Reasons you will hate me

Yes, they are truely fucking, cunting, fuckers!

I know as they climbed three fences, and scaled one roof to get to my place to steal my herb growing in the back garden!

And this one time (not at band camp!), they got inside my house and stole my laptop and some money.

The fucking fuck fuckers!

/me *Hugs Ms Fits*

I still reside at the family abode, and we were once burgled while we were ALL ASLEEP INSIDE (there are six of us, plus a dog). They took the usual stuff that you grab, like handbags, but then they upped the ante.

They took my Dad's car keys, got in his car, reversed it down the driveway and drove away!

Our dog is clearly useless when it comes to burglars.

You're right, Macpunc. The fucking cunting fucks!

Climbing three fences and scaling a roof shows true dedication though, I must say. My thieves were not only cross-dressers, they were LAZY CROSS-DRESSERS.

Oh, the indignity.

ms fits, you think YOUR thieves were lazy. Years ago, I was staying in a Melbourne hotel and my jeans* got nicked from the hotel clothes dryer. later the same day, I saw a bloke in the foyer WEARING MY JEANS. It was pretty wasy to spot given I was about a foot taller than him. I questioned him and he at first denied it then said he had a pair exactly the same (6 sizes too big?) and offered to check in his room. He duly came out, having changed jeans, handed mine back and apologised for the "mix up".

WHY WOULD YOU STEAL SOMEONE'S JEANS IN A HOTEL THEN WEAR THEM THE SAME DAY IN THE SAME HOTEL??

*They were pretty shit jeans. I had no sense of style.

That SUCKS.
I had my car broken into last year, in East Melbourne of all places (why me and not a Liberal MP?) and had all my rare 70s reggae cds and some bootlegs under the seat which is my really clever hiding spot (I am not so trusting). They got nothing. When I reported it to the police I got this very strange policeman who said 'they won't take your music, music is life'. I'm still unsure as to whether he was taking the piss or was genuine. Maybe there's some sort of musical honour amongst thieves?
But that's a real bummer about your dresses. I'm sorry for you.

They'll take your music. Even if it's mixed cassette tapes like when my car was broken into ages ago.

Cunty cuntballs! If I see ANYONE wearing either of those gorgeous dresses I'm going to scratch their eyes out first and ask questions later. Agh! Those dresses! Honestly I'm going to have to find the fucker if I ever want to see you and Gabi in those dresses again.

*assembles neighborhood watch 'take no prisoners' vigilante division*

Once my car was broken into in the parking lot of my high school. They only took the garage door opener, parking permit and keys to the mailbox. What really pissed me off was there was my car all broken into and the damn parking lot police put a warning on my car because my permit was missing. Yeah ya assholes, it was stolen!

I am buying some of these tonight, let me know if you want some:
http://wopeclub.kotef.or.kr/eng/present/etc/dongyang.shtml

You can get them from Laguna Asian Supermarket off Jane Bell lane at QV.

More Choco Pies to cheer you up:
http://www.mychocopie.com/

Why me and not a Liberal MP?

That does it. I'm going into the merchandise business and that's gonna be one of the first slogans I plaster across the front of a t-shirt.

You assume that the thieves were men and thus crossdressers, Ms Fits. Have you considered the chance of your sticky-fingered enemy being a down and out lady crackwhore, desperate for cash and evening wear*?

*This should not lead you to suspect the robber is me**.

**Because it isn't***.

***Though perhaps call before you ever pop by my place, okay?****

****I am ridiculous, I know.

GAME ON, THIEVING MOLES!

sending you love.

x

My cunting fucking cunter robbery story:

I had been down in Frankston for the day. THAT is where you are supposed to be robbed.

I came back from Frankston and went out for Moroccan in North Carlton. On returning to my girlfriend's house after about 10 minutes because the place was fully booked, we found her house had been broken in to. On initial impressions it looked like they'd cleared out everything. We went upstairs and found that the GF's new laptop had been stolen. My thought process:

"It's really unfortunate that her laptop got nicked.
Lucky I didn't bring my brand new laptop down to Melbourne this weekend.
FUCK! I did and I believe that it used to be over there..."
(Looks at remarkably empty patch of carpet)

To add insult to injury, when we had a better look through the house we found a large bag that may have well been labelled 'LOOT' containing all her housemates' possessions. Obviously they had done their initial stealing before finding the motherlode of 2 new computers, at which time they dumped the playstation, CDs, jewellery etc and took off with a shiny new Macbook and a Dell 5150.

Was I insured...Oh no, I was going to sort that out a bit 'later.'

Fuckers!

And I'm sorry to hear about your dresses.

Jess: and it RHYMES, too.
It would be my most popular rap song, if I were a rapper.

You mean you're not a rapper?



Well, that's certainly buggered up the posse of half-naked bitches I was going to get you for your birthday.

Cunting cuntbags.

I'm not sure why we all feel the need to share our vicim of theivery stories BUT

I had all* my nice and expensive knickers stolen from my washing line. I suspect it was one of the streetwalkers that pull up in my back lane and give 4 minute blow-jobs.

I also had someone steal the etag from my (ex)car before attempting to hot-wire it. They were such bad car theieves that they couldn't get it started and just left me with $200 worth of mechanic bill. Cunts.

*ok 4 pairs BUT THEY WERE EXPENSIVE AND NOW THE MATCHING BRAS HAVE NOTHING TO MATCH THEM.

OH MY GOD ELAINE, YOU WERE SNOWDROPPED.

I got 'nuff bitches in my crib. I be pimpin hos 24-7 up in this motherfucker.

Just some bling'll be cool, you can lease it to me as my record company.

My partner and I got home to find our cat on our roof: "Oh, how cute, quick, get the camera"...which we would have done had it not been stolen THAT VERY MINUTE by the same bitchwits who scared the cat onto the roof in the first place and then bolted over the back fence when they heard us come in.

HOWEVER they had enough time to go through my CDs VERY CAREFULLY and only take the ones they wanted.

we one of my friends had a couple of kids (we suppose) break into her house. These kids were obviously desperate for clothes, but not so desperate they were going to grab anything they could get their hands on.

No, they tried things on first: tried them on, had a little lookie in the mirror,* ripped them off when they decided it wasn't quite their cut or fabric, and left the rejects in a pile on the floor. Same goes for shoes. You would want a good pair of stolen shoes to give you blisters now, would you?

*I was not there, thus don't know that they looked in the mirror. I'm making nasty assumptions.

I once had my storage container broken into I was mortified and felt very violated, then I discovered that they actually stole NOTHING!!! I was then furious - was my stuff not good enough for them!!! I cried for a week.

Oh, anon - THIEVES WITH SNOOTY TASTE. That is truly a shameful episode.

Ok... this has nothing to do with your car being broken into, but it's funny, and I think it will appeal to your sense of humour... this is a clothing catalogue with a difference... checkit... :)

OH MY GOD ELAINE, YOU WERE SNOWDROPPED.

I KNOW!!!!

(incidentally, my godmother's CAT used to snowdrop the neighbourhood. Can't you just imagine it? She knocks on all the doors in the 'hood with a basket of smalls. Sorry it was my cat, are any of these yours?)

Not to accuse anyone of sexism, here, but why the automatic assumption they would be male perpetrators?

The amount of style and flair both you and Gabi display on a regular basis would be the jealousy of many a young lass around ol' Melbourne town, and further afield, no doubt.

Yeah, I know, statistics show that men are more likely blah blah blah.

It's the 21st century people!!!

Could be anyone. But most likely cross dressing perverts who wanted to wear the crotch of your underwear over their nose and prance around the house nude to the "Scent of a Woman" soundtrack.

Anything that ends in a chocolate muffin can't be too bad...

I'm sorry to hear your stuff got stolen. It's a rancid feeling and you're allowed to hate people for a while.

you guys are all very hung up on the concept of private property. I know that materialism is okay as a little diversion, but don't lose sight of the bigger picture. Probably the people who broke in really needed what they took.

What is property, anyway?

That sucks!

NOT FAIR! We were robbed by our neighbour, who was later caught. It was very embarrassing for all of us when we passed in the street.

To paraphrase Zaphod Beeblebrox: "Property is theft. Therefore, theft is proprty. Therefore, these two most excellent dresses are mine."

Sorry to hear about it tho Fitz - esp as it means some junkie thief who's never even read Power Without Glory let alone heard of its author is currently fingering the fabric of your dress wondering how much it might sell for at St Vinnies...

LOL.. When my car was broken into last time, I was also incredibly offended since they didn't steal my CD's. Is my musical taste not hip enough for the likes of today's street thieves? Fuckers.

My own cunty fucking cunts jemmied open my kitchen window with a garden fork and stole a camcorder, its tripod, a sweet SLR, Sennheisser headphones and - I worked out after gathering together the leftovers scattered about the loungeroom floor - my 12 Rolling Stones CD's and The Velvet Underground and Nico. Nothing else. I guess they figured there'd be no takers for Fela Kuti, Beethoven's 9th or The Best of Jelly Roll Morton in the front bar of The Albert.

What they missed, big time, was the rather verdant and mature hydroponic crop sagging under its own weight in the spare bedroom.

I don't mean to be rude Demble - but then, accidental rudeness occurs SO often - but I imagine the concept of property comes into play very keenly when it is your special dress in question. Besides, it's one thing to steal because you NEED to eat, but I hardly think anyone really needs a fancy dress more than anyone else and therefore Ms Fits and Gabi are more than entitled to their feelings of cunty cunty fucking cunting rage.

Besides, heaps of people need a house. Would you be so willing to just give them yours?

If you're going to steal, steal from large department stores. Stealing from people directly is so vulgar.

I was pleased to participate in the musical edification of my car-robbers. My CDs were in a 2 Dollar Shop wallet and probably quickly discarded, but if they took the time they would have gotten into 69 Love Songs, Flood, And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out, Rock'n'Roll Animal and many, many more. I like to think of them loving them as much as I did. Thank fuck 90 percent of them had been ripped.

never stop expecting the best from people ms fits.

also, post a description of the two dresses and you'll have much of australian (and overseas?) on the lookout. then we can all be ready to, as fluff said, scratch eyes out first, ask questions later.

x

Groverjones: Not surprised your girlfriend's car got robbed in North Carlton.

I've lived there for some time and my car used to get done over regularly. Sure, it was a shitbox, and not the most secure of vehicles, but the regularity of it really started to irritate me. Of course, I had theft proofed it by removing everything of value, so it was just a waste of time for them all...

Now, the police setting up a stakeout in my bedroom to watch my housemate's car because they'd had a tipoff it was going to be stolen, well, that's another story. Sure, it was stolen four days later, but at least they tried. You'd think they would have stayed until after dark on the evening they came around though...

The Dark Rider
*who's been a silent reader for a little while now but thought he'd put his two cents worth in...

That is fucked Fitz – sorry to hear it!
And for Anon – my exgf and I got robbed one night when I was staying at hers. The crim in questions CLIMBED THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW BESIDE THE BED AND STEPPED OVER US AS WE SLEPT TO FLOG OUR WALLETS.
It was chilling to think of the next day.

Sorry to hear about it, Fits.

Hopefully you find them discarded somewhere. Cross your fingers.

My story (cause I like it - maybe it will cheer you up):

I was at my mother's house and we were both sitting in the front room with our backs to the floor to ceiling, wall to wall window which was overlooking the drive, where her shiny brand new Commodore (thieves no.1 car of choice, apparently) was sitting less than two metres from us.

We're drinking tea and chatting away about what she's going to plant in the garden, when she looks up and:

Mum: Oh.

Me: What?

Mum: Someone just stole my car.

Me: What do you mean?

Mum: Well, it was there a second ago and now it's not.

Me: HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH.

Mum: HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH.

Me: That is SO funny. HAH HAH HAH.

Mum: Right under our noses. HAH HAH HAH.

Me: No one would ever ask us to be Hercule Poirot HAH HAH HAH.

Mum: HAH HAH HAH. That's the third one they've stolen this year.

Me: [pisses pants].

(Yeah so, it being a company car meant we cared less about it than most would.)

It really rankles when they steal things with little street value but tremendous sentimental value to you. Recently I heard of some douche stealing a lot of musical equipment and flogging a rare guitar at Northcote Smack Converters for $50.

I haven't been robbed yet (touch chipboard) although I live between two Commish estates and there's a smack dealer living up the street.

My parents' holiday home got broken into about a year ago.

The 15 yr old thieves, after collecting the magnificent bounty of 2 x tins of baked beans, 1 x cuppa soup pack, and 1 x roll of cling wrap, then opened a tin of Campbell's Chunky Soup and smeared it all over the walls before scarpering next door and holding up the neighbour with OUR kitchen knife.

Bless' em.

'and a pair of stay-up fishnets.'.. I know how I could possibly be blamed, but I wa snowhere within the vicinity... sorry for your multiple losses

i feel really sorry for it, but the post's fucking hillarious.