Friday q and a #77.
*yawns*
Easing into the morning after a quietly thrilling night at a quietly thrilling smoke-free Tote. It feels odd to be home, though my bed is offensively comfortable and impossible to get out of. Also I can't stop listening to 10cc's 'The Things We Do For Love'. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG WITH ME.
Is it wrong to have a crush on someone who graduated from high school in 2000? Which makes him...
*does maths*
....younger than me?
Anyhow, I've got things to do today. So we may as well press on with Friday questions and see where it gets us...
Hannah said...
Will you be my Facebook friend?
Of course I will. Though I may - and I say this with utmost seriousness - poke you with irritating regularity. You have been warned.
Avi said...
Hi Fits!
Finally plucked up the courage to leave you a note after many friday nights spent alone reading Q & A and secretly seeing if anyone else has confessed anything new to your confessional. It's like PostSecret but without the colours.
Anyway, I'm a Melbourne girl but am up in Sydney for a bit "following my dreams" (note quotes) and working on a big show. It's been pretty great but also really hard and lonely and all those things that come alongside being brave and going after the things you want and realising that maybe, just maybe, they weren't as magical or amazing as you'd hoped. ANYWAY, sorry for the emotional backstory, what I am trying to say is, I had nothing to do today so I sat in Hyde Park (at least the sun shines in Sydney, yes, even in winter) and read the latest issue of Frankie cover to cover. Laughed at your articles (as usual) and also at Mia Timpano's, who mentioned you extensively in one of her articles. So it got me thinking, and here are my questions:
1. What's Mia Timpano like IRL? I was just wondering if she was really nice and lovely and sweet and the cynical, bitchy, angry self she projects in her articles is all a facade?
2. How did you start writing for Frankie? Have you met the editors? Don't they live in Brisbane or something?
And, some unrelated questions:
3. How do you feel about Sydney in general? I'm staying in Surry Hills, which is the Fitzroy of Sydney only not as "scene" - though there are people that dress like Fitzroy kids, it's funny. I think it's the only place in Sydney I could live in; I can leave the rest thank you.
4. What are your favourite suburbs in Melbourne, other than the one in which you live?
5. Do you have a favourite Melbourne coffee haunt?
6. Lastly, it would be great if you could plug my blog. I write about theatre, see, and I haven't kept it up while I've been away, but when I'm back home, people give me tickets to see their plays and then I write about them. I figure, the more people that read my blog, the more people will get to know how much good theatre there is on in Melbourne, and maybe they'll go see it and fall in love with theatre and stop watching Big Brother and go out sometimes and get a life? Idealistic, perhaps?
Anyway, my blog is therestisjustcommentary.blogspot.com. It's called The Rest is Just Commentary.
Thanks for being great.
Hi, Avi.
*waves*
1. Mia Timpano is like a cross between Amy Winehouse and Elaine from Seinfeld. She is wry, self-deprecating, incredibly funny, and she rocks liquid eyeliner like nobody's business. She can also get drunk after about one glass of wine and start shouting and I am enormously fond of her.
2. I was a fan of Frankie from way back and noticed one day that they'd written an article about blogs they liked and mentioned this here ol' one. Being the fiercely ambitious and business-savvy young lady I am, I fanged an electronic missive in their direction and begged them to take me on as if they didn't I would most likely kill myself/them. Harmonious relations ensued and Mia and I even managed to meet our lovely editors face to face in a dark bar one autumnal eve. Upstandingly attractive things they are, too.
3. Having just left a 21 degree Sydney day yesterday in order to fly back to a rainy and bitingly cold Melbourne, I can certainly see why our glamorous harbourtown has its charms. I'm not sure I'd be able to settle there permanently as the constant state of GAY/NOT GAY confusion overwhelming every late-night hookup would eventually do my head in, though I've spent many a pleasant evening chasing thespians around the streets of Darlinghurst and making a mockery of the Judgement Bar jukebox.
Also: spectacular eating, if you know where to go.
4. My favourite Melbourne suburbs are Northcote, Brunswick, Elwood, Carlton and Healesville. In no particular order, just in case the wounded residents of Healesville are currently lighting torches and preparing an all-out assault.
5. I take coffee most mornings at Cavallero, but I'm pretty partial to Cafe Rosamond as well. Not least due to their baked beans and comely customers.
6. You know, when I first read your blog title all crammed together like that I thought it was 'There 'Tis, Just Commentary' and then I blinked and revised it to 'Theatre Is Just Commentary' and then eventually I figured it out. I am quite thick like that, particularly when underslept.
People of RYWHM - Avi's theatre blog is here. Beware her 'cool kid buzz'; I read about it in Time Out New York.
Anonymous said...
to Anon who said "I met someone once, an explosion, a volcano, a song, a poem, and the world folded like origami paper and there we were, two ends met to form a shape which stunned us both and was both frightening and disastrous, and soft, tender and real..." etc - that is quite the loveliest, most resonant piece of writing i've read in some time.
a semi-related question. ms fits, when one deeply desires another to the point of physical aching, finds him admirable above all others, has tried without success to stop desiring and admiring but has thus far kept such thoughts to herself because she is aware he's not over an unattainable past love and having him around in any form is better than the terrifying prospect of no him at all, are you one for honest declarations? would you tell the object of your desire how you felt? or silently carry a torch, watching him gallivant with other ladies but grateful for the fact he is at least still a friend, of sorts?
this has been troubling me for over a year, so i am more than capable of holding a candle. part of me thinks i should confess my true feelings, suffer the excruciating rejection and try to get on with my life despite the big him-shaped hole, because things now are somewhat artificial and i fear i may be allowing myself false hope by saying nothing. bear in mind i am a coward and generally think myself terribly undeserving of the objects of my affections. but especially him.
Oh, you sweet thing. 'Finds him admirable above all others'? That is so very Mr. Darcy it almost made me weep.
If it's been troubling you for over a year, I'd probably suggest a thorough emotional cleanse so you can pick yourself up and get on with things. Obviously sometimes it's nice pining for those frustratingly close to us as simply sitting next to them at the dinner table and inhaling the intoxicating Le Tan aroma of their skin when they reach over to pass the salt is just about the best torture there is outside of watching Never Mind The Buzzcocks and remembering with a start that Simon Amstell bats for the other team. Eventually this pattern of smiling and nodding like an Amish mute whenever the object of your affections breezily talks turkey about his many exciting new romances tends to wear the soul however, and though it is in many ways lovely to be in close contact with someone so deeply delicious they make your eyelashes sweat, if their attentions are elsewhere it's time to cut your losses and move on.
Do make the 'you know how I feel about you, right?' speech before you go - you never know what it may trigger in his tumultuous heart, and the concept of losing you might just right all his romantic wrongs.
Marmalade said...
Glutentag Fitsy,
It's hard when some random dumps on something that makes your pants go warm, so even though I don't like Pattern Recognition I am sorry to make all those good people leap to its defence.
But, God, The Road? I haven't read a new book in years (since Shaun Tan's The Arrival) that both front-up hit me and made me buzz for weeks after.
That father's love for his boy. And Old Man McCarthy dropping it at age 73: his voice, his use of language. When he describes the refugee's barrows as "heaped with shoddy", it made me nearly cry, he's that good.
I can only recommend its quality and justify its violence by comparing it to Pan's Labyrinth. People should experience both.
Um, sorry, no question. Just a fanboy rant, really.
That's quite alright, Marmalade. Each to their own, I suppose. I loved Pan's Labyrinth too - though I managed to make it through without wanting to scoop my eyeballs out and replace them with hot coal, which is more than I can say for The Road.
Anonymous said...
Have you read any Haruki Murakami? He is perfect.
If not, start with Sputnik Sweetheart. Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Kafka on the Shore, and Hard-boiled Wonderland are also lovely.
I've read A Wild Sheep Chase and found it a little difficult to befriend, though I had a drink with a very nice young man last week who insisted I keep at it as Murakami possesses a unique and perfect literary rhythm worth exploring.
Also, clearly being a Murakami fan gets you laid:
Anonymous said...
Want to date, Murakami fan? I could drink beer from tall cans and smoke Mild 7s while you arouse and confuse me, as the world outside slips through the cracks in the footpath, oblivious to the fact that it left us behind (with a bad-tempered golden cat that speaks Russian).
word verif: jhaps - response to online proposition based on mutual appreciation of a Japanese surrealist author.
Forget dating the Murakami fan, Anon. Date me. You have a certain way with words yourself, you know.
anonymous at 9.11 said...
"Want to date, Murakami fan? I could drink beer from tall cans and smoke Mild 7s while you arouse and confuse me, as the world outside slips through the cracks in the footpath, oblivious to the fact that it left us behind (with a bad-tempered golden cat that speaks Russian)."
Sure. As long as we can go to Tokyo and sit eating chicken salad in Denny's. The cat will end up eating our faces.
Clearly I am an unwelcome third wheel on this little tete a tete. Enjoy your flirtations, Murakami lovers. Invite us to the wedding, please.
*tips hat*
*meanders off into sunset*
elaine said...
I offer many apologies but have no regrets about your discovery of the marvels of facebook.
*offers vadge for punching*
x
I will curse you 'til the day I keel over, Wheelie. There was my life before Facebook, and now my days just stretch out in a dizzy blur of poking and food fights and zombies and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
*weeps*
sbr said...
Just wanted to say I'm glad someone else has pointed you to Kung Fu Monkey - I've been struck for a while by the similar preoccupations (in that he alternates between talking about screenwriting and some really good political posts). Some of his posts are mini-classics of political blogging, eg his "Lions Led by Donkeys" (http://tinyurl.com/o2tla) and others like this: http://tinyurl.com/s7odu . You also have to respect that he actually blogs for charity: in the past he's put links up to make donations for various causes, and then he matches dollar for dollar whatever his readers donate. Can you believe this is the same guy who wrote the Halle Berry "Catwoman"?
It's good to know one Hollywood blockbuster disaster doesn't affect a blogger's ability to dust themselves off and entertain the masses via the internet, sbr. Hopefully you'll all still remain on speaking terms with me after I pen the latest Dakota Fanning 'vehicle'.
Anonymous said...
what do you think of perez hilton?
please set me up with travis cotton.
merci.
1. He doesn't quite pull off overalls as a fashion statement, to be honest. Also I'm afraid I'm yet to fully comprehend the whole 'drawing on a photograph' thing he's got going on. Presumably it will all fall into place for me eventually, like those richly comedic O RLY pictures I'm yet to get enough of.
2. Sure, no problem. What would you like to do on your first date? You'd better be funny or he may lose interest rather rapidly.
Simon said...
@ Anon 12:07-
Alcohol is your friend, hell, my friend too. Get bombed and hug him a lot more warmly than necessary... look for the reaction- Does he snuggle you back? You'll have an |out| if required (OMFG, I'm so droonk etc).
Question: Have you purchased from Amazon? What think you of the recommendation system, and "others also bought..." Does this help or just narrow us? I've thought of a world that was optimized for me and my kind, but I'm almost certain it would end in tears, and most likely, blood.
I also have a sensitive inquiry about rooting around whilst in a relationship.
Do you believe it's okay to have secret filthy sex with unattractive strangers that are the opposite to your partner? Is it worth explaining to my wonderful girlfriend that I have these- occasional, but pretty much integral- urges, or should I just make both of us miserable with honesty?
I don't know how to explain fucking to a girl.
I have purchased from Amazon, and absolutely love the 'Like that? Try this!' button informing me of my peers' esteemed choices. Aside from a devastatingly handsome romantic interest recommending a literary diversion for you, what better way to learn of new and exciting novels?
As for your second controversial question...you seem to have raised the ire of fellow commenters somewhat:
Anonymous said...
Simon - you don't know how to explain "fucking" to girls?
Let me explain something to you, fucko. Wanting to have sex with people other than your beloved is not exclusively a male dillema.
Your girlfriend undoubtedly has the odd "what if" pang about male friends and colleagues. We all do - but that's a sacrifice you make when you care about someone*. People are rarely monogamous because they don't WANT to sleep with others, they're monogamous because they don't want to hurt someone they love.
You just sound like you don't love her enough. You're probably just too needy to admit it to her and to yourself, so you couch it in terms of "integral urges".
Grown some balls.
*Obvs. it's different in open relatioships. Respect.
Yeah, I'll raise my hand and own up to the 'what if' pangs about male friends and colleagues when in a relationship. Although often I'm convinced I inhabit the mindset of a fourteen-year-old boy, so I shouldn't necessarily be trusted to speak on behalf of womankind.
Also:
Anonymous said...
Simon, you sound like a first rate wanker, its a wonder anyone would want to have sex with you even if they are "unattractive strangers" who are no doubt as desperate and sad as you.
If you had any decency you would be honest with your girlfriend but like someone has pointed out you probably don't lover her enough, you certainly don't respect her enough to tell her the truth.
You might cause her some short term heartache but she'll be better off knowing what is really happening. I suspect the real reason you haven't told her is not to spare her feelings but because you don't want to deal with the fall out. How very noble of you, you really are a dickhead of the highest order. Hope that helps.
I hope you all appreciate how gentle and beatific I am in my general answering of questions here, people. Have I ever used the phrase 'You are really a dickhead of the highest order. Hope that helps' to guide some faceless commenter towards the path of goodness? I AM PRACTICALLY A SAINT.
Simon responds:
Simon said...
Dear Anonymi (Anonymouses? Who gives a shit?)
Thank- no, up yours for the responses, which say more about yourselves than me.
But I should clarify the question- I've come close, but I have NEVER cheated on my partner.
And this is not a passing urge to lick the woman who sells me my weekly zone 1 concession, I'm thinking about that extra 10% sex, being beaten, shat on, tied up in soft materials and suffocated. I need this, but couldn't take it from the girlfriend- perhaps this means I don't love her enough, but would you break up with your best friend/lover/confidant for failing to be as sordid as your hangups?
Would you rather know or not, that your partner had some unconventional predilections that you couldn't satisfy?
Would you prefer that they broke up with you rather than embarrass you with the knowledge?
(And the gf is cute, petite and scary-bright. She could do a lot better but doesn't, so don't see her as a victim)
Okay, so what you're saying is that you want to be beaten up and suffocated by a sex partner you don't eat takeaway with? Fair enough, I suppose. Though I'm not sure how I'd feel if my life partner turned to me one day and said 'You do realise my kink for enemas means we can no longer date'. Would I not want to be given the chance to bravely don the rubber gloves and join them on their journey? If I loved someone enough, I'd certainly be game to try anything at least once. And I'd definitely hope they felt close enough to me to share their darkest of thoughts. Is it not the only way forward for an open, honest relationship between two devious perverts?
Plus:
Anonymous said...
dear simon. folk seem to shit on you enough here. keep posting and you'll meet your 10% quota and then some.
ZING.
Anonymous said...
Tee hee anon!
But seriously, Simon, maybe try to introduce a bit of it with your gf. Tying people up aint that kinky - she may go for it. You may find some way of accommodating your fetishes; even if she won't shit on you maybe you could get her to integrate it into her dirty talk. Who knows.
Lovely advice indeed, Anon. Who knew fecal sex games could ever sound so charming and Dr. Cindy Pan. Group hugs all round.
The Last Scientician said...
I know you probably hate questions like this, but as you are an easily accessible source, I'm gonna ask anyway.
Do you know if the ABC series The Yarns of Billy Borker is available in any format? My dad mentioned it the other day, and I'm curious to see what it's like. Apparently it was very popular when it aired.
I have absolutely no idea, TLS. Though I don't at all mind you asking. That's what this forum is for, is it not? That and random abuse metered out to those hapless souls putting their hearts on the line. Good times.
Jess said...
To combine two things mentioned in this post and associated comments and make them one whole statement about me...
The Yarns of Billy Borker + 'This book made me the way I am'
I still find it amusing that I was suitably impressed the PWG thing when we met, but absolutely shat myself with giddy excitement when I realised it was yer grandfather who penned my beloved childhood favourite The Yarns Of Billy Borker.
(pokes)
x
PS: Timpano is fucking ace, with hair to rival Winehouse and a penchant for white wine which makes my heart sing. I know you'll speak appropriately fawningly of her, Fits.
What's with all you folk and the Billy Borker obsession? Why weren't you outside shimmying up trees and playing conkers like all the other little scallywag orphan children?
zzymurgy said...
Dear Ms Fits
1. I can see that you're a frequenter of fine interwebs establishments such as myspace and facebook. Two questions about that, both of them are WHY?
I don't understand young people these days with their lolz and brbz and hiyaz. It all seems like a popularity contest to me, and I think if you really want to be popular, you should try winning an election or two. Not necessarily the Federal election, mind you, but Councils love young people (i'm a councillor myself and it's terribly patronising), not to mention the local RSL maybe or even Critical Mass, why not a knitting club? The point is, popularity is so much more rewarding when it is amongst real people. You don't really need John Butler as your 'friend'.
2. The celebrity impersonator known as Ms Fit has reappeared in my life. She now runs essentialadelaide.blog.com and writes for Rip It Up. Although admittedly her name makes more sense to me than yours, can I ask are you considering legal action? I'm sure your 'legal team' would love to sink their teeth into that one.
Or perhaps every Australian city has a Ms/Mrs/Mr Fit(s), their witty banter on the state of society/books/local events/relationship counselling inspiring young people all over their respective home town.
3. Not sure if you've noticed, but e-tax this year won't recognise same-sex couples. This makes me want to declare myself the opposite sex on this year's tax return, just to see whether I will receive an awkwardly worded letter back on an Australian Government letterhead.
4. My word verification today was ycoeeeep. I think this sounds like a country singer being suddenly bitten on the backside.
5. What issue of Picture?
Or have we already seen the important bit?
1. I mostly use myspace and Facebook to prey on boys I like in real life and post innuendo-laden messages on the pages of my closest friends to give them the irrits. Thankfully I'm very far from friends with John 'Sista, Sista, why can't you see/That I'm a part of you/And you're a part of me' Butler either on the interwebs or in real life, which no doubt is a relief to us both. I do understand your frustrations with the MAKE ME YOUR TOP 8 FRIEND OR LOSE ME FOREVER-type social interactions amongst the young folk but it's essentially harmless and at least it keeps them off the streets, etc. Let your hair down and allow us kids our downtime.
2. I'm not going to sue Ms Fit for having the same passing fancy for a stupid internet name as me, though you can be certain if we're both in Adelaide at the same time WE WILL BE MEETING FOR A WWF SMACKDOWN FROM WHICH THERE WILL EMERGE BUT ONE OILY VICTOR.
3. I had no idea e-tax wasn't recognising same-sex couples. This makes me want to declare myself wholly sodden with lesbonitis and shack up with a ladyfriend just to buck the system. Any available RYWHM fillies keen?
4. I really must start collecting these. You fuckers are funny as hell.
5. Kylie Minogue and her 'choozies' are on the cover somewhere. That's really all you need to know for now.
And what do you mean, 'important bit'? Are you referring to my veedge? Cheeky.
W said...
Hi Ms. Fits, I just got off the plane from Melbourne, and sad interweb geek that I am had to come straight home and tell you that your segment for Lonely Planet on Canberra was part of my inflight entertainment.
Thanks you for cheering me up after a long, dark night of the soul type day. (I know that makes no sense - trust me, I'm doing well to be upright)
My question is: How does one get a gig for the Lonely Planet?
P.S You are just about the cutest thing ever.
Oh my god. I was on a fucking plane flying back from Sydney yesterday and IT WAS ON THE TELEVISION WITH NO WARNING.
There is little more surreal in life than sitting on a crowded plane trying to ignore the fact that you are on tv making an idiot of yourself and jumping up and down in front of a Welcome to Canberra sign. I hid behind Rolling Stone for the better part of half an hour. Incredibly odd.
Anyway, the LP thing came about because I did some writing work for the producer last year and we got along reasonably well so he suggested me for the cities segment. Lord knows what it will lead to. I am the next Ernie Dingo, obviously.
Ben said...
Hello dear.
1. Are you really the cutest thing ever, or is this?
Awkward segue, no? Rather shameless of me, I apologise.
You are very cute, mind.
2. Did you get an uninteresting email from me inviting you to a thing? If so, I apologise again, it was inadvertently sent unintentionally by accident. If you got any other emails from me, I must have had one of my blackouts.
3. I also do not know how to explain fucking to a girl. Do you think it would be appropriate to use zany cartoons? Or possibly poseable action figures?
4. *desperate sweaty career-chaser* How did you first get on to RRR? /desperate sweaty career-chaser
5. Oops, spoke too soon. *DSCC* I read what you wrote about Channel 31. Most interesting. I've been thinking about going on Channel 31. You have to watch me if I do. OK? /DSCC
I wussed out of submitting my Deveny-related article. I do that a lot with my opinions. It's why I'm an enigma.
I work nights. So I interact with such blogs as yours while you, the author sleeps. It's sort of like the movie Ladyhawke. But instead of turning into a hawk and a wolf, we turn into a blog, and a very tired person. So you are Michelle Pfeiffer and I am Rutger Hauer. But unlike Rutger Hauer, I am not an evil robot.
It's not very like the movie Ladyhawke really, but there's very little romance on the night shift.
It's more like the movie Condorman. I spend the time surfing the net and reading blogs in a mild-mannered way, but in secret I put on wings and steal Oliver Reed's girlfriend.
They had a Concert for Diana tonight, but I don't think she heard much of it.
Bye for now, I'll try harder next time.
PS thanks to you I have hurled myself into the Facebook vortex. We shall see how this unfolds.
1. Your son is way cuter than me. May I point out that you appear to have lolcatted your child. I will be alerting the relevant authorities immediately.
2. I don't think so, though I have received an email from you before. Again, I apologise to anyone trying to chase me up via RYWHM gmail - the scant attention I pay that poor account is criminal, it really is.
3. Yeah, I can't think of anything more adorable than sitting in front of some serious-faced young insect while he mashes a Bratz doll up against a GI Joe and tells me 'This is how we 'git', woman' in a hot, breathy voice. Neil Strauss has a lot to learn, clearly.
4. I did the production course at Triple R twelve years ago and was unceremoniously shoved into a vox-pop team with Glenny G and Pauly P and the rest, as they say, etc. We spent a couple of years doing graveyards before they allowed us on the grid and so far they've been unable to resist our charms for long enough to boot us off. Joke's on them, and so on.
5. I promise to watch you if you ever appear on channel 31, yes.
FreeHugsTommy said...
Hello there Fits! I was watching The Nation tonight, and just prior to flipping over to watch you and the team on the Book Club (including Margret Fulton and her scones) they launched a new segment called Secret Womens Business with Amanda Keller and Fiona O'Laughlin. I have a strong suspicion that the producers took on board your criticism that there was a lack of intelligent, funny women on the show. Are you planning to take credit for this new addition to the show? And, if so, what other suggestions are you going to make to the people at channel 9, as they clearly need help at the moment?
Why, yes. Yes, I do take complete and total credit for any minor or major format changes to Mick Molloy's television show. It was my idea to move him to 10:30 on a Wednesday evening, you know. I also instructed him to break up with Sophie Lee. THE MAN IS MY PUPPET.
If those in charge at channel 9 are keen to take more of my wise and sage advice I'd suggest they throw money at a streetwise pigtailed ne'er-do-well writer and instruct her to 'go to town - we trust your creative urges implicitly. p.s. Would it help if Johnny Knoxville was sent along as your naked PA? All good at this end if it's a yes'.
Easily Confused said...
Hello Ms Fits,
What do you think of the Working Dog gang? Frontline was great, I loved The Dish. Now I can't stand the sight of any of the Working Dogs.
Tom Gleisner's and Rob Sitch's smug unfunniness on The Panel made me want to poke my eyeballs out. Thank God You're Here ads make me quickly change the channel.
Dylan Moran picking his nose and examining his findings are funnier than seasons worth of TGYH.
Aaaah! That fucking blue door and the cheeseball host!
It really is a tough one, as I was obsessive - obsessive - about The Late Show as a teenager and wanted to make a permanent home for myself inside Rob Sitch's trousers for about three years so it's difficult to view him entirely objectively as a po-faced adult. Obviously the Working Dog team have grown up and mellowed out and decided to 'speak' to the 'masses' via the magic of theatre sports and it seems to be working for them, so more power etc. I'm not terribly offended by TGYH as it occasionally showcases the talents of the incredibly handsome Hamish Blake and Shaun Micallef who I'm both a bit in love with, so there you are.
Anonymous said...
How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Three. Straight down Wellington, right into Keele and then first left.
manofthecrowd said...
Hello Ms F, last year I went to Amsterdam and ended up getting lost, really lost: for a while I thought I was dead but then realised it was more likely that I was in a coma. Anyway things started to become a bit more grounded because I asked myself if this was a coma why would everything unfold with such clarity and minute detail and there are things that I don’t think I could render/imagine myself but ever since then I’ve been trapped in an ambivalence about whether this is real or not. A number of times since then I've totally freaked out and thought I was back there and also felt like I was turning to liquid and it was really hard to distinguish where the pavement ended and my feet started and generally had what everyone calls 'panic attacks'.
My question is do you think it’s a coincidence that since then the first TV show I saw was the last season of the Sopranos (Tony’s coma scenes, where there are keys/clues/pointers/signs etc for getting his way out), then someone told me the ending of Lost is that all the people are dead (I don’t watch that show but I know enough about it), then there’s that Life on Mars show that’s just started on the ABC and even Stranger than Fiction has some resonances to how I feel at times – can you tell me?
Lord, manofthecrowd. My first advice would be to stop smoking pot immediately, if you haven't done so already. You sound as though you're in a somewhat vulnerable mental state and the last thing you need is to be addling your brain with further conspiracies and spooky television shows. Yes, it is an utter coincidence that these series are weirding your dear fragile mind - pay them absolutely no attention. You are not dead, nor are you in a coma. Have you considered taking up a hobby? Reiki or Tai Chi might be nice.
Rustique said...
Gi-day Feets,
RRR question: doest thou knowst how often yon station updates ye olde play lists?
On Australian Mood last night I heard a song with the chorus that went something like:
"Oh Lord let the bells ring,
The hard little man who is hollow within,
Something, something, something,
On the Road to nowhere with the master of spin"
And me wants to know who sings it and that. Can anyone enlighten me to save me having to find out myself? Also I seemed to think it was about the desicated coconut himself (early on I though it may have been Warney). Can anyone yea or nay that?
Snickety snick with back flip trick y'all.
I actually called up Triple R to find this out for you, and while they didn't have the logsheets at hand I've been told if you go to the website and follow the 'on air' links to Australian Mood, there should be a playlist waiting expectantly for you to arrive. Failing that you could just give Neil a call - he's a very nice man and would probably be glad to help.
Anonymous said...
Are you into the Beth Ditto? Should I be disturbed that New Weekly is now leading me to new music? Last week it was Ms Amy Winehouse.
I like the look of her, though I can't say I'm overly familiar with her music. So far NW has taught me that she eats squirrels, which certainly enhances any future audio experiences we're yet to have together. Don't be afraid of New Weekly's foray into young people's music, Anon - guidance can really come from anywhere and is not to be sniffed at simply because it's sourced by women who talk too much about shoes and Carmen Electra's hair.
Ben said...
Q&A Update: I'm on the radio on Sunday morning around 11:30 with Helen Razer, 774 AM in Melbourne, or http://www.abc.net.au/melbourne to listen online.
Since this IS Q&A, my question is: wouldn't it be great to listen to the ABC on Sunday around 11:30?
Word verification: ncylyla - the sound of a five-year-old taunting his foes while simultaneously suffering a severe allergic reaction.
It most certainly would. I may be away at the beach but I'll do my best to tune in. Say hi to Helen for me.
/plug.
Zealous K-M said...
Dear Ms Fits
I was wondering what your experience of high school was like, and also, did you have any great teachers?
I am a high school teacher in a lovely school in the Northern suburbs and often wonder if I am helping my students (some of whom are brilliant and will go on to achieve great things, irrespective of the 5 periods a week they spend with me) learn anything at all, or if, like me (and, I imagine, you) they would be better left to themselves to read and play music and do whatever makes them feel clever. Obviously this only works with the kids that can actually read and write already.
Thanks Fits, you're a marvel.
For the most part I hated high school because I was an insufferable show-offy child actor who had to take time off for filming and was duly tormented by the masses upon return. Obviously when I reached the age of fifteen and realised I could do WHATEVER I WANT AND NO-ONE WOULD STOP ME I ceased giving a shit that Christie Mackay and Leanne Boucher were having a crack and simply ran away from home to play hooky with The Sharp. Good times.
I had a couple of great teachers, particularly at Swinburne High - my literature teacher Michael Walsh was a marvel, and a huge inspiration. God knows we tested his patience, particularly given more than half the class was living out of home and taking copious amounts of speed. Even with a room full of sweaty gurning teenagers with pompous loud voices he was quiet and generous and interesting and wonderful. You just keep on shaping those young minds, Zealous.
Anonymous said...
fitsarooney,
is there anything better than a late night cup of tea accompanied with a McVities digestive biscuit?
sorry to go all sunday life on you but what are the ten essential foodstuffs every kitchen must have?
cheers.
What about a whisky accompanied by a heavy petting session with a redhead on fresh sheets, Anon? It's good for what ails ye.
Anyway, you're throwing me with the 'ten essential foodstuffs' as I live like an eternal Lethlean and rarely cook so I'll have to wager a few guesses and hope I'm somewhere in the ballpark of normal and you won't judge me my foibles.
1. Tins of tuna/sardines/anchovies.
They're just good on toast and in pasta sauces. That's all.
2. Dog food.
a) Feeds dog.
b) Feeds human if desperate.
3. Organic dark chocolate.
Gabi switched me onto this and it's ruining my life in the most magnificent of ways. Also you feel very European and devil-may-care when eating it on a rainy afternoon.
4. Wine.
Any type, so long as it ain't cheap and nasty and smelling like paintstripper.
5. Ryvitas.
The ones with all the grains in them. Not 'sandwich size'; they're just silly and embarrassing for everyone.
6. Mersey Valley Cheddar.
If people don't like this then God hates them. It's in the Bible.
7. Organic miso soup in packets.
This saves my fucking hide if I'm starving during the day and can't get out to forage for food. Sad but true.
8. Hommus.
5 million Greeks can't be wrong, etc.
9. Fruit.
That's right, all of it. I don't care if I'm bending the rules. Apples, bananas, kiwifruit, grapes. THEY EXIST UNDER AN UMBRELLA SUB-HEADING.
10. Ice-cream.
I don't mind what kind, so long as it's ridiculously sweet and makes you epileptic if you go without it for too long.
Wait, were you asking me about pantry staples for cooking? You're really barking up the wrong tree there, clearly. I am like Tom Hanks in Bachelor Party but with less topless nuns and donkeys.
****************************
That's quite enough out of me for one Friday. I must away to the beach with Gabi and Gen and the beans with a head full of mix tapes and Castlemaine Blue Light discos and beloved Singles Lounges.
Leave your questions for next week in the comments below and let's try to get through these next couple of months relatively unscathed, shall we? Thank you for playing, friends.
131 days til the next election.
Comments
'allo treacle,
my questions are three:
1) should i move to melbourne? i'm on the cusp of a sad, sad break-up, nursing a bruise of an ill-advised (but keenly felt) crush on someone reasonably unattainable, and struggling to keep my head above water in the dreariest of british summers (empirically, the wettest month in 50 years. joy.).
2) would moving under these circumstances - even though it's something i've longed to do for years - constitute running away?
3) if i did make the big move, where would you suggest pitching my tent?
thanking you kindly, o oracle...
Reading last week's questions was an odd experience, as I was reading Mia Timpano's piece in the latest frankie and listening to Amy Winehouse, and then went into the kitchen for some organic dark chocolate and miso soup, and came back and clicked refresh only to find all these things mentioned in one form or another.
Now I'm listening to Beck and eating dry weetbix with Vegemite and butter, and hope to see these things incorporated duly next Friday, although maybe I just jinxed it by mentioning them.
Anyway, I just wanted to get in first(ish), but since this is a Q&A... does purchasing an electric blanket imply definitively giving up on the warm snuggly boy front?
Dear Ms Fits,
First, I would like to thank you for keeping this blog up and running -- it has provided me with much needed entertainment and I always thoroughly enjoy reading your writing.
My question for you is: what is your lipstick of choice and why? I'm a bit suspicious of those "long lasting 16hr+" ones because they just look suss.
Also, are you a wearer of sunscreen?
Cheers!
Ms Fits, I don't know if you ever collected footy cards during your time as a youthful cake baking, Tim Pekin stalking Fitzroy tragic, but I thought you might enjoy this collection of 22 worst footy cards from the 1970s, put together by somebody from the AFL as part of a tribute to Heritage Round.
Now, the AFL is not normally noted for its sense of humour, and I don't know who put these together, but the commentary on the cards is absolutely hilarious. Click on each card and mouse over it to see what I mean. My personal favourite is the Carl Ditterich card, but there are many gems to be enjoyed here, and being a long suffering Melbourne supporter I note with some pride that the three most incompetent looking footballers were all running around for the Dees.
Does this count as a question ? Probably not but I just felt I wanted to share.
unless you're planning to invite myself,hamish and shaun around for an evening of mersey valley, wine and some kind of game that involves clothes being removed, you just love them from afar. I've bagsed them already.
1. Where does one find a redhead to loll (or even LOL) about with?
2. What if I don't like whisky? Will port or a good red suffice?
3. What if there's no clean sheets; is it rude to loll about on one's housemate's bed if they've been to the laundrette more recently than you?
4. Am I being too literal?
5. Your thoughts on Kerouac? I like his life more that his literature, which I think cries out for a rigorous editor; and you?
"My question is: How does one get a gig for the Lonely Planet?"
can i field this one, fitsy?
you send them an email. that's all i did. try to have already been published, try to have been well travelled. make your email snappy enough to stand out a bit, as they get a few hundred unsolicited gushes a week from people who *really* love to travel and also *really* love to write and automatically (and wrongly) assume they'll be good travel writers and that it's fat expense accounts and five star hotels all the way after that. it's not, but it's still the best job i've ever had.
oh, and don't piss off your editors so much that they decide you're hard to work with. even if they like your writing. sigh.
verification: wjigl - do a bit of this, too. can't hurt.
Hommus isn't Greek, ya duffer
This makes me want to declare myself wholly sodden with lesbonitis and shack up with a ladyfriend just to buck the system. Any available RYWHM fillies keen?
*raises hand and waves manically*
oooh me, me, pick me, pick meeee!
:)
Dear Ms Fits,
I did like The Sharp, back in the day and even bought their first album. I also had a single* with a cover of 'Vicious' on it that I still think of fondly, despite its apparent disappearance from my CD collection (a mystery which could possibly be explained by my flirtation with the North Fitzroy "scene" in the mid-late 90s).
My question is: have you listened to their music recently and if so, what do you make of it all these years hence?
gigglewick
* At 30, buying CD singles strikes me as a very teenage thing to do. Who the hell has got time to listen to a single these days? Unless it is your job, obvs.
Fits my dear,
I have just returned from the extremely entertaining and rather erotic Burlesque Hour More. Have you yet been to see this marvelous piece of entertainment? If so, what was your favourite part? If not, why not? No, seriously, why not?
Stands With A Fits,
What are the seven wonders of Melbourne?
Fits and giggles,
would you please share your thoughts on seapatrol and josh lawson.
Why do you wear your hair the way you do?
Anonymous 8.01pm - move. Trust me. It's fucking ace down here.
The sunscreen Nazi will no doubt go further to convince you of Melbourne's majesty so I'll be off.
x
Thru Frankie I got to know you.
Wonderful person, you.
I'll read more from you.
and maybe I'll meet you.
A question Ms Fits if I may, Where in the world do you get a decent brazilian wax in Melbourne? I've tried two places and:
Establishment A) Left hair in rather obvious places and was rather 'unfriendly' which made me even more uncomfortable about whipping out my bits! Plus she's given me some sort of strange triangle-ish pubic hair coif - which I may need a merkin for because even though I explained I think i'm suffering male pattern baldness - she did it anyway.
And Establishment B) also a no go - I thought they may have actually removed part of my labia along with the wax, and again left a bit of stubble.
(As i'm rather sparse down there, I'm presuming it's not because I have a thatch you'd need a whipper snipper to get through - i'm assuming they were just bad waxers)
Any advice would be most appreciated!
After two months in the delightful city of Melbourne i'm yet to find a job, a place to live and my family are begging me to come home.
I am here to be with my fiance, and things are going well, apart from the above.
My questions are as follows:
1) I'm a smart, hardworking person with qualifications and a great personality - why the heck wont someone give me a chance?
2) How long can I remain living with my fiance's family when i'm already at the end of my rope after two months?
3) Should I pack it all in and go back to what I know?
Thanks Fitsy :)
In response to Gigglewicks earlier post, I have the same Sharp EP - thank you for reminding me to dig it out later.
For the benefit of other readers, it also contained rather spiffing covers of Hanging on the Telephone and Lovecats.
I commend it to all, and quietly hope they will one day re-form. Sigh.
"The sunscreen Nazi will no doubt go further to convince you of Melbourne's majesty so I'll be off."
There you go, Miss T! Question answered!
Jess, are you the same "insider" who goes to the effort of defending Ms Fits from the claim, on Mikeed's blog, that she's a smoker?
Good day Ms Fits,
Reading this blog thing is lots of fun, having only been on my face for several months after seventeenish years off said face everything is so new and shiny, so even though I have clocked up a third of a century I feel I have inherited th teenage existence I tried so hard to run from. I have some perhaps mixed up idea that being extreme left would mean not doing anything as right wing as say voting and… well, having put in so much time escaping th attention of th A.E.C what would your argument be to encourage me to enroll and then of course vote?
Do you get sick of blogging? I often feel "I should really keep updating my blog", but then my blog is mainly for me to make up stories and post puns I just thought of, because my life is boring - that's why it was great when my son's birthday came, because, hey! easy blog post, lookit the little person! But then, I think, why should I feel any pressure? No one is out there thinking, dammit, WHY hasn't Le Behemoth posted lately? I NEED the latest episode of Guanacoman!
But you're different because you are the beloved celebrity type, and we crave your brain-squeezings. Do you get sick of keeping it up, or is every post more joyous than the last?
And why do people always want to keep children off the streets? How will they learn? I think we should be working to put more children on the streets, and maybe get them to race each other.
Also, I can't quite put my finger on it, but isn't there something inherently wrong about a show called How To Look Good Naked that is almost entirely concerned with finding flattering clothes for people to wear? How To Look Good Naked = Wear nicer clothes???
I didn't say hi to Helen for you, because I didn't read that until after I'd been on and I didn't know that she was someone you'd want someone to say hi to for you. Next time, I suppose. Helen is very nice to me, but intimidates me subtly. That's my own complex, though - most people intimidate me.
So I have a book that my sister gave me to read, then what shall I read? I haven't read most of the books I've seen you recommend - should I start with Vonnegut? Or Confederacy of Dunces? Or should I bone up on my classics and make another attempt to plough through Ulysses?
murakami fan,
alas, tokyo's too far. melbourne is closer, and (thank the lord) we don't have denny's. we do have robot bar though. i think they even have little Japanese plastic cats at the bar. i'm game if you are..
RE: Crush on younger boy
I happened to have graduated from high school in the year 2000 as well. I dont think it would be going too far to say that in general, we're a pretty good bunch- go for it. I'd definitely go for someone of your 'vintage' (i mean this in the most complementary of ways).
my question: you mentioned once that you are usually in front of the computer screen by 8.30am.. what time do you go to bed? i imagine you must go out quite a bit, being the raging socialite and rabid music fan that you are, so how on earth do you manage to get up so early?
silly question i know, but im quite curious as im having lots of problems dragging myself out of bed before midday these days (full time student, cold weather etc).
thanks,
niknik.
Dear Fits
I have been reading and enjoying your blog for a couple of years now, and have noticed the arrival of blog parasites such as Mikeed and a couple of other malfunctioning fucknuckles in more recent times.
I know you have a policy of letting disturbed rightwing ranters do what they do best, but it's ruining my enjoyment.
My question is: can you please cut these fuckheaads off and remove their boring and aggro posts for the sake of your other readers?
Conduct a poll if necessary.
Cheers from SAL
RYWHM Community Notice Board- I'll be in Sydney for about 30 hours next week and would like to make the most of it, can i have suggestions please?
From Q&A 52:
"snorks said...
Did you see the "This Land" animation before the last US election?
http://www.jibjab.com/thisland.html
Do you know of any talented and motivated Aussies that could develop something similar for the PM? Highlights of Johnny's view of the "Australian Dream" perhaps?"
"ms fits said...
I know of several talented and motivated fellow countrymen that could no doubt spend a few happy hours fiddling with computer animation programs until they invented a song-and-dance routine involving John Howard, a hills hoist and the breezily dangling corpses of some dead Iraqi children, sure. Should we set them to work or do people honestly not give a shit anymore? This is a serious question."
One answer is:
http://media.theaustralian.news.com.au/nich/20070711_Yesterday.html
My questions is: Can someone do better?
dear ms fits
this is heavy
but still, it could be fun having you answer it ...
what are your aspirations in life, love and spirituality for the next year?
love
jctrue
The re-appearance of The Sharp sub-thread gives me an excuse to trot out my Sharp related stories:
1. I think I was nearly in The Sharp, or at least the pre-cursor, which I think was called something like 67 Sharp (do I hear 68, 69 ?) I went for a meeting/audition with this guy called Charlie Rooke who said he was looking to start a rockabilly covers band and then start playing originals. He gave me a tape of songs to learn and then I'm not sure what happened. I think I went overseas to chase a girl, and when I came back I found that they'd become famous. This worked out well all round because the bass player they ended up with was a much better musician than I am, and I kind of didn't like them all that much. For some reason the double bass was particularly irritating to me.
2. Much later when I was in my very own little-known early nineties band* (TM) we actually played with The Sharp in some hell hole in Gippsland (Drouin, Warragul ? and apologies to any readers from either of those places). During load out** I actually held the hated double bass in my hand and had a sudden impulse to smash it, which thankfully I resisted.
Again, not a question, sorry.
*I'm not trying to start another round of I'm Not Craig style guess-which-band-that-nobody's-ever-heard -of-BMS-was-in, but given that nobody would ever have heard of us it's a little pointless naming them. And it's kind of ironic that one of the comments which inspired me to write this one was by Gigglewick, who appears to be INC's partner. Spooky.
**Ah, the joy of waiting around to load out the main band's gear on a weeknight in Drouin. There's the glamorous rock and roll lifestyle for you. Good times.
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Hi Ms Fits,
(Not-so-)long time reader, first-time question asker, and all that crap.
So here's the thing. I just finished reading The Rachel Papers, by Martin Amis, and I know you like his work. I'm not sure if you've read this one? but if so... I blogged about it last night, because I feel awfully bad about how well I identify with the male characters in the book.
I wondered if it was an exclusively Male thing to behave this way, but after some thought I doubt that. Maybe it comes from not meeting the right person. In my case, being gay doesn't help, because the "all men are pigs" line then applies to both sides of the equation, which some couples "solve" with open relationships. But once again that's a sexist cop-out.
So I guess, if you are familiar with the book, here are my questions:
1) Do you think the behaviour of Charles, Norman and Charles' Father is typically a "male thing", or can women be just as .. shallow/capricious/etc?
2) Should I feel bad about identifying so much with Charles even though he has the excuse of being 19 and I am nearly 28?
If you haven't read the book .. well, maybe you can discard this question. Or add The Rachel Papers to your pile and get back to me!
xie la,
D.
PS: sorry my previous post had a bad anchor tag in it, so I've reposted.
Ms fits,
I love my boyfriend to death. We click on every level..except...we fight. Alot. Like more than John and Janette Howard would after she's had a few too many wines.
We are both amazingly firey people and neither of us like to lose. We are also a bit 'touchy' and get slightly offended when the other makes an off the cuff comment (like last night he called me 'queen of moody' logically, I have no idea why it upset me but it did).We talk about why we fight and resolve not to do it again, but alas two weeks later we have a spat over something small, don't talk for a few hours, then we are fine again.
What the hell can I/we do to fix the fighting apect of our otherwise amazing relationship?
Thanks!!
Maddy x
A question if I may,
Five years ago, I adpoted a dog from the RSPCA. She was about to be put down the following day and I have exactly five minutes to make the choice if I would adopt her or not.
I did. And it was the best moment of my life.
I'd sneak her into bed on cold mornings, cook her special meals, buy her toys, take her everywhere with me. We survived a relationship break up together, two operations (hers and mine) and even unemployment (clearly that was me, not her). She truly was and is my best friend. But now i've had to leave her to move away for work. It's been two months and I just can't get over the massive void she has left in my life. I miss her. Even though i've left her in the house she grew up in with an amazingy kind man looking after her, I still can't get over the heavy feeling left in my heart.
My question is: Do you think, she thinks I have abandoned her?
I know I could never replace her, but if you ever had to leave bob ellis (dog) what would you do?
Please give bob ellis (dog) a hug on my behalf.
Thanks for your time fitsy x
My question is, can you find my friend a new flatmate/s?
He lives in Northcote (near Westgarth) in a two bedroom single fronted terrace and has had some bad luck of late with transient flatmate's occupying, and leaving, his spare room. His name is Pete and he's pretty easy-going. I'd live there if I wasn't legally bound to my present address.
Thanks Fits.
Hello Ms Fits,
Am I the only person who reads these stupid relationship advice articles on the way to Yahoo mail and then gets worried about their relationship?
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/3/five-breakup-signs
Number 5 made me giggle though:
"5. Losing sexual interest. A healthy sex life can make or break a relationship. If you find that your partner is becoming more sexually aloof, you need to get to the root of the issue."
Root! HA! Oh dear, sorry about that, easily confused and amused.
xx
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Dear Ms,
Is it ok to sometimes hate your pet? My cat is 15 years old, and sometimes has a little "accident". He also gets dags, which I sometimes don't notice until after he's been lovingly sitting on my cream velour couch.
I adore my cat, really I do, but this is driving me mad. I can't stand the thought of putting him down, even though he's clearly at the pet-version of nanna nappies.
Would you suggest I try meditation, or taking to him with clippers?
Yours, in pet ownership.
Verification: fgffjyq -- much like what I scream when he forgets to clean his butt .... FGFFJYQ!!!
12:00 PM
i will fight fenz for you! nothing wrong with having the lesbonitis.
Comments are closed.