HC's
Hospitality Crushes I have had and Retarded Things either me or my best friend Gabi have said to them:*1. Hot Cowboy who wears sleeveless western shirts, Napier Hotel - me (breathless with wine and hormones): 'Do you know my friend Dirty Derek has a theory that the staff at the Napier get, like, one happy pill between them at the beginning of their shift and only one person has it and is in a good mood and everyone else is totally grumpy and mean to the customers?' Him (grumpy and mean and deeply unamused): 'That's funny.'
2. Adorable lanky boy with very low jeans named T.C who used to work at Retro - me (to Gabi, whispering): 'Say something funny to him and if he says something funny back I'll know we're destined to be together.' Gabi (to T.C): 'Um...what does T.C. stand for?' T.C. (dumbly): 'Nothing.'
3. Owner/Chef at B-Coz - me (on phone): 'Hi. I ate at your restaurant last night. Would you like to go on a date with me?' Him (foolishly): 'Yes.'**
4. Danny McKenzie, beautiful Scottish waiter at Tin Pot - him (on seeing that me and Gabi were playing Gin Rummy): 'Playing cards, eh? Got a few there.' Gabi (gazing, hypnotised, at his soft lips and speaking as though in a trance): 'Fourteen.' Pause. Him: Walks away.
5. Slightly-foppish-but-somehow-it-works-for-him raven haired gent who waits at Cookie - Me: 'Could we have some plates for sharing please?' Him (straight-faced, perfectly sarcastic): 'No. We don't have plates.' Me (in on the joke, feeling chuffed at own dry wit): 'Okay, then. Don't worry about it. That's fine.' (Five Minutes Later, Him returning with plates to put on table and continuing 'gag') Him: 'Here are the glasses you wanted. You wanted glasses, right?' Me (totally forgotten the joke, slack-jawed and confused): 'What? No. We wanted plates.'
6. Hot karate waitress with big shoes, Tin Pot - Her: 'Who's having the bagel?' Me (raising hand): 'Sorry.'
* A proper HC is someone whose hotness forces you to order way more food/drink than you actually want just so you can sit there and stare at them.
** this date turned out to be really boring. I went to his restaurant at closing time and he talked for hours about buying fresh fruit and vegetables from the market.
Have I missed any? Post your HC's and/or ridiculous things you've said. Go on.
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