Reasons you will hate me

He could have added 'P.S. You Stink'.

Yesterday on the campaign trail the PM was stopped by a bloke called Paul Taylor who stepped through the TV cameras and said: 'On behalf of the working class people in the Tweed I'm going to present this cheese to you because you and your mate are past your use-by date and you'll be looking for jobs. Go, Labor.'
He then hurled a bag of cubed cheese at the PM's feet.




This is the exact sort of thing you work out in advance that never comes out as clever as you think because your voice is all shaky and you've thought it through too much.


Here are some other things equally as toolish.


'On behalf of the working class people in the Tweed I'm going to present this copy of Thin Lizzy's 'The Boys Are Back In Town' because you and your mate really won't be after October 9th. In fact you'll be 'out' of Town. The word 'Town' in this case, of course, symbolising 'power'.'


'On behalf of the working class people in the Tweed I'm going to present you with this condom full of camel semen and faeces because it is utterly disgusting and makes me want to throw up. Like you, fucktard. HAHAHAHA.'


'On behalf of the working class people in the Tweed I'm going to present you with this red box filled with leather offcuts and glass.' (meaningful look) ' If you get what I'm saying.'


'On behalf of the working class people in the Tweed I'm going to present you with this mighty kick in the gonads. Because fuck me sideways if that isn't going to feel like the best fucking thing I've ever done in my fucking life. WHAM!'



35 days to go.

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