Hard rubbish.
Things you perhaps don't want the two burly men with the rubbish truck to find when they come to collect your hard rubbish:
1. A pornographic video titled Body Builders In Heat.
2. A tiny emaciated child who weeps uncontrollably when held.
3. Dead animals.
4. Naked photos of yourself taken by your ex.
5. The ashes of Graham Kennedy in a plastic container that once held Pad Thai.
6. A bowie knife.
So can you guess which items were handed back to me by an enormous, grinning tattooed man?
I'll give you a hint. One of them was a joke present that I swear I've never opened, and the other was only intended for private use. It was not, as Butch suggested, 'done in Thailand'.
856 days til the next election.
Comments
Hope you enjoy sally morrell today. You do know who she's married to....
I guess the emaciated child would break if you tried to open it. (should be a comma between "tiny" and "emaciated" Fits. tch, tch.)
Clearly Butch hadn't seen this morning's Age before handing the pictures back, otherwise they'd be currently spread over Andrew Bolt's desk getting some "attention" and Butch would be dancing down the street with a cheque down the front of his pants.
Love your work. You give good quote.
I think every red blooded girl should have a copy of Body Builders in Heat.
I shudder to think what the second item was.
1, 4.
Good luck for tonight.
Good to see you've graduated to wearing warm, sensible cardies in your older age.
Johnny Nemo
Yikes. And also good luck, chookas and break a leg for tonight.
Were the photos framed, or on backing? How come they were in "Hard Rubbish" and why would he give them back? Was he mad?
As for Female Body Builders in Heat 10, I think they should have stopped at 9.
Good luck for tonight.
Omigod Omigod Omigod!
LMS LMS LMS!
Excitement Excitement Excitement!
! ! and not to forget!
Breakaleg for tonight Lady.
Its all you baby. Job well done. That'll do pig. etcetera, etcetera...
Dare you to pash Eddie when you get the logie...
Marieke, you are an idiot.
I would rather die than rest my head on a Bob-Browne cushion.
What the hell is wrong with you?
like most buyers of adult aret, I consider Body Builders in Heat 3 to be the masterpiece. 4 was derivative and uninspiring - memories of Rocky 4 come flooding back.
But by BBiH 9 they were back on song. ripped like all hell and horny to boot. Throw art like this out? Iconoclasts DIE!
thomasr
"Dear Anonymous" - a poem.
Roses are read,
Violets are blue,
You're a dipshit,
So fuck you.
Epic.
What WERE you doing with Graham Kennedy's ashes?
mpike.net
What anonymous, would you prefer to rest your head on Amanda Vanstone's arse?
The Anonymous that wished her breakaleg is not the evil anonyomous a few minutes later who talked crap.
So no anthrax to me please.
Not me either- I sign mine. Will get a new blogger ID as soon as I can be arsed.
http://www.mpike.net/guernica/
I watched it. It was good, quite good and I'll definitely be back for more (ohhh please, Seven, for fucks sake don't pull a Cooks or West Wing on this). I hope Bruno becomes less of an annoying git, that cheerleader scene was a bit of a cringe, but the guy dancing with his ex, and after (the slow dance I mean), was absolutely spot on. Spot fucking on.
Although the whole rebound thing was kind of rushed...
Anyway- 3.5 stars. For the pilot, thats pretty good. Man, I could so do this job better than Kenneth Nguyen or whoever...
Hey Marieke, not sure if I'm onto something, but things look a little sus. Any thoughts?
Didn't look quickly enough, but was the lass with the gyrating boobies Gabi?
Fucking hell, the whistle is well and truly blown. I knew something was up when she said you weren't at all irritatingly smug. We're through the looking glass here, people.
Wow Fits, were you really writing episodes of Neighbours at 9 years old?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0362705/
BEVIS said...
Alright, everybody please stop being tossers. You think you're being clever by trying to 'unmask' somebody? Not everyone has the right person anyway. Just ask poor 'Diana'.
If you think you're smart for identifying someone who some of us have identified the whole time and didn't feel the need to say so, you're like an excited three-year-old who doesn't realise he's the last person to work out the Wiggles are gay but thinks he's stumbled onto a great exclusive.
BEVIS
Supporting the arts since I handed Ms Fits an imaginary bowl of chocolates in a high school production fo My Fair Lady in 1991.
*looks chastised*
Can't speak for anyone else, m'dear BEVIS, but I was certainly joking.
Meanwhile, our hardhitting Anonymous Investigator failed to realise that the date next to the names of television shows in filmographies on IMDB aren't the date the person in question worked on them, but rather the date the show originally started.
BEVIS said...
Don't fret, Jess - my comments were not directed at you, I promise.
BEVIS
BEVIS, is that your hand, or mine?
*blushes*
The Wiggles are gay?!?
Surely not the Wiggles! Next you'll be telling me that Graham Kennedy was gay.
Can someone tell me where I can buy that cool lingere? I would reall like to buy some for my Mrs.
Actually, I slept with the entire editorial staff at the Age so they'd give me a decent write-up.
AND IT WORKED! IT WORKED!
*puts out*
*more*
BEVIS said...
You can confirm the Wiggles thing for me, right, Ms Fits?
BEVIS
I slept the entire Janitorial staff at the Age. Dyslexia is brutal, and so is this case of ... don't worry.
I've seen Neighbours and I thought a 9yr old writing it was plausible!
Oh.. and after that "we knew and you didn't" comment, you forgot to put NYAH, NYAH, NYA, NYA, NYAH!
BEVIS said...
Ahem: NYAH, NYAH, NYA, NYA, NYAH!
BEVIS
I slept the entire Janitorial staff at the Age. Dyslexia is brutal, and so is this case of ... don't worry.
Fucking gold! x
Bevis sayed: "You think you're being clever by trying to 'unmask' somebody?"
It wasn't aimed at me was it Bevis, for linking to the article? It took me about five minutes while looking through Fitsy's archives last September to work out who she is so I tend to take it as a given that everyone who reads this blog knows.
da wiggles is gay?
BEVIS said...
No, it was only aimed at the dildos who referred to Ms Fits in any way apart from the correct moniker she should have on her blog.
I love all youse other guys 'n' girls!
I've been enjoying being juvenile on Ari's site and seeing them jump on me for it, but like Jess and Buck Fudd said, Ms Fits fights her own battles by smirking at their attempts to hurt her feelings.
BEVIS
I assumed that we all knew that we all already knew.
BEVIS said...
I know what you mean...
BEVIS
So good, you did get the tiny, emaciated child I sent you. I told you he could get to Australia by mail and still be alive. You lost the bet pay me the five dollars.
And write me. Please.
Bwaaaaaah. I didn't WANT to find out who you are in real life. Its, just, there, there were too many clues.
Such a controversial lass there has never been
"When the legend becomes fact, print the legend." - The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
Johnny Nemo
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