Reasons you will hate me

In all the wrong places.

Victorian State Opposition leader Robert Doyle has said he is looking for love again after coming to terms with his relatively recent divorce.

In his own words, he is searching for: 'A supermodel brain surgeon...who also happens to be a Geelong supporter.'

Obviously Robert is not aiming too high. If we can take a look at him for just a moment:



Judging from this photo, Rob is clearly not just an average guy. While his smile says 'Let's not rush into anything. I'm happy to snuggle', his eyes say 'Pass the Praise Mayonnaise sugarchops, Daddy's divin' in for seconds!'.


And so our second homage begins:


1.
Ring Ring





'Hello?'




'Hi-ho! I'm State Opposition Leader and all-round sexual dynamo Robert Doyle!'




'Whatsup. I'm ice-cool modelling diva and queen to all aspiring leggy fawns Linda Evangelista .'




'Erm....




...Hi-ho!'




'You said that already.'


Long pause .


'I oppose tolls on the Scorseby Freeway!'



'.....'



'Hello?'



'.....'



'Do you barrack for Geelong Football Club by any chance young lady?'


*click*


'Boooo.'


2.
Ring ring




'C'arn the bloody Cats.'



'A Geelong supporter! Super duper! How would you like to wank off the Leader of the State Opposition young man?'



'......'



'It shan't take a second! Not when I'm thinking about mummy!'



'......'



'I oppose tolls on the Scoresby Freeway!'



'......'



'Poo to you with nobs on if you won't play ding-dong-dilly-dally with me then.'


*click*



'Booooo.'



3.
Ring ring



'Yes?'



'Yo yo yo! It's R to tha Dizzle! And many other refreshing catchphrases the young people say! Tell your momma you ain't comin' home til you chafin'!'



'Who is this?'



'It's me, sugar! It's Bobby D! Hi-ho!'



'Mister Doyle. I happen to be currently treating lesions of a patient's brain and its surrounding structures. Within his brain are fluid-filled compartments called ventricles. Cerebrospinal fluid is produced by these ventricles and circulated around the entire brain and spinal cord to both provide nutrients to the brain and absorb shocks. If I do not return at once to the operating theatre, the delicate tissues of his brain will fail to receive their constant supply of oxygen and glucose to function properly, causing massive hemorrhage. Now, what exactly do you want?'



'......'



'Mister Doyle?'



'Bobby done wees.'


*click*



'Booooo.'



Ring ring


'Hi-ho!'



'Mr. Doyle, it's Louise from the matchmaking agency. We've found your girl!'



'Sweet!'



'Shall I patch her through?'



'My word, yes!'





'Hello?'



'Numkins!'



'Poopy!'



'Nipplestiltskin!'



'Wingle Wangle!'






Now picture them fucking. Are you wet yet?


939 days til the next election.

5 comments.