Just call me Trixie Belden.
I don't know if any of you remember my recent obsession with a series of public notices in the Herald Sun.
Since then, J and J have continued their breathy please call and I beg you to say hello when you pass-type correspondence and I have swoonily followed accordingly.
Yesterday there was another one.
'J - Please text anytime.'
Following was a mobile phone number.
I HAD A PHONE NUMBER OF A J.
Should I text? I had to text. What would I say? What if J and J really were crims of the highest order, planning the latest Tony Mokbel knockoff? What if I enraged them with my nosiness and they traced my number and came looking for me? What if I accidentally gave too much away and J's husband/wife read my text and I singlehandedly ruined everything?
I had to tread very carefully.
Here is what I wrote:
'I'm so sorry to contact you, but I've followed the 'j' messages for years. I am utterly intrigued by you. I have decided you're star-crossed lovers, but my mum thinks you're a front for other shenanigans. x'
Please note incredibly cautious use of word 'shenanigans' so as to imply boyish hijinks rather than DRUG DEALINGS ENDING IN DEATH. Also conscious decision not to add 'SO WHAT IS IT THEN HMM?' interrogative query at end of text. Also friendly 'x' to plant pleasedontkillme vibes.
J replied.
This is completely for real.
'Just someone hoping someone I like one day sees these and replies so we can be closer friends in our golden years. Things happen which show me he cares but he backs off for what his sister thinks of me and he is a very decent person. I just live in hope he sees these one day and does what he wants.'
THEY ARE STAR-CROSSED LOVERS.
I knew it. I knew it.
This of course provoked a lengthy and in-depth discussion with Gabi over why the bitch sister was so moral and what had led our two J's to this terribly sad state of affairs. We decided that J and J had perhaps had a brief romantic tryst before J(male) went back to his family. His sister found out about the deception and threatened to reveal all to J(male)'s wife should he ever have contact with J(female) again. J(male) is trapped in a loveless marriage but a 'decent person', which is why he's trying to do the right thing by both his wife (children?) and sister.
The other possibility is that J(male) is using the sister as a front and just doesn't want anything to do with J(female) anymore. But that's altogether too miserable a reality to consider. And let's face it, if I was right about the star-crossed lover thing then there's no harm in once again opting for the far more romantic notion.
599 days til the next election.
Comments
amazing. truly amazing.
ta.
*chooses to believe in love for now*
This is not for Friday Q&A. If you are able to answer these questions sometime soon, it would be much appreciated.
Would you, for the right price, be a henchwoman for the Jays in terms of 'removing' the disapproving sneer from the sister's face?
Or do you continue to keep your place on the sidelines and watch it unfold from a distance?
What do you mean by 'henchwoman', litahnee? Do you mean that I should bump the sister off?
THIS IS SUCH A VIOLENT SUGGESTION.
Well. I. Never. Did.
Henchmanship - a 3 year undergraduate degree. Available in most major cities. You can also do a Masters of Henchmanship at the University of HK (Hard-Knocks).
I know if I was as deeply embroiled in the situation as you are ('one text' you say. Ha! You are knee deep) I'd consider it.
You know you want to.
Hm. Three years of training to interfere in a relationship between people I have never met?
THAT CERTAINLY IS TEMPTING.
I reckon you would be exempt from the subjects:
Meddling 101
HA - Domestic (Hurling Abuse) 202
Planning - Deviancy (the whole course).
It could be over within a year and a half. The prac work is assessed within the course. You learn to use both firearms and your body as lethal weapons.
The meddling sister won't know what (or who) hit her.
Maybe both Js are male and the sister is in denial about her brother's sexuality?
Just a thought (have been lurking with you & the Js for a while now)
oh fuck, that's EVEN BETTER. Gay intrigue! Insidious homophobes! It's like the OC meets Fred Nile.
I believe the henchmanship diploma also covers:
* Bondage and Restraint for Apprentice Super-Villains
* Lurking
* Obsequious Grovelling
* Leering and Maniacal Laughter
* Gloating 101: How to mock your captive (without betraying your master plan)
It's an invaluable skills set if you ask me!
Hang on, does the other J ever write these messages?
You give the impression it's a correspondence, but "I just live in hope he sees these one day" implies only one half, repeatedly bellowing his/her missed connection into the æther.
* Leering and Maniacal Laughter
Criminally (boom boom) underrated requirement for the serious henchperson.
Yeah, Joseph I was thinking along the same lines.
Perhaps the "J" you texted is a seriuosly disturbed and deluded stalker of the other "J"
OMG and now they have your number Fits! Run! Hide!
Let's hope you're not next on his/her list.
"bellowing"
-puts me in mind of that bit in Futurama where the professor breeds a race of atomic mutant albino gorillas to shout his unrequited love from the rooftops. Genius!
golden years = really old
closer friends = ewwwww
the sister and the decency = god is involved here.
"does what he wants" = unimaginable bonking.
also you have to place this in the context of herald-sun readers and message-leavers. think about it.
i'm seeing something a bit different to your romeo and juliet.
but i'm so proud of you for sending that text. and for including the word 'shenanigans'
you're all ruining the love.
THE LOVE, DAMMIT!
*listens to 'the darkness'*
*believes*
Yeah, I'm with La Nads. Boo to the notion of disturbingly obsessed god-bothering stalkers. Hurrah to Sleepless in Seattle menstrual-type romance.
you had me at "yeah", fits. you had me at "yeah".
You realise dear fitzy that now you know the romance is gone.
it will never be the same.
its like getting to the end of the book then re reading parts because you were in such a hurry to know you missed all the good parts.
or when you finally slap sloppy bits with that boy/girl and its good at the time but then the dream is over.
Or like when you find out the girl has a doodle in the crying game.
The joy is in the mystery.
MG said ...
"the sister and the decency = god is involved here."
Huh??
The problem with that henchman course is that the professors are all failed sidekicks in their own rights.
They frequently pass people who have not fulfilled their "Staying conscious" practical requirement.
Also, the average marks for "Loyalty to Evil Mastermind" are frequently low enough to suggest possible duality of allegiance. Especially where their nemesis is attractive and charming.
let me explain bevis without offending you. what i was seeing was an upright, churchly man and his sister. for no reason other than the sister, like fits says, is judging the j who is writing the messages, as unworthy and indecent. we don't know what it is that makes her indecent. she writes:
"but he backs off for what his sister thinks of me and he is a very decent person."
there is no link, it's highly tenuous. highly, if not non-existent. please don't jump on it. it's probably just the word decent and the idea of judging which made me think of a church. and a meddling sister for some reason, who i see as a spinster.
it's excruciating, not knowing.
THE ROMANCE IS NOT GONE. I WILL CONTINUE WITH MY DEVOTION TO J'S QUEST.
Someone knows who Trixie Belden is!
Hallelujah!
I loved Trixie and the gang, but none of my friends or my girlfriend have heard of her.
Thankyou. Thankyou for validating my childhood.
Either I've validated your childhood or we're both rather sad and bookish girls who delved into cutie-pie detective novels as pre-pubescents in order to offset our blossoming social awkwardness.
I'm going with column A.
I also get the 2 males vibe
if it's two men then prissy sis would be judging both of them? it seems she is only judging the one j.
and you go fits. don't give up on the romance and please keep us well informed of any new information.
ps how often is there a message? like monthly or less? and how long have you been monitoring?
People who fuck other peoples husbands or wives (or boyfriends etc) are not star crossed lovers. They're just grubby, sad, desperate sociopaths.
Herald Sun personals? I rest my case.
There was another one today, MG. They're pretty regular. And they've been going on for years now... O THE HUMANITY.
Maybe it's those people from 'Carnivale'.
I cant believe you actually texted them.
I'm not ashamed of my love for Trixie and Honey. Oh yeah, and the guy characters...
Wait, maybe..I think maybe my love for them came from a non developed root of lesbianism that enjoyed reading about girls riding horses. Tomboy girls riding horses.
Or, it was the great writing and fascinating stories.
Or, at that time maybe all of my friends came from the book world.
OR..ok, maybe i was just sad.
But none of that matters anymore! I'm validated.
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