Reasons you will hate me

Friday q and a #90.

So it looks like I'm moving to Sydney in a month to become a coolsie haircutted motherfucker DO YOU HAVE ANY SPARE BOXES/A COMB. Sure is nice to be alive with all these rainy changes breezing in of an afternoon, and what better circumstances in which to assess a few Friday questions....

Dr Nic said...
Fitzy! Jon Ronson should be high, high, high on your reading list. Go buy Them immediately. Run, don't walk!
http://jonronson.com/

Alright then, I will. Gracious, you're insistent. I bet you wouldn't be so pushy if you'd actually ever seen me run. I look like a baby goose who has downed one too many shots of limoncello.

Anonymous said...
i too loved duckie. could never understand molly choosing the other one (see, i can't even utter his name) over him.

i heard there is a special dvd that has the "gusset moistening" delighted-ness of her ending up with duckie - but be fucked if i can find it anywhere .... ah well

OMG, u guys. HERE IT BE.



'A look at deleted material shows via The Lost Dance: The Original Ending (12:16). It includes remarks from McCarthy, Cryer, Donner, Ringwald, Potts and Deutch. We hear about the nature of the original ending and learn about its shoot along why the filmmakers dropped it. We also get remarks about the reshoot for the ending actually used in the film. I'd have liked to see the actual footage of the cut ending, but we find out so much about it that we don't lose much by not watching it. 'Dance' covers the subject well.'






Right, that's it. If I don't get this in my Christmas stocking I am throwing a patented hissy.



Also:

Andy Pants said...
In response to the video at the end of lasts weeks Friday questions.

'What a complete douchebag'.

That is all.

Noted.

BEVIS said...
Just so you know, the GUNS reference was roughly 750,000% wittier about four weeks ago.

I've prepared a series of questions I want to ask you (one per week), but if you're not really gonna be into answering them over summer, perhaps I should hold onto them until we get back to winter?

I'll try to get to Friday q and a when I'm able, or can be bothered. It was just starting to be a bit of a weekly whip-crack, and a mighty weight to stagger under. Enjoy its sporadic and fun-filled nature each time it chooses to pay a visit.

sublime-ation said...
What a nice surprise, how I've missed F Q & A. (We're down to acronyms now).

I have to gently disagree with ButtHead. I enjoy your word fads, in fact anyone's word fads. From this here blog & its commentary I have passed several into the innocent and appreciative night/world of un-bloggy friends, which might explain certain Kiwis in the vicinity of North Carlton walking around saying things like 'My paramour stole my favourite haberdashery, saucy minx, I feel like punching him in the cunt'. Well not all those words at once, that sounds a bit hostile but you get the idea.

My question (first one in the new era, oh excitement!) is
Is it still ok to go round wearing my Polichicks 'John Howard Lies' badge* on my bag, or is it as over as last week's I Hate Our Reigning Government Facebook group? It's just I've only had it a wee while and have grown very attached to it. (Very quickly).


*Thank you, btw. And my Dad loves the jocks.

I'm still getting quiet delights over seeing the words 'Prime Minister Kevin Rudd' in the newspaper, as it reminds me of the heady intoxication of Saturday 24th when the reigning government truly heard the voice of the people and took it in the jaxie. I really don't see any harm in wearing anti-John Howard accessories as they are now viewed as richly comedic retro items and a reminder of a time when us bleating lefties once gave a toss about how the world turned OF COURSE I JEST. I've worn my commie propaganda t-shirts since The Day Of Reckoning and they've given me much smirky pleasure. Carry on with your badging.

Kaleu Big said...
I often receive Ben Cousin style press when something pops up unexpected, your Q & A’s however offer much smiling joy .Even with your charm attempt

I recently attended a name that gingar competition. There was much laughter at Stoltz and Caruso’s, expense. Those who were in attendance for the foxy lock comp, received a Bruce and Walsh diamond studded meggsy memento

If I were to catch a whiff of your perfume, What would I be whiffing?.

I did hear the promotion screech last evening, clever spoken bubble your mate.Although "Eclectic" and "Basically" shit me

'Name that gingar'? Now there's a game to keep the entire family entertained. I'll be sure to suggest a few rounds on Christmas Day between courses.


I generally don't wear perfume, though have been known to waltz through a cloud of LouLou before exiting the house of an evening ('Is that you, LouLou? Have you seen her?' 'Oui. C'est moi', etc). I started wearing it in high school because I was in love with Julian Gerner and he once mentioned in an offhand manner that he quite liked it and just haven't been bothered breaking the habit. I am particularly lazy when it comes to fragrances.




I'm afraid I don't understand the last part of your query. 'Promotion speech'? 'Clever spoken bubble'? 'Shit'? Confucious.

Anonymous said...
Is your boyfriend circumcised?

No.

Shane Lyons said...
Was pleased by your reference to Jeff Kennett's "womb broom" in the green guide and was inspired to come up with my own 'tache descriptor. What do you think of "bean brush"?

Am also enjoying Liberal Party Right/Left shitfight. It's fun to imagine Nelson trying to tell Bill Heffernan he has to vote yes to legalising gay marriage. (Was more fun to imagine Turnbull doing it but you can't have everything).

Be patient my friend; Turnbull will be standing on the winner's podium before too long. He just has to give the rest of his party time to forget the fact that he traipsed through the election campaign in a fug of self-interest and egomaniacal ruthless ambition and once they're all on board and sick of that simpering unionist Nelson ol' Malcolm can step up and show us what he's made of. A most interesting state of affairs, I must say.

richwell said...
A month, a whole month.
Oh no.
*drowns head in bucket of beer*

Wait, a month of what? I don't understand this lamenting/suicide. Pick yourself up out of that bucket at once, people are starting to stare.

minni said...
so is miss fits happy with this ??

With what? Richwell's drowning? I'd say not; I can't bear when folk make a scene.

wondering? said...
so is diane realy Kate??

You people are smoking crack.

squib said...
Oh for crying out loud, I always miss the Friday question and answer. There must be some secret handshake
My biggest goal in the world is to get a Friday question answered by Ms Fits. This is much easier than my other goal of writing a novel in six months and winning the Vogel
I was going to ask Ms Fit's which farmer she would have chosen on The Farmer Wants a Wife (keeping in mind that if she didn't chose one the whole world would die) but now the show is finished
And it was such a good question too

I think this question still has great merit, and I do apologise for the fact you have missed out. For what it's worth, I would have chosen Farmer Drew - the 'party' farmer - as his first date with his two contenders consisted of getting them absolutely banjaxed on hard liquor and then waking them up first thing the next day to shovel shit, the cheeky bugger. I do very much enjoy the combination of a drinking man with a sense of humour; take note.


Additionally:

lill said...
oh squib, are you channeling andrew mcgahan, or trying to?
now I know which farmer I would have chosen, and having known one or two in my time...best left unsaid I suspect, as farmers can be an easily injured lot.
have you chosen a vogel winning topic yet? feck none of this is the stuff of fits' worthy reckoning. dear fits, can I ask, as an occaisional visitor to a dear dear friend in Northcote, where should a country girl go to get a glimpse of city shenanigns, but still be within shank's pony of getting back to my bed?

I'd absolutely love to answer this question, but the pin-up boy of RYWHM 2007 (Spring edition) has tackled it rather graciously for you:

Marmalade said...
Hey Lill,

Obvs. if you are serious about walking around Northcote, you're going to have to stick to High St, and that ain't no bad thing. Just start at the south end and work your way up. Open Studio is lovely, and the Northcote Social Club is the anchor leg to any night out.

Or you can tram or train south. Fitzroy is the new St. Kilda: okay pissed and/or with a crew but sober and/or alone, it's like a dickhead convention. I reckon the nouveaux résidants who dropped $600k on converted factory toilets will get the whole thing shut down soon. Paying $15 for eggs on toast with half a suburb on a Sunday morning may be the very height of Bohemia, but apparently someone vomiting half a falafel through your letterbox at 3am isn't.

There's some good pubs 'off' Brunswick St - see www.melbournepubs.com, which has maps and everything. Collingwood's good, too, especially the Tote. Ooh, I had a mate who found a baggie of surprise powder down the back of one of the couches at The Club (I know, I know what was he doing etc. - looking for Harold Holte?).

Anyway, good luck with it all. Prolly someone here will offer to take you on a pub crawl anyway. Remember it's sealed containers only off Bevis and you should be sweet.

Isn't he wonderful? I'd add North Bazaar and Pizza Meine Liebe and Palomino to the list of High street attractions if you're looking for good eating and general gay times.

Amanda said...
What's the strangest thing you've ever put in your twat?

A loofah.

A nonny mouse said...
Goodness me!

Was it a Japanese whaling fleet?

The Guttenberg Bible?

Half a pound of truffles?

What a weird question.

I HAVE NEVER I REPEAT NEVER INSERTED A JAPANESE WHALING FLEET INTO MY VEEDGE OH ALRIGHT JUST THE ONE TIME BUT I WAS DRUNK ON SCOTCH SO IT DOESN'T COUNT.

helen hellbound said...
sooooo - how did you meet yr new guy? what's his band called? what does he look like (eg cross between burt reynolds + lee van cleef + jim morrison etc)?
ps loving my new polichicks purchases, the "give liberals a whipping" tee went down a treat at work last week (& work at the mo' inc some ex neighbours actors + kerry armstrong - not that i'm dropping any names or anything. whatever)

Hello, Helen.


1. I was introduced to my Ginger at the Tote by the lovely Book Grocer. We made suitably awkward conversation and then completely ignored each other for a couple of weeks until he guested on my radio show (essentially a complicated and elaborate dating technique for me, discuss) and three days later I asked him out on a date. So there you go.


2. The Basics.


3. Gosh, I don't know. He says 'Lyle Lovett + Tim Rogers'. I'd wear that. I find him utterly handsome, if that's of any help to you.


4. Bless your human advertising skills. Kerry Armstrong once played my mother in a short film. Not that I'm dropping any names or anything.

Warlord Bob said...
Morality? That's decided by who has the power to kill you.

Justice? lt only exists if you take it into your own hands.

Truth? lt's anything you say it is.

History? lt's written by who wins the war.

Religion? Fog in the mind.

You're coming across all Die Hard 5 voice over, you know. I'm enjoying it very much.



Alternatively:

groverjones said...
Warlord Bob, do you write lyrics for Metallica?

Much better. Kudos to you, gj.

BEVIS said...
I discovered on the weekend (tho' I won't say how) that a friend of mine - who I haven't seen in years, but would happily catch up with if I had the opportunity - is now real-life best buddies with Delta Goodrem.

What am I meant to do with that information?

Is it Christmas card material, do you think? Or should I perhaps get some T-shirts printed?

I think that given the tone of the Bevis Tribune which goes out annually you're well within your rights to mention that you yourself are practically real-life best buddies with Delta Goodrem and if anyone was looking for backstage passes to her show they should pretty well contact you and you can have it arranged immediately. That's how these things work, you see.
You may then ask people for sexual favours in return for Goodrem-related perks.

The Colonel said...
What the.....Blimey. Just woke up from a terrible dream. Seems there was an election and those left wing scoundrels somehow got into power..It cant be true, what? Heavens above if poor old Johnny was in for the chop I might have to actually start paying my manservant Hardwick. I mean I give him a room next to the Hounds and he can eat whats left over once I've finished. What more can he expect? Good God I even gave him the day off when his mother died a month ago. Docked his pay though! Well refused him the kitchen scraps anyway.
.. Repeal Workchoices and he'll expect to be treated as an equal. God dammit I will not accept that....Relax, relax it was only a dream....
Not that Johnny was much chop...I mean what clubs does he belong to and does he ride with any hunt? I didn't see him fighting the fuzzy wuzzys during the African campaigns...Was he at Rorkes Drift??? Oh no, not like me...
Sniveling little wretch, appealing to the middle classes. If it wasn't a bad dream maybe he deserved to lose...Give all those people a taste of real horror under the communists, oh yes. A pile of do gooders singing about love and equal opportunity. No they'll fail and then they'll be crying out for some real discipline. Thats when we strike. Have them back at heel and then bang, bring in young Malcolm Turnbull...Now theres a leader..Filthy filthy rich, was blooded on his first hunt and I've seen him in the Club from time to time. He'd bring back true conservative values...Oh yes indeed. None of this looking after people in society, lots of exploitation of the lower classes. Affordable housing bahhh..Good god if you cant inherit a huge house you don't deserve to have one I say!!!!
But thankfully it was only a dream....When I get out of bed the world will be as it should...I'll just ring for my man...HARDWICK....God damn it man where are you....HARDWICK!!!!! Goodness you cant get good help these days....What does he expect me to, empty my own chamber pot?????

What an amusing chap you are. I hereby award you RYWHM's Inaugural Question Of The Week award, not least because you've given me absolutely nothing to answer and so I may finish up early.

Rustique said...
Here's a dilemma:

When one has done poo in a public toilet and then goes to wash one's hands, what is worse for the environment: a hot air dryer fuelled by Australia's coal powered energy grid or the deforestation inducing paper towell?

Oh dear. I don't much care for these kind of questions. Why don't you just let your hands dry in the summer breeze, Rustique? That's nature's 'hot air dryer' at work right there. Even better, don't wash them at all and work up some kind of butch immunity to germs by wiping them all over your face. Call yourself an environmentalist, you hand-washing nancy?

squib said...
Oh oh! Ms Fits Ms Fits pick me! I just had a really really great idea. What do you think about Polichicks selling Julia Gillard pantaloons?

I do so love pantaloons and I have a gut feeling that they are going to come back into fashion very soon

Pantaloons? You mean these?




Dear me, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Just look at this poem, for starters:

A nonny mouse said...
If any lady intends to promenade in search of her swain whilst wearing panatloons, she would be wise to complete her outfit with a cutlass, for it is well known that a certain type of men are unreasonably aroused by the sight of this garment, as evidenced by the popular drinking song:

"Pantaloons, Pantaloons,
You make my pocket swell,
As if it were fair full of dubloons!"

from Prunella's Little Book of Beachside Etiquette, first published 1912.

Honestly. Pantaloons? Do you really think they're going to be the must-have fashion accessory for summer? The mind boggles, frankly.

kudelka said...
Hi there, long time lurker, first time poster. Is it cool to obliquely plug my cartoon book about our ex-Prime Minister in comment format here? If so, the link is discreetly placed where my name is. If not, forget I said anything.

I'm trying to picture Julia Gillard in pantaloons, but I keep getting Alexander Downer. It's quite disturbing

Absolutely, Kudelka. I'm a fan of your work, just quietly. Or noisily, whichever you'd prefer. Best of luck with the book flogging.

EC said...
Are truffles amazing? What do they taste like?

http://uk.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUKHKG33115120071202

I'm not sure I've ever eaten one, though the dim recesses of my mind tell me I once consumed a dish with 'truffle shavings' on it as I am incredibly highbrow. Obviously not highbrow enough to actually recall the sensory pleasures of consumption, but you take the good with the bad etc.



Can anyone else step in here, please? I'm getting hungry and require sustenance.

Frank from Abbotsford said...
What a wonderful day - randomly tune in to 774 this afternoon to discover Ms Deveny (rhymes with Keviny) talking to Ms Fits. What fun you were both having. Then tonight, again randomly, discover that tonight's episode of Marx and Venus was by the fabulous Fits (and what fun that was too).
Not a question, just saying you made my day - twice.

Thanking ye, Frank F.A. I am all over the airwaves at the moment like the worst kind of self-serving idiot. Eventually I will shrivel up and drop off in the fashion of an attention-seeking scab and you will all miss me very much.

T said...
Q: Do you know anyone who needs a regular weekend ticket to Meredith?

Do you have any suggestions for how I might make myself feel better about being stranded interstate on work and not able to attend the splendorous dust-ridden drunken filth of MMF?

1. Actually, I may have a spare myself if my friend Gen pulls out. Have you tried advertising on Mess and Noise? It's usually a fairly decent community notice board, so long as you don't mind eight hundred people sneering at you disdainfully if you profess a liking for Wolfmotherr.


2. Erm...not really. You could try drinking yourself into a mournful stupor. Either that or just sit in your car smoking bucket bongs with the stereo turned up full blast and a packet of barbecue shapes by your side like most people do during Meredith. It'll be like the real thing, only with less vomit.

J said...
Ms Fitz - one question for you....and I don't usually play the whatif game, but in this situation, it is probably a good idea to ask:

What happens if the Ruddbrigade actually DOFUCKITUP!??

Then we hold them accountable. It's a long road ahead, my dear. I'm not for a moment suggesting it isn't. Hold on to your hat(s).

hanx said...
In the hopes that you will be answering questions next friday... What can I expect from the Town Bikes' meat show at Spiegeltent next Friday eve?

Pure chaos, by the sounds of things. Gabi has refused to tell me anything about the show other than that it's 'suitably strange', so I think we'll all have a wonderful time. Given the bizarre free-form theatrical retardation of their last show, Milk, expectations are high. It will be meaty and full of oddness and I will leave there particularly proud of her, as always.

QueenZelda said...
I have a problem.. the Hon Mr Downer's boy child may be (by which i mean is, but i was trying to not give away my super hero identity) my summer clerk and his curly hair and plummy voice make me recoil even though he seems quite pleasant and its not his fault he is his father's son. How do I go on without accidentally blurting out that I think his father and everything he stands for is an unholy crime?

Also I have broken my friend's and my (mine? oh my grammar is terrible) book club by the suggestion of the book Carpenteria which is long, tedious and most confusing despite (or perhaps because of) its literary credentials. We have thus resolved to read something that is borderline trash but our one boy member has requested that this book not be of the romantic fiction genre. Probably best that it not have a pink cover. Can you please, oh wise one, recommend some light, non-taxing reading that will be pleasant yet not stress our giant, overworked legal brains whilst lounging on the beach surrounded by empty wine bottles (which we of course will collect prior to retreating from the beach)?

1. Oh my. You're right, it's not his fault he is S.O.D - although that doesn't stop people who are irked by my grandpop hunting me down on the interwebs and giving me what-for AS THOUGH I WAS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS POLITICS YOU FUCKWADS. Still - family name and honour and all that. I say march on up and give the pink-cheeked darling a slice of your mind. No doubt he'll be used to it by now. I know I am.



2. Hm. Light, non-taxing reading which is not romantic and doesn't have a pink cover. Have you tried 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' by Jonathan Safran Foer? 'Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim' by David Sedaris? Mary Karr's 'The Liar's Club' is a great autobiography, and Charlotte Wood's 'The Children' certainly raises some interesting discussion points for a book group.


'Bonfire of the Vanities' is cracking, too. I can't wait to read that again.

Kitty said...
Are the Architects hot? They sound hot. Do you have pictures?

Are you really leaving?

1. They are adorable, yes. I always get crushes on radio people. Don't get me started on Vince Peach from PBS.


2. I do not, sadly. Have you tried calling Triple R to ask them directly? I'm sure they'd be happy to hand out naked photos of their presenters.


3. I am. After twelve long and glorious years. It's all rather distressing, to be honest.

Rich said...
check this out:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/12/05/2110602.htm

I published this in the first issue of The Think Tank MONTHS AND MONTHS ago and they ALL ignored me! Front page. Right there, all the stats (see it online: http://www.fuzzyillogic.com/wordpress/?p=10). But Council ignored me! The steel factory ignored me, local media ignored me!!!!! The supposedly independent industry funded local intermediatory ignored me. State government, ignored me. Local MP's ignored me. Radio, TV you name it. I sent them a copy.

Talk about inconvenient truths eh?

FUCK

Goodness me, Rich. How awful for you. Welcome to the world of the truth-teller, I guess. For the most part the world's going to pay you scant attention until they're all coughing up tumours the size of golf balls or whatever kind of physical abnormality it takes for people sit up and take notice these days.


In the meantime, sit down and have a cold glass of lemonade. You certainly sound like you need it.

L said...
I'm curious as to what you or your readers think of Sam De Brito and his All Men Are Liars blog? It puzzles me.

I don't read it, but I'm aware of vague rumblings around these parts that Mr. De Brito may be - and I'm only venturing a guess here based on senate estimates - a bit of a nobjockey. Don't shoot the messenger; I'm just telling you what I heard.


Thoughts, 'readers'?

Andy Pants said...
I just wanted to say congratulations Marieke on your new position on triple J breakfast.

It probably sounds pathetic but I now actually have a reason for waking up in the morning.

Excited about the new job?

I am, actually. Very much. Although the idea of shifting states in order to wake up at 4:30 in the morning and 'connect' with the nation's 'youth' is somewhat daunting. I do hope I manage to curtail my language.

Ben said...
I can't think of anything to ask you. Just imagine something that I might ask, and answer that.

I'm going to imagine that you asked me to dance a foxtrot. And I, being the very gracious lady of manners I am, accepted with a demure nod and a flutter of my rather glorious eyelashes. Now get me out on that dancefloor and let's show these bastards what we're made of.






***********************************************



Our business transaction is complete. How nice it's been to spend an afternoon with you all. I like what you've done with your hair, etc.



I'm off to stroll the promenade with the Moulin Rouge before heading to the Spiegeltent for Town Bikes-related excitement. Enjoy your high times, and leave your questions for next week - or whenever - in the comments below.

74 comments.