How to.
Your Tuesday guide.
HOW TO:
...Destroy your dog.
Take her to the country. Let her roam free in the wilderness. Give her many sticks. Watch as she gets the red mist and is physically unable to hold herself back. Then nurture her as she limps pathetically for three days and can't get out of bed.
...Truly enjoy a weekend away.
Read and savour the bits in the paper about Liberals losing their gourd.
Do we not love the unfolding saga of poisonous blueblood Fiona Snedden ? If the drink driving incident wasn't enough, she's now blueing with her brother and getting the shits up about her ex.
My favourite part of her brother's affidavit:
'A knife was pulled during a row between Lady Snedden and Fiona after which Lady Snedden changed her locks.'
HOW FUCKING TOUGH IS THIS LIBERAL BITCH?
'Gracious. It appears that mummy has forced me out of her mansion. I shall now slash the motherfucking ho with my flick-knife and take off down the street in the jaunty, take-no-prisoners manner of the Jets from West Side Story'.
In other it-couldn't-happen-to-a-more-deserving-fellow news, the Victorian Liberal party's star recruit has been busted for drink-driving . Christ, they're a bunch of pissheads aren't they?
I was so cross about Peter Georgas joining the dark side. He's all like, 'ooh, I'm all handsome and passionate about food. You should totally get on board and sympathise with me losing My Restaurant Rules to that Christian couple. And hey! Surprise! I'm a fucking cunt! FOOLED YOU, AHAHAHA!'
Look at this picture:
Robert Doyle should really think twice about getting himself photographed with mildly attractive people. He is a strong contender there for most hideous man alive. Can you just imagine that dinner too? What a meeting of the fucking minds.
I have enjoyed watching these people suffer. It's the price you pay for sleeping with the devil, fuckers!
...Get 32 people to comment on a blog post.
Show a picture of your boobies. Look at your commenting frenzy, you cheeky monkeys! If ever things get slow around here again you can guarantee an upskirt polaroid to start the love flow.
Also in today's post...
HOW NOT TO:
...Have a threeway in the bush.
Ply your fellow participants with drugs. Guaranteed action-killer.
Hey, can you guys ever tell when I'm lying?
*signs off*
*drinks another coffee*
953 days til the next election.
Comments
Oh God, you let some beast make the rough sex with your dog? Who are you, Sharon Osborne?
Ew, is that what came across? I really need to edit my posts more thoroughly.
well you know what they say:
threeway in the bush is better than one with the hand
I too felt completely hood winked by Peter and Tel from My Restaurant Rules! How did I once feel that they were the most deserving of this good fortune and actually feel sad for them? Pft!And all along they were really just grooming themselves for a life of following the Libs.
No tits this time, one massive boob instead.
Well, you refer to Bob Ellis getting "the red mist" and limping for three days. So you just meant she was totally obsessed with fetching sticks and knackered herself? Sheesh.
What about the Liberals losing an election Fitsy???? Would have thought that'd be worth a mention! I'm sure bottles have been emptied, knives pulled and locks changed over that hilarious fiasco. Ah, those crazy Pertherts.
Doyle should also avoid being photographed with people wearing beige while he's wearing bright orange. It not only makes him look tasteless, it makes him look Dutch.
hey fits: there's only been 5 comments...
Yes Fits....Up-skirt....Up-skirt....
More knife-fighting would definitely improve the Libs... hell, just politics in general.
Doyle's orange windcheater probably a pathetic attempt to win the buddhist vote?
re Miss F Snedden: I was really irritated to read that the plod drove her home after they arrested her! They do not do that for people like me.
Ms Fits - you lucky girl to resemble the beautiful Betty Page.
I knew Ash and Amanda from My Restaurant Rules would be Christians. They just had that glazed look on their face, not dissimilar to the look on Young Liberals' faces, although many YLs are also g-d botherers.
Comments are closed.