Reasons you will hate me

He is a straight man - of course he wants a threeway. But he doesn't seriously believe he will get one does he? Mind you, I have always wondered what a man would do with two women - often they don't know what to do with one!

PS If he is hot - I happily offer my services!

Can it be incredibly modern and now AND slightly tawdry and a bit off? That would sum up a lot of the current era, I reckon.

Also, does he have a significant other? Or is this a total single folk swing thing?

In my day, we had to find our own sex for our birthdays. It was often an advantage:

Me:Hey it's my birthday

Random drunk chick: Oh yeah? Had a birthday root yet?

Me: Nuh! Wanna help me out?

RDC: Yeah, alright, I'll just finish me UDL. Hey Tiff, got any frangers? I'm just giving this bloke a birthday fuck. Yeah, nah, Col won't be back til after the footy. Don't tell him, but.



Yeah, classy area I grew up in. Maybe I should have asked Tiff to join us.

I love that this post has been up for an hour and already we've got a willing volunteer. This is community noticeboarding at its best, people.

"4. Do you think he was serious or just trying it on? Wouldn't it be incredibly awkward if we set it all up only to have him arrive with a horrified expression and stumbling excuses?"

I'm sure he'd get into the swing of things soon enough.

You've got a point though. That is the sort of wish that no-one can possibly take seriously. Like world peace.

"Can it be incredibly modern and now AND slightly tawdry and a bit off? That would sum up a lot of the current era, I reckon."

You're exactly right. Nothing quite says 2007 like unashamedly organising sex for a not unattractive person's birthday.

And I hear you on the concrete-ness of the present. Even if YOU were to be one of the ladies in question, social etiquette might dictate you also bring at least a card.

Has Hallmark released their range of Threeway Birthday cards yet, do you know?

having been in a few threeways, i have to say only one was pre-arranged, and *it* was the most awkward of the lot - these things just seem to work out better when based on a spontaneous mutual appreciation of each others' deliciousnness. often the 'decision' to have a threeway seems a desperate attempt to declare/expand one's sense of sexual liberation. (no accusations, fits - any casual reader knows you're no shrinking violet). also, wouldn't the pre-arrangement detract from the 'fuck, this is really happening!' rush of the first time a bit?

but each to their own, i suppose.

I guess you're right, Anon. I just thought the idea of requesting it as part of one's birthday wishlist was worth considering.

I don't if there are specifically gift vouchers for this kind of thing, but I'm sure there must be at least one enterprising brothel that has something akin to gift vouchers for such occasions. Hallmark cards on the other hand, I'm less sure about...

three questions:

1) do i know him?

2) do i want him (that is, have i expressed desire to make naughty with him OR do you think i would if i haven't already)?

3) will you pay for my return flight?

i think sex, let alone a three-way, without a doubt would save you from a concrete gift. in fact, i think setting something like that up should get you out of next year's gift too.

Not meaning to burst your bubble or anything (you know I heart you), but are you certain he was asking you to be involved? Perhaps he knows your reputation and just thought you could hook him up with the appropriate other parties? At the very least, he may want the final say on the shortlist. All questions for tomorrow, in a way.*


* In a way that's not-at-all.

Does that make having a wank a oneway?

If you're talking about a ticket to hell then yes, Anon. You cheeky sinner.

Simple stuff really. Only half a plan is required to avoid embarrassment or awkwardness. WhadoImean? Take him out for dinner with a pretty poppet that will make his pupils bloom. Have chat, have food, have larf, have peckish kiss at appropriate grinning moment. See if his pupils bloom larger. Bring cheesy $2 shop lava lamp as gift early on. If all goes grinningly say come back to poppet/my or your place to test it. Travel home with arms wrapped round each other like an octopus short a few tentacles but with two extra pecks. Get home. Lamp on, laugh lots, sounds on, start lip smakcing gladness - as a chuckle at first.
If at any point prior to this (dinner or homewards) it feels like swoon is going clunk, cease and desist. Have a nice dinner anyway, laugh lots, take poppet home yourself. It works every time.
Cheers, chuckles and cherubic smile from yours truly (and ocassionally untruly as well).

Hallmark is for losers. What you want to do is make your very own Mad Magazine style threeway birthday card. This would involve drawing a picture that seems to be of a loving twosome but, when opened out, cleverly reveals them to be revelling in the body of a third. Parfait, non?

What, in the present stakes Kenzan is an "in addition to" ... place?

My ex owes me a few, then. Sniff.

Trying to plan this sort of thing is redundant. It never works out. Not even on TV! Does your friend think he is Henry Miller for crissakes? What's wrong with hugs? So good to give to the ones you love.

1. No, I'm pretty sure the only other thing you'd need to get him is a card. Possibly a photographer for lasting memories...

2. Umm, that is probably best answered by whether you think your friends would be up for it.

3. You could always make one up. As tasteful or tawdry as you like...

4. Nothing like a bit sexual awkwardness between friends :\

5. I'm with The Last Scientician on this - a bit from column A, a bit from column B.

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A three way is a seriously cheap present.
How much does a dinger cost these days? 60 cents?
Between the two of you that's thirty cents each.

I defy anyone to come up with such a memorable present that offers as much bang for the buck.

And how!

Fits, you have been blathering on about a 3way for so long it hurts us, your readers, to see you in this state.

For the love of God, get La nads and some sexy boi and make of the nortiness, then blog about it.

Before you turn 31...

Oh alright then, Anon. If you insist.

So, you already gave me my present then?

Bugger.

This WOULD help you with your New Year's resolutions, Fits.

Can I suggest (to Hallmark) maybe:

"For your birthday I could not afford
A house, a boat, or a red sports car
But to you my friend, I humbly put forward
Myself and a friend - ménage à trois."

Hi Ms Fits,

As someone who's finally returning to the impoverished writer lifestyle, I can fully agree with the 'bang for the buck' sentiment regarding a threeway.

Apart from being a fiscally responsible and quite clearly athoughtful gift, it's definitely going to rank highly on the 'shit hot gifts of all time' register.

Should the recipient therefore feel obligated to respond in kind on your birthday and will this then result in an annual round-robin of threesomes? Or does it start off a one-upmanship contest in birthday presents?

For example: The guy gets a clambake, you get a spitroast and before you know it it's five years later and you need to book dimly lit scout halls (hey, they're cheap and the concrete's not really that cold)to house the crowd booked for the latest birthday ... 'bash'.

Or does this fall under 'hey, I made your fondest birthday wish come true, how about making mine come true?' Naturally, that really opens up the field.

Just a thought...

DR

Having organised one and participated in the aborted organisation of the other I assure you a threeway is much easier to organise than a full-on orgy.

Organise one, but bring along a big, black, hung, gay dude!

All the big, black, hung, gay dudes are booked out years in advance.