival) that both front-up hit me and made me buzz for weeks after.
That father's love for his boy. And Old Man McCarthy dropping it at age 73: his voice, his use of language. When he describes the refugee's barrows as "heaped with shoddy", it made me nearly cry, he's that good.
I can only recommend its quality and justify its violence by comparing it to Pan's Labyrinth. People should experience both.
Um, sorry, no question. Just a fanboy rant, really.
Have you read any Haruki Murakami? He is perfect.
If not, start with Sputnik Sweetheart. Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Kafka on the Shore, and Hard-boiled Wonderland are also lovely.
I offer many apologies but have no regrets about your discovery of the marvels of facebook.
*offers vadge for punching*
x
Just wanted to say I'm glad someone else has pointed you to Kung Fu Monkey - I've been struck for a while by the similar preoccupations (in that he alternates between talking about screenwriting and some really good political posts). Some of his posts are mini-classics of political blogging, eg his "Lions Led by Donkeys" (http://tinyurl.com/o2tla) and others like this: http://tinyurl.com/s7odu . You also have to respect that he actually blogs for charity: in the past he's put links up to make donations for various causes, and then he matches dollar for dollar whatever his readers donate. Can you believe this is the same guy who wrote the Halle Berry "Catwoman"?
what do you think of perez hilton?
please set me up with travis cotton.
merci.
@ Anon 12:07-
Alcohol is your friend, hell, my friend too. Get bombed and hug him a lot more warmly than necessary... look for the reaction- Does he snuggle you back? You'll have an |out| if required (OMFG, I'm so droonk etc).
Question: Have you purchased from Amazon? What think you of the recommendation system, and "others also bought..." Does this help or just narrow us? I've thought of a world that was optimized for me and my kind, but I'm almost certain it would end in tears, and most likely, blood.
I also have a sensitive inquiry about rooting around whilst in a relationship.
Do you believe it's okay to have secret filthy sex with unattractive strangers that are the opposite to your partner? Is it worth explaining to my wonderful girlfriend that I have these- occasional, but pretty much integral- urges, or should I just make both of us miserable with honesty?
I don't know how to explain fucking to a girl.
Simon - you don't know how to explain "fucking" to girls?
Let me explain something to you, fucko. Wanting to have sex with people other than your beloved is not exclusively a male dillema.
Your girlfriend undoubtedly has the odd "what if" pang about male friends and colleagues. We all do - but that's a sacrifice you make when you care about someone*. People are rarely monogamous because they don't WANT to sleep with others, they're monogamous because they don't want to hurt someone they love.
You just sound like you don't love her enough. You're probably just too needy to admit it to her and to yourself, so you couch it in terms of "integral urges".
Grown some balls.
*Obvs. it's different in open relatioships. Respect.
I know you probably hate questions like this, but as you are an easily accessible source, I'm gonna ask anyway.
Do you know if the ABC series The Yarns of Billy Borker is available in any format? My dad mentioned it the other day, and I'm curious to see what it's like. Apparently it was very popular when it aired.
Well, elmo from sydlee QC, you're a cheeeky little monkey, I'll say that for you!
I hope that wasn't your best shot.
If you try it again, Uncle mikee1313 is really going to show you how Moses brought the beer!
Dear Ms Fits
1. I can see that you're a frequenter of fine interwebs establishments such as myspace and facebook. Two questions about that, both of them are WHY?
I don't understand young people these days with their lolz and brbz and hiyaz. It all seems like a popularity contest to me, and I think if you really want to be popular, you should try winning an election or two. Not necessarily the Federal election, mind you, but Councils love young people (i'm a councillor myself and it's terribly patronising), not to mention the local RSL maybe or even Critical Mass, why not a knitting club? The point is, popularity is so much more rewarding when it is amongst real people. You don't really need John Butler as your 'friend'.
2. The celebrity impersonator known as Ms Fit has reappeared in my life. She now runs essentialadelaide.blog.com and writes for Rip It Up. Although admittedly her name makes more sense to me than yours, can I ask are you considering legal action? I'm sure your 'legal team' would love to sink their teeth into that one.
Or perhaps every Australian city has a Ms/Mrs/Mr Fit(s), their witty banter on the state of society/books/local events/relationship counselling inspiring young people all over their respective home town.
3. Not sure if you've noticed, but e-tax this year won't recognise same-sex couples. This makes me want to declare myself the opposite sex on this year's tax return, just to see whether I will receive an awkwardly worded letter back on an Australian Government letterhead.
4. My word verification today was ycoeeeep. I think this sounds like a country singer being suddenly bitten on the backside.
5. What issue of Picture?
Or have we already seen the important bit?
Simon, you sound like a first rate wanker, its a wonder anyone would want to have sex with you even if they are "unattractive strangers" who are no doubt as desperate and sad as you.
If you had any decency you would be honest with your girlfriend but like someone has pointed out you probably don't lover her enough, you certainly don't respect her enough to tell her the truth.
You might cause her some short term heartache but she'll be better off knowing what is really happening. I suspect the real reason you haven't told her is not to spare her feelings but because you don't want to deal with the fall out. How very noble of you, you really are a dickhead of the highest order. Hope that helps.
Want to date, Murakami fan? I could drink beer from tall cans and smoke Mild 7s while you arouse and confuse me, as the world outside slips through the cracks in the footpath, oblivious to the fact that it left us behind (with a bad-tempered golden cat that speaks Russian).
word verif: jhaps - response to online proposition based on mutual appreciation of a Japanese surrealist author.
Hi Ms. Fits, I just got off the plane from Melbourne, and sad interweb geek that I am had to come straight home and tell you that your segment for Lonely Planet on Canberra was part of my inflight entertainment.
Thanks you for cheering me up after a long, dark night of the soul type day. (I know that makes no sense - trust me, I'm doing well to be upright)
My question is: How does one get a gig for the Lonely Planet?
P.S You are just about the cutest thing ever.
Hello dear.
1. Are you really the cutest thing ever, or is this? http://mrbehemoth.livejournal.com/287948.html#comments
Awkward segue, no? Rather shameless of me, I apologise.
You are very cute, mind.
2. Did you get an uninteresting email from me inviting you to a thing? If so, I apologise again, it was inadvertently sent unintentionally by accident. If you got any other emails from me, I must have had one of my blackouts.
3. I also do not know how to explain fucking to a girl. Do you think it would be appropriate to use zany cartoons? Or possibly poseable action figures?
4. *desperate sweaty career-chaser* How did you first get on to RRR? /desperate sweaty career-chaser
5. Oops, spoke too soon. *DSCC* I read what you wrote about Channel 31. Most interesting. I've been thinking about going on Channel 31. You have to watch me if I do. OK? /DSCC
I wussed out of submitting my Deveny-related article. I do that a lot with my opinions. It's why I'm an enigma.
I work nights. So I interact with such blogs as yours while you, the author sleeps. It's sort of like the movie Ladyhawke. But instead of turning into a hawk and a wolf, we turn into a blog, and a very tired person. So you are Michelle Pfeiffer and I am Rutger Hauer. But unlike Rutger Hauer, I am not an evil robot.
It's not very like the movie Ladyhawke really, but there's very little romance on the night shift.
It's more like the movie Condorman. I spend the time surfing the net and reading blogs in a mild-mannered way, but in secret I put on wings and steal Oliver Reed's girlfriend.
They had a Concert for Diana tonight, but I don't think she heard much of it.
Bye for now, I'll try harder next time.
PS thanks to you I have hurled myself into the Facebook vortex. We shall see how this unfolds.
To combine two things mentioned in this post and associated comments and make them one whole statement about me...
The Yarns of Billy Borker + 'This book made me the way I am'
I still find it amusing that I was suitably impressed the PWG thing when we met, but absolutely shat myself with giddy excitement when I realised it was yer grandfather who penned my beloved childhood favourite The Yarns Of Billy Borker.
(pokes)
x
PS: Timpano is fucking ace, with hair to rival Winehouse and a penchant for white wine which makes my heart sing. I know you'll speak appropriately fawningly of her, Fits.
JESS OMG DO YOU REALLY KNOW MS FITS AND MIA TIMPANO IN REAL LIFE?
OMFG YOU ARE THE COOLEST!
Thank you, thank you for communicating via blog (for us all to see), rather than by mobile or one of the many devices available to people who know each other in real life.
We'll all treat you with extra reverence in future.
Please do.
x
PS: Touche, it did sound a bit cunty. Next time I see something published on here which inspires comment, I shall remember to email privately rather than respond to the post at hand lest I offend you in the future. Or at the very least, have the decency to take out any words which may allude to or contribute toward a feeling that I may know the blogger in "real life" (SHHH TOP SECRET) as such a thing is clearly a heinous namedropping crime, Ms Fits is a god and should remain on her online pedestal in pure untouchable form, and my laziness and failure to edit my own words accordingly in the original comment will haunt me for the rest of my days.
PPS: But in all seriousness, I do concur that I sound like a fuckwit in the original comment. I blame the lack of nicotine in my life at the moment for the reply's shabby craftsmanship. I am still working on an excuse for all pre-July 1st comments and posts' shabby craftmanship.
aw ... well, you've redeemed yourself anyway by having such a fucking funny link on your blog.
x
"Want to date, Murakami fan? I could drink beer from tall cans and smoke Mild 7s while you arouse and confuse me, as the world outside slips through the cracks in the footpath, oblivious to the fact that it left us behind (with a bad-tempered golden cat that speaks Russian)."
Sure. As long as we can go to Tokyo and sit eating chicken salad in Denny's. The cat will end up eating our faces.
Hello there Fits! I was watching The Nation tonight, and just prior to flipping over to watch you and the team on the Book Club (including Margret Fulton and her scones) they launched a new segment called Secret Womens Business with Amanda Keller and Fiona O'Laughlin. I have a strong suspicion that the producers took on board your criticism that there was a lack of intelligent, funny women on the show. Are you planning to take credit for this new addition to the show? And, if so, what other suggestions are you going to make to the people at channel 9, as they clearly need help at the moment?
Hello Ms Fits,
What do you think of the Working Dog gang? Frontline was great, I loved The Dish. Now I can't stand the sight of any of the Working Dogs.
Tom Gleisner's and Rob Sitch's smug unfunniness on The Panel made me want to poke my eyeballs out. Thank God You're Here ads make me quickly change the channel.
Dylan Moran picking his nose and examining his findings are funnier than seasons worth of TGYH.
Aaaah! That fucking blue door and the cheeseball host!
How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Dear Anonymi (Anonymouses? Who gives a shit?)
Thank- no, up yours for the responses, which say more about yourselves than me.
But I should clarify the question- I've come close, but I have NEVER cheated on my partner.
And this is not a passing urge to lick the woman who sells me my weekly zone 1 concession, I'm thinking about that extra 10% sex, being beaten, shat on, tied up in soft materials and suffocated. I need this, but couldn't take it from the girlfriend- perhaps this means I don't love her enough, but would you break up with your best friend/lover/confidant for failing to be as sordid as your hangups?
Would you rather know or not, that your partner had some unconventional predilections that you couldn't satisfy?
Would you prefer that they broke up with you rather than embarrass you with the knowledge?
(And the gf is cute, petite and scary-bright. She could do a lot better but doesn't, so don't see her as a victim)
Hello Ms F, last year I went to Amsterdam and ended up getting lost, really lost: for a while I thought I was dead but then realised it was more likely that I was in a coma. Anyway things started to become a bit more grounded because I asked myself if this was a coma why would everything unfold with such clarity and minute detail and there are things that I don’t think I could render/imagine myself but ever since then I’ve been trapped in an ambivalence about whether this is real or not. A number of times since then I've totally freaked out and thought I was back there and also felt like I was turning to liquid and it was really hard to distinguish where the pavement ended and my feet started and generally had what everyone calls 'panic attacks'.
My question is do you think it’s a coincidence that since then the first TV show I saw was the last season of the Sopranos (Tony’s coma scenes, where there are keys/clues/pointers/signs etc for getting his way out), then someone told me the ending of Lost is that all the people are dead (I don’t watch that show but I know enough about it), then there’s that Life on Mars show that’s just started on the ABC and even Stranger than Fiction has some resonances to how I feel at times – can you tell me?
Gi-day Feets,
RRR question: doest thou knowst how often yon station updates ye olde play lists?
On Australian Mood last night I heard a song with the chorus that went something like:
"Oh Lord let the bells ring,
The hard little man who is hollow within,
Something, something, something,
On the Road to nowhere with the master of spin"
And me wants to know who sings it and that. Can anyone enlighten me to save me having to find out myself? Also I seemed to think it was about the desicated coconut himself (early on I though it may have been Warney). Can anyone yea or nay that?
Snickety snick with back flip trick y'all.
Are you into the Beth Ditto? Should I be disturbed that New Weekly is now leading me to new music? Last week it was Ms Amy Winehouse.
Q&A Update: I'm on the radio on Sunday morning around 11:30 with Helen Razer, 774 AM in Melbourne, or http://www.abc.net.au/melbourne to listen online.
Since this IS Q&A, my question is: wouldn't it be great to listen to the ABC on Sunday around 11:30?
Word verification: ncylyla - the sound of a five-year-old taunting his foes while simultaneously suffering a severe allergic reaction.
Dear Ms Fits
I was wondering what your experience of high school was like, and also, did you have any great teachers?
I am a high school teacher in a lovely school in the Northern suburbs and often wonder if I am helping my students (some of whom are brilliant and will go on to achieve great things, irrespective of the 5 periods a week they spend with me) learn anything at all, or if, like me (and, I imagine, you) they would be better left to themselves to read and play music and do whatever makes them feel clever. Obviously this only works with the kids that can actually read and write already.
Thanks Fits, you're a marvel.
fitsarooney,
is there anything better than a late night cup of tea accompanied with a McVities digestive biscuit?
sorry to go all sunday life on you but what are the ten essential foodstuffs every kitchen must have?
cheers.
dear simon. folk seem to shit on you enough here. keep posting and you'll meet your 10% quota and then some.
Tee hee anon!
But seriously, Simon, maybe try to introduce a bit of it with your gf. Tying people up aint that kinky - she may go for it. You may find some way of accommodating your fetishes; even if she won't shit on you maybe you could get her to integrate it into her dirty talk. Who knows.
Comments are closed.