Reasons You Will Hate Me

29 comments

J.

'Working from home', I get the chance to read the papers. I like to read them cover to cover. I read the social pages, the birth announcements, Bob Hart's inane food 'reviews', the little odd spots about 15,000 people dying in earthquakes in faraway brown places, everything.

My favourite bit, though, has to be the Herald Sun Public Notices. There's always something to obsess over. Why wouldn't Suki return the phonecall? Would Tenealle ever forgive Craig M? What sick and sordid prayers was St. Jude answering?

My favourite series of PN's, however, must surely be between the two 'J's'.

'J (heart) J' messages have been appearing in the Sun for at least three years, maybe longer. MattyB is constantly trying to convince me that they represent dastardly correspondence between two gangsters arranging drug drop-offs and drive-bys and poker games at speakeasies, or whatever it is gangsters do these days. I don't want to believe it.

In my head, J and J are star-crossed lovers, both trapped in desperately loveless marriages and yearning to be together. I've followed them as they've pleaded with each other to 'say hello if you pass by' and cried when 'M found the postcard, was furious'. I've held my breath when there was the possibility of them 'working together' and missed them when one went away on holidays.

This is today's:

'J -

is your sister stopping us becoming closer as friends? We can talk if you call my mobile (no. under rose on cnr.) or home fri. night 5:30 - 9. Please don't hang up. (heart) J.'

WHO IS THIS BITCH SISTER? Where is the rose on the corner with the crumpled piece of paper wedged beneath? Can you not just picture how J's heart have broken with that abrupt phonecall termination?

I would love to know more. But there's something about the breathless imagineering rollercoaster that embarks after each message which makes the mystery more appealing.

I will keep you posted.

(heart) J.

692 days til the next election.

29 comments.

Comments

17Nov13:27

Joseph said...

Ah, would that I could tell you. ♥ J.

17Nov13:28

ms fits said...

don't tease, Joseph.

And how the hell does one make a heart?

Practical computer-type answers only, please.

17Nov13:32

Joseph said...

Just copy/paste, dearie.

17Nov14:04

ka said...

Where is this stuff?

Are you tellnig me i've been missing a soapie in my newspaper?

All this time when i was checking out at what capacity Yan Yean, Sugarloaf and O'Shaughnessy dams' were at, i could've been reading this?
Where? where? where?

Give me give me.

17Nov14:07

Anonymous said...

What about the Thompson or are you too interested in the smaller indie dams? gosh!

17Nov14:50

Paul said...

Oooh, Herald Sun Public Notices. I love 'em too!

Allow me, if I may, to rummage in my newspaper clippings folder (yeah yeah, shut up) and find the BEST EVER Herald Sun Public Notice, reprinted here in its entirety. It's from Friday 7th December 2001:

CARL OF CAVEAT Formerly Carl Wittenbach wants it known that he is in a public institution.

Oh, how I've been dying to know for nearly 4 years know what all that's about.

17Nov15:48

ka said...

The Thomson is too big, its lost its allure. I'm all about the small ones that can fil up with a good down pour.

Are you also a fellow watched of the comparative rain fall between this year and last year? I love sitting there at my desk watching the rain come down and yelling like a crazy man to anyone in earshot "This will put us in FRONT!".

i need a hobby.

cheers
Carl Wittenbach

17Nov16:02

morgan said...

"...the breathless imagineering rollercoaster..."

i do ♥ your ways with words ms f.

17Nov16:53

BEVIS said...

So do I.

Also: ♥

Wow! Look at me! I learned a thing!

(Well, kinda - copying and pasting isn't exactly learning and much as it's ... well ... copying and pasting.)

17Nov17:01

hell said...

Ü• fits

we do yes we do.

17Nov17:18

Joseph said...

      .....           .....
.d888b     d888b.
88888888888888
8888888888888
`+888888888+'
   `+8888888+'
       `+888+'
             `8'

* this is not guaranteed to work.

17Nov17:33

tex said...

I am a lapsed reader of the HS public notices. I discovered them as a youngster checking out the phone sex lines for spank bank pictures.

I dig J&J, and there used to be one between "Von" and someone else.

*prays to St Jude to find lost enthusiasm for this day*

17Nov18:03

hell said...

yes the little heart don't work for me & my pretty mac so you'll just have to imagine the love.

17Nov21:55

Buck Fudd said...

♥

yay

j

18Nov08:18

Susanne said...

♥ Wow! The age we live in!

Anyhoo, I think its sweet that J and J flirt in the newspaper.

It's very old fashioned in a world of text-message flirting.

18Nov08:59

sheriff of nothing said...

hrmms maybe I am the J they speak of!

18Nov10:20

Scott I said...

I've always wondered about St. Jude does anyone know the story?

18Nov10:26

Tuppence said...

I think you can do a heart by pressing the 'alt' key and the number 3 in the keypad. (I think for some reason it only works if it's the three in the keypad.)

It's PC only, and I have a Mac, so I can't test it out.

Do let me know.

18Nov10:27

Tuppence said...

By keypad I mean the number keys off to the side. Sorry, I'm slow this morning. Real slow.

18Nov10:54

Little Running Bear said...

What concerns me with this is it's a very public way to maintain a private relationship.

Surely they can be found out.

And then, just now, I became all emotional wondering if they manage to speak on the phone will they continue to do so and thus keep us out of the loop? It would seem that the telephone has superceded the HSPN and it frightens me that they could succumb to such blatant disregard of their traditional communication.

As the voyeurs in this situation we are destined to lose. If those crazy kids make it then we will be stripped of our entertainment/emotional involvement.

As such, are we committed to hope for tragedy?

(have I made too much of this? maybe i've gone a little far)

18Nov11:20

ms fits said...

I feel exactly the same way, LRB. Who's to say that Mr or Mrs J doesn't idly peruse the PN's themselves? What if they were to recognise a scenario or secret message? WHAT IF THE GAME WAS UP?

I like that no-one's bothered chasing up the 'it's just dirty gangsters' theory. Star-crossed lovers are way more romantic.

18Nov12:00

sublime-ation said...

oh my god I go away for one day and I miss a chance to show off my only skills (I've got a mac and it kills me that I can't do that cool cross out thing)

✄✍❤❦❂❀✪✰✑✤❡❢❣❒❍❂❅❆

✌

bitchin!

18Nov16:52

Anonymous said...

♥
Alt 3 works!
Are there any other magical key tricks we should all know about?

18Nov18:28

onemichaelhudson said...

On Bob Hart's side we have Michael Hudson and John Kennedy Toole, author of Folly C's favourite novel, A Confederacy of Dunces.

And on Folly C's side we have...?

19Nov16:17

onemichaelhudson said...

Do you think it's possible a publisher sent a rejection slip to John Kennedy Toole along the lines of "Son, no one wants to read about a fat cunt"?

19Nov16:49

onemichaelhudson said...

By the way, who is this Bob Ellis that you write of? I don't think I like the sound of him!

20Nov03:03

Anonymous said...

02Jan15:06

Carl Of Caveat said...

It was there to tell others wher I was.
Being Against Nazis is a dangerous thing in Victoria.

28May11:49

Carl Of Caveat said...

I noticed you removed all references to
Nazi incarceration and substituted
A contrived lie.

A Cheers is a dead and Relpaced.
The Original Lives.

Zieg Heil to the Editor.

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Reasons you will hate me

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