Reasons you will hate me

Holidays commence.

I didn't post yesterday because firstly I'm on holidays - and fuck you for presuming that I'd drop everything for you, by the way - and secondly I was kind of broken after Thursday night's festivities. Here are some things that happened:


- Dorkfest 2004!
God I'm hot for Booky . Not only does he bring together some of the hottest , most bitching bloggers in all of Melbourne through his sheer magnificence, but he also rounds off Christmas drinks by handing out special party gifts . I heart him and his genius. And ps I saw him first. Go get your own stalker.


It was good to put faces to names, and I totally hounded Lefty into coming out for duck with me. It's the social lubricant amongst bloggers these days, didn't you hear? Sugar charmed the lovely Lee Lee with the hottest, most secret duck in Melbourne, and even the elusive Knifey is said to be partial to some quack quack action. Me, I just want to go to the place on Smith street where the host is like Chinese Elvis and they do a three-course duck meal. Special times.


- Sex party!
I must put out some kind of special sex party vibe. I don't think I much look like a dirty slut, but maybe I'm wrong.
Here is how a conversation went with a blogger who I won't name in order to protect his or her identity:
Them: 'So are you really that kind of bi, try-anything good-time girl that you seem to be on your blog?'
Me: 'Why?'
Them: 'Cause my friends have these parties...'
That's right, he or she was inviting me to a SEX PARTY! WITH A SPA!!
When I merely listened impassively, not necessarily showing great enthusiasm for attending a SEX PARTY WITH COMPLETE STRANGERS, he or she TURNED ON ME. 'You're not like you are on your blog at all!' he or she accused, jabbing me roughly in the shoulder with his or her digit.
Actually, the truth is that I've been invited to another SEX PARTY and feel it would be impolite to accept another offer.
I do, however, fucking heart that this person was brave enough to bust out the sex party invitation within about five minutes of meeting me. Feel free to do the same if we ever catch up in person.


- The beautiful people!
Gen and I went to the Vice party at Honkytonks . There were lots of hot girls there in short skirts. After that it's slightly a blur but I know I definitely ended up at Pony , which is never a good sign. Smoking pot at 5am next to a fountain is, though. Special times.


- Dirty sluts!
I got a text from the inimitable hotness of Clem Bastow asking me where the cheapest strip joint in Melbourne was. Just as I was remarking affectionately what a dirty slapper she was for being out and searching for cheap strips, it was pointed out to me that perhaps the fact that I was the person she'd presumed would be able to help her meant that I was the dirtier slapper. Can't argue with that logic I guess.




1026 days til the next election.

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