It's the magic number.
1000 women is kind of a lot*.
And hearing of Shane's conquests got me to pondering over everyone's magic number and the time when people choose to reveal it to each other and what the sam hill difference it makes besides. Gen and Glenny G and I realised we were all relatively close in magic numbers and didn't think any more or less of each other for it.
But a thousand? That's really a huge amount. If Shane Warne started having sex (don't picture it, just go with it) at age 17 and is now 37, that makes an average of about INSERT MATHEMATICAL EQUATION HERE per year. Which is kind of a lot for someone with a face like a dropped pie.
Hearing Shane's magic number partially inspired Glenn and Gen and I to spur ourselves on and aim to reach at least 150 by the time we turned 35, but it seems a somewhat unreachable prospect, not to mention time-consuming and leaving little room for bathing and meals. A thousand! Jesus. What does he do in his off-time?
Ron 'The Hedgehog' Jeremy once had this to say about his magic number:
'Me and Gene Simmons were both on 'The View' and we gave the same number when they asked us. I gave a stock answer, kind of a comic one. We both say between four and five thousand, which is true. But he's a rock star - they're doing him because they like him. They're doing me because it's a paycheck. Or, the other line is, he gets girls that look like his Playboy playmate wife, and when I'm not making movies, I get girls that look like Gene Simmons.'
Which is all well and good and self-deprecating for a man who looks like this:
but means hell-all for the rest of us mere mortals.
So I'm asking.
What's your magic number, friend?
I don't mean to pry. I just think we've known each other for a while now and I'm only curious as to what's normal. I doubt it makes two licks of a difference, though I know if I was with someone who answered either 'one' or 'a thousand' when asked the magic question I'd have room for pause.
But only a little room - an annexe, if you will.
Feel free to post anonymously. In fact, I'd encourage it. I wouldn't want us to be awkward around each other next time we get to 'knowing'.
*Particularly if you look like Shane Warne. COME ON, WE WERE ALL THINKING IT.
Comments
i thought i was up early miss!
good question... i'd actually have trouble calculating... i'll get back to you...
x
7
1
*beat*
Just happened to find the right person the first time, 10 years ago!
Good for you, Anon. Both with regard to your undying love and the pleasing use of a 'beat'.
for someone with a face like a dropped pie.
That just cracked me up. You have a lovely turn of phrase.
five
45, give or take a few.
Anyway, the list. It was meant to be a list of the Top Ten most personally annoying and aggravating things. No real surprise in that. In a world so jam-packed with justifiably hateful things I though it might help to isolate the worst and put them in priority order. Then, perhaps, I could concentrate on these, make them manageable. I've made similar lists. I'd once made a list of my previous sexual encounters while pretending to listen to some bloodless insect drone on endlessly about some sort of legislation. I'd been given the choice of that or a seminar on Workplace Diversity. If drinking a litre of petrol had been the third option I would have gladly opted for that. A least it looked like I was taking notes. The guy next to me was whistling through his bulbous nose asleep. It's a depressing list both in terms of quantity and quality. A short lived flurry that coincided with my worst nihilist period and then almost nothing. Little more than what's known in common Australian parlance as a handful of lame, passionless sympathy roots.
Some of the entries are just places since I'd forgotten the unfortunate girl's name or been too drunk to have ever known - the Prison View Hotel, Middle Footscray Station, the Discount Camping and Motor Home Show, Coburg Wholesale Bulk Cheese Factory, Ashton's Family Circus. Others are more cryptic, based simply on scant details dredged from long distant memory (Panda, Carpet Girl, Racoon Armpits, Spastic Eye, Pancakes, Rover). Allegedly one poor girl had once complained to her friend after I'd tried some fumbling drunken move that she'd rather a dose of viral pneumonia than sleep with that moronic Tourettes' affected dickhead. And to think it was my essays that got her through Marxist Theory in fourth year. But who was I to argue. Anyone stupid enough to think they can trade an undergraduate understanding of dialectical materialism for a head-job is a moronic, Tourette affected dickhead. ASSHOLE. ASSHOLE.
insert mathematical answer: that's 50 a year.
If we consider his threesomes with busty page three girls from small town papers he suddenly doesn't seem quite as busy.
Consistent, yes.
Face like a smashed pastie, yes.
Do I understand why other women would 'go there', no.
that's all well and good, elaine and nino. BUT WHAT IS YOUR MAGIC NUMBER?
I'm calling bullshit. That's (approximately) one a week for twenty years.
Nah.
Two.
One a week, with a couple of weeks with Simone off-season. He is an elite athlete, after all.
You can go to the Dallas Bar on King Street three nights a week and you don't even have to be as good looking as Warney. Although having a decent flipper has to help.
i'm trying for my second, after giving up on my first.
Should this number be penetrative encounters only or are we including oral or touchy feely type interactions as well?
Well Fitsy
Hmm, its 30 but I'm a partcularly old fucker, and an ex-Christian Brother boarder. Truth be told - I love women like gays love blokes.
Sort of fuzzy but I believe it's around 30.
47. I have ranked them in order of quality. 33 was fucking outstanding. I hope 48 is also.
I don't think details are essential but I always swore that once I hit triple figures it was time to settle down and you know, get on with adulthood.
But then something made me wonder why you can't be a complete tart AND an adult. Why do we, as a society, regard promiscuity as some sort of phase – sowing the old oats – before you settle down to serious business?
Fucking load of bollocks.
Like Nino, i'm a particularly old fucker albeit a female.
I did a tally back in the days when i had a hope of remembering and got to about 50. But that was 10 or so years ago and most of those occurred while working in the music industry between the ages of 18-22.
I'm relatively tame in that dept these days so it'd be between 60 and 70.
I would never ever ever disclose this number to a suitor but it has left me with some fun anecdotes to pull out at opportune times with friends who have only known me in my current rather tame life.
For instance sitting in movie on Saturday night, indicating to veteran Australian actor on screen & whispering to my friend "That guy... I shagged him for a while. He starred in [insert Australian movie name here] and i went to the opening night with him."
I love anonymity - i'd never post any of what i've just written on my own blog.
It is somewhere between the numbers mentioned previously - I'll not be specific, missy.
Dear Ms Fits
This issue has for me been an interesting one since it became a core plot issue in episodes of LMS. As someone who is a little older than you are (you sweet young thing) and happily (and monogamously) married for almost 20 years, the "magic number" is ancient history, although I'm pleased to say that many of my "magic number participants" have remained good friends.
What has struck me, though, and perhaps it's because of my age, but it is that (to my knowledge) 3 of my number have already died, one from cancer, one from a motor bike accident, and one from suicide. A number of others have struggled with serious illness or tragedy or both. I find that profoundly sad.
In fact, for one of the "magic numbers" who died tragically young, with a family, I trekked by plane and car some thousands of kilometres to go to the funeral. When I got there I was (to all the others present) just a mourner who'd come a long way, even though for me I was someone who had cried most of the way there, for reasons I couldn't fully articulate but probably had something to do with fact that, at whatever level we connected with our "number", we have left a small part of ourselves in someone else's soul, and received the same in return. I call it the "small piece of immortality" that we all crave for in that another person's memory/soul, and (hopefully) they continue to occupy that same small and quiet place in our own memory/soul.
This is food for thought and gentle reflection as the sun pours down like honey on this winter's day in the far north. We who must remain, go on living just the same, and tend that quiet garden where the memories dwell.
Keep on blogging!!
where did my post go? I got emailed a weird message and now my post isn't showing up!
INSERT MATHEMATICAL EQUATION HERE That's about 1 a week!!!
Who ate all the pies, eh?
Fewer than 10. Only three or four that I can count without any hint of a cringe.
-4.
It's 2, Fits.
I know that's very low, isn't it? Thing is, Mr No.2 is so good I don't want to give him up to find out what 3+ are like.
i'm a teenager
nice way of putting it there, hell.
along those lines, i'm still not legally entitled to even have a magic number.
but i can stay out past midnight on weekends.
38.
I'm 25, I've had no 38 for 3 years now, and I didn't 'bloom' until I was 19.
When I think about it, there were a couple of quite busy years.
I'm absolutely not telling you here but I may tell you when I'm in Melbourne.
IF YOU PLY ME WITH ENOUGH DRINKS.
I don't really know. I think it's somewhere around my age... 23. However I've often tried to count, to remember back, but have mostly vague recollections of places and not many faces or names. However, there are a number of guys in my group of friends that i have drunkenly shagged. Yes, my best guesstimate is somewhere around the mid-twenties.
18.
I'm 24.
Depends who I'm talking to. If it's my GF, about 3. If it's my male friends, about 20. Realistically it's probably somewhere in between.
If you're talking about a "one in a bed romp" I'm up there with Warnie.
;o)
8 (with a few near misses). I ended up marrying two of them (at different times, unfortunately). Of the remaining 6, I can remember the full names of 2, the first name of 3 and the other is now just a lovely blur. Strangely, I thought I was a wild child!
HUNDREDS!
They just don't remember me.
6 between the ages of 17 and 23. that's not including nude scrabble with danny k*
two were boyfriends, two were engaged to someone else and are now married, one was a friend and one was an ftm (i was curious).
is it wrong that i never tell prospective partners about the ftm even though it lasted for several months.
*just kidding
I'm not really sure to be honest. There was a phase in my mid-20's where I was sometimes rooting up to three guys a day, most days of the week (I was unemployed, I had to do something other than smoke cones...) which probably puts my magic number at well over 600. Can I settle for a round 1000, give or take?
Did you ever read 'The unbearable lightness of being' by Milan Kundera? In it, the guy (who is married) estimates the total number of women he's had sex with as 200. But then he realises it's probably an underestimate since he sometimes has more than one affair per week.
I think this kind of man is a rare breed of man, who, though potentially fecund, would struggle to hold down a job where he really has to apply his mind.
Me? I reckon I can still count on two hands :)
I just had a celebration for myself last week on cracking the double digits (numbers not fingers please). I dont consider it my magic number though - I thought that was something you were meant to aspire to?
My magic number is 6. Kind of on the low side I guess.
One. Like the earlier anon, I find my soulmate/bodymate a long time ago - 20 years to be exact. I'm now 39.
Before the great day, I used to think I was the only one to be at zero. Lots of opportunity, but I was already smitten, so I waited. And I'm male.
I'm 26. My magic number is 17. I've just resumed transmission after a five year hiatus with Mr. 13.
5
I'm somewhere in the low 40s. Not sure exactly - I keep forgetting people I've shagged each time I try to make the list in my head. Maybe I should do like a couple of people I know, and keep a spreadsheet? (I know some disturbing, disturbing people).
Just before I got married my best friend and I tried to work out our magic numbers. I lost count after 113, which when you consider I started at 14 and met the girl who became my wife just before I turned 21 is either a very commendable effort or seriously disturbing. All I can say is that if you have thr "right" person, monogamy is just wonderful
Lisa – I haven't read it, but I do own Mr Floppy's seminal The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Dickhead. Does this count.
5 m + 1 f.
Geez i have led a sheltered life...
I'm guestimating between 50 and 70. I had a busy 5 years in my early 20s but have slowed down a lot recently to the effect of perhaps 1 a year. Much to my regret.
I'm 25 and my number is 5. There were plenty of long term relationships in there, but still. I've got to start slapping it about more.
But more perplexing is this - a whole ONE THOUSAND women had that poor judgement? Seriously? I would have accepted several hundred, but this...
As with federal elections, the broader Australian public continues to disappoint me with the choices it makes...
5 men all up, including 3 long-term relationships, one current. the other two were one-nighters when i was young and silly. one in the back of a car at a party; the other with a wild irish man in bali. all night, in a house on stilts.
i'm perfectly happy with my magic number.
Four. But I'm only technically allowed to do it, um, this year.
HELLO WHOREDOM. TAKE ME TO YOUR BOSOM.
Shane's got a long way to go before he catches up with Julio Aglacius' 3000 women.
Everyone else has had more sex than me
Shane Warne is a vile, potato-like man, and I hope no more ladies end up betwixt those pasty legs after all that splashing around of numbers.
I'm all for Foucauldian confession but I'll keep my magic number to myself as I'm rather ambivalent about it. It is double digits and I have the queasy feeling that, for my fragile little heart, it's too many.
WHAT'S YOURS, FITS?? Is it bigger than a breadbox?
I'm 17, female with a boyfriend. Zero.
Who's to say I haven't confessed anonymously, Rach?
More than a handful, etc.
My number is 8, I'm 23. And strangely three of them are named Chris, what are the odds?
x
teaspoon
When I was 21, my magic number was approximately* 187*.
Now I'm pushing 30, my magic number is approximately 189. Which is kind of sweet, and means my blood spends more time in my veins, and less in pathologists' labs.
*give or take 5... we all get pretty trashed on occasion, surely.
Which also makes me wonder just how many 'tests' Mr. Warne has played.
more than a matchbox, less than shoebox.
bec.
richardwatts said...
I'm not really sure to be honest. There was a phase in my mid-20's where I was sometimes rooting up to three guys a day, most days of the week (I was unemployed, I had to do something other than smoke cones...) which probably puts my magic number at well over 600. Can I settle for a round 1000, give or take?
OH MY GOD. Richard Watts, you are my fag hero. I wish we were the same age, you randy bastard.
33
It seems that esteemed ACA journalist Paul Barry his just written a bio of this character.
Why? Just read a tabloid.
I think a guy by the name of Brent wrote some lyrics that may fit Shanes antics.
Verse 3 Freelove Freeway:
A long time later I see a cowboy crying
"Hey buddy, what can I do?"
He says, "I lived a good life, had about a thousand women,"
I said, "Why the tears?", he says, " ' Cause none of them was you".
Somewhere in the 30s I think.
I'm sure there are one or two who were so awful that I've blocked them from my memory. I suspect they've probably done the same though.
A disturbingly high proportion of them have the same name (although obviously they are different people). Does that have any significance whatsoever?
I've been pondering it for at least five minutes now.
I think around 33 which is one more than my age. But i think I may have forgotten a few. I did lose my virginity at the age of 14.
So mathematically just under two a year.
Before I got married (at the age of 27): zero
Now, and forever: one
Benjamin Law said...
OH MY GOD. Richard Watts, you are my fag hero. I wish we were the same age, you randy bastard.
Thanks, Ben, delighted I'm sure. :-)
I'm Not Craig, I commend you.
In a world where that is increasingly uncommon and grossly undervalued, well done.
(My number, above, was minus-four, btw.)
Elaine said Do I understand why other women would 'go there', no.
Don't know a single bloke who would go there either.
I'd probably need both hands and feet. Well, definitely both hands and one foot and and part of the second foot.
What did Andy McDowell's character say in Four Weddings? "More than Lady Di, less than Madonna" Well, maybe more than Lady Di!
31
BEVIS
Thanks.
And yes, I will ask. MINUS FOUR?
16
I'm suprised by this, I'm kind of midpack, thought i'd be miles back.
I'm thrashing my mates tho. : )
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