Hey, little girl/comb your hair/fix your make-up/soon he will open the door...
Last night, for a period of about four hours, I was under the impression that I was going to have a three-way. It didn't end up happening, but it made for an interesting few moments as I killed time and was struck by the not unamusing thought - how exactly does one prepare for such an event?
If you're ever looking like getting lucky with not one but two vessels of hotness, here's what I did as a guide:
- Had a wee. Because the last thing you need in a situation like that is a full bladder.
- Showered. And scrubbed thoroughly.
- Noted with dismay that I was overdue for a bikini and leg wax. Thus committed the lady-sin of stealing my boyfriend's razor and doing a touch-up 'around the edges'. Once she's that close she won't be too fussy about stray hairs, will she?
- Ate some nori rolls. Salmon, good for the brain. Rice, good carbohydrates for the sex energy.
- Had half a glass of red wine. To both calm and embolden the 'area'.
- Brushed my teeth. We don't want those awful purple wine gums, do we now?
- Listened to some sexy music .
- Made the hot text.
- Fed the dog.
- Covered myself in ylang ylang body cream.
- Changed into hot underwear.
- Put on some long lasting lipstick .*
- Stepped into the night humming a perky tune.
- Discovered the plans had fallen through.
- Had sex with my boyfriend.
I guess these things are better when they're spontaneous. Boy, it was fun there for a while thinking it was going to happen though.
923 days til the next election.
*Note to all sex-party attending ladies - L'Oreal Kissproof is totally the lipstick of choice.
Comments
I'm happy downstairs.
*sound of jaw dropping*
God, your life terrifies me.
The only problem with those 'kiss-proof' lipsticks is that they go on like a mixture of paint and super glue thus rendering your lips dry, chapped and a bit like kissing a piece of painted cardboard thats been left out in the sun on a 38 degree day.
Yes, I know, you get the gloss with it, but the gloss only lasts about three seconds especially if you're kissing (any area).
So my age-old dilemma when I'm preparing for my three-ways is this: do I want my lips to be soft and kissable (natural) or do I want porn star looking lips that are rough to the touch?
Of course I always choose beauty over practicality but you know .... this is an issue of immense importance that I don't feel is being given enough attention in the blogging press.
On a Wednesday night? A Wednesday?
Last night I went to bed at 8:30 and read an Agatha Christie *buries face in hands*
what colour was the lipstick?
I would think if you were really that desperate for a three way it wouldn't be that hard to tee one up...
..but what do I know from nothing?
Firstly (for next time):
http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/the_beatles/all_ive_got_to_do.html
But:
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/meat-loaf/91283.html
Yeah, sorry for chickening out guys. But it was the prospect of the Sherriff's bikini line that put me off, not yours.
mmmmmmm ylang ylang...
more importantly, how does one become your boyfriend? what a guy.......
yeah..he must be something.
http://www.abc.net.au/classic/breakfast/stories/s939449.htm
I'm totally trusting your judgement on the lipsticks. You always look extremely kissable.
Well, sorry, but I was too busy ASKING OUT MY HOSPITALITY CRUSH!! Ahem.
Just as well it didn't pan out- Nori rolls would have given you awful fishy seaweed breath.
Hehe...
Fishy breath...
Heh...
Threesome...
Girls together...
Fishy breath...
Heh....
Wouldn't want that.. hehehe...
(I'll get my coat)
Whew, so I'm not the only person who thinks like this!
Ylang Ylang -- you have EXCELLENT taste. :)
hey kids - she CLEANED HER TEETH afterwards.. you filthy filthy minded people. hehe...
I once saw a review of that same lipstick by a hooker which went something like:
"This lipstick survived five blowjobs, six showers, lunch and dinner and 36 cigarettes."
That is much better than the "wedding day" ad they had for it on TV
Speaking of prostitutes, here's something Andrew Bolt probably thinks about Melbourne at the moment:
"Melbourne swarms with prostitutes. Morning noon and night they are seen exhibiting themselves at their doors and windows, and with all the effrontery of harlotry. In the streets they may be seen at all times, frequently without their bonnets, walking arm in arm and three abreast. Around hotels they congregate every evening, they rendezvous at the Theatre Royal bars for special practise at their seductive art."
The Argus, 1859
Hang on, neither you nor Sherriff have outlined why the threesome didn't go ahead. What happened to the third party?
"frequently without their bonnets"
phwoarrrrr....
You stayed home and watched TV didn't you lefty??
Lefty,dont you get anything? The poor ,"other woman", hooked herself into recommended sexy leather corset and couldn't leave the house. Her hubby is also stricken. Lays on bed unable to get out latex rubber catsuit.
The pope thinks he's doing it hard.
Um M - so you don't mind that people in your industry who may also read this blog now have a certain mental image of you.... god knows I've tried for years to not let onto the Grips and Gaffers my dark side!!!! but if your comfortable in this small fima and tv world then here's raising a glass (or hip) to ya!
Please sjusju,
No more stuff about "bonnet" nudity. It is dangerous and will only send good males towards hell.
Ms Fits has a boyfriend.
Comments are closed.