I'm sorry, mum.
Boyfriends that I'm really sorry about, mum.1. That thirty year old guitar player.
I was fifteen. He was six foot five and would pick me up by the armpits to kiss me. It was, in retrospect, fucking creepy. He really made that guitar wail, though.
2. That depressive alcoholic.
He made brilliant music. But he also made me fucking miserable. He would cry all the time. And he carried a 'traveller' longneck in a brown paper bag wherever we went.
3. The guy with the full back tattoo of a winged demon with bloodied fangs.
Oh, and he also had an arm tattoo of this guy:
Except it was the picture where his head was being split open and stuff. He also had a pet snake and listened to Gold 104. Sweet.
4. The skateboarder who would get drunk and wet the bed.
I think he actually called my mum 'dude' on more than one occasion.
5. The thirty-eight year old married guy.
So I didn't fucking know he was married, okay? And then I found out he left a date early to go to his daughter's eighth birthday. Class act.
I would say sorry for when I went out with punk boys from the bands PissChrist and Vaginal Carnage , but I'm not really because they're still friends of mine and lovely fellers. I'm just acknowledging that it may have been difficult for my mother when her only child tried to slip speed in her drink and drag her to a grindcore gig. In a mate's way.
Also.
Are you coming?
According to my beloved penpal and platonic life partner
:'2:35 PM
kranki said...
I really think it should be ten bucks to lick Fits above the waist and 20 bucks below the waist. That's going to be a much faster turn around and you won't be stuck with sloppy 27th. Sucking and penetration will only make the line slower. Trust me I pimped my way through undergrad.
Pimpin' aint easy.
It is so cruel that I shan't be able to be at the Grog Blog. Lick Fits 180 dollars worth of fits for me andpour one grog on the floor for our dead homies.
kb - out.'
So make sure you bring plenty of spare change. And potentially dubious personal habits so I can add you to my 'sorry' list.
999 days til the next election.
Comments
Yay!
Ex ex ex, that's all you ever think about isn't it.
Remind me to pick you up by the armpits tonight, and it won't be my guitar that's wailing. Zing!
you didn't apologise for doctor laydeez. not sorry yet, huh?
Not yet. But give it time.
And endless hours working late in the operating theatre.
my favourite is the skateboarder that wet the bed. you made it sound like he did it more than once. surely once is enough.
maybe your into that though. hey, who am i to judge?
So you like older men? Sweet.
Fuck, that rules out my chances then.
*throws hands up in the air and walks off ranting about ageism*
Oh, I like young boys too. Fear not.
Under 12's need not apply, though.
I know a woman that married a bed wetter. Poor bitch can never buy nice linen and she has to sleep on a plastic sheet.
On the upside, she can use baby oil in the boudoir with abandon...
sadly, i'll be flat out tonight, and won't be able to drop by :(
*sniff*
top post, but can I just draw some attention to the fact that...
IT'S LESS THAN 1000 DAYS TILL THE NEXT ELECTION!! :D
... sorry, I think my glass is half full today. Carry on
Might make it- have a grouse one anyway, as we say north of the clifton hill bridge.
Your ex's didn't sound any worse than the usual bunch of nutters we all have to go through- UNTIL the Gold FM guy...
That's really fucked up.
Brett - I'll be be flat out tonight too. Mostly doing laybacks on the bar but also letting people waiting in queue for Fits look up my skirt for 50c a throw.
fluffyasacat, do you accept paypal ?
Fucking arse biscuits. Again I miss out on a proper pissfest by attending a lesser one. Curse you, Bicycle Victoria! Curse you to hell!*
*not really. It was rather pleasant and I met a lovely frau from the Geelong district who drives a car called Peg named after Peg Bundy from Married With Children and things almost happened but didn't. What is the fucking fascination with Crown amongst our rural comrades? *le sigh*
Hey we've all been there...I weem to pick the depressed ones who want me to be their mommy and therapist.
i hate my mum she smells
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