Ladies.
My mother was renowned for constantly celebrating what she and her friends referred to as 'Ladies Day'. If you have a vagina and a penchant for soaking up that garbled pigeon noise a group of women make when squashed into a room together, you will need the following:
- About ten or eleven girl friends with eclectic taste in clothing
- Champagne
- Iced VoVo's
- Five or six spare weekend hours.
STEP ONE:
Tell everyone to clear out their wardrobes. Be brutal. Items of clothing they don't wear, don't fit into or are holding on for sickeningly sentimental ex-boyfriend reasons. Throw them all into a big garbage bag.
STEP TWO:
Gather. Sit in a large circle drinking champagne and eating aforementioned Iced VoVo's.
STEP THREE:
One at a time, go around the circle holding up awful pairs of yoga pants with holes in them or devastatingly beautiful op-shop muumuu's that you once believed you'd 'take in' after teaching yourself to sew.
STEP FOUR:
Interested takers, show yourselves. You have just scored a new 'thing'. If more than one lady wants a particular item of clothing, said item is thrown into a corner heap known as the 'scrag fight pile'.
STEP FIVE:
Strip. Try on new clothes. Sneak looks at other girls in knickers.
STEP SIX:
'Scrag fight'*. Hold up coveted items. Choose a card from a pornographic pack. Highest number wins coveted item and tries not to rub it in.
Yes I am aware this is far less exotic than it sounds.
STEP SEVEN:
Go through enormous discarded pile of clothes on floor before it's bagged up and taken to the op-shop. Select the most hideous items. Dress up and take a photograph.
STEP EIGHT:
Feel fucking lucky knowing and being known by such a group of women. And no, that's not womyn with a 'y'.
821 days til the next election.
*No actual scrags harmed in fight.
Comments
is that MY room being used again as a dress up parlour?
SWEET!
rowr!!
the scary thing is you lot are mucking about - but you actually see people out and about in public in gear like this
beautiful muumuus?
And I thought "cool bloggers' was a contradiction in terms!
Best bloody idea ever. Wish I was a chick.
No names attached to the photo?!? Doesn't anyone own up to anything anymore?!?
Men's Say's are identical except substitute Iced VoVo's with Meat Pie.
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Life really treats you well, doesn't it lady???
Hah. That's grand. I think I've actually done it once or twice, although never officially, with the rules and everything. I'm relieved to know, though, that since I am now a Kick Arse Boxer(TM), I will surely win any scrag fight at a future clothes-sharing shindig that DOES involve the rules.
I know a guy who is a complete idiot. He didn't like to eat Iced VoVos because he said they reminded him of vaginas.
1) Is that you in the fur hat and red panties. Shocker.
2) What the fuck in the name of fuckbergville is an iced Vo Vo. Pictures for us ignorant yank twats.
3) There should be blindfolded anonymous sex after everybody changes into different clothes, then you try and guess who lapped at you like a hungry hamster. But whatever.
how these 'ladies days' effect menfolk....
1) The missus comes home with MASSES of information on the other hens, your mates personel lives, and (best of all) who's got the maddest cans.
You get to hear about 5% of this info.
2) The missus comes home with knowledge of at least 2 more roots you've had in the past that you've 'forgotten to tell her about'
3) The Missus comes home with new clothes and forces you to watch a fashion parade with the clothes you've seen for years on your HSB's*
4) The Missus comes home WITHOUT the cute little red and white striped jumper she had when you met her that gets you an instant halfa when you see it tightly hugging her chest....
.... then a week later you go out with the gang and have to deal with miss fits sporting your trigger outfit.
5) The Missus comes home with 30% less need for menfolk.
* Hot Shiela Buddies
Sounds like hell!
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