I know you're out there. I can hear you breathing.
I didn't want to leave the house yesterday. Holed up naked with smoked salmon, wine and Q Magazine instead. Do you love that even in times of inner tumult and deep, soul-raping pain I am still able to be a hedonist?
Look how tiny our little left-wing bubble is. I no longer trust anyone. Driving to work this morning everyone looked like a fucking Liberal to me, and they all deserved a big cunt-kicking.
Who the fuck are these people who walk amongst us?
I need to know. And I need to know what they were thinking on Saturday. Assuming, of course, that they were thinking at all and not just tra-la-la-ing down gaylord lane mindlessly drooling and randomly wetting their pants on the way to the polling booths.
So I've started asking people. Almost everyone I run into. Strangers on the street. Random cab drivers. Guys who work at Quix. 'Who did you vote for?'
Here's what I've got so far:
Three ladies on Russell street at 3am:
Lady #1 - 'Greens'. Lady #2 - (blank and borderline hateful stare). Lady #3 (wearing offensive tinsel wig suggesting hen's night 'hilarity'): 'John Howard'. Me: 'We're in big trouble now because of you, fuckface.'
Two young men staggering:
'Mark Latham.'
Stunned-looking backpackery guy:
'Donkey vote. I don't like my local member.' Cue aggressive tirade from tequila-soaked titch wearing fishnet stay-ups and a fascinator . After I finished yelling at him I gave him ten bucks for a cab because he had been bashed earlier in the day. This is the kind of unpredictable Gemini behaviour I act out that makes me exciting to be around.
Pumped-up Greek guy:
'Got a cigarette?' Me: 'Who did you vote for?' Him: 'Liberal.' Me: 'I hope you die.'
Please - if you find them out there - ask them to explain. Because I honestly, honestly, honestly don't get it. And if they can't explain it's time to get the stabbing knife out. When they're gasping for air and spitting out blood bubbles like someone off ER, tell them it's for their own good.
This morning there was a man standing on the corner of Swanston and Flinders streets holding a sign that said: 'FUNERAL OF A FAIR AUSTRALIA'. So I got out of my car and hugged him. Then I cried the rest of the way to work.
34 days til Gabi comes home. 1093 days til the next election.
Comments
(((((((hugs)))))))
We shall sob together through cyberspace. Deep, soul-wrenching sobs.
My shoulders are stuffed with tissues for you.
The nice ones, with aloe vera.
my worst so far:
me, mid rant about how this could have happened because who actually voted for them?
random chick, small voice - i did, actually. (am impressed she had the guts to admit this to me in my drunken and homicidal state)
me, incredulous: what?! i mean.. but.. why would you?
her - well, i don't really know much about it, and my parents have always voted Liberal.
What kind of lameass excuse is that? what happened to the revelutionary idea that kids dont follow blindly along the same staid paths their parents have laid out?
fuck
Why? Cos most Australians do not have enough time to think over political issues in between their nine-to-five, wiping their kids' arses and mulching the backyard that their massive mortgage supports.
im very impressed that you have a stabbing knife. i generally use whatevers within reach, but you have an actual stabbing knife
cool
i promise i didnt vote liberal. i did smack my brother and yell at his young liberal girlfriend who were handing out liberal 'how to vote' cards at the polling booth
I made a new friend on Friday night who confessed he was going to do a donkey vote cos he didn't know much about politics. Naturally, I spewed forth a barrage of reasons as to why he should vote and vote Labor to ensure Howard wouldn't returned. I was quite touched on Saturday afternoon to recieve an email from him saying he'd done just that and how he was pleased he didn't throw his vote away. One down, half the population to go come 2007!
I work in a really touristy place in Sydney, and we're full of rich swanky North Shore mum types swanning about on their days off from working part time at a travel agent. As I was lining up to get my morning coffee, my comrade behind the counter asked how my weekend was. I sighed and mumbled about how pissed off I was about the election. She jumped in excitedly, going right off about the Liberals and Family First and the fucking stupidity of it all. Then North Shore Mother Stereotype #459 standing behind me in the line stepped up, and to my surprise uttered HER disgust at the result. Her gay son came out from nowhere and HE began empathising with the result and discussing the differences in policy! Soon we had a veritable crowd of mourning but oddly passionately positive lefties who wouldn't have said boo to each other on a normal morning bonding over this bastard election result! And the best bit was they were all *so* passionate and thoughtful about the issues that have emerged during this election.
I speak to people who voted Liberal (before I smash them in the head with mallets) and they cite "Ummm... interest rates" or "Ummm... my parents vote Liberal" as you said, Mallrat, in their reasonings. At least the anti-Howard crew seem to have the mental ability to read up about the election somewhat rather than focus on Days Of Our Lives gossip via TV Week.
I am rambling as I am wont to do on here. Apologies Ms Fits. I guess I just wanted to say that being the underdogs, with the forces of good onside and generally intelligent comrades, well - it feels fucking good. Not as good as kicking John Howard would have felt, but hey... the people are stirring and the comeback fight from this election disaster may just be the most inspiring thing I'll get to live through.
Apologies again for length, and calling the lovely red betty b "mallrat". Not that there's anything wrong with being mallrat, mallrat is tops too. I just buggered up the names in the heat of the moment. Stupid passionate political conscience.
swanker: lucky for those underworked, underpaid plebs that they voted for longer hours for lower wages and benefits dwindling to fuckall. but hey, what do i care: i'm rich, beeyatch!
ms fits: where are the saucy operation auxin pics from the lubed up, ho's down pole party. where.
face it buds we lost the p.r. war; we failed to give the apathetic knobjobs and my-dad-promised-not-to-rape-me-anymore-if-voted-liberal types a reason to care. they're probably no stupider than my cockatiel, who i love, but felt that neither side was talking to them. they didn't vote for change because no one told them why they might want to. if j. winston cumjuggler dungshit introduces voluntary voting, we're fucked for all time. we have to get the apathetic on board now.
-prozac
We're in Jaga Jaga with the lovely Jenny - who lives four houses down and does her own fruit-shopping - and one of my friends voted for Woody Inman [I mean, PLEASE]. I can't say I'm surprised, but then, I didn't want it confirmed, either. I feel very, very glum.
It's like the worst anticlimax ever - worse than the day after going to the BDO and the Melbourne Show on Christmas, which happens to be your 21st Birthday as well.
Devastated. Drained. Empty. Confused. Devastated.
We have lost our social conscience.
A long time ago it was our social conscience, our openness and our sense of responsibility that made us great.
We have turned into Howard's people - a scared, timid and reliant people. He's got us right where he wants us. I think we're screwed.
Australia, give yourself a huge pat on the back. You just stopped giving a shit about yourselves.
Hannah
www.twosittingducks.com
My private polling had Latho's mob as a dead-set cert. I think Labor had about 99% of the vote (the one 1% is the child of 2 surgeons, brother to 2 surgeons, familys' always voted Lib so he's gonna vote Lib..."but I don't really care!!" FUCKER!!) This result lead to serious self-delusion.
Why aren't the dangers of the Evil Little Shit (Mum's name for JWH) & his horde obvious to all others? What so wrong about wanting to distribute education dollars more equitably? What's so wrong about wanting to save a few trees for the future & retrain a few big-boofy blokes? What's wrong with sharing the wealth?
I was just starting to feel better about life...when I read that Minchin fucker say the m-a-n-d-a-t-e word...had to leave the office for a spew.
-Dr B. (Long time listener, first time caller)
ps- that wasn't really a comment...I've just run out places & people to vent to/at/with.
WE haven't lost our social conscience, Hannah. Some swinging voters seem to have misplaced theirs but we'll help them find it. As for the right wing types, well, we all know they had theirs removed at birth.
Fucking hell, 36 hours straight being awake is turning me into Oprah Winfrey on Ecstacy. I apologise for my stomach turning positivity.
Don't lose heart Hannah.
I actually have two stabbing knives. The other one is for Jet.
Thankfully the good people who vote for the seats of Melbourne and Gellibrand know a good thing and stuck with it. Lindsay Tanner and Nicola Roxon should procreate and create an army of Labor supporters.
WTF is the Outdoor Recreation Party and how did they get an increase of 0.03%???
mark latham will come back stronger for this defeat. i still think he is the best candidate in the labor ranks. julia gillard would run a close second though.
we will have to endure another three very odd years under the liberal government. and to top it off and make me want to slit my wrsit was seeing blair and bush congratulating the fucktard on his victory. a trio of fucking twats.
i now turn my attention to the american presidential race and hope john kerry gets up next month.
time to get plastered.
Lindsay Tanner and Nicola Roxon porn. Now there's something that could get me excited.
And don't forget our Jenny!
Probaly the worst of the night was when they crossed to Wentworth and behind smarmy arse Turbull was a bunch of fuckwit young lib private schopol apes awaiting evolution, clapping like the future wife beaters they are at every word he uttered.
Anyway I sympathise
Pinko Paul
Oh Jess, you've just given me hope. And Pinko Paul you put a stupid grin on my face. Thank you both.
I do believe we have heart still!! I DO!!
I'm still depressed, but I'm redirecting it toward motivation. Down with Howard! No matter how long it takes!
UP WITH LABOR!!!
fuck malcolm turnbull. a couple of weeks ago i told him what a stupid prick he was; incredibly he did not retire from the race, though i've no doubt he boned up at the sight of my manly arms and muscular use of the word "cunt".
anyway at least my local carcinogen, ross "fictionalized claims of extramarital affairs are the best move upon realization that you are a middle-aged virgin, raising the postman's kids" cameron looks to come into contact with spermicide and exploded.
can i just be a total fag and say thank fuck for blogs like this one during these fucked up times.
-p.
Clem: "one of my friends voted for Woody Inman"
There wasn't a Dewey Slocum running anywhere, was there?
my boss has a black eye from overly enthusiastic beating of john howard pinatas. fucker even manages to piss people off when he's made of papier mache...
Wait a minute, those John Howard pinatas actually exist? I thought you were kidding.
Fuck. That rules.
home made dedication to hatred...
who voted liberal? perhaps this story helps...
me (whirling on ditzy young thing at work): and what happened in your electorate?
DYT: oh, i don't even know what electorate i'm in...
no, wait. it gets better. we worked out she was in casey after showing her the names in the age's results page...
DYT: oh yes, i put joy first cos she was the only girl, and that guy went last cos he looked like a skeleton, all creepy and that. i think i put this guy second because he looked like my friend's dad...
occupational health and safety are now investigating an incident that occurred shortly after, during which DYT was severly injured... i didn't kill her, but only because she had managed by complete accident to put the greens first, and labor over libs. skeletor still got in though. hopely this will count as an extra vote in 3 years time...
Leif
who voted liberal? perhaps this story helps...
me (whirling on ditzy young thing at work): and what happened in YOUR electorate?
DYT: oh, i don't even know what electorate i'm in...
yes, really. she had no clue. where's croydon, we asked. menzies? deakin? eventually we worked out she was in casey after showing her the names in the age's results page...
DYT (brightly): oh yes, that's right. i put joy first cos she was the only girl, and that guy went last cos he looked like a skeleton, all creepy and that. and i didn't like his name. dib. i think i put this guy second because he looked like my friend's dad...
so there you have it. joy ringrose (greens) gained 8% because she's a girl, and tony smith (libs) gained 5% because he looks like someone's dad. labor candidate tony dib needs to change his name and bulk up a bit.
occupational health and safety are now investigating an incident that occurred shortly afterwards, during which DYT was severly injured...
Leif
http://david.australianinfront.com.au/Forum/Libs.jpg
was that you ms fits?
In times like these I turn to shitty 80's triumph-over-impossible-odds type songs. I have found this song to be particularly comforting... it's taken from The Karate Kid soundtrack.
Hope you're doin' alright, Ms Fits, you rock.
Not that we need further proof that the Liberal party have no contact with reality, but they put up a candidate in Qld called Di Kuntschik. Not Diana or Dianne. Just Di...
Is the Polichicks website OK Ms Fits? All I'm getting is:
"The page cannot be displayed
The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings."
Are they down to "P" on the Enemies List already?
Where are they? All in my office, I think. I started a rather heated discussion about how we've all just been royally arse-fucked, and the only people contributing were obviously Labor supporters. The others shrinked away, avoiding eye-contact, avoiding my wrath. Pussies. If they believed in their vote so much, that they did the right thing, why be ashamed of it? I'm not that scary. And I don't have a stabbing knife. I do have some pretty funky tools though, and there will be some very sore arses when those Lib-lovers sit at their desks tomorrow. Hee hee. See how they like it.
Oh, killbot thank you so much for the Ralph Macchio flashback. Stupid as it is, I really am more optimistic about the future because of you.
respect.
GOD IS A CUNT BUDDHA IS A FAT BASTARD ALLAH TAKES IT UP THE ARSE JESUS IS A ROCK SPIDER MOHAMMED HANGS AROUND IN GAY BAY CROSS DRESSING AND TO BE A GOOD JEW HAVE A HAM ROLL. TO YOU HINDU CUNTS MOO MOO THE COW IS NOW MY STEAK RELIGON SUCKS LONG LIVE PISS POOFS AND POMS. NOW I FEEL BETTER
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