GUEST POSTER #2 - SUGAR
(RYWHM says: Sugar not only has the best boyfriend in the world, she’s also the coolest customer ever. I like obsessing over food with her and trying to keep a straight face when she kicks the dry asides. I kind of want to go camping with her and make her sing at my wedding. Also! She knows shit about science. Really.)Reasons you will love: APHRODISIACS!
Do you like to eat?
You do!?
Do you like to make with the hot sex?
Yes!?
Have you oft wondered how to increase your sex drive AND fill your belly at the same time?
You have!?
Well, prepare to have the cloud lifted as I prepare to educate you in the wonders of THE APHRODISIAC! Do you feel all warm and tingly already or what?!
An aphrodisiac is a food or drug that gets you in the mooood for luuurve and/or heightens the experience of the luuuurve.
*tingles*
Now, I’m not claiming to be an expert (although I do have this: Hon.B.App.Sci (Food Science & Tech, after my name on my business card AND I have made with the hot … well, you get the picture), but I’ve done my research and have prepared a delicious meal for you and your beloved/hot pick up/anonymous other/hot water bottle.
Entrée!
Oysters Natural
Why not start with an old favourite, huh? I don’t want to hear no “but I don’t like them,” shizz. What, are you drunk? They are so good it gives you Goosebumps. Get a dozen. Each.
It depends where you read, but oysters are credited aphrodisiacs because of their appearance and because they contain zinc. Can you guess which body part they look like? Here’s another aphrodisiac mollusc that might help you work it out.
The zinc is essential for producing prostaglandin – the hormone that regulates growth and functioning of your hoo hoo/haa haa, but I’m sure it only works at parts per million, so I wouldn’t go suckin’ back on the battery packs just yet.
Drink: A crisp, chilled white
Main!
Gnocchi with Truffles and Garlic
Around Shakespearean times the ol’ potato was considered the “Apple of Love”, (don’t ya love it!), nowadays you don’t hear so much about the sexual prowess of the ‘tater. Pity.
Truffles on the other hand will make your love button hit OVERLOAD! The scent alone is enough to get us bitches all riled up. In one clinical test laydeez who were shown pics of men found them more attractive when the scent of truffle was infused into the room. Also female pigs are able to hunt them out because it smells like a hog’s breath on heat. HOT!
Garlic is also said to give you a bit of up and go. Good for the circulation, see. It will make sure all that love potion is making its way around to the right receptors… if you know what I mean, wink, wink.
Drink: A full, woody, red
Desert!
Chocolate Fondue with Red Berries and Figs
Does it come as any surprise to be eating chocolate right now? No. No, it doesn’t. Chocolate's got all sorts of happy stimulants. You know all about them. Also no matter what fellas, your Honeyz will love you for having chocolate.
The red berries are supposed to be stimulants, representing NIPPLES! Dip them in the chocolate and pop it in your sweethearts mouth.
The figs should be broken open and eaten with the hands in front of your partner. Is it getting hot in here?
Drink: Sticky, sweet desert wine.
You’ll note that I’ve also suggested a few drinkies to enjoy too. Alcohol is also classified as an aphrodisiac. Don’t drink so much you can’t stand up though. It tends to put the flame out. Also, a bit of the wacky tabacy is assured to heighten sensors and get the passion a-flowin’. Yowza!
You have no excuse now. So go! Go on… get with the good food and make with the hot sex. You can thank me in the morning.
P.S. Want to know what your Missing Ingredient is? Find it here.
Also there’s this, which is a little creepy.
Comments
Thanks dude, that was totally rockin' and stuff!
Can't wait to see this with my honey/ladeee/chickee.
You rock 'n' that!
sug = yum
have i ever told you my charles wooed me with the oysters? although he did dressings which are worth recounting here:
week 1: lime juice, coriander, mirin and fish sauce
week 2: (bloody mary) vodka, tomato juice, tabasco
week 3: blood orange and champagne
he had me at week one (not literally though. i played it out till blood orange season.)
8 years later still going strong. boys! listen to sugar!
oh sugar, you amazing woman. why don't you have your own tv show already?
'the naked foodie'.
i'm preparing a wonderful omelette with potatoes and truffle oil for my hot water bottle tonight. i can't wait!
Thanks sugar.
I had always assumed that cold hard cash was the only real aphrodisiac, and the fact that I suggested oysters and truffles proved I had some.
dirty
You sure know the way to a man's (or woman's) heart. As usual, informative and funny. You're the Dr Karl of food science.
These truly are aphrodisiacs. I've never seen such fuckable food.
As a man my first temptation is is to put my knob in an oyster since it does look like a tooter. If there's twelve of them is that considered an orgy of oysters?
My second temptation is then to to put my knob in molten chocolate for dessert. Why? Because it's nice, warm and sticky. Yummo!
I will refrain from sticking my knob in the main course as the smell of garlic can take an age to wash off, although truffle oil is a top lube.
am i the only one who got to the end of these comments, feeling all warm and fuzzy, chuckling about la nadine's hot water bottle's luck tonight, salivating over fluffy's oyster roll-out, until russell came along and ruined everything with his knob? no offence russell, but it was just a little too "all over the place"
Well, I felt I had to contribute my genuine thoughts at the end of reading the post. Fondue is based around the premise of stickings things in other things and sampling the results.
I could have just said "oooh...that's nice" but really, why have 52 comments saying precisely that when half a dozen will do.
I'm with you, Russ. Keep it real.
*pours hot fudge on genitals*
*screams*
*calls ambulance*
BEVIS
Russell, i think you missed the point. you're supposed to stick your knob in you're special persons "special place". not actually in the food.
you'll catch on sweetie.
Agoraphobic, food fetishists like myself, just settle for what we can get...serves my parents right for sending me to a boys school
Sounds interesting..but I think I'll stick with my 2 "Krystal"cheeseburgers, fries and a milkshake spiked with 185 proof shine..works every time!
Hmmm, but who'd even think about sex when faced with a plateful of fine gnocci.
Now that I've looked at that delectable pic, I won't be so much as looking twice at a naked orgy in the middle of the street until I've found a nice pasta place and had my fill.
The need, the aching need, is overwhelming...
Seriously, who the hell could root after eating all that?! You'd be better off rooting and then heading down to the restaurant where you could laugh, pett and relive the afternoon of XXX bliss while feeding each other rich tidbits off your plate, while pissing off everyone else in the restaurant because they'd know you'd been rooting all afternoon!
Gutted. I got told by that quiz that I need more alcohol.
Personally I would have thought that it would the other person who'd require it. But there you go.
So, about this marriage thing between you and I....is it still going to happen because I totally know what our wedding menu will be.
*books church*
*rings caterer*
Great blog. Keep it up!
I have a new webcam site and blog.
Its mostly live webcam shows and stuff.
Have a look if you can :-)
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