Reasons you will hate me

I know exactly who this man is. his wife is not happy.

Slow news day huh Fits?

Is she unhappy because he lost his keys, or unhappy about his general love of all things Disney?





p.s. dear longtime, I must save the gold for a rainy day. Join me on this ever-evolving journey.

i'm with you fits but i sense some laziness there.


I hate this fucking word verification thing.

Geeze, tough crowd.

When you guys have had the two-day Cup Day that I've had, you'll understand the rich comedic possibilities of the ol' reliable Lost and Found section.

Hey hecklers, I must concur: I have often wondered why 'distinguished' monikers are applied to objects and/or people who, let's face it, are really the epitomy of trash.
Really, this post is the keyring equivalent of DJ Kool Herc's statement "brother's have gotta stop treating these ho's like nice girls and these nice girls like ho's."

Your key ring is just a cheap ho, Bazza, don't try to dress it up.

fits! two day cup day ay?
i didnt even realise it was on, until all the girls in the hairdresser started squeeling and cheering. me thinking, wow, they must have done a real good foils job on that there lady customer.

happy customer! happy cup!

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

I replaced "distinguished" with what I presume he meant, 'distinguishing', and he still sounds foolish for hyping up the Mickey factor.

BUT Fits, here's an alternative, albeit sentimental, view.

I reckon his kids gave it to him as a souvenir of their trip to Disneyland. Barry is fucking shattered, not because he lost the keys to his gold Merc, but because his kids believe that this is just another example of how he doesn't really care about them. (Barry didn't go to Disneyland because he was too busy making squillions of $$$).

I had a vaguely similar sense of loss when I attended Family Court a few years back and the sheriff/nazi at the door made me dump my tiny Dreamworld nail clippers - given lovingly to me by my kiddies - into a barrel of sulphuric acid or something because they were so fucking dangerous. The bastards wouldn't even just mind them till I came out of the mediation session. I had to leave or place them in the receptacle for meltdown. Cunts!

Yeah well, I got a real boner for Dreamworld Clippers yo...Offer me something and I'll give 'em back.

Bee
Aye
Zed

Eye
Ess
Aye

Dble U
Aye
En
Kay

Im a collector of stubby holders myself.
Love your work. Never left a comment before coz i could never think of anything good enough.
Come to think of it..
this just doesnt cut it.

FOUND:
Bogan-child's Key Ring under black cup at Crown Casino 5-cent pokie machine.
Confused why child has car. Reward: Buy it now .

OR

FOUND:
Novelty bogan car. See Security at Tullamarine Airport

Barry, my friend, if it's disguishiness you're after, what you totally need is a finely detailed ceramic replica of the tiny happy little man who was punching the air and making his cum face while riding the horsey on Tuesday. Maybe it could be personalised to show not just your name, Barry, but also your cock size, your bank account balance, and the names of all the whores you fucked on your last business trip to Bangkok. Put that on your key ring, Barry, and you will never have to eat at smorgies or drive a datsun ever again.

Anonymous, I'm sure you know in reality that he meant "distinctive" and not "distinguishing".

x fluffy the pedant

fluffy, I love an unapologetic pedant! Please soundly smack my illiterant illigitiment arse!

Anonymous, you might like an unapologetic pedant but I like an unapologetic pendant and clearly so does Barry.

Stand tall and proud Bazz! Your taste may be "crap classic" but, in a million years, when it's dug up by a resurgent dinosaur species investigating the long extinct hairless chimp, it will be worth a gazillion Royal Icthyosaurs.*



*unit of currency (1 Icthyosaur = 64 Tyrannos)

It's times like these you realise linguistic pedantry/tasteless souvenirs from tasteless tourist traps never, ever go out of style. Bless.

I found Barry's keyring at Tullamarine, scratched off the 'ARRY', had 'EVIS' engraved in its place, and now proudly wear it visibly clipped to my jeans as I parade up and down Lygon Street all day every day. I clipped it to one of the loops for my belt, except I don't wear one. And I tuck my polo shirt right in so you can see the keyring from any angle.

I'm pretty cool.

Anon and Fluffy the Pendant:

I agree he *should* have meant "distinctive" but I reckon he actually was thinking "distinguishing" and got that wrong too. A double malapropism! My favourite! Let's compare:

'...has very distinctive "Barry" Disneyland Mickey Mouse blue name badge...'

'...has very distinguishing "Barry" Disneyland Mickey Mouse blue name badge...'

Oooooh yeeeaah.

*leans subtly forward in chair to hide sudden tumescence*

Works for me. Or at least it makes Barry look even more of a prat, which is the important thing.

Bucky the double-extra pedant.

Fluffy pendant! Now, how good would that have been if Barry's Mickey Mouse badge had been fluffy too?

Perhaps he meant distinctive? This explanation allows me to believe he may know he's a (grammatically challenged) fool.

"LOST set of car keys possibly Tullamarine Airport, has very distinguished "Barry" Disneyland Mickey Mouse blue name badge. Reward offered.'

That is quite possibly the most beautiful yet simple statement have ever read. It says so much about that person's life and yet leaves us with more questions than answers - who is he? What does he love? What are his passions?
I just got an urge to write some poetry.



Shiny, blue, with a heart of gold.
You were with me always.
I needed you; you wanted me.
But it wasn't to be,my friend; my cold hearted, mouse-like friend.
You have flown away, beautiful boy. Flown away to be with someone else.
I will search on.
Or die trying.

i love that word 'tumescence'

it's pretty

i concede

I fucking hate this word verification thing.

I wonder if I am going to hit send after I write this comment.

I'm more intrigued by finding out you're the kind of person who reads those ads...

You know, word verification doesn't bother me at all.

I try to read the People's Paper(TM) from cover to cover, Milla. Public Notices are always a highlight.

Milla. You turncoat.

I fucking hate this word verification thing.

what is a turncoat exactly

or even inexactly

Now, come on. Even the Hero in the Da Vinci Code wore a Disneyland watch. It was supposed to keep him young, or something.

So, why can't Barry? I mean, give the poor bastard a break.