God of the Future!
Last night on my radio show we had Johnny Bambi from the Phillips Sisters on as Celebrity Rooter. He was four parts of adorable and me and Kellie were clumsily flirtatious for the duration of the show.
Afterwards we went to the Old Bar for gin and tonics and also because we wanted to keep making eyes at Johnny. This is where I met the God of the Future . Here are some things you should know about him:
1. The God of the Future is ugly!
It may surprise you to note that a gentleman calling himself the God of the Future in a bar at 1 in the morning may not be the most attractive of gents, but it is so. The God of the Future had terrible acne and a too-tight singlet that had 'THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS' written on it. He was also wearing a baseball cap with feathers stuck in the top - the sign of a true shaman.
2. The God of the Future drinks raspberry lemonade!
Which is because the God of the Future needs to 'maintain his focus'. You would know what this means if you met him.
3. The God of the Future is good with 'numbers'!
He asked my birthdate and star-sign and then gave me my number . I am a number NINE . You will be crazy jealous over this because NINES ARE RULERS OF THE UNIVERSE . The God of the Future is also a NINE . He nodded at me knowingly and said: 'You and I are capable of such special things, little lady'. Together we are going to freak the fuck out of the world and rule with our general NINE -ness.
4. The God of the Future has a special skill!
Would you like to know what it is?
The God of the Future can give psychic orgasms . 'You will feel this all the way in your pussy,' he promised me solemnly as he took my hand. He then proceeded to tremble violently as though he was having an epileptic fit. I closed my eyes and tried to feel a stirring in my special place. At the end he released my hand and asked breathlessly: 'Did you feel it? You felt it, right? In your pussy?' 'Oh yes , God of the Future,' I replied.
5. The God of the Future got kb'd!
Dude, seriously. Would you give an ugly crazy guy your phone-number after he'd vibrated all over your hand?
25 days til Gabi comes home.
1085 days til the next election.
Comments
i tuned in last night after a hiatus and you sounded more subdued than your usual self, ms fits. sounded like you might have had a toke in the back alley before heading on up to studio 1.
re your theme next week, i can't fucking believe it. maybe you can use this:
someone who burnt me a few years ago, who shall remain nameless - oh fuck it, his name is nick rushworth and he's a producer on the Sunday program and arrogant as all fuck AND has a brain injury AND he wears pointy cowboy boots which look stupid on him because he's pretty short, and when he worked on Radio national's Life Matters years ago he once asked geraldine doogue who was wearing red strappy sandals that day if she was wearing her come-fuck-me shoes (granted the prick did have a sense of humor and knew how to make ageing christians feel all wriggly).
anyway, nick once unwittingly picked up an amputee at a barbecue. all he'd noticed was that she walked a bit funny.
then they disrobed and he said, 'you really should have told me'.but proceeded.
i seem to recall he found it strange kissin the stump. or maybe he told me he just caressed it. memory's dim.
hmmm. revenge is a dish best eaten cold.
maybe you can use it next week. have him on as a guest. he's based in sydney.
What did you do with Peter Costello's phone number?
Number 8
Achievement, abundance, strength, power, success, authority, psychology, entrepreneur, intensity, grandeur,
Shit. With your general godlike Nine-ness and my power and entrepreneureal skills, we should take over this fucking town. Nay, THIS COUNTRY!!! Woohoo!!!
he sounds like a keeper :-)
Did somebody say "Keeper"?
http://www.moonpads.com.au/keeper.html
So he held your hand while he came in his pants...
Looks like you've met your soul mate!
Forgive a naive question from an old man: It clearly means something along the lines of "told to fuck off" but what does kb stand for?
KB - Knocked Back.
'Now', isn't it?
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I had to remove some of the comments on the stalker post because they crossed the stalker line. In a gay way. And I couldn't figure out how to delete single ones because I am a tizzy girl with pigtails and a hormone imbalance.
But, um...criminal stalker! Rules!
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ah, shit...sorry...I'm so gay...
But clearly not as gay as someone else.
"KB-knocked back"
Oh, yeah: knocked starts with a "K". Very now.
Rules.
well, i'm confused. i am gay. but am i gay in this context? did i cross a stalker line? apologies if so.
and anyway - what IS the stalker line?! surely that's the point! but maybe not on your own doorstep.
It's alright, rbb. I'm quite pleased that you've got my home phone-number. You fucking stalky stalker.
And I expect at least one ten-minute heavy breathing interstate call per week, please.
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RULES.
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Hottest. Stalker. Ever.
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Okay, now it just got fruity.
censorship makes things so much more interesting. i am now positively liquid at the thought of what could have been in those criminal posts.
Oh my god. Criminal was totally here a second ago, I swear!
*positively breathless at sexy mystery, fanning self in Southern Belle fashion*
i love it how i'm paid for 8 hours work, but in the course of a day i probably only do 30 minutes worth, and we as a profession still bitch and moan about it.
damien rice tonite at the p.o.w.
me: jeans, black shirt and beanie
u: ?
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You're a cheap slutty stalker, criminal. I like it quite a great deal.
thats poo MAN to you!
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Now now, you two. No bickering before your big date.
all this power's gone to your head fitsy
just because your a screenwriter slash fancy lala radio announcer, it gives you no right to censor us.
poo man 4 eva
MM - please. Criminal is censoring him or herself. Note the word 'author'. And have some respect for my left-wing broadmindedness.
why have you gone for 'amputee' for next weeks show fitsy
i thought 'anal' would have been a shoo in
"have some respect for my left-wing broadmindedness"
yes mistress.
I am only being anon because I don't have a blog (how gauche). I just wanted to say that I am a happily married man, but after reading your blog for a few weeks I think I am totally in love with you. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Let's move to Utah and sort out some kind of bigamy thingamy. DJKL (www.djkl.com).
what would be the point in retaining your original marriage?
http://www.fmc.gov.au/forms/html/divorce.html
Mormon marriage proposals, stalkers, erotic dates. Thursday is sexy.
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Rules.
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Why do you keep removing your comments, criminal? Are you feeling shame?
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No traces of dignity. Just shame :(
A clever criminal. The best kind.
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This was so the person who sat by themselves not talking to anybody at Ding Dong.
That sly dog.
I hate to ask a stupid question (but why break with tradition) - how the fuck does one remove idiotic comments one makes when the desire to sound witty turns into an avalanche of shite?
Please, someone teach me and help me become a better person.
Fucking twatrash.
I've just worked out what the little bin NEXT TO MY COMMENT means.
Continue.
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Comments are closed.