I made a new friend.
And her name is Kirsten.
Kirsten: You're irritating me. Don't make me throw melaena at you.
Me: What's melaena?
Kirsten: It's blood. Blood mixed with faeces.
Beat.
Kirsten: Like a bloody stool. It could mean bloody vomit, but in this case I meant blood and faeces.
Me: Oh my god.
Kirsten: It's a great word, isn't it? Melaena.
Me: Are you serious?
Kirsten: Sure. (performs amusing dance) Funky Cold Melaena.
Mike: Where the hell did you learn that word?
Kirsten: I'm dating a fucking nurse. Where do you think?
Mike: You're putting me off my dinner.
Kirsten: (adopting Alan Partridge voice) You won't want any dessert.
Me: That's not even a proper Alan Partridge quote. You're just saying it in an Alan Partridge voice.
Kirsten: Don't make me beat you again, fuckface.
****************************
I'm a bit in love with her I think.
I fall for people in weird ways.
223 days til the next election.
Comments
i luv it for some reason when my friend bianca calls me fuckface!...apparently i am her favorite noun
i've told you about my addiction to being called brusquely by my last name. formalising a relationship by dispassionately using last names is supposed to distance someone from you, but i find it 50s hollywood romantic and weirdly, ragingly hot.
meaning: i understand your taste for pointed abuse.
you fucken dicksplash*.
*witty, beautiful, talented dicksplash.
My advice is to threaten her with a digital disimpaction next time the malaena comes up. She can consult with her nursey to weigh up the gravity of this threat.
Aaaah haaa.
Partridge is back in fashion?
i want to google image search 'melaena' but i'm scared...
I google image searched 'melaena', and pictures of dolphins came up.
Life continues to be confusing.
if you're talking about the kirsten i think you're talking about then i'm a bit in love with her too.
dual?
if its someone else entirely altogether, good luck and i hope you two will be very happy together.
Does Nads mean 'dual' as in the two of you are in love, or does she mean 'duel' - as in pistols at twenty paces at dawn'?
mdnbuuxi is the word-ver for the day
oops, my bad.
this whole being paid to write stuff job actually is ruining my vocabulary.
but in answer to your question, anon - either way works for me.
Nads,
How about 'pistils at dawn' - that's just throwing flowers at each other! :-) (well, actually the female reproductive organs of a flower!)
hot.
"Relax? I can't relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God, I'm losing my perspicacity!"
- Lisa Simpson
Sorry Nads and Fits, couldn't find a Family Guy reference about losing your... word... choosing... thing.
A lovely woman with the mouth of a sailor, can't imagine why you two would be friends.
and nads i think its the same one.
The key thing with melaena is that it is black in colour, or blue-black, and is usually very sloppy. To throw melaena at someone would mean probably getting quite a lot of it on yourself due to its low viscosity. Great way to end a movie..."hey everyone! Melaena fight!" cue wacky races music and amusing close-ups of Red Skelton. Alan Partridge never out of style by the way.
FAECES.
you weirdy aussies and your weirdy spelling!
Medical people are tons of fun. My sister (pathologist) recently had to perform a 'de-gloving'.
This is a medical term.
This is where you slip the skin off a hand or foot to get to the bone and gristle underneath. Thus leaving behind an empty hand (or foot)-shaped bit of skin like an empty sock.
All good dinnertime topics I reckon.
ah, fisting and poo, now blood and poo, compelling topics.
Dunno about that word though, are you sure she didn't tell you on Sunday? April fools day?
I can't believe how gullible people are. Had 2 victims on April fools day, hook, line and sinker. I'd relate the stories, but they have nothing to with poo or blood, they were based on group sex and potentially lethal exposure of children to toxic chemicals.
I'm going camping at a secluded beach over Easter, I can't wait I can't wait. Another word that hardly ever fails to get a laugh: scrotum.
Scrotum was the name of the old and wrinkled family retainer in some movie name of which escapes me
See her melaena & raise her some meconium
Malaena sounds bad enough...but the SMELL!!!!
Smart money says Melaena will be the name of Britney's next child (especially if she has it with Bob Geldof)
It's hard not to love someone who talks about blood and faeces over dinner.
I was going to say "brings up...." but that really would put you off your food.
Before I make my comment, fuck you world for requiring word verification. On average I have 3 goes at it, so wish me luck this time.
Now I forgot the witty bit.
Something about the potty mouth pom anyway.
On a more serious note, to make this product (maleina) for throwing purposes, was she planning to use a makeshift lab combining bloodletting and big-jobs, or is there a little something you can do to ensure a handful straight from the source?
Ps, second attempt at word verification
my wife is a doctor. She once met someone who was named malaena.
She found it very hard not to laugh and say "oh, dead god, that is the most awful name ever".
Brilliant!
http://www.melaena.com/
Comments are closed.