Happy Anniversary, darling!
It's the gift that stops a nation:
The Mould Your Man penis moulding kit!
If I may quote directly from the website:
'Say goodbye to those mass produced unrealistic dildos and vibrators. Now you can 'Mould Your Man’ into your very own user friendly SEX TOY .... or sideboard monument!
A “Mould Your Man” DIY penis moulding kit will allow you to create a fully useable Silicone Rubber replica of your favourite penis for your own private sexual pleasure and excitement. In fact with a “Mould Your Man” DIY kit you can capture your man “Balls & All” thus creating for you the ultimate in realistic sex toys. You can choose between our standard Dildo Kit or either of our Vibrating Kits, the choice is yours. The “Mould Your Man” DIY kit consists of the latest available “Platinum Cure” Silicone Rubber which you can have tinted in anyone of our available colours. The Silicone Rubber compound once fully cured is completely safe to use and presents as an enviable replica of the real thing………….except that your “Mould Your Man” creation will always be ready when you are!!!'
Do you love it? You can turn your boyfriend's penis into a dildo . Or, indeed, 'sideboard monument' (I love this one. 'Mother, could you possibly retrieve the good cutlery? It's just in the sideboard, underneath the plastic replica of Damien's cock.').
Here's my favourite:
I'm crazy about that masculine fist. Does he come in pink, do you suppose?
And some tips from the 'Mould Your Man' team of experts:
- "Be careful not to get carried away with the masting or you may in fact end up blowing your first moulding attempt!!"
I can't believe they're actually fucking serious with this one. 'Blowing'? I mean, come on.
- "We recommend that where possible you make the environment for your moulding session as “Mood Friendly” as may be permitted and that your “hands on” assistant is as familiar with the kit, your tackle and the instructions as you are. This little tip takes away any “Stage Fright”."
I suggest some Phil Collins on the stereo ('I can feel it coming in the air tonight...O Lord'), a buttercake baking in the oven, champagne...and of course a great big bucket of plaster to slather all over your penis after first smearing Vaseline on your pubic hair. Wouldn't want to get those 'short and curlies' caught in the mould!
- "We recommend that you undertake your moulding session in a suitable “Wet Area” and place ample old newspaper over the floor as this will make cleaning up afterwards a breeze. When you insert your erect penis into the filled sleeve you are obviously going to expel a certain amount of the mixture. Again this is easily cleaned off afterwards."
It just defines romance, doesn't it? Particularly when you can almost hear the 'mixture expelling' around the 'Wet Area'.
- "Now you can clean up, relax and even have a celebratory drink before you get ready to mix the silicone for your casting."
I'll say. 'Here's to making a mould of my throbbing wang.''Cheers.'
What concerns me most about this site - apart from the cheeky penis wearing a backwards baseball cap that adorns the logo - is the theory behind it. If I get a vibrator of my boyfriend's penis, do I require him less? Will he be jealous if I use the mould instead of him? Can he actually fuck himself with his own genitals ?
See? Now you're thinking about it.
963 days til the next election.
Comments
*starts chanting*
THREE-WAY, THREE-WAY, THREE-WAY!
(but without the awkward post-coital chit-chat moments with the third party).
I fancy giving out some of these kits to ex-boyfriends and making a wall mounted exhibition. Very Tracey Emin.
Where the fuck do you find these things, Fits?
But yeah, I was thinking the bloke's bound to get a bit insecure. He'll be thinking "shit, if she's got a replica of my penis and doesn't need the real thing any more, why would she keep me around?".
(Cos I'm pretty sure that's all *I* contribute to a relationship, anyway.)
Meanwhile, fluffy, your little picture freaks me out. What the hell is that thing? It looks like a cat's face stuck onto the front of a duckling.
I can still see it when I close my eyes.
Fits, you don't have to be so round about, you want me to make a mold of my cock and give it to you so that Bob Ellis has a new chew toy. Nice try but I've fallend for trick before.
Nadly:
You deserve a THREE-WAY with a sexy girl and a mute boy who gets his shoulders into it. You find a cute one and I'll cut out his tongue for you.
Fluffy: That is a wonderous concept for a piece of art. They could all be connected in a strand of sticky webbing with a picture of your face at the center.
Mr. Lefty:
I breed them here on our ranch in Southern California. They're duckittens some call the ducats when they get larger.
OR
I found it on B3ta.com a while ago and just had to give it to fluffy. It's adorable and unforgetable, just like you Mr. Lefty.
*bats eyelashes*
That first one looks like some sort of horrible, previously unknown, species of lamprey. This is the sort of undiscovered creature we can expect to see when they start dredging Port Phillip Bay. I'm so glad I don't have a foreskin
- Too much information?
Here's something else I found on another discussion board:
PORN KARAOKE!
There have been reports of one willing lady in a certain Melbourne establishment will help you act out your favourite porno - follow the bouncing balls!
Now that it has been talked about on that forum the working lady will be booked solid, so why not try it at home?
The second image has a certain overripe 'tied off' look.
I am so frickin glad I didn't open that in front of anyone.
Damnit to shit Fitz, you've gota be careful with this new penis posting habit of yours.
Ben
Ben I'm sure it would be fine to open up Fitsy's blog to show your Nanna. She's been around, man.
It's crap, they don't send enough of the Silicone Mould.
This is off their website....
"You must be able to maintain an erect penis for at least three (3) minutes so as not to suffer any undue shrinkage in your mould!!"
Well, that's me gone!!
Johnny Nemo
But seriously...
These things are great! My girfriend and I got a kit and now whenever she's "in the mood" I just hand it to her and get on with watching the footy.
Our relationship's never been better!
Johnny Nemo
Comments are closed.