Reasons you will hate me

Happy Anniversary.

Today my mum and dad have been married thirty years. They are still happy and in love and even resemble each other slightly, which is a bit creepy when you think about it.
I wanted to ask them some questions about relationships and marriage - in part to give me some tips on not fucking everything up - and ended up with these separate replies.

I like how short and concise my dad's answers are, while my mum's are far more extensive. I don't think it's in any way a reflection on his love for her. He's just more of a quiet achiever.

They are going to Tetsuyas tonight for dinner where they will no doubt hold hands and be in love. It makes me feel nice.


1) what is the secret to a good relationship?


Dad: Accepting and forgiving your partner's faults. Adjusting your own faults where necessary.

Mum: Allowing each other to be independent whilst still a couple. Both flames burning and when joined together an even bigger flame can rise higher. Celebrating each other's skills and individuality. Being able to laugh at yourself, and at your partner without incrimination. That is if you both end up laughing together at the end of it!


2) What do you love most about the other?


Dad: Compassion, sense of humour, insight.

Mum: His sense of humour and humanity, which has been the core to seeing us through a lot of things. His gorgeous eyes that now crinkle around the edges. His patience with me! His oneness. His rock solid reliability.


3) What is the best thing about being married?


Dad:Sharing experiences.

Mum: Not a great question for me really. It makes no difference to me whether we are married or not. If I think about it I like the fact that we made a commitment to each other.


4) Which, out of 30 wedding anniversaries, has been your favourite?

Dad: Always the one we're having now.

Mum: Hopefully this one! I have no favourite, I am always amazed and astounded that another year has passed - in a good way that is.


5) Why is being in a couple better than being single?


Dad: Never lonely, always loved - someone to share with who understands you better than anyone.

Mum: As we grow older we are more relaxed and comfortable with each other, and our love has expanded with it. We are actually closer now than a few years back where our careers were taking precedence. They still do of course but we have greater awareness. It is of great delight to be able to share the high and lows of being human, the gossips, the injustice of the world, the politics, theatre and books with someone you think is the best, and who knows a lot about everything! He is my encyclopedia, my thesaurus and my crossword linguist. I couldn't be without him.


6) Has it been good having me*?


Dad: Good? No. The Best.

Mum: My life would not have been complete without you. You were so meant to come through me for us to accept challenges together. Your strength helps make me strong. Your courage makes me proud. I sometimes think that I was not the most adequate of mothers, that I did not prepare you for the conservative things in life. Did I help you be independent too early, did I insist you have opinions before your time. Should I have been a better policeman. Did I protect you enough. But as I look at it all objectively, I believe we are all exactly where we are meant to be at this time, knowing what we know, being who we are, and hellbent on making it all better and fabulous. My creed is that if it ain't fun then it's not worth doing. I intend to keep on having fun for a long time and I sure as hell want to be doing it with you! My heart sometimes wants to crack with the love I have for you in it.


868 days til the next election.


*this is my patented only child question.

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