Hot. Shots.
It's a lazy Sunday in country Victoria. You're recovering from what is possibly the most thrilling Grand Final in the history of the Universe (Leo Barry, WHAT A FUCKING MARK). You're slightly hungover, truth be told. Can you think why it might be a good reason to ATTEND A MALE STRIP REVUE AT THREE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON?
1. It will be incredibly lame!
The room will be half-empty. The sunlight will be streaming in from outside, somewhat offsetting the 'dangerous disco' pink-and-blue lighting. There will be handfuls of middle-aged women tittering nervously around vodkapops. It is important that you experience this. And start drinking champagne as quickly as possible.
2. They will look like this!
Oh yes they will.
3. The host will be 'bawdy'!
'Ladies, are you ready to get hot/wet/horny/slippery/sexy/damp/ Do we have any virgins in tonight/I want to see some chronic masturbators/We need money to send these boys to gynaecology college' etcetera. Oh, behave.
4. There will be one woman on a mission!
'Do we have anyone in today getting divorced? You, madam, the one with your bra over your head dry-humping the leg of our passing waiter? Perhaps a lie-down might be in order once you've completed pouring champagne over the table and screaming hoarsely for penis.'
5. You will of course be DRAGGED OUT OF YOUR CHAIR TO PARTICIPATE!
Yes yes, let's pick on the wee indie girl up the back in knee-high boots and plaits. And let's make her do the hand-jive and suggestive limbo. Then let's slap her on the arse, give her a kiss and ask her if she's 'having a good night, beautiful?*'
Thankfully this will also mean your friend Kerry is required to 'get involved' later in the show. Even more thankfully she will be forced to stick her head under a sheet while an oily man shoves his crotch in her face. This will please you later when she returns to the table and you give her the finger.
*At least, I believe this is what happened. I had my eyes squeezed shut in abject horror the entire time.
6. You will surprise yourself!
Because you will start the afternoon with arms folded and a coolsie-kid sneer. And you will end it jumping up and down in the manner of a Price is Right showcase winner with epilepsy.
Surely this counts as dangerous activity for the Black Rebel Activities Club?
Also! You can find out their tour dates here. They are awful. In a good way. And they're playing Traralgon Golf Club, you know.
p.s. One for the bank:
744 days til the next election.
Comments
*regrets leaving before this blessed event*
*books private show*
*moonlights*
one for the bank
Whatever do you mean?
*coy*
PS Do you get to choose your verification words? Mine says "friggasm".
My Mum has a tendency to ask why I haven't ever visited her in Taralgon regardless of the actual conversational topic, I think you've found an excellent family bonding activity.
Are they coming to Orange?
My sister's been hassling me to visit her there for a year...
you can organise my other half's buckette's night.
Holy Jamie-Durie-in-a-Loincloth!
The times I have frequented a "gentleman's club"*, it's not the nudity, the degrading, nor the awful costumes that get to me, but rather the other men there- the ones whose brushes I am tarred with by association. Take a good look about Fits- they are your sisters- right down to the cock caller...
thomasr
* less than 10 times, ever. Ok- 20. tops.
Hey, lay off, I chose those hats myself.
As for the wee indie girl getting picked on.... google "methinks" and "doth".
Speaking of which, Marcia said something about a money shot on oz idol last night...
I mentioned the expression "money shot" on a date last night - got a curious reaction... what does it say about me, and for that matter, him?
cath, it's all about context.
also my sister got walloped [think about it] in the nose by an un-g-stringed penis at one of these places. she said it really hurt. far from being titillating, she just couldn't stop laughing.
You cruel people. We do it for the love of dance. It's about Art... and cowboy hats.
---
All that and I forgot to mention the moment the whole room chanted 'WE WANT COCK'.
I cannot of course for legal reasons disclose whether I participated in the aforementioned activity.
I cannot of course for legal reasons disclose whether I participated in the aforementioned activity.
YOUR WORSHIP, I must insist you request that the witness ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!
Ms Fits, I put it to you: You are COCK chanting COCK CHANTER. True or false?
Look thomasr, the Goodyear Blimp!
*leaves ms fits-shaped hole in wall*
God that's funny!
You kids have made my day.
LookatwhatIgot:
http://thomasr.blogspot.com/2005/09/i-go-there-for-intellectual-discourse.html
Men's nudie bars are going "modern beauty pageant"
God luvus!
thomasr
ms fits. it's on. we should drink.
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