Reasons you will hate me

Just don't.

Hooray for you! You've finished the Auckland shoot of your show. It's a 10pm wrap. You must be tired. What do you have in store?


Wait. Don't :


- Put on the Bloc Party record. It'll just get you fired up and ready to go out. Particularly that song 2, what a corker.


- Go to the Hotness' room for a drink. Not even one. Especially when she's doing sexy come-hither dancing to make you go out.


- Take a herbal supplement. Even if it's called The Good Stuff . Don't believe everyone when they say 'It's sooo herbal'. Don't even look them in the eye.


- Read the packet's label. What does that mean, 'don't take if you want to sleep within 6 - 8 hours'? What does 'appetite suppressant' mean? What does fucking 'we pretend to be all hippy and herbal but your shit is about to be fucked up' mean?


- Steal bottles of champagne and sneak them into venues, waving them around like a flag. Just don't.


- Leave early. Are you insane? You're on a herbal high. You should stay out and not go back to your hotel to be a lonely fifty year-old man.


- Call people at ungodly hours. What are you, twelve? You can't be alone for, like, five minutes? You have to hear a voice on the end of the phone? You're pathetic.


- Raid the minibar. Have you not spent enough on room service and late-night phonecalls? Don't drink a double vodka just to get to sleep. That would be foolish.


- Stay awake 'til 7am. That's a fucked thing to do. Especially since you just took a herbal pill. Why would you stay up? Go to sleep.


That fucking Hotness is Trouble personified.

934 days til the next election.

p.s. I am travelling back to Melba tomorrow so don't get all jizzy about a new post anytime soon.

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