Let them dance!
Last night's Rock Eisteddfod* at Rod Laver Arena was truly a sight to behold. Fat teenagers in lyrcra, awkward pubescence spilling out over their sequinned cummerbunds, gyrated and jumped to hot hits by Britney Spears, Evanescence, and brilliantly, Fleetwood Mac's 'Tusk'. No really.
It's a long fucking night if you're just a group of smart-alec twenty-somethings revelling in the 'irony' of group dance, and by about the third kid with an eating disorder taking a tumble you're checking your watch and hoping the act revolving around the Flinstones will at least have a Betty with boobs. My friend Television's Kynan Barker spent the majority of the night commenting loudly and inappropriately, oblivious to the hateful stares from nearby doting mothers and grandmothers. 'CHECK OUT THE RACK ON THE YEAR NINE GIRL!' he'd bellow, nudging me matily in the ribs. That was nothing compared to the time he explained a particularly mystifying performance by shouting: 'IT WAS SUPPOSED TO SYMBOLISE LIFE IN MODERN-DAY IRAQ, MAKING BRIEF MENTION OF MONEY FOR OIL. THEN WAR STARTED WITH TWO REALLY FAT SOLDIERS WHO WERE PUT UP THE FRONT SO WE WOULDN'T NOTICE THE BAD DANCERS AT THE BACK.'
My absolute favourite bit - although this is fucking wrong in every sense - was when one of the schools doing a 'showcase performance' dedicated their act to a fellow student who had been tragically taken from them on Monday. As this somewhat shocking piece of news was absorbed by the audience, the school's emcee waited a respectful beat before yelling excitedly: 'NOW LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMBLLLLEEEEE!!'
* But the website is called 'RockChallenge.com.au' because no fucking kid knows how to spell 'Eisteddfod'. And judging from some of the text messages I received last night, no fucking adult knows either.
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The Rock Eisteddfod - something I succesfully avoided during my time in high school (even though i did secretly wish to participate). And your friends with Kynan Barker? The same Kynan that can be found here?
http://www.warrnambool.org/holidayactors/where.htm
It's good to see you keep intelligence around you! Impressive!
what i'm about to tell you will no doubt erase any respect you may have had for me, thus ruining our fledgeling friendship before we even had a chance to drink vodka together and drunkenly wonder what the sex would be like.
but here goes:
I WAS A FAT, AWKWARD LYCRA-CLAD TEENAGER, PUBESCENCE BULGING THROUGH MY CATSUIT, GYRATING AND JUMPING TO HOT HITS LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS AND EVANESCENCE.
yes, its all true. except the bit about britney spears and evanescence. not sure if they were even born when i was in rock eisteddfod.
la nadine
This incredibly sexy fact only serves to cement our friendship. Please promise me that the catsuit is still around for aforementioned vodka-imbibing evenings. We can take turns dressing up in it and 'free-forming' to Kate Bush. As I believe 'pals' do.
for you, lady, i would pull the catsuits (yes, there were multiple) out of mothballs so we can get drunk and invoke the spirit of the grand babushka anytime. i'll be cathy if you'll be heathcliff...
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