He kissed me and it felt like a hit.
On Friday night Gabi and myself attended the Drones' blistering rock show at a popular inner-city venue.
When we arrived we received the verbal equivalent to a pash followed by an incredibly painful eye-gouge. Here is how the conversation went:
BOUNCER: I.D. please, ladies.
GABI: Excuse me?
BOUNCER: I need to see some I.D.
ME: Are you serious?
BOUNCER: (long hard stare) I.D. please.
Gabi and I exchange glances, attempting to recall the last time we were asked to prove we were over eighteen.
BOUNCER: (impatient) I.D.
He's serious. We are thrilled.
ME: I love you.
GABI: Yeah, you're a genius.
Bouncer looks confused.
Thirty year-old and twenty-nine year-old hand over identification.
BOUNCER: (reading birthdates) Ah.
ME: (playfully flirtatious) But you can ask us for our I.D anytime.
BOUNCER: Well. You look good.
GABI: Thank-you!
BOUNCER: (warming up) If I was older, I'd ask you out on a date!
ME: .....
If he was older??
Was that not essentially saying 'you two old bags look alright - for your age'? Why did he send us off on our merry way with the deferential politeness usually reserved for Anzac Day poppy sellers? SINCE WHEN DID I BECOME OLDER THAN BOUNCERS???
It's no wonder I drink.
593 days til the next election.
Comments
Ms Fits,
You should go to the states where the drinking age is 21 and every bouncer is petrified of being sued by underage drinkers who fall over in places they shouldn't be. (or crash their cars on the way home from the pub)
At your age you would be asking virtually every doorman for a date.
if i was hotter i'd ask you out on a date.
If I was braver I'd ask you out on a date.
if i had more time i'd ask you out on a date
well this post has certainly taken a turn for the better.
Ms Fits,
Unlike the others, I don't have an excuse.
Do you want to go out on a date?
I'd probably eat a Date Preserve, if I was hungry.
You'd eat a date preserve during the date?
Exactly how many people are going on this date please?
YOU PROMISED ME THERE'D BE NO OTHERS!
but i spose you can bring 2 of your friends/dates.
I'd eat a Sticky Da ... never mind.
I like how this post was originally about me being a withered crone but has since transformed into an en-masse date request.
I've essentially given up my day job (riveting as it is) to comment on your blog and read the Public Notices of the Herald Sun.
Did you see J's?
--
J - Pl text me on 0412 026 355 to
talk. Deleted instead of replying. Text sent about 8.50pm Mon. Please send again - XXX J
--
How fraught is that ... the reply accidentally deleted!
And this:
--
FANCY FACE I love you so much that I could tell you. I think I always will. XXX M
--
M, I think you did just tell them. Does Fancy Face know who they are? I have a friend with the first inital 'M'. Could I be Fancy Face?
My face isn't that fancy, other than the lace and rhinestones, but with a significant amount of love, I imagine it may look quite fancy indeed - eye of the beholder and such and such.
Blogs and the Herald-Sun PN's? WELCOME TO MY LIFE, TOBY.
i'm thinking someone's going all 'single white toby' on you, fits.
soon he'll start sporting pigtails and fishnets and getting annoyed at me for saying "snack".
for now its sweet, but if he turns up at your house in stilletos....RUN FOR YOUR LIFE WOMAN!
I like it.
'Mass Dating'.
And not like the stuff I did in my youth hitting on girls outside of weekly church*.
Forget speed dating ... this is more of your survival of the fittest style date, we're hundreds vie for one person's affection.
We could start a fad and then go on ACA and Today Tonight. That would be two of my life-goals ticked off.
* This never happened: as a youth I wore black and had esteem issues.
Ms Fits,
This date looks like it is going to be very crowded. If all things go well. We could have one of these.
Ha Ha,
How many of you sick fuckers thought that link would go to some multi-person porn action?
I must confess brokenleg, I did.
And I'm somewhat disappointed it doesn't.
If I was younger (and emboldened) I'd ask you out on a date.
It's no wonder I drink (earl grey tea, with a nice tartan blankie across my knees and tucked in down the sides of the chair...that's the ticket).
People think I am underage all the time. The bar staff at the pub I go to all the time thought I was the same age as them (they are all early 20s.)
I don't know what age a lot of my women friends are and I am not going to ask! VERBOTEN!
Date? Dating is for old people and divorcees.
How about we slip out somewhere quiet and uncomfortable for some serious half dressed semi-public fucking instead?
Oh dear me "bounce me baby".
Whatever happened to old traditions of courtship. No wonder the world is a mess.
I for one like the old ways and have rung up Mr Fits asking for his daughter's hand in marraige.
He keeps telling me he is a 25 year old personal trainer, but I think he just thinks I'm not good enough for his daughter.
Anyway, at least I know Ms Fits won't be impressed with Bounce Me's boorish crudities.
I've been too scared to post since the 'single white toby' comment earlier. I've only ever been a stalker by accident, rather than intent.
I'm with brokenleg on the old traditions. Although a mate of mine asked his partner's father for her hand and then took two (2) years to actually propose ... in his defence he was waiting for the 'right' moment ... which turned out to be a moonlit Spring night in Paris.
Wuv, twoo wuv.
Boorish? Me?
You wanna root, or what?
Are you propositioning brokenleg, bounce me baby?
I hope you aren't propositioning me BMB. Although flattered, I'm already spoken for.
You will have to find someone else to lust after.
Oh, geez, I dunno. Does either of youse wanna root?
I'm not fussy.
Comments are closed.