Ho ho, etc.
Last night I went to dinner with a group of very sexy people. We shot some shit, ate some fine food, and each brought a small Christmas gift. This is quite sweet and World Vision, okay? UNTIL YOU REALISE WHAT I WAS GIVEN:
Do you see what that is? I can help you if you like.
From left to right:
1) 'The Real Me Only God Can See' diary
2) 'Big Splash' handcuffs
3) Talking prayer angel - 'Push Me For Prayer!'
What does this mean? What are they trying to tell me? Am I a masochistic slut craving redemption? Who the fuck would call handcuffs 'Big Splash'?
Other gifts I now expect to receive for Christmas:
- FemFresh douche
- AA membership
- Pole dancing classes*
- Good News Bible
- Sister Mary Sings 20 Gospel Favourites
- Punch in the nose.
*this would actually be kind of cool.
695 days til the next election.
Comments
You already HAVE the Good News - in a fetching pink Bible bag! Do my trinkets and gifts mean nothing to you, woman?
I'm going to have the Presidential Prayer Team take a moment from giving George W. spiritual 'props' and make them pray bad things about you.
It's all fire and brimstone with me now. Let this be a warning to you all.
I flicked through my own sacred copy of the Presidential Prayer Team handbook at 2am this morning and it made a whole lot of sense to me.
Let us pray for President Bush as he protects America from the enemy which is females that kiss one another on the lips and suckle breasts in restaurants. And also to protect American souls against those that moonlight as pornographers taking unsuspecting up the skirt photography.
Amen.
I don't think douching would be good for your 'fungal infection'.
Where does the expression "shoot the shit" originate I wonder? Was it some lay about trespassing chokito looking motherfucker who happened over the wrong farmer's fence? Or was it a couple of idle TEENS with daddy's shotgun and a lack of suitable ammunition.
Either way. I am pleased that you used the expression. It has given me much to ponder.
i wonder where you even buy something like the prayer doll from??
perhaps i could buy one and press it once a day, then i wont need to read the bible to find out what they are going on about
Step on up, Booky!
That's right, the new must-have item according to "the kids" just happens to be frighteningly earnest books on religion shipped straight from the States!
Anyone wishing to purchase such fun things should contact Book To Tha Izzo immediately.
EEMEEJATLEE!
PS: I am willing to sell my personal copy of 1001 Great Things About America for a very reasonable price, if anyone is interested.
you're not worth $48 fitsy
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7724092397&category=106004
we might have to go to at least one pole dancing class in the name of the black rebel activities club ms... in the new year perhaps?
let me know...
screw poledancing. you want someone to buy you a day at a burlesque workshop instead where you can shake your tits every which way but loose. and get a free set of pasties and a garter to boot. classes starting up again in january. love ya work.
Nobody gave you one of these?
Can I lay under you during the douche? Not for the perv factor - I always wondered how effective they really are.
Whoa! It was lovely to wake up to you this morning.
You're way more polite in the mornings.
It hurts waking up at 6am. I wouldn't recommend it.
Comments are closed.