I just love this so much...
'Senator Vanstone said she had raised the issue with John Howard."We were about to spend a large amount of money on security issues," she said, "And I asked him if I was able to get on a plane with an HB pencil, which you are able to, and I asked him if I went down and came and grabbed him by the front of the head and stabbed the pencil into your eyeball and wiggle it around down to your brain area, do you think you'd be focusing?"
Sweet baby oklahoma. What this woman doesn't know about attention-grabbing soundbites isn't worth knowing.
What I love most about this is that she hasn't just used some half-hearted example about menacingly waving a pencil around in Business Class and left it at that. No, she's stabbing it into eyeballs and wiggling it around down to the 'brain area'. In one tiny moment she has managed not only to pinpoint worrying problems with airline security, but also to articulate what so many of us would rather like to do ourselves if we had five minutes with John Howard and an HB pencil. I salute you, you vicious cockscab.
688 days til the next election.
Comments
The other one was even better:
"Has it ever occurred to you that you just smash your wine glass and jump at someone, grab the top of their head and put it to their carotid artery and ask anything?"
To be honest, Amanda, no. That has never occurred to me. Especially not in such chilling detail.
Memo to Qantas hosties - fuck up Mandy's order at your peril - "call this Semillon, you bitch! I'll show you a thing or two!"
that* is fucking brilliant
*imagining that happening, and the word cockscab
What the dickins is with the recurring head-grabbing? She hasn't just thought vaguely about this, she's taken it to the planning stage. And if she's planning, doesn't that make her a Terror Suspect (tm)? Also, she's communicating detailed methods by which future Terrorists may bring Terror to our Terrified nation. Lock 'er up.
I'd use JH as a skin beer coaster. On top of his head. Put him to good use.
You're a terrorist too, thomasr? I HAD MY SUSPICIONS.
*calls hotline*
*dobs*
She does have quite a bit of guts...
I like it how she specifies an HD pencil - it's clear that a 2B wouldn't quite cut it (as it were) - the graphite would probably disintegrate on your eyeball. 6H... ah that's the stuff terrorists' dreams are made of.
you know, i'd pay to see that
throw the seditious old bitch into a detention centre for a few years then deport her to say ... a charitable hospice for the destitute and infirm in Manila.
And just to complete the holy trinity:
"A lot of what we do is to make people feel better as opposed to actually achieving an outcome"
Gold plated.
considering the pencil scale, moving from hardness at left to blackness at right, my choice would have been a 9H. but then people wouldn't have recognised what she was talking about. and she needed to have as many people as possible visualising with her, in a mass mutual fantasy. to get her point across, you know.
[hardest and lightest] 9H 8H 7H 6H 5H 4H 3H 2H H F HB B 2B 3B 4B 5B 6B 7B 8B 9B [softest and blackest]
She can't be the only one who's sat through a cabinet meeting with him and come up with something like that.
I'm torn between admiration that she had the balls to say it, and the fact that she's still an evil gorgon.
I think the more telling part of Amanda's comment is this bit:
"I asked him if I went down and came and grabbed him by the front of the head".
Is it just me - or is she offering to make the Prime Minister a member of the mile high club? No - it is just me? Oh well :|
Michelle
You wrote:
"Is it just me - or is she offering to make the Prime Minister a member of the mile high club? No - it is just me? Oh well :|"
Is what you're saying that you are the only one offering to make John Howard a member of the mille high club and you're ":|" disappointed to learn that you're. Or perhaps I'm the only one creating a misunderstanding :~\
Also ewwwww.
i've always said the pen[cil] is mightier than the sword. Is mandy starting a new discipline of martial arts?
"stabbed the pencil into your eyeball and wiggle it around down to your brain area"
O, to be alone on a 747 with Amanda and a sharpened HB! Guess I know what I'll be dreaming about tonight....
See I told people she had moved on from the Crayons.
Good observation, Kranki!
"wiggle it around down to your brain area"
That is, into that area in which one would expect to find a brain. No Mandy, the supreme evil being is too wily for that. Don't expect to find a heart, neither in the heart area or at all.
With apologies to both Shakespeare AND Spike Milligan:
"Said Hamlet to Ophelia:
'With what shall I stab thee
2B or not 2B?'"
Pencils? Everyone knows it is pens you have got to worry about.
On a sliding scale, you have your cheap arse plastic ones from China. Sure they may pierce an eyeball or two, but they will never get deep into the sticky grey bit. The cheap ones have no longevity. Only good for one or two eyes before they disintergrate. They are also harder to pull out.
What you really need is a big heavy fancy ballpoint, that weighs as much as your wallet. If you can get one with rubber grips even better, cos blood is slippery, and rubber allows you to pull them out of brains easier.
Everyone knows Al Queda have been buying these by the box load.
We need a "War on writing utensils".
The HB pencil is mightier than the sword, after all.
All this talk of hard wiggling pencils in the context of The Great Leader is giving me the motherfucking horn.
Before I touch myself however I must note the many reputable studies indicating that fantisizng about committing brutal violence upon one's fellow citizen occupies at least 38% of the waking hours of a normal human being (Baker & McKenzie, 2007; Finlop & Dunstan, 1862).
As you would know if you visited her website, Amanda, bless her hairy little chin, is simply voicing her fantasies as a way to "keep it real" with the "homeboys", articulate the "wistful dreams" of the "man on the street", and "butter up" the "electorate".
xoxox nora
Oh, Amanda has such a cool site. *roll eyes*
She is truly indeed "down with the homies". (sarc)
I knew Vanstone had the common touch when she said "fair suck of the sav" three times in one interview. (large amounts of sarc.)
Who says "fair suck of the sav" these days?
At least her site has spawned another caption comp over at broken leg.
Fair suck, brokenleg.
I spend just as much time as the next girl working out ways to kill people with ordinary office supplies.
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It is all a bit out of control this- a lot of mundane items can be used for mischief, even snot is a weapon if it hits you in the eye,
a typical "war on terror" beatup.
This piece of Vanstone snuff video nasty aside, you have to understand one thing about Liberals: they have the most incredible ability to not scare the horses.
Labor's downfall, and in fact left leaning political entities pretty much all over the Western world is their zeal. The average voter, especially in Australia, is variably terrified or repulsed by anyone who displays vocal passion for anything other than sport. There's just no social permission amongst a certain demographic for that kind of thing. Getting too involved in politics -- even for a politician -- breaks the decorum.
Therefore, the Liberals can get away with anything, anything simply by packaging it congenially, temperately and politely. Take Phillip Ruddock, for example. The man has a crystalline genius for staying completely calm no matter what the situation. He's the absolute ne plus ultra example of unflappable. No matter who is hammering away at him about whatever outrage he has his hands all over, he never ever blinks, let alone loses his cool. Watch him when Kerry Johnston or Tony Jones is trying to crack through the facade. It doesn't work. A lesser man would be foaming at the mouth, Ruddock just soaks it all up like some sort of reactionary black hole and wanders off none the worse for wear. The evenness of a suburban undertaker. It's hard to gauge what he actually thinks about anything behind the pristine titanium mask.
Howard is cut from similar cloth, although he doesn't take it to the zen-like levels of Ruddock. However, he has that soberness and measure so craved by the electorate. There's nothing like it on the other side of the political divide.
How about the Liberal firebrands? Abbott? Costello (to a certain extent)? And reactionary media mouth-foamers? The funny thing is that they are perceived by their constituency as only agitated because the rude Labor rabble makes them so. They are given permission to raise the vitriol up a notch as a foil to the constant red outrages exploding from the other side. They would, and can be, such nice, polite boys if the nasty opposition in all its guises would just go away.
Sad, but probably true.Socially, it can be unfortunately argued that the Liberal Party is the natural party of Federal government in this country. (Statewise, it's a much more pragmatic thing to do with tollways and local buzz issues. The balance will always change. It's more about money than national self-identification). Whenever a non-reactionary Federal government does either march or stagger into power, it's probably just some interregnum phase as the next right wing gentle demagogue is incubated.
Sad, but probably true.
Goddamn. And I thought that charming vignette of slim leaden death was pure fantasy. Not so. That woman Vandstone spit out words like she scoffs down chicken wings. Fast, scary and with little regard for how well-baked they are. But hey. Hyperbole is what made the woman. When the scare barrel is starting to sound hollow, and all you have to go on are goddamn pencils, accept no substitute. As an aside, I must say it's kinda refreshing to see a right winger break free from the coardly indirect double-speak we've all come to know and tolerate. Time to call a spade a spade. Or an impaled eyeball and impaled eyeball.
*rings blog-door bell repeatedly in impatient manner*
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